Akayumezora : Sky of Red Dreams
by YORUnoKOE
Summary: Ohtori Academy is a paradise for those who like mysteries. But get too deeply involved, and you'll see the darkness behind it all. Is there a way to save the ones trapped there? TV series-based. Touga x OC, Touga x Saionji, and it don't stop there.
1. okui masami : kiss in the dark

Obligatory tripe: Not mine. Hell, if you want the OCs and the plot, you can have them too. It's not like I should be proud of them.  
Oooooooohh there's sex and slash and wangst and sex and rape themes and dirty words and many many reasons why I don't let my parents read this. Kids, go away and watch some nice Cardcaptor Sakura.  
This is technically a finished work—I completed it last summer—but there's a good deal of it I'm not happy with, mainly the climactic scenes, which I'll be rewriting. Wouldn't hurt if I gave it a decent title, too... So before y'all pull out the Spork of Dios on me, give me a line or two of constructive criticism as well. Not that I shouldn't know better.  
Oh yeah, and "THIS IS NOT A MARY SUE!!!!" (Why DO we bother to include "not" in that famous declaration?) Well, without further ado, I hesitantly present Folly of a Bored Fangirl er, Akayumezora.  
  
  


"That does it for me, then. I'm not going to believe in any damned revolution. Love is all I'm going to believe in."  
Murakami Haruki

  
  
  
_ I don't think they told you about us.   
But that's probably because they don't know what we are. We don't know what we are. We simply **are**. Maybe they call us angels, or fairies, or ghosts, or _sidhe_ or _mononoke_. But when we go to their realms they can't see or hear or feel us. So maybe they don't know about us at all, much less care. They are human, after all.   
We are beautiful, but the humans are more so than we could ever hope to be, for each has a shining thing that one of us can never have. It is called a soul. So we are not human because we do not have souls.   
There are so many realms of the humans, they go on into infinity. Sometimes there are gods. It can't be explained. Perhaps the way to say it is: the humans with the greatest souls are gods. But it's more than that. The gods are beyond explanation.   
We are mysteries and we seek out mysteries. So, because they cannot be explained, we seek out the gods in the human realms. We don't try to explain them, only to be near them. It's very dangerous. I have heard such strange stories about the seeking of the gods. But that must be why we do it. The stranger the stories, the more we want to join the search.   
No relation matters to any of us but "friend." So six of us, six friends, we began the journey. Tur'raskevevry, Endrei'anna, Athanynth, Johriishang, Lyly'efandwr, and Mayumiare—that's me. There are doorways everywhere, in our realms and the human realms, but one must have the key. And one never knows where the door leads until one turns the key. That is a mystery. It is an adventure!   
Endrei'anna has the key. Endrei'anna opened the door...   
To a realm called Ohtori._   
  
  
Mayumiare felt something strange when she saw him, and she wanted to be around him. But she knew he wasn't a god. If he wasn't a god, what was the feeling she had for him?   
His name was Kiryuu Touga. He was young and tall and handsome, his hair was long crimson silk, his eyes cold sapphires, his features angular but his lips full, and...   
His soul...   
His soul was hard and sparkling like a diamond, but somewhere inside, there was a soft place that hid in quiet torment.   
But Mayumiare was never sure if she saw that softness or not, so it was a mystery, and she wanted it.   
She wanted him.   
Her friends watched the duels. Oh, the duels, the fascinating thrill, the mysteries! The humans couldn't see the thousands of shimmering watchers that flocked to the secret Arena when they dueled. And her friends watched the gods, the pink-haired one and the purple-haired one, Tenjou Utena and Himemiya Anthy. Mayumiare, however, was barely half-interested in all this.   
She watched him direct the Student Council and she admired him. She watched him break naive hearts and wavered between laughing at them and crying with them. She watched him day and night until she forgot her own name.   
The more she watched him the more she knew that she wanted his lips against her lips and his skin against her skin and all those things that humans blushed and whispered and giggled about. That couldn't happen, of course, for she was not human to partake of human pleasures. But nor was she like the girls (and some of the boys) who got their silly hearts broken. Because she could see his soul and she wanted that too...she wanted to make it bloom like the roses that the goddess Himemiya Anthy watered, the red red roses the color of his silken tresses...   
Johriishang found her one day sitting in those roses, watching Kiryuu Touga idle in the greenhouse. It was pouring outside and he was waiting for the storm to pass, for once without a toy. He had probably stood someone up. Entranced by the creamy sound of his voice, she watched him make small talk with Himemiya.   
Mayumiare, having forgotten her name, didn't notice when Johriishang called her by it several times. He had to shake her before he got her attention.   
"What's happened to you?" he demanded, and then saw her eyes. "Oh no, Mayumiare..."   
"What?" she said dreamily.   
Laughing cheerfully, Athanynth alighted beside them. "Silly Shang! She only wants him. Come on, Yumi, don't you know you can take human form anytime you like?"   
That caught all of Mayumiare's attention. "Wha—how?!"   
"Just will it. And will it when you want to change back. The longer you eat their food, the longer you'll be able to stay in that form. I know, it's almost too easy to be true!"   
"Athanynth, I don't think—" Johriishang began.   
"Oh, stop. This happens all the time!" Athanynth waved her hand dismissively. "Once the lust is satisfied, it goes away."   
Johriishang opened his mouth to protest again, but Mayumiare had jumped to her feet. "Will I have a soul?" she blurted.   
Athanynth was taken aback. "Of course not. I said take human _form_, not _turn into_ a human. Don't you think we'd have heard stories about it if that were possible?"   
"But I hadn't heard about taking human form," said Mayumiare, crestfallen.   
"You just never pay attention. But we are what we are, Yumi. We can't have souls. Do the natural thing with him a few times, and you'll be fine. I mean he obviously isn't a god."   
"Maybe Kiryuu Touga is a god," said Johriishang. "Maybe she sees something we don't."   
"No," Mayumiare replied quietly. "He's just beautiful."   
  
  
_ I have heard this word. It's a word for the thing that holds these human realms together. It builds hearts and breaks them. This thing, this thing is everything. This is one of the mysteries because we cannot feel it, and we cannot feel it because we do not have souls.   
There are so many words for it in so many human languages, and so many different kinds. But there is one word in one language that covers all kinds, so I will use that one. The thing is "love."   
So now I wonder if this is the thing that I feel for Kiryuu Touga, because he is not a god and yet I want to be around him and be with him always. Are we truly not able to feel it, or are we merely forbidden? If I have never felt love, and no one I can speak to has ever felt love, than how would I know whether or not I feel it now? Is it feeling love that gives the human the soul, or is it the soul that enables the human to feel love? I think this is what they call a chicken-and-egg dilemma.   
Perhaps what I am feeling indicates some kind of grave illness and I should leave this realm before anything else happens. Perhaps I'm dying. Because we do not age like humans, we do not die naturally, but we can fall ill or be killed. Is this a virulent demon that has a hold of me? It doesn't feel like a demon.   
And I'm not afraid. I just want to be near him._   
  
  
Mayumiare's friends began to hate Kiryuu Touga. They hated him because he wanted to seduce the pink-haired goddess, who was now engaged to the other goddess through the strange ritual of the duels, and possess her and then ruin her. The one called Utena was the one girl who refused him, and so he wanted her more than ever. Or did he want to use her for the great enigma known only as End Of The World? The mysteries of this realm seemed to pile up on one another; when the six seekers watched on the night of the ball, they were all equally fascinated.   
The others cheered when Utena, embarrassed in her dress, became Anthy's prince rather than Touga's princess. Mayumiare was silent, seriously considering taking human form after Utena spurned him, only to dance with Touga, just to dance with him once...   
But more than Touga—oh, much more—they hated Saionji Kyouichi, and rightly so. He lacked respect for anyone or anything, including himself, and he abused everyone, most of all the goddess called Anthy. He prattled about the love between himself and the Rose Bride, then in the next moment slapped her to the ground. Cruel, ugly streaks swept his soul like a ceaseless north wind. He despised himself, and Mayumiare pitied him.   
He also slept with Touga. After having lost to Utena twice, the young man with the waves of forest green hair was shattered. Touga found him practicing his kendo obsessively in the middle of the night, eyes unfocused, sweating like a madman. And Touga offered the kind of comfort he was best at. It was clear they had done it before, and that Touga was toying with him as he did with everyone else. And yet Mayumiare watched. She had tried to keep herself from what the humans might call voyeurism, but somehow she couldn't turn away from it this time, in the witching hours with the moon gleaming on the floor of Ohtori's dojo, their moans echoing in the emptiness. She had followed Touga there, of course, and by the time she realized what was happening she was utterly transfixed, watching Touga first calm the broken, furious Saionji, then take him in a friend's embrace which turned to a masseuse's embrace which turned to a lover's embrace. And they kissed and licked and undressed and caressed and sucked and fucked...red and green hair tangling in the moonlight...and Mayumiare only trembled.   
After that, there was a burn mark in the west windowsill of the dojo that hadn't been there before. No one could determine what it was from. Hardly anyone at Ohtori smoked, and certainly not in the dojo! But it looked like someone had snubbed a cigarette there, or a cigar.   
Still, Mayumiare did not hate Saionji. He was only cruel because he hated himself, like all of Touga's foolish toys ended up doing.   
If Mayumiare had a rival, it was the blonde one called Nanami. She was supposedly Touga's sister, even though they didn't look a damned thing alike. The thing was, she wanted the soul and body of her _oniisama_ all to herself. She wanted to keep _oniisama_ in a cage for her alone.   
It was Nanami who had ruined Mayumiare's idea of taking human form to dance with Touga, because Nanami had created a scene and required scolding from _oniisama_. Nanami often burst in on her daydreaming. Nanami seemed to want to keep Mayumiare from him even though she had no idea of the other being's presence. Well, Nanami wanted to keep everyone from him but herself. She was even more selfish than her brother.   
Nanami. Yes, and if Mayumiare had to hate anyone, Mayumiare hated Nanami.   
  
Her friends hated Nanami too, after she slapped Utena to the ground, as Nanami's minions so often did to Anthy. They hated Nanami for hating Utena. Like it was really Utena's fault that Touga had taken a swing from Saionji's blade! They could see Nanami's logic, but it was flawed logic—she hadn't even been there! That was a strange night, of coffins and flying roses and crumbling structures, and the only thing that actually happened was that Saionji tried to kill Utena. Touga flung himself between Utena and death—he must have orchestrated the whole thing for this purpose, to show Utena how chivalrous he was. The other unseen spectators covered their ears at Mayumiare's piercing shriek of dismay; it was inaudible to the humans, but perhaps the sword obeyed because it stopped just in time. The blade never touched his skin, but the force, that invisible force that swordstrokes tended to produce, especially under the magic of the Arena, nearly broke his back. The Arena's churchbells clamored like the unseen crowd and Mayumiare panicked to hear Touga cry out in pain.   
Saionji Kyouichi was promptly expelled from Ohtori Academy, or at least suspended. He would probably come back. Still, his leaving was cause for celebration among the followers of the Rose Bride and her fiancée. At first the incident also lifted their opinion of the Student Council President: he had risked his life for Utena. This was indeed chivalrous. But they quickly realized that he had set up Utena, risking _her_ life, to do just that, most likely with the intent of seducing her; then they hated him almost as much as they did Saionji. Tur'raskevevry berated Mayumiare for stopping the swordstroke, which hurt her deeply, and she didn't think she had really done that anyway. Johriishang and Athanynth in turn berated Tur'raskevevry for saying such a mean thing as Mayumiare, hurt and confused and thoroughly distraught, followed Touga to the campus hospital.   
Nanami was angry and starving for vengeance. But Mayumiare wouldn't leave his side for a moment, even when the girls went to him. She could almost ignore that now. She just had to be near him...like she was protecting him. He didn't know, of course, and when she tried to touch his cheek her hand passed through. He felt her tears, however; they were hot burning specks, like cinders stirred by a log falling in the hearth. He made a short cry of startled pain, sat up in bed and put his hand to his shoulder. There was nothing there, no cinder, no mark. Only the sensation of small burns.   
Mayumiare darted away. She was as surprised as he.   
"Ohhh, does it hurt?" whined the girl beside him.   
"Poor Touga-sama," simpered another, kneeling next to the bed. They both cuddled him.   
This marked Mayumiare's first brush with jealousy. It was _her_ tears that hurt him. And these stupid nymphomaniacs had to interrupt, assuming it was his wound—he might have somehow realized her presence!   
She touched the tears on her face. They didn't feel like anything to her, though they glowed slightly. She'd never really noticed them before.   
_Next time, I'll turn into a human,_ she resolved.   
_Except I can't turn into a human. I can only take human form._   
Sulking, she went to sit in the rose garden.   
  
  
_ The boys here sure like to practice their kendo obsessively at midnight. Touga, however, is not in the dojo. He is just outside in plain sight. Where stupid Nanami can see him.   
I laugh when Nanami demands a kiss and _oniisama _fumbles to explain that they are not children anymore. Which really means, in the chivalrous language of yon Student Council President, "Ewww, I'm not kissing **you**!"   
Everybody, human or non, says he has no morals and no decency, but I don't know where they get that. He might take on anything remotely human-formed (I should qualify), but not family members. It must be so much work resisting Nanami that he doesn't have time to spurn anyone else's advances. And the only one who spurns his is that silly Tenjou Utena... He's probably never been spurned in his life. That's why he's chasing Utena so intently. He just needs to prove he can seduce the school tomboy. Stupid Utena, she **is** giving Touga-sama a lot of trouble.   
And yet, as I watch, something injured seems to flare up in his soul. With the kendo practice one would expect the physical injury to flare up on him. But it isn't that. It's something deeper...   
Some terrible hurt, full of shame and self- hatred, something he hides from everyone...   
Some old wound that never healed...   
Something locked away with that softness I so long to free. Or is that what **keeps** the softness locked away? This wound that torments silently—is this what has built the shell around his soul?   
Nanami is gone now, leaving him to his kendo exercises. The hurt is invisible again, and but for the bandages one wouldn't know his back and right arm and shoulder were hurt either. But I know I saw it! And I must know what it is—as my friends seek the mysteries of the Rose Bride and Tenjou Utena's duels, so I must seek the mystery of Kiryuu Touga's soul.   
I will find the key to him...   
"I will find it, Touga- sama," I promise into his ear, though I know he can't hear me. But they must hear us on some level; the humans have so many more levels to their consciousness than we; they must see us with their dreamtime eyes. "I will heal it." _  
  
  
Tur'raskevevry was still mad at Mayumiare. He believed that she had directly interfered, an act which was by its very nature forbidden. They were to watch, not meddle: this was instinctively understood, and because he believed that Mayumiare had flouted this instinct by halting Saionji's swordstroke with her will, Tur'raskevevry was both infuriated and frightened by her.   
"You can't _do_ that, you idiot," he hissed, or words to that effect, every time he saw her. "You'll get us all negated or something. You can't interfere. If they're supposed to die you can't _stop_ it!"   
Tur'raskevevry's rant invariably threw Mayumiare into hysterics. "Shut up!" she sobbed. "I did not, I didn't do anything!" It made her hysterical because she wanted to have interfered; that would mean she had some effect on his life by saving it. And her so-called friend never failed to remind her how irrevocably _wrong_ that was. Just like so many he could see and touch, she wanted to _mean_ something to that crimson-haired player, but every time Tur'raskevevry opened his mouth, he had to tell her how impossible that was.   
Endrei'anna watched impartially when present, but any of the other three would usually jump to Mayumiare's defense. "Will you cut it out, Vev!? Can't you see how upset you're making her? She'll get a melancholy!"   
"She's making herself upset," Tur'raskevevry snapped today. Then he gasped and backed away, suddenly realizing something. "You _want_ to interfere! That's why you won't just take a human form and play that one-track mind boy for all he's worth. Because you know it won't mean anything if you do. You're just waiting...for the right time to make your move... Waiting until something happens to Utena-sama maybe, so you can move in on the bastard, huh? Or maybe..." Tur'raskevevry blazed with fury as he articulated his next suspicion. "If you like making things happen so much, maybe you'll _make_ something happen to Utena- sama!"   
The others were shocked into silence at the very thought.   
"What?" cried Mayumiare, unable to understand why her friend would harbor such terrible suspicions. "I wouldn't—I would never—why would I do that?"   
"Because you're obsessed! You're selfish and jealous and insane!" Tur'raskevevry shouted. "I bet you'd _kill_ Utena-sama if you could!"   
"I DON'T CARE ABOUT UTENA!!" screamed Mayumiare, and all the birds in the tree flew away. Nearby humans felt their ears ring for no apparent reason.   
The silence gaped; so did the other five. She glared at Tur'raskevevry until he left in disgust, then angrily shook her head, scattering luminous tears.   
Her friends stared. Mayumiare did not care about the goddesses of Ohtori. She certainly appeared obsessed and insane, if not jealous and selfish. _Would she really do anything...?_ they wondered. _Is she really capable?_   
She gave them a sneer to inquire what they were looking at. So they looked at each other and departed one by one. Athanynth lingered a moment with a sympathetic glance.   
"Don't let it get to you," was all she said.   
Lost in perplexity and longing, Mayumiare went where she always went to calm herself after such confrontations: she went to his room and curled up on his pillow, where the hedonistic scent of his aura lulled her into serene bliss.   
  
Touga's wound healed, and then it was back to normal—or the standard thereof for Ohtori Academy—more of girls and the occasional boy attending to him; more of Nanami being stupid (in fact she was stupid enough to duel Utena); more of the Student Council being cryptic; more of Utena being a tomboy and Anthy being diminutive.   
Clearly the only way to go from here, thought Mayumiare, was to become human. With her friends having shunned her and Touga unaware of her, she was at a stalemate.   
Mayumiare thought that perhaps the way to become human was to forget that she wasn't one. During the last days of Touga's convalescence she paid attention instead to the "normal" Ohtori—classes and gossip. She tried to sleep like humans did, but that didn't happen; she even tried to do a math problem but that _really_ didn't happen. She couldn't eat food; she couldn't sleep; she couldn't study: pretending that she could was obviously not working.   
She saw less and less of her friends, which was fine; they only made her nervous now anyway. But now she was lonely and confused. She had no direction. Who could help her?   
Then Mayumiare remembered the enigmatic thing that the Student Council called End Of The World. They seemed to be the authority. There had been no indication that End Of The World was human. If End Of The World was such a mystery with such authority, perhaps End Of The World could tell her how to become human!   
So she began to hunt high and low on the campus for this phenomenon. Of course she had no idea what she was looking for; she would just have to know when she found it.   
She found a building with a strange, creepy aura to it. It was a bizarre place; it seemed to exist as various things at once in different time frames, like layers of human consciousness. The aura was of the deepest mysteries—some of them evil—and she knew she had found _something_, if not End Of The World. Despite the awe and fear that warned her away, she entered the building and was met by creatures both like and unlike herself.   
"What do you want? What could a thing like you want here?" they hissed. She couldn't tell what they were, so she wasn't frightened by them.   
"I have to talk to End Of The World," she said.   
They laughed. "End Of The World! She wants to talk to End Of The World! End Of The World won't listen. End Of The World doesn't care."   
"Then why are _you_ here?" Mayumiare challenged.   
"Waiting. We're waiting."   
"Waiting for eternity!" one of them shouted mockingly. They giggled.   
"The Power of Dios in the Castle where eternity dwells?" said Mayumiare just as acidly.   
They giggled some more. They seemed quite mad. "Ooh, smart fairy, thinks she knows everything. Smart fairy wants to talk to End Of The World!"   
"Why don't you talk to Mikage- sama?" one teased, and the others took up this cry. "Yeah, Mikage-sama, talk to Mikage-sama. Maybe Mikage-sama can hear you. Yeah, Mikage-sama's fucked up in the head. He can hear smart fairies."   
They obviously weren't being serious, but Mayumiare took it seriously. "Then where is Mikage?"   
"Find Mikage-sama, take the smart fairy to Mikage-sama!" They found this intensely amusing and cackled as a few of the small dark beings broke off from the group and beckoned.   
Still laughing, the escort led her to a charmingly furnished office, where she heard two unfamiliar voices talking about Touga and immediately forgot about the strange aura and the small dark beings.   
Actually... one of the voices was a bit familiar. Yes, it was a rich bass voice she had heard talking on the phone to Touga. Touga had never said his name in conversation, so she didn't know it, but the lavender-haired man had some kind of authority. His soul was dark and full of secrets, hiding something inhuman, or perhaps superhuman. He was older than the students and wasn't in uniform anyway, but his dark skin, black-lashed eyes and the red dot on his forehead were the same as Himemiya Anthy's.   
The boy he was talking to was younger, high-school age, with palest pink hair and haunted mauve eyes. His uniform was different than the other students'. But there was something wrong with him, like he wasn't supposed to be in the form he was in...   
"So Kiryuu is trying to be Tenjou's prince," said the boy. "What does that mean to us?"   
"If she falls in love with him, she may not be able to fight him, and Kiryuu could take possession of the Rose Bride."   
"Right. And we all know how easy it is to manipulate Kiryuu Touga."   
"It's true, Nemuro-sensei. He's so used to manipulating people, he never realizes it when it happens to him. Tenjou could be much harder to control."   
Mayumiare bristled. In what evil plan did they think to use Touga-sama?   
"But does Kiryuu care about the Power of the World Revolution any more than Tenjou does? None of them know what the Power is—only that it's there for the taking."   
"If he can use it, he wants it," the man replied, leaning back. "That's how Kiryuu is."   
"That's how you are, too," snapped the boy. The man had said Nemuro-sensei but by the small dark beings' raving, Mayumiare knew he was their Mikage-sama. What was going on?   
The man laughed. "No, I'm afraid Kiryuu and I are vastly different. For one thing, he has to use because he was used. His foster father raped him, you know, when he was younger."   
"Kiryuu was raped? How do you know a thing like that?"   
"Saionji Kyouichi was his childhood friend, so he was the only one who knew—until he told Anthy, who told me."   
"Well, I guess that does explain a lot. But what does this mean for the Black Rose project?"   
Mayumiare lost track of the conversation then.   
There was the thing. The thing that happened to Touga. The thing...   
What did it mean?   
What was rape? Mayumiare had no idea what that was.   
Well, it was something bad...   
It was something bad that a human did to another human...   
But who could tell her what it was?   
"What's rape?" she asked Mikage. He did not appear to have heard. She shouted her question in his ear.   
Contrary to the opinion of the small dark beings, Mikage did not hear smart fairies. So she left to ask them.   
"Hey, she's back. Smart fairy's back! Did Mikage-sama talk to you? Did Mikage-sama tell you about End Of The World?" they mocked.   
"What's rape?" she said bluntly.   
She got various definitions. "That's when they knock you down and give it to you. That's what the perverts on the subway do! It happens in dark alleys in the bad part of town. It's when they don't pay the prostitute. Rape is what happens in cabbage fields. Yeah, cabbage fields! Cabbage fields with little white butterflies! White butterflies with black spots. In cabbage fields."   
"No, they aren't butterflies, they're moths," one dissented scornfully, and they continued to argue this point until they lost interest.   
They were indeed quite mad.   
Only when Mayumiare left did she feel the terror that had permeated her. She couldn't figure out why at first—then she remembered the older man's aura. She hadn't even noticed while she was there. It was a sweet, enticing scent that wound around and then became danger, a treacherous horrid thing... She hoped she wouldn't have to see _that_ man ever again.   
Irrelevant. She had to find out something.   
Well, maybe her friends would know. That she was estranged from them didn't matter now. She had to find out what this terrible thing was.   
Mayumiare found Athanynth and Johriishang in their favorite place, contemplating Himemiya Anthy in the rose garden.   
"Um," she said weakly.   
"Yumi!" Athanynth exclaimed when she saw her. "Yumi, where have you been? Dumb question. We know where you've been. _How_ have you been?"   
"Okay." Alienated from them, she felt a bit shy. "I need to know something."   
"About what?" said Johriishang.   
"A bad thing that a human does to another human. What's rape?"   
"Rape?" Athanynth thought and thought. "I don't know. It's something bad?"   
"Yes, it's something bad."   
"I've never heard of that either," Johriishang shrugged.   
"Ask Lyly'efandwr. She's taken human form before," said Athanynth. "Or maybe Endrei'anna would know, but more probably Lyly."   
"Oh, alright." But Mayumiare was very reluctant to search them out, for fear of finding Tur'raskevevry.   
She didn't have to search for them anyway, because they came barging into the garden then. "Oooh, that jackass Kiryuu! He keeps trying to convince Utena that _he_'s her prince. Him! The biggest man-ho ever!"   
"Man-ho?" said Mayumiare. Here was another unfamiliar term concerning Touga.   
Tur'raskevevry gave her a look as condescending as one of Nanami's minions. The effect was not as intimidating or upsetting as the accusations. "What are you doing in here?"   
She replied with a hand gesture she had learned when watching random Ohtori students.   
"Really? He says he's her prince now?" giggled Athanynth. "That's silly! She doesn't believe him, does she?"   
"She's starting to," said Endrei'anna. "She kind of wants to believe it, you know."   
"But he's already Yumi's prince," Lyly'efandwr teased.   
They laughed, and even Mayumiare giggled shyly.   
"Yeah, Yumi," Tur'raskevevry jeered. "Why don't you keep your man-ho from hitting on Utena- sama?"   
"Maybe I will," she said defiantly.   
Tur'raskevevry rolled his eyes.   
"Well, I'm trying to find out something..." Mayumiare began.   
"Aren't we all," said Endrei'anna, at the same time Tur'raskevevry jeered, "What, how many people Kiryuu slept with?"   
"I don't think we can count that high," laughed Johriishang.   
"It isn't a definite number," Athanynth added. "It continually increases."   
"He reminds me of a story I heard," Lyly'efandwr said thoughtfully, "of some man called Casanova." But nobody else had heard this story.   
Mayumiare stomped her foot. "I'm not talking about numbers or weird stories! Really, there's something I have to know!"   
"From us?" said Endrei'anna.   
"If you can tell me. It's a human thing. What's rape?" she blurted before they could interrupt her again.   
"Dunno. Do you know?" Endrei'anna asked Lyly'efandwr, who was squinting, trying to remember.   
"It's something bad... it leaves scars on the soul like very unhappy things do to humans. But... I don't know exactly what it is, I can't quite remember..." Lyly'efandwr shook her head.   
_It leaves scars on the soul...it leaves scars..._ Yes, she knew that. She had seen the scars that one time, when his soul let its guard down, for the scars were covered so well, shielded even from penetrating smart fairy eyes.   
No, actually, Lyly'efandwr was wrong. A wound only leaves a scar after it heals. The wounds to his soul had never healed—they had only been hidden.   
"Oh! I know who could tell you!" Lyly'efandwr broke into Mayumiare's thoughts, but it was a welcome interruption.   
"Really? You know?"   
"An imp! Imps know things like that. Find an imp."   
"Wha—where do I find an imp?"   
"They hide in funny places, like—"   
"_Now_ what is he doing!?" Tur'raskevevry cried in disgust. Touga had suddenly shown up in the rose garden and was talking to Anthy.   
He was only making the usual small talk about the roses, until he started saying politically incorrect things about keeping her like a beautiful bird in a cage. Anthy continued to be her withdrawn, bashful self.   
_"He has to use because he was used."_ Seeing him, now that she almost knew... If she had a heart, it was breaking for him. "Touga-sama, my beautiful Touga-sama, with your wound that never healed. Touga- sama..." Mayumiare had no idea she was lamenting aloud.   
"You're pathetic!" Tur'raskevevry shouted, but of course she didn't hear him.   
"Come on, Anthy, blow him off! Utena wants you to stand up for yourself!" said Athanynth.   
Utena showed up right then to defend the Rose Bride, and all the unseen ones, with the usual exception of Mayumiare, cheered.   
Touga played on Utena's emotions, and her memories of her _Oujisama_, leaning in to almost kiss her, before challenging her to a duel.   
The unseen ones, Mayumiare now included, all screamed like a bunch of gossipping students. Their yelling filtered down to phrases like, "I can't _believe_—" "He's so MEAN!" "Unfair tactics! That has to be illegal!" "That bastard, he's such a damn WHORE!" Mayumiare, however, had no words; she was only screaming because she hadn't guessed at his ulterior motive. Such a cunning and cruel strategy!   
Once Touga had left Utena stunned in dismay, Tur'raskevevry turned his attack to Mayumiare. He wore an expression of utter disgust. "How can you think something like _him_ is beautiful?! He doesn't deserve to be human any more than you do!"   
Mayumiare made a wordless cry of hurt feelings. Then she became angry. There was no reason for him to speak to her so. "You shut up. You shut the hell up! I've had enough of you judging me, _baka_!" She kicked at him and the force of her anger threw him backward past the despairing Utena. Endrei'anna glared at her and went to help him.   
"Yumi," said Athanynth in surprise. Their friend had never used to be so belligerent.   
"You mustn't spend so much attention on Kiryuu," Lyly'efandwr said calmly. "It's driving you mad, clouding your vision. You'll fall ill, or be consumed by a demon."   
"Well that's what we came here for, isn't it?" Mayumiare shouted, her eyes full of tears. "All the mysteries, all the adventure we can't be part of, it's dangerous seeking the gods, right? It's dangerous, and I'm your casualty!"   
"Don't say that, Yumi, you'll be fine," Athanynth protested. "It'll pass and—"   
Johriishang hushed her. "She's chosen her path."   
"You're gonna die," snarled Tur'raskevevry, up again. "You will be consumed by a demon, and it'll serve you right."   
"What in him could intrigue you so?" Endrei'anna looked at her scornfully. "Sure he's pretty. But he's so far from a god, there's no depth to him at all. He's a shadow."   
"You're _wrong_!" Mayumiare shouted. "You don't understand, none of you understand! He's—he's—" She couldn't explain it to them. Sobbing, she quickly vacated the premises.   
She wanted to go somewhere she wouldn't find anyone, not "friend," not human, not animal, no one—somewhere completely and utterly quiet where she could gather herself.   
The closest place was the piano room. The blue-haired pianist boy had already left to do homework, and no one was there now.   
  
  
_ When I get to be human, and if I come into the piano room to cry, maybe the sound of my sobs will echo like Touga-sama's voice does in here.   
Yes, it's not if I get to be human, it's when. It's just a matter of finding out how. I have that to find out, and I have the definition of a strange human word to find out. But right now...   
I just...   
Well, I think they are meaner to me than Touga ever was to Utena. They act like his every action is my fault. Would he even be looking at Utena if I had any say in the matter!? It isn't even his idea to fight her, it's from End Of The World! Whoever that is!   
But they don't matter. The only thing that can matter to me is Touga-sama, graceful, cruel, cold, proud, beautiful Kiryuu Touga.   
At some point when I stop crying, I sense another aura in here—it's the pianist boy's aura, the blue-haired youngest member of the Student Council, Kaoru Miki. He isn't here now, for the piano is silent, but he spends so much time here, the room is redolent of him. Why did I not go to Touga-sama's room? I suppose I didn't want to deal with its headiness right then. Unlike Miki, I haven't spent much time in here, but only now do I notice how strange the piano room is to me.   
Actually, I can smell a bit of Touga's aura in here too, though when he comes in here he never plays the piano. When can I be one of the girls who leaves this room fixing hair and skirt? One of the girls...   
But they're right, I could be one of those girls any time I wanted. I could be another statistic (there's a word I learned in a class), a number counted among the uncountable, just another one of the girls and boys who can make the unremarkable and yet so enviable claim of "I fucked the Student Council President!"   
Well they don't see his soul, now do they? They don't know the thing that I have seen and soon will understand. So...   
But their hands don't pass through when they touch him.   
Someday, someday mine won't either. _  
  
  
She got up, finally, when the moon was rising. The moon had looked like that when she saw Touga and Saionji... Well, Saionji was gone, and she had priorities. "Where am I supposed to find an imp?" she wondered aloud.   
Weren't imps related to demons? It sounded dangerous to go looking for an imp. Maybe she could get Johriishang to go with her. But the idea that she might have to ask her friends for help made her more frustrated. Besides, according to them, her very way of existence these days was dangerous.   
"A little more danger won't hurt me," she resolved, aloud again to reassure herself. "They think I can't handle anything, well they're wrong!"   
Lyly'efandwr had said that imps hid in strange places. Like... like maybe that odd building where she had heard those people talking about Touga in the first place? Or perhaps the dueling Arena? Strange by what standards, human or otherwise? Would an imp be as difficult to find as End Of The World? Where could she even start?   
"Damn if I'm not sick of looking all over this campus for weird shit," Mayumiare complained. "If I can talk to an imp, it ought to be able to hear me." This reasoning then led her to hover above the piano in the moonlight and shout with sarcastic melodrama, "Show yourselves, imps of Ohtori! For I need to know something about my prince."   
She made a startled noise and backed away when, several moments later, she noticed something hovering beside her. She backed into another shape—she was surrounded by them. They were beings a bit like herself but more like dark bits of flame.   
"Quit freakin' out," said one of them. "You called us."   
There weren't as many of them as she'd first thought, and they looked mischievous rather than menacing. But she was still confused. "What—"   
"Dude, is this a prank call or something? Cuz you do know who you called, right?"   
Suddenly Mayumiare realized. "Oh, are you imps?"   
"Duhhhhh!" "Yo, what you smoking? I want some."   
Mayumiare felt self-satisfied relief. "Well, that was easy!"   
"Didn't you want to know something? Cuz if we came over here for nothing—"   
"Yes, I do want to know something!"   
"Well make it quick. Imps are busy creatures." "Dude, no we aren't." "Shut up."   
"I need to know what this human word means. What's rape?"   
"We can show you!" The imps laughed conspiratorially.   
Mayumiare bit down on her nervousness. She already knew it was something bad, so she would rather avoid a demonstration. But it was a human thing, wasn't it? They must be bluffing. "Oh, but you must be too busy for all that trouble, so why don't you just tell me."   
"Hmm, it's kind of hard to explain. I think we'll have to show you." They pressed closer in to her.   
She pushed them all away with a furious gesture. _"Tell me!"_   
They laughed again, this time tauntingly, a _She fell for it!_ laugh. "Get a grip, lady. We're imps. We make mischief." "Duh, we couldn't actually overtake you." "Bet we could. She's pretty innocent." "But it is hard to explain." "She's not old enough to understand." They chuckled as though this last nonsensical remark was comical.   
"Please just tell me," she sighed. "It's very important."   
"Do you want a detailed explanation?" For some reason the imp's tone was suggestive.   
"Yes. Tell me everything you know."   
They giggled. "Well, you know when humans get together?" "When they get together in bed." "When they do the hippity-dippity." "Dude, why don't you just say they fuck?"   
"Yeah," said Mayumiare warily. How would she not know what that was? It was like all Touga-sama ever did. It was everything humans blushed and whispered and giggled about. It was...what did they say? The "human condition."   
The imps were whispering now too, as if relating some such particularly racy encounter. "What if one of the humans doesn't want to, but the other forces it on that person?" "It hurts. It's _painful_. That big long thing driving into one again and again..." "And one doesn't want it, it's the most terrible thing in the world, but one can't get away." "And after it's done, that's not the end. There's shame, anger, despair, but mostly shame. Wounds that will never fully heal." "One's sense of self-worth is gone. One hates oneself. One is filled with self-revulsion. One wishes one were dead. One's life is changed forever...for the worse."   
They grinned at her expression of utter horror. "That's rape. It's probably the worst thing a human can do to another human." "Most humans wouldn't agree on that." "Dude, only if they haven't been raped."   
"Touga-sama..." Mayumiare faltered.   
"Touga? Touga won the duel today." "Dude, that was so cool..."   
She no longer heard them.   
Some...person...had done this terrible thing...to Touga-sama?   
Touga-sama ravaged against his will?   
Touga-sama hating himself?   
Touga-sama wishing he were dead?   
It all came clear now, clear as morning dew on the roses... the depths of Touga's soul, the terrible unhealed wounds, the secret he had to hide from everyone, the secret he hid so well behind chivalry and cruelty and sensuality and relentless elegance.   
"Touga-sama!" Luminous tears spattered on the piano. She felt a lancing, searing pain; she felt as though she were crumbling to bits.   
The imps stared. Mayumiare's form was shot through with brightness.   
"Touga-sama— _I love you! Touga-sama!"_ She saw him and she loved him. This was all she knew. And this was what they called love, this burning brightness of pure longing, longing for self-sacrifice, longing for his happiness, longing just for his presence. Something miraculous and indescribable that she couldn't contain. She couldn't contain it and she was bursting, falling apart, crumbling...   
Becoming...   
Falling, growing and falling, piercing agony of spontaneous formation, metamorphosis, sudden victim of gravity and air pressure.   
Breath.   
Heartbeat.   
Unable to stand by piano, falling again, unused to sense of balance, crawling toward doorway...too soon to fight gravity. Collapse.   
_Sleep... I am falling asleep?_   
  
So Touga had won the duel. Now Touga was in possession of the Rose Bride. Touga had Anthy to do his every bidding. Well, he wouldn't think about that...   
Miki had been trying not to think about it for six hours, and still it was keeping him awake. A good piano session should clear his mind. Besides, Touga had decency...sometimes.   
Maybe he should challenge Touga. No, that would be useless; he couldn't defeat the Student Council President. And Anthy was better off with Utena; Utena was kind to her, and didn't believe that Anthy should be possessed as the Rose Bride. Utena would win again soon and protect Anthy. But what if...   
Miki almost walked right on past the unconscious naked girl on the floor.   
—Unconscious naked girl on the floor!?   
Immediately he knelt beside her, unsure whether or not he should touch her, his hand hovering hesitantly. "Hey! Hey, are you okay? Miss!"   
The girl made a curious sound and shivered. She must be freezing on the cold floor like that!   
"Miss, are you okay? Can you move?" Miki glanced around for her clothes, but they were nowhere to be seen. What could have happened to her?   
"T- Touga-sama..." she murmured, blinking, and shivered again.   
Miki gasped in dismay. Would the Student Council President have done something like this? Everyone knew what a player he was, but surely he wouldn't use someone against her will and leave her this way! Or would he? If he played on Utena's emotions to win a duel, did he really have any morals? "Did Touga do this to you?" Miki asked, trying to keep his voice calm, free of anger.   
The girl sighed and looked at her hand on the floor in front of her face. "Yes...that's right. It was Touga-sama."   
So Touga had done this, he had really stooped this low. There went any hope for Touga's decency! Miki hid his indignant rage, his mind racing angrily. He wouldn't think about what this meant for the Rose Bride—_NO! Not Himemiya! No!_—God no, he couldn't stand to think about that—_Utena, you fool! Why did you have to lose to him!_—Well, he disapproved of how Saionji had treated her, so perhaps he would treat the Rose Bride with appropriate chivalry. He could only hope. And he could not worry about that now. This girl needed help, and his righteous anger would do her no good.   
Still shivering, she was flexing her fingers and watching them as an infant does. Her stomach rumbled audibly. Poor thing—the trauma of her situation hadn't even hit her yet.   
"Let's get you out of here, alright?" Miki took off his uniform jacket and wrapped her in it, then stood her up. She was taller than him, very slender, her short aquamarine hair dishevelled; there was something odd about her features that he couldn't identify, but he wasn't going to stare at her. "Where's your dorm?"   
She was watching her feet move as they walked, placing one before the other as if it took intense concentration. "Dorm?...I don't have a dorm."   
"Are you a student here?" He hoped she wasn't a teacher's daughter or something. The faculty had enough problems with the Student Council.   
"I don't know."   
_She must have blocked her memory,_ thought Miki. _A reasonable reaction. That goddamn Kiryuu!..._ "What's your name?"   
She clearly had to think about that one. "Yumi. I'm...Yumi."   
Maybe she didn't want to give her surname. Well, he should probably take her to the hospital. But the poor thing was cold and hungry. He didn't want to probe her with questions; she probably had no answers now. She could stay overnight, and he'd take her in tomorrow. Kozue's clothes wouldn't fit her, though; maybe Juri could lend her something.   
"I'm Kaoru Miki," he said, thinking he shouldn't tell her that he was in the Student Council, if she hadn't noticed from his uniform. "You can stay in our room tonight and we'll take care of things tomorrow. Is that okay?"   
"Okay." Yumi was pretty out of it. She didn't seem upset in the least. Maybe she had no idea what had happened. Maybe they should keep it that way.   
  
Kozue rubbed her eyes and stared at her shirtless brother. Was this a good dream?   
No, it wasn't; there was a girl next to him, naked but for his shirt. "Who's _that_?" Kozue demanded icily.   
"I found her in the piano room. She's been through something bad, I think. Kozue, is there still water in the bath?"   
"Yeah." Kozue didn't move.   
"Can you get her in? She's really cold."   
Kozue sighed and got up. "Fine."   
"Yumi, this is my sister Kozue," Miki told the tall, funny-looking girl. "Follow her, okay? I'll put on some tea and toast."   
"Yes." She had a strange way of walking.   
Kozue twisted her lip in envy of the concern her brother showed the strange girl. She grabbed Yumi's hand and led her to the bathroom like it was an onerous chore.   
Miki looked away and started the tea, wishing his sister wouldn't wear such skimpy nightclothes when they slept in the same room.   
In the bathroom, Kozue yanked her brother's shirt from Yumi, brushed it off as though it had been dropped in the dirt, and hung it up carefully. Then she uncovered the bath. They may as well let the girl just get in, since they were going to put new water in tomorrow anyway. "Well, here it is."   
"Thank you, Kozue-san." Yumi had observed the politics of politeness between students. The way they talked subconsciously came back to her.   
Yumi's politeness surprised Kozue, who was making an effort to be rude. "You're pretty calm for someone who's 'been through something bad.'"   
"What was bad?" Yumi stepped into the bath with caution, but still almost fell because she couldn't tell how deep it was. It was a traditional bath, very deep.   
Kozue stifled a giggle. "You tell me. It happened to you, didn't it?"   
"I'm...not sure what happened." She was fascinated by the motion of the water swirling back into place around her new body. The steaming water was very pleasant, and Yumi immersed herself. A moment later she splashed up unable to breathe.   
Kozue jumped when she saw what was happening. "Are you trying to drown yourself!?" She wondered if she should let the girl drown, then thought that Miki would not be happy with her if she did. So she wrapped her arms around the girl's ribcage and heaved a few times.   
Yumi spat out the water in her lungs, choking and sputtering until she regained her breath. "You fool," said Kozue.   
Miki banged on the door. "What's the matter? Are you okay?"   
"Oh, she's trying to drown herself," Kozue replied nonchalantly. "But I saved her. She's fine now."   
Miki frowned. Was Yumi remembering, and despairing such that she wanted to die? He wished they could get Touga expelled, but there was no hope of that for the Student Council President. "Stay with her, Kozue."   
"Okay, _oniichan_."   
Sniffling from the tears that her choking had caused, Yumi turned nervously. She didn't like that word; there was something wrong with it, something simpering and annoying, insincere and hateful. No, actually, it wasn't the same word, but it was almost the same as... She would remember soon enough. But she had so many questions. Like, "Why can't I breathe in the water?"   
Kozue stared. This girl was even stranger than she first seemed. "What? Are you serious?"   
"Yes. Can't you breathe in the water, Kozue-san?"   
"Of course not, no one can breathe underwater except fish. You make no sense. Where the hell are you from? What's the big deal with you showing up naked in front of my brother, eh?" Kozue leaned in, looking Yumi in the face. Yumi's eyes were vivid amber, her skin was pale like it had never seen sunlight, and her wet hair was the deep aqua color of one of those funny-looking computers. The perfect color for a funny-looking girl, Kozue thought critically.   
"I was there first. I don't know how I got there." Yumi was unfazed by Kozue's malicious interrogation. She sat hugging her knees in the pleasantly hot water that came up to her neck.   
Suddenly Kozue realized what made the girl so funny-looking. It was her ears: they were slightly elongated and slightly pointed, like that guy in that old foreign sci-fi show. Like the girl was kin to elves. "Where _are_ you from?"   
"I don't know."   
"Do you even go to this school? I know I've never seen you before."   
"Um...I just got here."   
"What's your name?"   
"It's Yumi."   
"Yumi what?"   
"Just Yumi. I don't have any more name." _Where is Touga-sama? I want to be with Touga._ But something kept her from saying that aloud.   
"You're too weird." _Too weird for my brother. You can't have him._ But since Yumi was so weird, it was probably harmless to probe a bit. The girl wouldn't tell lies; she was definitely too innocent, or stupid. "Are you in love with my brother?"   
Yumi looked up from watching her toes wiggle under the water. "No, I'm not in love with Miki. I love someone else."   
A little smile crossed Kozue's face. She did enjoy playing match maker with other people. Probably because it meant less people to go after her brother. Yumi had probably come here in pursuit of her beloved; a lot of people did that. "Wanna tell me who?"   
Yumi looked down again, blushing.   
"Come on, I'll keep it a secret."   
The girl was very shy about it. "Kiryuu Touga," she said, almost a whisper.   
Before she could stop herself, Kozue burst out laughing. "You and the entire campus! If you want _him_ all to yourself, you've got your work cut out for you."   
Yumi didn't say anything, but looked sad.   
"Of course, if you just want in his pants," Kozue went on, "that's practically easier done than said."   
Yumi's blush deepened. "You do not know what I want," she said in the same shy, quiet voice.   
Kozue blinked, and then snapped, "Quit talking like that. You sound like that stupid Himemiya."   
"Sorry." Yumi sank lower and tilted her head so that only her face was above the water. "I have no friends. I have nowhere to go."   
Selfish Kozue felt something rare: she began to feel sorry for the weird girl in the bathtub. Here was a lost, confused, funny-looking girl with a thing for the worst man-ho on campus (with the possible exception of the Trustee Chairman, who was engaged and was still a player). Things couldn't get much worse for a person, could they? Poor little weird girl. Kozue might even forgive her for letting Miki find her naked. The girl tried to breathe water, for God's sake.   
Miki knocked on the door. "Juri lent some clothes. Can you take them, Kozue?" Kozue cracked open the door to take them, making sure her scantily covered breasts were in full view. But Miki was discreetly facing the other direction. "The toast's almost done," he said.   
"Here, dry off and get dressed," Kozue said, nicely now that she was sure that Yumi was no threat. Maybe she could have a minion like Nanami's, that would be funny. Except they only took that job because they all loved Nanami's _oniisama_ and Nanami was clueless; it wouldn't work the same way because for one thing she was smarter than Nanami. She put a towel down on top of the clothes and left the bathroom.   
"Thank you." The water was nice; Yumi didn't want to get up. But Miki had made food. She really wanted to try food. Her stomach rumbled again to punctuate this ambition. She giggled at the sounds a human body made.   
A towel. One dries oneself with a towel. She knew that; it wasn't like she had never watched Touga in the bath.   
How had she managed that? What had she been before, seeing all these things without being part of them? She had been something else, something floaty and flighty. Before Ohtori, there had been a place full of laughter and crystalline lights. It was like...what did they call it?...a dream. But one devoid of meaning: nothing before Ohtori meant anything to her.   
As she was rubbing her hair dry, she saw another person—no, that was the mirror. She'd never had a reflection before, so she gazed at herself a while. As far as she could tell, she had all the proper parts of a human girl. She saw herself with big golden eyes, rather pointy features including ears, tall and slender enough to be described as lanky, gangly, even awkward, and aqua hair that fell in messy layers to about chin level. _Am I pretty?_ she wondered. She stretched and looked at her body's profile; there was not much in the way of curves. Maybe she would get more. How old was she supposed to be?   
Well, time to get dressed. Miki had said these were Arisugawa Juri's clothes. Juri had been blessed with a much curvier figure than Yumi; the bra was therefore useless. She picked up Juri's shirt. It was the normal girls' uniform; it must be Juri's old one. She had seen girls (and boys, but that wouldn't help) get dressed enough times after encounters with Touga, so this should be easy.   
It took her about five minutes, during which Kozue banged on the door to see if she was still alive, until she was sure it looked right. When she finally emerged Kozue said, "What did you put the uniform on for? Aren't you going to sleep?"   
"Oh. Sorry." Yumi started to go back in to change. There had been another outfit; those must be pajamas, she realized.   
"It doesn't matter. Please, sit down and eat." They led her to the dining room and Miki handed her a cup of green tea. "It's very hot," he warned her.   
"Thank you very much, Kaoru- sempai." It smelled wonderful, earthy, so different than things she had been able to smell...before? She inhaled the scent deeply. And there was toast spread with butter and jam. That smelled new and wonderful too. What did the people say before they ate? _"Itadakimasu."_ _My first bite of food!_ she thought jubilantly as she started on it. It was absolutely fantastic. After the first slice, she copied Kozue's example and blew on her tea before sipping it carefully. It was rather bitter, but so interesting, she enjoyed that as well. She was so happy to be human, she could almost forget that she had a purpose!   
Kozue was right, Miki realized. The girl's ears were kind of pointy. What did that mean? Probably nothing. The weirdest thing was that she seemed to be having the time of her life. Maybe she dealt with despair by pretending she was happy. He went to set up the futon; he would sleep in the other room tonight. After what had happened to her, Yumi probably did not want to sleep in the same room with a boy. _But I probably won't sleep at all. Not with what I know._   
  
Kozue had been hard- pressed to contain a laughing fit when Miki told her what he thought had happened to Yumi. As if Touga ever had to rape a person. Well, it wasn't funny, really—it wasn't a completely impossible situation. But Kozue had her doubts.   
Anyway, rape victim or not, there was no way the weird girl was sleeping in _her_ brother's bed. If Miki felt he had to leave the room tonight, he wouldn't be swayed, but she could turn this to her deranged advantage. "Poor thing, you don't want to sleep in a boy's bed. Take mine." Now she could sleep in Miki's bed and pretend he was there with her, like and not like they used to do when they were so young. Yumi was wonderfully clueless and compliant.   
But before they said _oyasumi_, Kozue had to know one thing. "Yumi-san, were you with Touga?"   
"No."   
"Not at all?"   
Yumi knew what Kozue meant, and someday she would be able to give a different answer. "No. He was never there."   
Kozue paused, trying to make sense of things. Was she raped by someone else? "Were you with anyone at all?"   
"No, I was alone until your brother found me."   
So Yumi hadn't been raped at all, nor engaged in anything consensual. Her voice was too innocent to be telling lies. "Then why the hell were you lying naked on the floor of the piano room?"   
"I fell asleep."   
"How did you fall asleep alone naked on the floor!?"   
"There was nobody in the room, and I had no clothes, and I was tired."   
The weird girl was getting very exasperating. "Okay. How did you get to be in the piano room with no clothes?" Actually, that was a dumb question; it happened to Kozue all the time. Of course she usually had clothes to start with, but Yumi apparently hadn't, and that was the strange thing. If there had been a streaking, people would have heard about it, so what was the deal?   
Yumi tried to think how to explain it. She didn't really know what happened herself. One minute she was something else, and the next she was human. That made no sense. So she answered honestly: "It wouldn't make sense if I told you."   
Kozue sighed. "Well obviously. Hardly anything you say makes sense."   
"Sorry."   
"Whatever. Let's go to sleep. Goodnight."   
"Goodnight, Kozue-san."   
Kozue's bed was soft and smelled of flowery perfume. The moonlight was gentle. Yumi soon fell asleep again, now warm and happy and full of hope.   
  
Touga, younger, running frantically in a cabbage field. Some terrible dark figure chasing him.   
Were they butterflies or moths? Butterflies or moths?   
"That's what happens in cabbage fields!" cackled the small dark beings. "Perverts on the subway! Dark alleys! Prostitutes! Cabbage fields!"   
A deep, powerful voice. "He has to use because he was used."   
Taunting voices. "It's _painful_. But you can't get away. Shame, anger, despair. One hates oneself. One hates oneself."   
She tried to go to him but she was trapped. All the beings were jeering at her, and her friends, they were jeering too. "He's a shadow. He doesn't deserve to be human any more than you do! The biggest man-ho ever! Casanova. Such a damn WHORE! You're pathetic! You're obsessed! You're selfish and jealous and insane! You _want_ to interfere! You can't _do_ that!"   
"_Oniisama_! _Oniisama_!" Nanami's whining voice joined them. "I won't let someone like you have my brother!"   
If she could only reach him it would all be okay. But she couldn't move. She couldn't defend herself, she couldn't get away. Her voice refused to form his name.   
"I think we'll have to show you," grinned the imps.   
Yumi screamed herself awake.   
This startled Kozue out of sleep as well. "Whoa, what the hell! What!? Oh, did you have a nightmare?"   
"What, what's going on?" Yumi was shaking. "Where are they? They were—all attacking me—"   
"It was just a dream, dummy," Kozue mumbled against her pillow. "It _wasn't real_. Were you born yesterday or what?"   
"Well, sort of."   
"Whaaaat... Go back to sleep."   
"It was scary."   
_If she makes _oniichan_ come in to comfort her, I'll throw her out the window,_ Kozue thought drowsily. "Think of something happy."   
Yumi began to think of Touga, but that reminded her of the nightmare, so she thought of tea. The warm earthy smell of green tea. She hoped that Kozue wasn't mad at her, but the other girl was already breathing deeply.   
_Okay, it wasn't real at all. I had my first dream, didn't I? While I slept! That means I'm human._ With this happy thought, Yumi easily fell back into slumber.   
  
She seemed fine; giving her over to the hospital would probably do more harm than good, Miki had decided. But no one knew who she was, so he had taken the strange girl (who appeared to admire everything on the way, from buildings to butterflies) to the administration this morning. That was a waste of time; they knew even less than he did. But Yumi insisted that she had nowhere to go and wanted to stay at Ohtori—that was odd, considering what had befallen her here. Miki made no mention of that to the administration, who were already being no help, and had her enrolled. As an all- powerful Student Council member, he could do that, and not even worry about the tuition fees: the Student Council had an absolutely ridiculous budget.   
For convenience he'd given her a fake surname—_Maigo_, lost child. Because they still had no clues as to who she really was or how she came to Ohtori. She had no answers about her past, so Miki gave up on the interrogations for the time being. On a different note, Juri's old uniform was actually a pretty bad fit, so he asked Kozue to take her shopping after classes. The store that carried the school uniforms was downtown.   
Kozue had offered to take her around the school because she needed a female companion to help her out. (In actuality Kozue just didn't want Yumi too far under her brother's wing, but Miki seldom guessed at his sister's ulterior motives.) Miki agreed that it was probably healthy for her not to be left brooding alone all day. Now Miki thought the girl looked high school age, but since they had no idea what previous education she'd had, maybe it was better that she started out in the middle school. So, trusting in Kozue's heretofore unknown compassionate side, he left Yumi in the care of his sister.   
Now, in the dining hall, he saw Yumi thoroughly enjoying herself at the buffet. Kozue had saved a chair at a table within sight. Looked like things were going well for her. Maybe she would never remember what had happened. But he knew, and he had to figure out whether or not to bring it up at the Student Council meeting today.   
Kozue had just finished telling her friends all about the weird chick. The first to offer an explanation was Chiharu.   
"It's completely obvious, Kozue- chan! Practically all the signs are there—"   
"Signs of what, schizophrenia?" said sullen Motoko.   
"Nooo!" Chiharu slapped her forehead. "Duh, she was _abducted by aliens_!"   
The rest of the lunch table cracked up. "All you ever talk about is aliens, I think _you_ must be the only abductee around here!" laughed Rini.   
Chiharu shrugged. "Could be."   
Yumi put her heavily laden tray down then. "Hello!" she said with a genuine grin. Once out in public, she had proved to have an outgoing, cheerful, rather childlike personality. Except when she had seen Touga walk by, Kozue had noticed a complete switch; she at once became a lovesick moon-eyed thing like Juliet on the balcony. It was pretty intense, intense enough to stir pity. If Kozue had any doubt that Yumi loved Touga and not Miki, that was wiped out. So Kozue kept her word to not tell anyone, and instead stuck to the story that Miki had told her. He hadn't asked her to keep it a secret.   
"There you are." Kozue introduced her friends. Then she told them that she was taking Yumi shopping this afternoon, and they happily discussed what fashions might suit her. Yumi didn't notice the subtle stares she was getting, so nobody brought up the funny-looking ears.   
By the time Kozue and Yumi left to go shopping, news of the naked girl Miki found in the piano room had spread through the student body like a brush fire.   
  
"I still don't get it," sighed Juri. "How _did_ you manage to beat Tenjou Utena?"   
Touga laughed gallantly. "Easy. She didn't want to fight her prince."   
"Frankly, I didn't think you would convince her."   
"People always believe what they want to."   
"Not always."   
Miki was still quiet, still staring at him with something between scorn and wariness, as he had been since the meeting began. "You're awfully quiet, Mickey. Why are you looking at me like that?" Touga had a good idea that it was because he had Anthy now, but he loved to tease the younger boy about his little crush.   
Miki didn't answer.   
"He found a naked unconscious girl in the music room last night," Juri supplied, with that cynical not-like-I-give-a-damn way she had of delivering crucial information. "He thinks you raped her." She opened her eyes and turned her head slyly to observe Touga's reaction.   
He did have quite a reaction. He jerked back, paled, gasped, and stuttered for probably the first time in his life. "W-what? I would—never—do that."   
_Bip!_ went the stopwatch at 6:37.81. "Is that so?" shouted Miki, who took the violence of Touga's reaction for evidence of guilt, and was incensed by his denial. "Here you were telling Saionji-sempai how wrongly he was treating the Rose Bride, and you go and do this? You don't deserve to be the Student Council President! What terrible things are _you_ doing to Himemiya- san?" Anthy, of course, was standing demurely and cluelessly beside Touga during all this.   
"What's it got to do with Himemiya?" said Juri. Silly Miki had to drag his _kagayaku mono_ into everything.   
"I did not rape anyone!" Touga's voice trembled. Then suddenly he regained composure as though he had never shown any emotion at all. "Mickey, I'm hurt. Do you honestly think I would sink that low? I'm chivalrous, remember?"   
The blue-haired pianist was not convinced.   
"One would think," Juri remarked dryly, "that you're too busy with all the consensual stuff to even bother." Touga smirked and pretended not to hear, as he always did to remarks about his rampant philandering.   
"Touga-sama wasn't in the music room at all yesterday," Anthy spoke up unexpectedly into the silence. "He won the duel, and then he was with me."   
Miki stared at Anthy for a moment, taking in her words, then resumed his glaring at Touga. "Then why did she say it was you!?" he cried. Never mind about Kiryuu and Himemiya. Never mind that...   
"Who said what was me?" Touga's voice now was faintly amused.   
"The girl said you were the one who left her like that," Miki said through clenched teeth.   
"Wishful thinking, I guess."   
"Wishful thinking?!"   
"Or else she's trying to create a scandal. Some people will do anything for attention."   
"She tried to drown herself last night!"   
"As I said, anything for attention."   
"Did she really try to drown herself?" said Juri. "I saw her hanging out with Kozue today, and she looked quite cheerful for the victim of such an awful crime. My guess is that she's a little off mentally."   
"Why wouldn't she be!?" Miki countered. "She wiped her memory blank. She wasn't even a student here, Kiryuu- sempai, where did you find her?"   
"Find who?" Touga laughed incredulously. "I haven't the faintest idea who you're talking about!"   
"It's a tall skinny girl with short aquamarine hair, and her name is Yumi," Juri informed him. "If you even remember names."   
"Doesn't ring a bell. Besides, as the Rose Bride said, I was never in the music room yesterday. I think you must have the story confused, Mickey."   
"I haven't confused anything," snapped Miki. "She said that you did it." The dark scene replayed itself in his mind. _"Did Touga do this to you?" "Yes...that's right. It was Touga-sama."_   
"Did what?"   
Miki opened his mouth to retort, then stopped. His eyes went unfocused as he realized that she had never actually said _what_ Touga did, and he had never asked her. Well, _"this"_ meant whatever it was that had left her naked and shivering on the floor! He said so coldly. "Whatever it was that left her like that! What else would it be?"   
"Well, someone is lying to you," Touga replied evenly. "And it isn't me. You're a smart boy, Mickey; I'm sure you'll get to the truth."   
Juri yawned. Like most of Ohtori, she seriously doubted that Touga had bothered to rape anyone. "Enough bickering already. Can't we talk about something else?"   
The meeting returned to the usual idle speculations about End Of The World, and Miki resumed his suspicious glowering at the Student Council President. Wait a minute—how did Juri know about the entire situation? He had only told her the part about the girl needing clothes, not how he thought she'd gotten there...   
  
**_CRACK!_ **   
It happens all the time at Ohtori Academy. You're just walking along, minding your own damn business, when all of a sudden, someone comes up and bitch-slaps you upside the head. Then they start ranting at you about some situation in which you had minimal involvement.   
Usually you'll fall to the ground, but that has more to do with the element of surprise than the force of the blow. Whether or not you get up again and fight back, that's up to you, though sometimes it depends on the determining factor in your personality, introverted or extroverted.   
But two days after you show up at the school is pretty early to get bitch-slapped. And right there in the dining hall, too? You must have done something pretty serious to get that sort of treatment.   
Yumi was so startled, she fell over backward and took a chair with her. She had no idea of the rumors that were circulating, so she didn't really understand the ranting directed at her...   
"What do you think you're doing, trying to ruin my Big Brother's reputation! Don't you know what a noble person he is? He would never do something like that to anyone—much less even _look_ at a weird girl like you!"   
That voice, that awful whining voice...high-and-mighty blonde arrogance... When Yumi saw who it was, she refused to take it down on her butt. "You, you damn whore, how dare you hit me!" She stood up and, jumping forward for momentum, shoved Nanami over into a table. Her minions gasped; so did Kozue and her friends. What kind of girl gave the Student Council President's sister her due?   
"FIGHT!" somebody shouted, and a chanting crowd quickly materialized.   
"As if I could harm your brother's reputation any more than you do!" Yumi shouted, her face contorted with fury. Kozue was amused. She had thought that Yumi's nature was to always be unnaturally cheerful. But every day it became more apparent that her true emotions emerged wherever Touga was concerned.   
"Why you _bitch_!" Nanami had found a glass of water to splash Yumi.   
They stood looking at each other with utter disgust and hatred for a split second, then clashed in a good old-fashioned catfight. The crowd went wild. Nanami's minions cheered for her; Kozue and Nanami's anti-fans cheered for Yumi.   
They both had an equal will to fight, so it looked like it might be close, but it didn't last long. Touga appeared and called in his scolding voice, "Nanami!" The fight immediately broke up, and the crowd, groaning in disappointment, parted for the Student Council President.   
"_Oniisama!_ That totally uncivilized girl just attacked me!"   
They had both released each other at the first sound of his voice. Yumi got one look at Touga, gasped, pushed through the crowd and raced off. She didn't want him to see her like this. She didn't want him to meet her in the middle of a fight. Especially not with Nanami. No, that wouldn't do at all.   
Damn. Why did he have to show up then? She could have done so much to bust that stupid brat's ego.   
What was that even about, anyway? She hadn't done anything to (or with) Touga-sama; he didn't even know her name yet. This was very confusing.   
Her face had dried off with the wind of her running, but her shirt was still wet. And she hadn't gotten to eat lunch. She was very hungry. Maybe she could find someone willing to share a lunchbox. It was a nice day; there must be people having picnics. But she must be a sight, bruised and scratched with a soaking shirt.   
Well Nanami was no better looking. Yumi had done serious injury to the brat's hairstyle and her nails probably still had bits of skin under them. There hadn't been time to get a good look at the spectacle she'd created, but she smiled at the idea of Nanami greeting _oniisama_ with chunks of her face missing. Then her smile disappeared. Nanami was probably making her brother comfort her, in public. _Hmph, that probably won't be the last time we meet, and next time I'll finish the job,_ Yumi told herself. _She fights mean but I can fight meaner._   
She heard quick footsteps and panting behind her. Miki had caught up. "Yumi-san!"   
"Go away. I'm fine," she said without turning around. She actually would prefer that no one see her like this.   
"Are you sure?"   
"Yes. Please don't worry about me, Kaoru-sempai." Never mind lunch. She had to find a bathroom and get cleaned up before class.   
She walked off, leaving Miki to catch his breath. He berated himself for not having warned Yumi about Nanami. Everyone knew that Nanami had the worst big brother complex. He should have talked to Nanami about... No, he couldn't have stopped Nanami. But he might have warned Yumi to avoid her.   
And yet, Yumi had acted like she already knew Nanami. More than that. Yumi definitely had a genuine loathing for Touga's obsessive sister. _"As if I could harm your brother's reputation any more than you do!"_ Although Yumi had only been here for two days, there was a clear rivalry. It didn't make sense.   
_"Wishful thinking?"_ Touga had suggested. _"Someone is lying to you. And it isn't me."_   
The thought entered Miki's mind for the first time that perhaps Yumi was the one at fault. Had she really gone through all that for attention? No, that couldn't be right—her confusion had been real. But there was definitely something he was missing. Miki sighed, realizing he would have to talk to the girl and force her to confront whatever had happened to her in the piano room. No, Kozue should do it instead; they seemed to be friends already.   
  
Fighting Nanami made Yumi even more of a celebrity than the rumors which Kozue had allowed to circulate, because people had actually seen it. Few dared to stand up to Nanami, and the very act of doing so immediately earned her both friends and enemies. She received several praises and threats from random people just on the way to class. News certainly travelled quickly at Ohtori.   
Knowing Yumi hadn't gotten to eat, Kozue was thoughtful enough to sneak her a few _onigiri_, along with a note. _Good for you! Too bad you didn't get to finish her off. But why did you run away like that? Have you even met Touga yet?   
Thank you so much for the _onigiri_!_ Yumi wrote back. She had learned the _kana_ writing in a matter of hours and kept picking up _kanji_ more skillfully than she did food with chopsticks. _No, I haven't met him yet. I didn't want him to see me all messed up like that._   
_Really?_ Kozue returned. _But I'm sure he wouldn't have minded seeing you with your shirt soaking wet._   
Yumi blushed and stuffed her mouth full to keep from giggling in the middle of class. _Kozue-chan is _ETCHI_!_ she wrote.   
_What, like your prince isn't?   
You heard Nanami. Don't you know what a noble person he is?_   
Now Kozue had to restrain her laughter. _Anyway, do you want to go shopping again tonight? My brother said he's found you a dorm, so you'll want your own stuff.   
Yes, I would like to. I want lots of music like yours._ Kozue had made Yumi a fan of J-pop in no time at all.   
The teacher called on Kozue then, and note-passing time ended.   
When class ended, however, Kozue had an idea firmly in mind. "I know, Yumi-chan!"   
"What, what?"   
"You have to send him a love letter!"   
Yumi's eagerness for Kozue's great idea dissipated. "But Kozue-chan, he must get hundreds of love letters. There's no way he would read it."   
Kozue's expression was sly. "He might if you hand-deliver it!"   
"Oh, no, I couldn't."   
"Sure you could! I mean you wouldn't even introduce yourself, you'd just hand it to him and run away. Then he'd have to read it to see what you were all about."   
"Wouldn't it be obvious?"   
"He'd still have to read it. He's not like Saionji who just throws them out."   
Unbidden, from somewhere forgotten, came images of violent Saionji slapping the tiny purple-haired girl to the ground, Touga showing up and holding back his raised hand. "True, he's not like Saionji." Images of Saionji and Touga tangled in the moonlight.   
"Why are you blushing like that, huh? Are you thinking about what you're going to write?" Kozue grinned.   
"No... I don't know what to write."   
"It's a love letter, silly, you write whatever's in your heart. Well, you don't have to write it now; I'll help you out later if you want. You could get some pretty stationery tonight and maybe a candy or something too..."   
"How would I get to him anyway, to hand-deliver it? He's always surrounded by all those giggly people."   
"Oh, don't be silly, you just walk through them like they aren't there. But if you're that self-conscious there's bound to be a time you can catch him alone."   
"He's never alone."   
"For crying out loud, Yumi-chan, do you want the guy or not? You can't just wait for him to make a move, he doesn't even know who you are. You have to get his attention first!" Kozue almost mentioned that she had firsthand experience on how to be seduced by Touga, but thought better of it. After seeing Nanami nearly get mauled, she had no desire for firsthand experience on how to deal with Yumi's rivalry.   
"Yeah, I guess." So she would write a love letter. Write? Write what was in her heart? She had no words. But she tried to think of some all through the rest of the school day.   
By the time classes ended, she had bits and phrases scattered through her notebooks, but it would take work to put them together. Nothing sounded good. The words looked pretty on paper but they didn't mean anything. Maybe that was the point of a love letter, to look pretty. But in that case she should have a calligrapher do the physical writing of it. Maybe she could find one when they went shopping tonight.   
After school Kozue found a note in her locker. There certainly was a lot of written communication going on.   
_Kozue, please talk to Yumi-san and try to find out what really happened to her the other night. We need to know the truth, and she seems more comfortable with you.   
Your brother.   
By the way, spreading rumors is really rude._   
Kozue frowned. Rude! People had a right to know what was going on.   
"What is it?" asked Yumi, her normal cheerful and curious self. Kozue's friends were just as curious.   
Kozue's hand clenched and crumpled the paper. "Just a mean note. They don't know where your locker is, so they're threatening me."   
"They who?" said Motoko.   
"Nanami's stupid fans."   
"Oh. What does it say?" Yumi still wanted to know.   
"It's just stupid and mean. Don't worry about it. They're so wimpy they won't even tell us in person, much less do anything." Kozue stuffed the wadded note in her bag as they went downstairs, for the lobby's majesty was not marred by trash bins.   
"They have every right to be wimpy. I would've pounded that bitch whore's face in." Yumi belligerently stuck her chin out.   
The other girls nearly fell over laughing.   
"What's so funny?"   
"One just doesn't expect that from you," giggled Rini.   
"You're so lighthearted," Chiharu added. "Except when..."   
She trailed off, for no one was listening; Touga was passing by and everyone had to fall silent and drool, even though he was surrounded by groupies as usual.   
Yumi made a tiny sound between a sigh and a whimper. Kozue and Motoko looked at her: the expression on her face was heartwrenching. Thoroughly confused, Motoko then glanced toward Kozue.   
Kozue shrugged, pretending to be just as confused. She wouldn't tell anyone, but she couldn't help it if they figured it out for themselves. If Yumi didn't want anyone else to know she should try not to make it so painfully obvious.   
So Miki wanted the truth about Yumi? He'd better not be taking to her... well, Yumi was getting her own damn place, and as soon as she got involved with Touga there wouldn't be any question of Miki going after Yumi. Anyway, he was partial to that idiot whore Himemiya, for reasons beyond Kozue's comprehension. So why should she help him find out anything? Well, the note said "we" and he probably meant the Student Council, so it wasn't necessarily his own desire to know; but she had no reason to help the Student Council either. Of course, solving Yumi's mystery might help with the match making a little. She might just find out for herself. Whether she would tell Miki was still up in the air. But who was to say that Yumi would tell, or that she even knew?   
  
Before leaving, they had taken all Yumi's clothes that they had bought the night before over to her new dorm. Kozue had just helped her pick out a stereo and various appliances to be shipped there. Now Yumi was having enormous fun in the media store, as Kozue helped her select novels and music.   
They were giggling at romance novels when Yumi's eyes lost focus; she was paying attention instead to the song playing at an ambient volume level.   
Her expression became solemn. The song was so beautifully sad, full of emotion like nothing she'd ever heard...   
"This song... What is it?" she said softly as it ended.   
"Oh, this is 'Surreal' by Hamasaki Ayumi," replied Kozue. "She's not really one of my favorites but if that's the kind of sound you like let's go over here..." Having finished with cheesy books, they proceeded to stock up Yumi with Ayu CDs and assorted J-pop.   
On the way out of the store she was singing that song quietly but with vigor. _"...I can't tell anyone, I want to tell someone, that person is more important to me than anyone else..."_   
"Hey, you have a nice voice," Kozue exclaimed. "I bet you could be a J-pop star!"   
"Really?" Yumi grinned shyly.   
"Oh, yeah. You'd make a great idol singer." It was beginning to get dark; if she was going to interrogate Yumi while they were out, she should do it soon. Maybe it would work best over food. "Do you wanna get a bite to eat?"   
"That sounds good."   
"And then let's get some stationery for your letter. I know this cute café that's next to a gift shop, it's just a couple blocks over."   
"Okay."   
The song had definitely mellowed her out, Kozue thought. It must have struck her as relevant to Touga. Maybe they could use the lyrics in the love letter.   
They had a light dinner, soup and salad and dessert. Over tiramisu Kozue began by asking Yumi what had struck her so about the song.   
"The song? I don't know...it was just...the sound had such emotion to it. Like she was really feeling something deeply."   
"Did it make you think of Touga?"   
Yumi blinked and her fork paused on its way to her mouth. "Huh?"   
"Well whenever he goes by your heart is written all over your face. You had a little bit of that same look when you heard the song."   
"What do you mean, my heart written all over my face?"   
"Just what I said. You have this totally lovelorn expression and... Well, if you want to keep it a secret you should work a little harder."   
Yumi stared sadly at her plate. "Nobody cares anyway."   
"You're probably right. That fool Nanami's already your mortal enemy." Kozue hesitated before adding carefully, "But it was weird how you acted like you already knew her. Had you met her before? My brother said you didn't go to this school."   
"Well..." Yumi looked confused. "I did know her...somehow..."   
"And the same thing with Touga. How could you have been in love with him if you'd just got here, like you said the other night?"   
"Umm..." Every day it became harder to remember what had come before. Before she'd awoken in the piano room. But that was how she knew...   
"Nothing you say about that night ever makes sense, Yumi. Can you tell me the truth about what happened?"   
She could hardly remember but when she concentrated, it came back in a rush. "It doesn't make sense...because...I can't explain it..."   
"What? You mean something supernatural?" _This damn school gets weirder all the time,_ Kozue thought. "You know, Chiharu thinks you were abducted by aliens. Was it really something like that?"   
"I can tell you, but it won't make sense. Or you won't believe me." Even with all the weird shit at Ohtori, humans were still generally skeptical beings. She was no longer sure herself if it was true; it felt like she had always been human, though she still remembered otherwise. Fragments of images, easily dismissed as dreams—but she had no memories of human life before then, so she knew they were real.   
"Did it have anything to do with the Student Council? People say they're up to a lot of weird stuff, but nobody knows what..."   
"No, it had nothing to do with the Student Council. It's just...going to sound very strange to you." If Kozue really wanted to know, she could try to tell her.   
"Come on, what school do I go to? Not much can sound strange to us, let me tell you." _Whatever it is, it can't be less believable than what _oniichan_ thinks._ She had to suppress laughter again at the thought of that silly conjecture.   
"Okay, I can tell you."   
"Well shoot already."   
Yumi took a deep breath. "In the piano room that night, I became a human. Before that I was not human. I was something else."   
Kozue gave her the most confused look she had ever given anything in her life.   
"I told you it wouldn't make sense."   
"Will you just tell the truth? Don't make up weird stories."   
"I am telling the truth, Kozue- chan."   
Kozue stared at Yumi for almost a minute. There was no reason to think that she was lying, except that what she'd said made no goddamn sense at all. Which was what she had kept saying all along.   
"Well, if that's so," Kozue said finally, "what were you before?"   
"Something that...I don't have a name for. There were more than just me... I can almost remember why we came here...but people couldn't see us or hear us. There are many, many unseen ones at Ohtori, but just a few like me—like I was. But I wasn't like them because..."   
"Huh? Ohtori is haunted? That shouldn't surprise anyone."   
"No, I don't think that's it. There are just different kinds of beings...that humans can't see or hear or feel."   
"So you were one of them, but you became human." Kozue retained a healthy amount of skepticism.   
"Yes. The unseen ones don't have souls. That's why they watch humans; beings with souls are unspeakably fascinating to those without. But I think I must have one now, because I can't turn back into what I was before."   
"You were watching us?"   
"Yes."   
"So that's how you know Touga and—you fell in love with him before you were human?"   
"Yes—I think that's how I became human."   
"What?"   
"When I knew that I love him, I became human."   
"Ooooookay... What—then why in the piano room? You said he was never in there."   
She flinched visibly as at a painful memory. "That was where I knew."   
Kozue finished her dessert and sighed. "Okay. Tell me if I have this right. Before the other night, you were a being with no soul that humans could neither see, hear nor feel. You were with others like you at Ohtori watching us. But then you were in the piano room one night and you realized that you were in love with him, so you became a human being with a soul."   
"That's right. That's all I can tell you."   
"Well. I didn't think it was possible, but you've managed to tell me a weirder story than what's already going around."   
"Huh? What's going around?"   
Kozue didn't hear her. She was staring at Yumi, searching for proof of this bizarre story. The part about love transforming, that was believable, coming from this lovesick kid. But seriously...? Wait—there were the ears. They gave just the right subliminal hint of something beyond human, supernatural, magical even. "It is true! It must be why you look so elfin. You were like...a fairy!"   
"Elfin?"   
"Well your ears are kind of pointy... it makes you look a bit unnatural. You don't have magical powers, do you?"   
"Um, not that I know of. What's this story that's going around?"   
If Kozue could avoid telling her that, she would. "Oh, it's just stupid conclusions that people jump to..."   
"Like what? Hey, it must be what made Nanami so pissed off at me! She said something like..." Yumi imitated Nanami's whiny, snobbish voice. "'Are you trying to ruin my Big Brother's reputation?' But what made her think that?"   
"Well..."   
"Tell me! What are they saying about me?!"   
"People think you were already with Touga."   
"But that makes no sense! He doesn't even know me! Why do they think that?"   
Kozue shrugged.   
"You do too know! I can tell! What the hell is going on?"   
Her fear was that Yumi would fail to see the humor in the situation, but, finding herself cornered, Kozue tried to present it in that light anyway. Still, she didn't have to fake a giggle when explaining what Miki had told her. "It's actually pretty funny. See, my brother really has the story confused."   
"And?"   
"Well, _he_ doesn't know you're in love with Touga, because when he found you in the piano room, he thought Touga..." It was so stupid. Again Kozue struggled to contain a laughing fit.   
Yumi, however, was taking this totally seriously. "He thought Touga WHAT?"   
"He thought Touga, who has the entire student body and most of the faculty at his lascivious beck and call, went and raped you."   
The look on the innocent elfin face was priceless. Kozue couldn't help collapsing into laughter.   
The fork fell from her hand with a loud clink and Yumi made a sharp, horrified gasp. _"That is not funny!"_   
At the hurt clear in her voice, Kozue stopped laughing. "I'm sorry. But don't you think—"   
"No! Who's saying that? No wonder Nanami— I don't want people to think that!"   
"Ssh." Indeed she had failed to see the humor, and now Kozue had to calm her down. "Nobody really believes it, it's so dumb. Because everyone knows Touga has no need to do that!"   
"But nobody will believe the truth either! What do I do?" Yumi was near tears. "We have to go tell Kaoru-sempai right now! He thinks that? How could he think that?!"   
"It's okay, Yumi. These things take care of themselves. If you deny a rumor, you just give credit to it, so it's best to pretend they aren't out there. And that's one of the stupidest rumors to go around in a while. It's not even a rumor, it's more like a joke, it's so dumb."   
"But Kaoru-sempai still thinks it's true!?"   
"We'll fix that soon. Don't worry, he's not one of those people who won't admit when he's wrong. I'm sure he'll be glad to find out it isn't true."   
"He'll want to know what really happened, and he won't believe that."   
Kozue paused. Nobody would fully believe it. "It is a hard thing to believe," she said slowly, "but no reason for being asleep naked on the floor of the piano room would totally make sense. Truth is stranger than fiction."   
"I guess." Although she had eased somewhat, Yumi's eyebrows were still knotted. She couldn't finish her dessert.   
"Anyway," Kozue brightly changed the subject, "that isn't your most important task. How about the love letter?"   
"Why are you sure that's such a great idea?" Yumi pouted.   
"It's a way to introduce yourself. Come on, what have you got to lose with it?"   
"He might think it's stupid. It'll sound stupid no matter what I write."   
"No it won't, and the words hardly matter anyway. It's the point of it that counts."   
"Are you sure?"   
"Of course! Come on, let's get some stationery before the gift shop closes."   
"Well... Oh, I was thinking maybe I should get a calligrapher to write it, so it really looks nice."   
"You write fine! Your handwriting's cute." This was a fact: Yumi's writing had a childlike tone because she used mostly _hiragana_. Like her (usually) cheerful attitude, it had a naive charm. "Even if you don't think the words sound any good, it's more sincere if you write it yourself."   
"Yeah, I guess... Okay, let's go."   
  
"Do you want me to explain it for you?" Kozue offered after they brought the purchases back to Yumi's dorm. "I mean, if you don't want him to know about your thing for Touga I can make something else up..."   
"I don't care who knows!" said Yumi vehemently. "If he thinks such an awful thing..."   
"See, you're too upset. Just let me tell him." Kozue really didn't want to have to bring Yumi back to Miki because (a) she'd rather talk to him alone, and (b) she didn't trust Yumi not to beat the crap out of him for getting the story so confused.   
"You're right," Yumi sighed. "I'd just yell at him, wouldn't I? He's been so nice and it's not his fault he misunderstood."   
Kozue smiled, to herself really, but she made her smile compassionate for Yumi. "Don't worry about it. I'll clear it up with my brother and no one's even talking about that stupid rumor any more." Never mind that she'd spread it in the first place, but hey, she had amended that part with "and Miki thinks." People just tended to drop that sort of disclaimer when gossiping.   
"Okay. Thanks." Yumi was staring at the leaf of elegant stationery in her hand. It had taken her over half an hour to pick something that almost came close to suiting him.   
"Not a problem. Now! Let's see what you've got so far." Yumi had told her how she'd spent the latter part of the school day jotting down near nonsensical phrases.   
They went through her notebooks, and within the hour Kozue was praising Yumi's poetic ability as Yumi herself tried to muster some sense of self-esteem over the creation.   
It was only after Kozue left that Yumi added a slight modification, then sealed it and attached the carefully selected and wrapped chocolate truffle. 


	2. hamasaki ayumi : surreal

  
  
He was used to this by now—sleep eluding him, his mind in turmoil. Again he went over the real story, or at least the version told to him by Kozue, and placed it against what he had seen and heard himself.   
Miki had no idea how his sister had altered the truth for the sake of credibility, though she didn't have to alter it much. "She really doesn't know how she got there. My impression is she's a bit off in the head..."   
"You mean she's insane?"   
"Yeah, but she's got a good reason."   
"A reason?"   
"Oh yes. The result doesn't make sense but the cause does. She wasn't with Kiryuu-sempai at all, she hasn't been, by her own choice or otherwise. But she's madly in love with him."   
He'd caught his breath and stared. It made terrible sense and he'd completely missed it. How could he have been so oblivious? "She is? But why..."   
"Right, why asleep like that in the music room. Well, don't you think if a girl loved him, really, passionately, truly loved a playboy like the Student Council President, don't you think it would drive her out of her mind? So that she'd do weird things like wander around with no clothes and fall asleep in random places? From what she said that's what I think really happened."   
"She said she was in love with him?"   
"She didn't even have to admit to it. You can tell every time he walks by in her sight. It's so intense, it obviously has thrown off her mental balance. I hope she gets over it soon."   
"Oh, that poor girl." How awful it must be to love someone whose cold heart you could never touch. He'd had the story so completely wrong... But it still left Touga as the villain.   
And there was still something that didn't add up. "But then how did she know these people—how could she know Kiryuu- sempai, and his sister, and what was she doing here in the first place? Kozue-chan, she wasn't a student here. The administration had no better idea who she is than we had. Nobody knows where she comes from and nobody had seen her before. It's like...she didn't even exist before that night."   
"It must be that she knew him from long ago and finally found him again. Hers is the kind of love that makes people do that—leave everything they have behind in search of that person. The truth is really much more romantic than we'd supposed, isn't it?" Kozue had smiled wistfully.   
Miki was shocked that she saw it in such a light. "No, it's just as terrible! It's eating her up from inside. What kind of love is it that drives a person insane? The kind that kills a person. Like Ophelia..."   
"Ophelia?"   
"You haven't studied _Hamlet_ yet? Ophelia was a girl who was so in love, she went insane and ended up drowning herself."   
"Oh! That really is creepy... But aren't all the Shakespeare girls like that? Yumi does remind me of Juliet when she stares at him... _Oniichan_, you manage to make things so dismal."   
"It's a terribly sad story," he'd said, still thinking of _Hamlet_.   
"Aren't they all."   
"Kozue-chan, she's killing herself! Can't you help her?"   
"Do you think I can change what's in other people's hearts? Didn't you hear about her fight with Nanami? That's what happens when people question her feelings. She won't take it. Just let her be herself...even if she is Ophelia or Juliet."   
He knew Kozue was right but it didn't _feel_ right. It was too sad. Must the girl appear at Ohtori Academy only to disappear just as quickly, another victim of Kiryuu's heartbreaking ways? Having found one she loved against unknown odds of space and time, was she destined to lose herself? Such tragedies weren't supposed to actually happen. "It isn't fair. It's just...too sad."   
"_C'est la vie._ But I'm not worried, _oniichan_, I think she's stronger than we know."   
"I hope you're right..."   
"By the way, she was really upset that you thought Kiryuu-sempai had done that to her."   
"Oh, no! I'm so terrible for thinking that..." Miki was awash with shame. "I'll have to apologize..."   
"No, I think it would be better not to bring it up."   
"Oh—I guess so." He couldn't face her now anyway; he had no right to the secrets of her heart. And he had no right to judge them either. "Well, thank you for telling me."   
"When she heard that you misunderstood, she wanted you to know the truth."   
"She must have."   
There the conversation had ended, and perhaps they both lay awake for a time after. Both had nothing more to say but plenty to think. And Miki's thoughts were full of remorse, as he went over and over what was said, trying to make sense of it.   
Yes, her appearance had been bizarre, because ill-starred love was driving her mad.   
Yes, this was the reason she said Touga- sama had done something unspecified to her. In actuality he hadn't done anything besides hijack her heart.   
And this was the reason she acted so happy to see the world, because she was not an assault victim, she was a girl in love and she had found that person. But, having found him as he was, would she lose her mind?   
Kozue must be right about Yumi's strength. He recalled her straightening her shoulders with her back facing him. _"Please don't worry about me, Kaoru-sempai."_   
But one last discrepancy remained: still it didn't explain Touga's violent reaction to his suspicion. It was the first (and probably the last) time any of them had seen Kiryuu lose his suave composure. Did he actually know Yumi from the past? No—that reaction had come before Juri provided Yumi's description. It was something else, probably something that had nothing to do with Yumi. Maybe Kiryuu was just as upset that someone would think that of him...   
In the darkness Miki cringed inwardly. He would rather apologize to Yumi, but he really must apologize to Kiryuu.   
More rumors came the next day. Actually, it wasn't gossip, it was news, because people had actually seen it. After going AWOL for hell knew what reason, Tenjou Utena was back.   
In girl's clothes!   
"Oh. Where did she go?" said Yumi noncommittally. She half-remembered saying once that she didn't care about Utena. Best to keep to her word.   
"Whaaat? Don't you know about Tenjou Utena?" Rini chattered. "She's like a rebel. She wears this boy's uniform, it's her trademark. Why is she wearing girl's clothes now? And usually she's so cheerful, but I heard she's acting all sad and withdrawn, it's really strange. Himemiya isn't following her around today, I wonder..."   
"If she intrigues you so, why aren't _you_ following her around?" drawled Motoko.   
Rini grinned. "Because Yumi- chan is more intriguing!"   
"I doubt he would agree. Everyone knows he's got a huge crush on her." Bitterness had cracked through Yumi's cool exterior. Frustrated with herself, she shifted nervously.   
"Touga has a huge crush on anything that walks," Chiharu giggled. "Utena just won't give in."   
"Probably because she wants to keep the skin on her face," said Kozue, glancing sidelong at Yumi's valiant attempt not to scowl.   
Yumi facetiously cracked her knuckles.   
"Man, you'd think Nanami was enough. Now no one's _ever_ going to get near him," said Motoko.   
"What—How dare you compare me to that clinging egomaniacal whinyass bitch!"   
"There just ain't room in this here town for the two of 'em," said Chiharu, imitating a Western movie. Motoko nodded solemnly and mimed spitting a tobacco product, and the two of them cracked up.   
"How do you know he's coming by here, anyway?" said Yumi plaintively. "It's been almost fifteen minutes and we don't even have much time until class starts..."   
"It's barely been five minutes. You have no sense of time. Besides, his route through school is common knowledge," Kozue replied. "See the crowd?"   
Yumi shied. "Why does it have to be in a _crowd_?"   
"Well, there isn't much of a crowd today. Everyone's gone to see Tenjou in a girl's uniform."   
"Including him," Yumi mumbled.   
"Oh, that's—" Kozue suddenly spotted Nanami among the thin crowd. That one would need diverting. She nudged Motoko.   
Motoko understood clearly. "Excuse me a minute."   
"Huh?" Yumi looked at the empty space where Motoko had been standing.   
"Nanami-sama, you're so smart, could you look over my homework please?" begged Motoko, who had always been secretly self-congratulatory on her acting abilities. "I'm so sorry to bother you, but I'm really bad at this sort of thing..."   
Nanami quirked an eyebrow. This was silly; _oniisama_ would be here soon.   
"Please? It won't take much time. I think you're the only one who can help." It was hard to keep from pointing and laughing at the makeup-covered scratches still visible on Nanami's face.   
Nanami stifled a sigh and smiled graciously instead. She had a reputation as a good-natured model student to maintain. "Of course, I'd be glad to."   
Ah! There was _oniisama_ now. Perfect timing: she had a random act of kindness to brag about. "Good morning, _oniisama_!" she shrilled.   
The groupies backed off like startled vultures; Yumi cringed and looked for a wall to bang her head against. Finding none, she made a nauseated groan. But the sound of his voice, even if it was greeting Nanami, was balm over her anxiety.   
"_Oniisama!_ I'm going to help another student with her homework. But I'll see you later, right!"   
"Isn't that considerate of you." He gave Nanami an ingratiating smile.   
Nanami beamed as she led Motoko to the library. There was always a point to being kind if _oniisama_ praised her for it.   
Yumi didn't see Motoko's comical wink and thumbs up. She saw nothing else in the world...   
"Oh, wherefore art thou Romeo?" Chiharu dreamily quoted in English.   
"Yeah, seriously. Come on, Yumi, _now!_" Before the groupies could regroup, Kozue shoved her forward into his path, then retreated into the shadows with Chiharu and Rini.   
Touga then glanced at Yumi, who was severely afflicted with deer-in-the-headlights syndrome. Kozue smacked her own forehead. Poor Yumi was going to embarrass herself.   
When she looked at him everything else in the world, including herself, disappeared. She was a vague abstraction; her consciousness became so entirely focused on him that it forgot its own existence. Even as her skin craved his, she wasn't really aware of it, as that was part of herself. Everything that he was filled every part of her awareness, and everything that she was got crowded out.   
But this was a strange new duplicity. His eyes had fallen on her for a moment; he was now aware of her. Her consciousness was so filled with _him_ that when he was aware of her, even marginally, she couldn't help but know that. Yet at the same moment she wasn't sure or didn't care about her own existence, so his becoming aware of her existence really made no sense at all.   
He wasn't really giving her that much attention. It was a passing glance simply because she had suddenly appeared in front of him. He might have seen her somewhere, but he didn't know who she was. He was about to lose interest, but she looked distressed and his chivalry took over. "Is something wrong?"   
He had spoken to her, gentle words that floated through her mind without any meaning. But she had no words. Then she remembered the thing in her hand. She was supposed to give it to him, and he was supposed to read it, though she'd long since forgotten why.   
She thrust the letter toward him, exclaiming urgently, "Here! Please read this!" After he took it with a little smile of amusement, she bowed quickly and turned to run.   
Obviously another routine confession of undying love. But the back of her head, unruly vivid aqua hair and slim body nervously poised for flight, he knew he'd seen before. He left off opening the letter and caught her arm.   
She gasped. His touch... the shock of it seemed to reverberate through the entire universe with her lower abdomen as the epicenter. Why she tried to pull away, she had no idea, but it didn't work.   
The girls watching from the shadows squealed.   
"You. You're the girl who fought my sister, aren't you?" he said with slow bemusement, almost teasing.   
That was a matter of her pride. Her dignity, her human autonomy. He could take away all her pride with a wave of his hand if he wanted, but not by bringing that up. Even as her knees weakened, even as the shock of soft crimson and hard cobalt made her lungs forget to operate, she turned and looked defiantly into his eyes. "Yeah, so?"   
It was still unclear whether or not he was teasing her. "Well, you've got a lot of guts. Not many people would fight Nanami."   
"She started it."   
He laughed. "I know." The girl was willing to stand up for herself. Not self-righteousness, but something purer, though immature in form. Nobility. It was a rare quality, but Utena shared it—or used to.   
And did she know the reason Nanami had attacked her? Did she know the rumors, did she have any idea what Miki had accused him of?   
She saw something flash behind his eyes, anger or pain, it was too quick to say which. It tore at her with love, unspeakable longing welled up inside her, longing for what? She couldn't even tell really, it was just an emotion that was there, who knew what the end of it was; but she knew there was fury at anything that would hurt him, and she wanted to take everything that ever caused him pain and kill it and stomp it into the ground.   
_Does he think I started those damn rumors?_ she wondered. Overcome with shame at the thought, she wanted to say something to refute it but couldn't find anything.   
She didn't have to say anything. Touga found the girl's heart written all over her face. Clearly she knew of the rumors and she hated them too. And her expression told him better than would the document she'd thrust at him of how pathetically smitten she was. This one would be fun to play with.   
He changed the subject for her. "Are you going to tell me your name?"   
She didn't really hear the question, because as he said it he released her arm with a caress that made undiscovered muscles clench. She had to bite her lip to stifle a whimper; color rushed to her face and her pulse raced; she took a deep slow breath to try and calm herself.   
Mistake. She only succeeded in catching his scent, and from once upon a time she remembered the scent of him being not so physical, yet something sweetly spiced and thoroughly intoxicating; but now the aroma she inhaled was purely of his body, salt and copper and faint aftershave, the corporeal truth of him... And if she touched him now her hand would actually touch him, her skin would meet his, and they both would feel it—as he already had, dragging his fingertips across her so that she knew by primal instinct that the starving moisture beneath her skirt was not some completely unrelated human oddity but a direct result of his touch.   
It really was driving her mad. She was free to run now, and her mind commanded it—she couldn't endure this, he was too carnal and she had how long until classes began... Her feet disobeyed entirely and shifted her toward him instead. If she heard the jealous groupies trash-talking her, it was only through her subconscious and reminded her there that she was being seduced.   
_This is too damned easy_, thought Touga. _I can just walk by and she's wet in the pants. She has a strong will but not over her own body. She doesn't even know it; she can't believe how quickly she's lost control, she didn't even hear me ask her name. Well, I can show her a few things about control. It really will be too much fun teasing her._ He leaned over to whisper in her ear, letting his hair brush against her face. "Maybe you'll want to tell me later. Like at midnight. In the rose garden."   
She couldn't stop herself this time: she whimpered, an affirmative, pleading sound, as if he'd paused during foreplay to ask her if she liked it.   
Too bad they were out in the open lobby or he'd have given her a little physical reassurance as well. Instead he dropped his voice to barely above unadorned breath. "Tonight... I'll make love to you...on a bed of roses."   
"Oh..." she sighed, melting into the floor. He left as smoothly as if she had never interrupted his path at all. Yumi was stuck trying to subdue her own arousal. Groupies shoved her roughly out of the way, but she didn't notice.   
Kozue and her friends emerged when he was safely out of earshot, for they emerged more by sound than appearance: "OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHH!!"   
"Tell us what he said! Ooh, he was whispering to you, what did he say?!?"   
"Did you get asked on a date? Come on, tell!"   
"Oh, look at that blush, she was obviously invited to bed. Right, Yumi-chan?" Kozue nudged her conspiratorially.   
Yumi couldn't even nod. All she knew was midnight rose garden midnight rose garden midnight bed of roses make love Touga-sama Touga-sama Touga-sama Touga-sama... For the rest of the day she was reduced to a blushing Freudian-slip machine.   
Motoko had her own greatly entertaining tale to tell of Nanami being a moron, but Yumi was obviously too distracted. Like anything that involved Yumi being coherent, it would have to wait.   
"Maybe we should have caught him after school," mused Kozue before lunch. "It sure was mean of him to give you that invitation in the morning. The day must really be taking its own sweet time for you, huh?"   
Yumi was sucking on the end of her pen. She put the writing utensil down and turned scarlet when she finally realized why Kozue and Rini were giggling so much.   
It was cruel, Touga knew, to tell her that before school started. But that was his strategy, to make her spend the entire day in a state of suspended arousal, so that when midnight finally came she'd be nearly out of her mind with desire. Then she'd really be fun to play with.   
He walked into class late with the all- purpose excuse of urgent Student Council business. People who had seen him hitting on the aqua-haired girl snickered. He opened the love letter as a matter of duty. The elegant stationery contrasted with the interesting fact that it was written almost entirely in _hiragana_. How old was she? Still, the content was standard: breathless this, dreams that, pounding heart this, eternal truth that... Fairly intense, but nothing unusual. It was signed "Yumi." No family name, no _kanji_, just "Yumi." Interesting. But really the only interesting part was the postscript: _P.S. All that flowery high-winded crap was just for show. Fickle words won't really tell you what's in my heart._   
He had never before seen anyone call their own love letter "flowery high-winded crap." So this was someone who recognized crap when she saw it, even when she created it—and someone who wouldn't take any from others. That might be worth remembering.   
And now he was _thisclose_ to having Utena as well. At least there were still some interesting lovers to be taken—Anthy had to be the world's most boring lay. If he told her not to come, she wouldn't. If he told her to have a twenty-minute orgasm, she would. (Rather an enviable prospect, but...) If that was the kind of girl Miki went after he should check out the red light district. Only people with their own wills were worth sleeping with.   
  
Ten minutes before midnight Kozue returned to the room. Miki never asked where she'd been, because usually he didn't want to know, but he was concerned. Yumi had been so weird when he said hi...   
"Kozue-chan, were you with Yumi-san?"   
"Yes, we were studying. How did you know?"   
"Well...she seemed really distracted today. Is she alright?"   
Kozue had to think fast. She didn't want to tell him the truth, because that would just make him angry and more protective of Yumi. "She's just...you know. Having a little feminine trouble." She congratulated herself on her cleverness: no male would ever ask further questions about that.   
"Oh! Excuse me!" Miki blushed furiously.   
Kozue hid her giggles. He was too adorable like that. Then she hid more giggles because her lie wasn't totally separate from the truth—the "trouble" did involve that aspect of the body...   
On the stroke of midnight she suddenly sat up in bed. "Oh, _shit_!"   
"Huh? What?" blurted Miki, waking halfway.   
She had forgotten to give Yumi condoms. Idiot Touga never had any, and Yumi probably didn't even know what they were. "Um... I forgot to do some homework. It doesn't matter, I'll do it in the morning." That was a good idea, actually. She should still have a couple morning-after pills. She _must_ have some, or Yumi could be screwed both physically and situationally...and Miki would be mad at her. And blasé as she pretended to be, she really couldn't stand that.   
  
Promptly at seven o'clock, Kozue and co. had shown up at Yumi's dorm to find her dancing around the room to Hamasaki Ayumi. Dinner was provided by Rini, who was the star of the cooking class so that everyone joked she had stolen Himemiya's share of competence.   
"We gave you time so you could do homework," Motoko scolded. Ironically, after getting "help" this morning, she'd had to rush through hers and knew it all looked half-assed.   
Chiharu snickered. "It's okay, she'll just get Nanami to help her." Laughter chorused over Ayumi's poignant voice.   
"That might have dangerous consequences," said Rini, revealing the contents of various tupperware containers. "I mean she'd look at it and every answer would be 'Touga-sama'..."   
"Who's cussing in my dorm?" said Yumi, hands on hips.   
"What? Nobody's cussing. That would be like fuck shit damn asshole cocksucker..." Motoko made a string of every impolite word she knew, which was rather impressive.   
"You know that's not it. I distinctly heard the name of the eternally damned blonde mosquito in here."   
They giggled, partly with relief that Yumi had reached some semblance of coherence.   
"But isn't it excusable to mention the name for purposes of derision and ridicule?" Chiharu argued.   
"Derision and ridicule...I suppose so."   
"Oh, this was _painfully_ derisive," Motoko began, and told the story over dinner. Her storytelling ability went along with her acting, and her bitingly sardonic rendering of Nanami's attempt to tutor her had everyone else in tears. This had the intended effect of shaving off the stress that had accumulated on Yumi during the long day.   
There was wine for dessert. Kozue had nabbed it from Juri, so she insisted on pouring it. "Wait, we have to toast something," said Chiharu.   
"A toast to Yumi-chan's virginity... in its last hours!" cried Kozue.   
Though she wasn't sure what that meant, Yumi blushed and hid a guilty smile as the others cheered.   
One bottle of wine was just enough, not too much, for the five of them, so after it was finished, they set to the real task: makeover.   
She couldn't really remember it, except that they complained at how her hair did not obey the laws of anything, not gravity, not water, not mousse, not gel, not spray—it remained obstinately spiky. Eventually she had to just wash it again because there was so much useless goop in it.   
"Not too much makeup, it just smears, and it's dark out anyway," Kozue had repeatedly advised.   
"Oh, look at these dresses! You've got good taste. It'll be a tough decision..."   
"As if there was a point to putting clothes on in the first place."   
"But the most important thing is underclothes, because that's what they really struggle with. Skipping them altogether is also a statement."   
"Yeah, probably one you don't want to make."   
"Red undies?! Ooh, that's so racy!"   
"What about black? That's like somber and mysterious."   
"White is pure, gold is sophisticated, grey is neutral..."   
"Which one's the most appealing?"   
"Who are we dealing with here? Anything's appealing. But what you don't want to do, Yumi, is misrepresent yourself. Why don't you go with white..."   
Like a princess surrounded by her ladies- in-waiting, she resigned to letting them choose every aspect of her attire. It left her to think...of him...   
It was all so..._surreal_. Like the Ayumi song. _"In a nonexistent place I stand as I am. Please be yourself, that's how I want you to be."_ Ayumi, Yumi: the names were different by one syllable. Did it mean anything?   
She had a waking dream that she was in a long-ago era, feudal and firelit, a lady of the court being adorned by her attendants, being made beautiful for a tryst with the renegade prince who had caught her eye. Once she'd gathered the courage to write, he responded to her ardent poems, and now they were to be lovers... Gossip and jealousy would sour the palace air, but it was of no consequence to her, it would not penetrate her happiness; she was going to be with him, with him...   
Standing back to admire her, the girls oohed and aahed.   
When she looked in the mirror she expected to be covered with paint and silken robes; the sight that met her, a modern girl in a shimmering evening gown, confused her. She didn't know who or when she was for a few seconds, until she remembered why she was dressed like this—to meet him—the bemusement in his eyes, half smile curving his full lips, the touch of his hand across hers. His soft hair stroking her as he whispered unbelievable words in her ear.   
"And thirteen minutes to spare!" Rini sang triumphantly.   
Yumi satisfied herself with one twirl in front of the mirror. "So where's this damn rose garden?"   
Motoko narrated in a pedantic voice, "After being groomed by other females in her clan, the aqua-haired monkey avidly seeks the most virile male to get her freak on."   
_"You and me baby we ain't nothin' but mammals..."_ Chiharu began singing in English, nodding her head to a heavy unheard beat.   
"What?" chorused everyone else. She translated the lyrics. Yumi didn't quite understand but swatted at Chiharu anyway.   
"Hey, c'mon! That's the funniest song in the world, you should really see the translation."   
"Are we forgetting anything?" Kozue worried.   
"Video camera?" suggested Rini.   
"SCANDALOUS VIDEO!" Chiharu shouted, in English again. Everyone giggled but Yumi. "Sorry... old joke."   
"Maybe we're forgetting to _walk out the door_!" Yumi insisted. She had to direct them.   
The giggling quartet led her across the bridge to the campus proper, and then Kozue simply said, "Smell the roses?"   
Yumi inhaled the cool night air, and found a scent of love and dreams. "Yes."   
"Just follow the scent that way. It's a greenhouse, it says Student Council Only."   
"Okay. Thanks." She tried to smile but was past that point. "Thank you for the party, everyone!"   
They had wished her good luck with winks and nudges, then departed quietly. She looked at the waxing moon, a bright semicircle hanging in the west, then followed the fragrance...   
And here she was standing now, inside a house of glass and roses. It didn't matter what color they actually were; all the blooms were silver under the moon and stars. The sight was heartwrenchingly beautiful, and the sweet dreamland fragrance almost made her weep.   
_This is where Touga-sama wants to...   
"I'll make love to you...on a bed of roses."_   
In the silvery darkness she ached for him. She reached out and brushed some roses with her fingertips, to make sure they were real, to see how they felt. They were soft and cool. This was an enchanted place, she felt that in every nerve, and she knew that later she would wonder whether or not she had dreamed. But the strongest enchantment could not keep her from his reality. She craved his touch, his presence...so it was not a surprise, but an anticipated gift, when he came.   
She wasn't sure if she heard or felt his entrance, or both, but her pulse quickened even before she turned to see him.   
He gave her the smile that turned all their legs to _soba_.   
The celestial light illuminated her expression of angelic rapture, and he suddenly wondered if she was human. She seemed to be part of the surroundings, turned to silver, with pale skin and aqua hair and glimmering gown holding the glow of the moon and stars. Yet something else about her waiflike appearance was a bit unearthly...   
Oh well. He'd figure it out later if it was important. He took her hand to make sure she wasn't a ghost; her skin was cold, so he knelt and touched his lips to it sensually to stir her blood.   
The silence was hard to break, and she was afraid to do so. He saved her the trouble. "So your name is Yumi... almost like 'dream.'"   
"Yes..."   
"But there must be more to your name."   
"Not really... but they call me Maigo Yumi."   
"_Maigo_?" He touched her cheek, running a caress down to her shoulder. "And are you lost?"   
Ecstasy shone in her eyes, dilating her pupils so the color almost disappeared, making two gleaming dark pools like new moons. "No. I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be."   
He drew her closer. "Then they're wrong, aren't they. Yumi." He made her name a caress as he traced the nearly nonexistent curves under her satiny gown. She was so childlike, he hoped he wasn't screwing a tall sixth-grader. Well, her easy arousal was evidence of adolescence, so...   
"Touga-sama..." Her voice was small. The beauty of the moment seemed to stretch on and on into infinity, like he and she were the only two people in an eternal dream world of midnight roses. An aura of pure happiness flowed from her and he couldn't help but feel charmed by it.   
He smiled gently. They all said "Touga-sama" but it made him feel somehow far away. "Just Touga."   
"Touga... dance with me."   
Dance? That was a rare request for foreplay. But now he knew exactly what kind of loving she wanted—sweet and tender and ridiculously romantic. Of course, once she got going she'd completely forget about romance, though the rose garden at night did have that bewitching dreamy effect.   
"May I have this dance?" He bowed and took her hands, then started humming a waltz, Tchaikovsky's _Sleeping Beauty_. She obviously didn't even know how to dance so he just twirled her around. This was really corny, he thought, but indulged her anyway.   
Well, time to move things along. When he couldn't remember any more of the song he unzipped her dress so smoothly that she hardly noticed, and it fell to the floor by itself. Her underwear was almost glowing white, too sparsely adorned by lace to be called lingerie. Like her unique love letter, it said she didn't like to disguise things behind too much embellishment.   
She was startled more by the air against her skin than the fact that he'd done that. She shivered despite the warm greenhouse air when he took her close in his arms, stroking her bare back. He tilted her head and gave her a long look of urgent desire, kissing her first with his breath.   
Her lips were parted and she was trembling with thrill, like a dictionary picture of "virgin." So he made his kiss as soft as a falling rose petal. He continued being gentle even after desire began making her insistent and clumsy.   
The world was afire. A little flame had lit at the meeting of their lips and spread out to cover everything, a match struck on a pool of gasoline. Softness, gentleness, chivalry, strip it all away, strip down to what they'd really come here for. _Yes. Touga. Touch my skin. Use my body. Make me human._ The timeless chemical imperative overtook her: his skin must be upon hers, their naked bodies must be together, nothing else mattered at all.   
She showed impressive dexterity unhooking the fastenings on his uniform; perhaps she worked well under pressure. How would she adapt to this? His hand made its way down her pants, where she was swollen and juicy. At least she was well into puberty. Her bud was as easy to find as it was to stimulate. He massaged her lightly with his fingertips, teasing. Her reaction was predictable; his uniform jacket dropped as she moaned and writhed against him. Not to be outdone in dexterity, he unhooked her simple bra with one hand and tossed it aside. Her bare(ly developed) breasts touching him started his own arousal. But he didn't let her come. The time for that was a long way off.   
When they were both totally undressed he carried her to a wide flat bed of velvety blooms and tenderly laid her down. Roses and celestial light surrounding them, they gazed no longer in one another's eyes but at one another's bodies. Yumi was too tall and thin to be pretty, and her hair always looked like she'd slept on top of a fast train, but she had charm nevertheless; her current rapture lent her beauty.   
If someone asked her to describe Touga later she probably wouldn't be able to. He was a moonlit god; he was a Renaissance painting; he was a pillow book picture scroll; he was that borderline myth between dreams and reality that everyone reached for...this was why so many loved him; he made it too easy. _My love, my prince. I love you. I want you! Touga-sama!_ She drank in the whole sight of him and then her eyes focused on the center; with a few roundabout caresses she reached out and took hold of him.   
A moan escaped him, a low throaty sound that elicited a reaction in her center. He let her rub him again, then straddled her, moving his face down to kiss her softly like before. But this time they melted into deep fervent hunger.   
"Touga, now," she begged him.   
"Not yet." That exchange would be repeated in various forms over the next hours—maybe only one, maybe two or three, but some maddening length of time—during which he brought her to the edge and kept her there, waiting and pleading, with just a few simple tricks, not even anything too heavy. He did this not just because the totally smitten ones were the most fun to tease, but also because she was so obviously a virgin and the final act was bound to hurt her. When she came, it had to be so long anticipated that she no longer noticed the pain, because a bleeding unsatisfied ex-virgin was hardly pleasant to deal with. He had to enter her slowly and yet pace his movements so she didn't start coming too soon. And with one so eager it really was a challenge.   
But he managed it in the end. As he felt her nails in his back, her muscles clench around him, and heard her cries of unbelievable pleasure, he congratulated himself with his own release.   
The hopelessly devoted ones were the most fun to tease and, sometimes, to watch when they came. Unfortunately they were also the ones whose hearts broke into the most pieces.   
"You do know I'm going to break your heart," he whispered later.   
"Shut up."   
  
Kozue left early to bang on Yumi's door. The lanky girl answered unkempt, in underpants and a camisole. It was obvious that she hadn't slept, but her golden eyes glittered like the morning sun, and her look was of one with a joyous secret.   
As if it were a secret!   
"Good morning, Kozue-chan! Want breakfast? It's poached eggs."   
"No thanks. Here, I've got something for you." Kozue held out a tiny case. Having little modesty herself, she wasn't bothered by Yumi's near complete lack of it.   
"Oh, thank you." Yumi opened it naively. There were small pills inside. "Is it candy?"   
"No, it's medicine. It's...um...good for you...after you sleep with someone." Kozue wasn't about to go explaining the birds and bees, though someone would have to tell Yumi about the facts of life soon, and it would probably be her. But for now she just gave the instructions for the morning-after pills.   
"So how are you feeling?" Kozue asked after Yumi had taken the first pill and promptly forgotten about them.   
Yumi scooped the eggs from the boiling water. "Like I dreamt without sleeping... Like..."   
"No, I mean physically, how do you feel?"   
"Oh...okay, I guess."   
"Are you coming to class today?"   
"Why wouldn't I?"   
"Well you haven't slept... I can tell them you're sick and you can just sleep in."   
"But I feel fine. I'm not sleepy."   
"If you say so. Sure you don't need a day off?"   
"Yes. It'd just be lonesome."   
"True. You wanna come tell us every detail, right?" Kozue grinned.   
Yumi looked away. "Um, well..."   
"Oh, that's right. You like to keep things to yourself. Okay, I won't keep you from your breakfast any more—see you in class." Kozue smiled cheerfully and left.   
But as soon as Yumi had eaten, she found herself profoundly tired, and went to sleep so that he teased her more in her dreams.   
Kozue guessed what had happened and gave word that Yumi was ill today. "What, morning sickness already?" whispered Rini.   
"No, fool, she's just sleeping in. He obviously had her awake all night." They giggled appreciatively.   
"See now, I don't get why this is a big deal," said Motoko. "Like a new girl losing her virginity to Kiryuu is really out of the ordinary."   
"Honestly, Motoko," Chiharu blurted, "for one thing, Yumi is not an ordinary girl—"   
"Don't tell me you actually _believe_ her wacko story."   
"Actually I do."   
"You _would_." Motoko rolled her eyes.   
Kozue hushed them. They were beginning to attract attention.   
  
Kodama Miteki, in the ninth grade, was one of the quietest girls in the school. She was quiet because she believed that she hurt people whenever she opened her mouth. This was due to a particular gift she'd had all her life, a gift that was really a curse. She foresaw people's misfortunes. When she was younger she used to blurt out what she saw. Then she would be scolded for saying such awful things, and when they came true, she was blamed for making self-fulfilling prophecies.   
So now she kept quiet and she kept to herself. She had no friends, for she always looked gloomy, and thought herself quite hateful. Her coloring matched her gloom. No one was sure if her hair was so blue it was black or so black it was blue, but her eyes were one definite color: grey as a sunless winter sky.   
There was, however, one thing that gave Miteki a semblance of happiness. That was the piano playing of Kaoru Miki. It was such a wistful, impassioned sound. She had made a habit of sitting outside the music room while he played, pretending to do her homework while she waited for the piano. She did not watch him, only listened without looking at him, for fear that he might notice. Nevertheless she had quite fallen in love with the shy blue-haired boy.   
She played the piano herself but had little talent for it. She was better with her voice; her talent, other than dismal clairvoyance, lay in singing.   
She also wrote poetry. On the afternoon of the day Yumi was sleeping in, a sheet of this happened to fall out of her notebook unnoticed. It sat there until Kozue found it after a tryst in the music room with some upperclassman whose name she'd forgotten already.   
It was a very suspicious poem, one the poet had foolishly decided to sign. Obviously it was a love letter deliberately left where Miki was sure to discover it. But Kozue had found it first.   
The name was strange, and too pretty for someone so disgustingly obnoxious. Kozue had never heard it before, but she would find out to whom it belonged. This Kodama person would soon know better than to go after her _oniichan_.   
  
When Yumi rose she found a note stuck under her door. She remembered someone knocking on the door during the day, a sound which had filtered into her dream as a very unwelcome interruption. Picking up the envelope, she made a sour expression. That had ruined the entire dream. This message had better have a good reason.   
The envelope was unmarked but for her name on the front and the seal of Ohtori at the closure. As she opened it, something in the back of her mind wondered if it was a notice from End Of The World that she was to be a duellist. She didn't like the thought. The truth was much more exciting anyway. It was from Touga, his own stationery: his name was typeset at the bottom beside a positively adorable caricature of him.   
_Dear Yumi— Thank you for the charming love letter, and of course, for the delightful evening. I would like to see you again. Come to my room in the Student Council dorm._   
She squealed with relish and pressed the precious document to her. Oh! She'd have to bathe and dress and show it to Kozue-chan and probably have something to eat, no maybe he'd have something prepared, and then and then...   
She called Kozue, but no one was in. On her back with her feet joyfully in the air, she reread the letter several times before putting it back in the envelope and tucking it safely away in a blank book.   
"Call me the queen, call me the queen," she singsang, using a phrase she'd heard girls use when extremely proud of themselves.   
As she found her shower things her joviality suddenly fell. _I probably won't be the only girl there,_ she realized. She'd just be...one of the girls. Just like them. Crammed into their mold, the cookie-cutter image of Touga's lovers...   
_I shouldn't go._   
She should defy it, turn down the invitation. She wasn't like them. Because... because why?   
"Because I'm Yumi!" she said aloud. "I'm me. Crazy girl with funny ears! I'm Yumi!"   
Was she so different?   
Any number of people here melted at his touch, yearned for him, dreamed of him... how many crazy girls had he taken to heaven and back in the Student Council's rose garden?   
Was her love so much higher than theirs?   
"Well I know his soul and they don't. They don't know anything. That's why they get their hearts broken! The weak and foolish hearts break under the power of truly loving him..."   
Yes, what she knew gave her the strength to love him. Knowledge was power. Maybe it was an unfair advantage. But anyone could know it if they really cared to find out.   
_He doesn't know I have that strength. He thinks he'll break my heart too. So shouldn't I prove him wrong by refusing...   
That would make me Utena._   
Stupid, stupid Tenjou Utena who denied Touga just because she wanted to prove she wasn't like all the silly ones he could seduce at a glance. Even having lost Anthy (something had happened there, everyone could see that) so that she thought her identity broken and discarded her trademark boy's uniform, even now she continued to deny. She thought she had to be strong; she thought loving Touga would make her weak. Oh, that made _lots_ of sense right there... _Baka dayo!_   
_And who do I have to prove that I'm not like?_ thought Yumi, caught between two extremes. _Do I prove that I'm not like Utena, or that I'm not like everyone else?_   
Of course she _wanted_ to go to him, the thought was absolutely distracting and she really didn't have any reason not to be near him, but that was beside the point. The point was, what would it mean if she did?   
The point was, would it mean anything?   
The biggest difference between her and the others was that she knew something. The biggest difference between her and Utena was that Utena played hard to get.   
"Well, he doesn't need another Utena," she decided aloud.   
Because deep in her heart she knew that no matter how many issues she built around it, there was really only one issue and nothing else mattered: she wanted to be with him.   
  
So she went. But she made him wait a bit. She had eaten herself so she wasn't hungry...at least not for food. It was long past dark when she reached the Student Council dorm.   
Kozue saw her in the hall. She sported an embroidered red Chinese dress. "Hey, there you are. Sleep well today?"   
"Yes, thanks." Yumi smiled quietly. "I called you a while ago, but you weren't in."   
"Yeah, I'm kinda busy. What's up? Are you going to a party?"   
"Better. I got a letter from Touga..."   
"Oh! Good for you!" Kozue giggled. "Do your best!"   
"Thanks." Yumi blushed a bit and continued down the hall.   
It looked like he had an entire wing of the dorm to himself, and a lavish wing at that. _Kiryuu Touga, Ohtori Academy Student Council President,_ announced a brass plaque on the double doors. She touched it gently before entering.   
There were even more people than she'd expected. Like fifteen or twenty more. She stood nervously in the doorway. _Are you going to a party?_ Yup. Dammit.   
Touga saw her and poured a glass of champagne. Although her appearance fit in, her expression said that she was out of her element.   
_I don't want to be here,_ she thought with dismay. No one had taken much notice of her entry; she could probably leave again.   
She was wrong. She turned and he was before her, offering a glass of fizzy stuff. "Yumi. Glad you could make it," he said warmly.   
She wanted to fall onto him but was wary of the crowd. "You didn't tell me it was a house party," she pouted.   
"You don't like parties?" The face he made at this was so disappointed that all thoughts of leaving were banished from her.   
But she couldn't find anything to say. She wanted it to be like the dreams she was having earlier, she wanted at least to be touching him, and she did not want all these stupid people here. When she looked at him, though, all she knew was him, all she felt was love. Blushing faintly, she looked down and back up and murmured finally, "I like...being with you." _What a stupid understatement. My dear Touga,_ she thought. _You should know everything in my heart so you know you can't break it._   
He almost pitied her. Oh yes, this one would fall hard. He smiled his sweetest smile. "Oh, they'll leave soon. Come on, have some champagne."   
She took the proffered glass and sipped as if enchanted, her eyelids relaxing dreamily. The way she touched her lips to the glass was unabashedly sensual. Really, he couldn't wait to have her in bed either. Maybe she wouldn't act quite so virginal this time.   
It was wine. It was fizzy. The combination did not appeal to her. The sensual moment ended as she made a face.   
He laughed, softer than the situation merited, but there was no need to embarrass her. "Champagne's not to your liking? Well, I'm sure we'll find something to suit your taste." He relieved her of the glass and took her hand momentarily to lead her to a plush sofa.   
She did not let go of his hand. How silly of her to act possessive. He saw a few people narrow their eyes: the girl was guaranteed a bitch- slapping tomorrow. He sipped the champagne himself, handed it off to someone who fancied indirect kisses, and filled another glass with red wine. That was the last of it. He'd have to get more if he was to get her tipsy, which he planned to do so that she'd be a little more at ease. Or would that just make her act more possessive?   
In fact Yumi was not trying to be possessive, at least not consciously; she only wanted to be touching him, to know that she was with him. She ached to lean against him but stopped herself—why? She didn't care what these loser people thought.   
Or did she? She released his hand, leaned back and sipped the red wine like she didn't give a damn. The wine was nicely distracting, dark and rich. It tasted like Touga looked—something she'd want more and more and more of until it killed her. Oh, she'd go mad if she wasn't in his arms soon...   
_Dammit, I can take this. It's a stupid party. You sit around and drink and look sexy. It's not like I don't know who I'm spending the night with... Yeah check out these people glaring at me, I don't even have to be touching him to make people jealous, I can just be within ten meters of him and get death looks. Are they **trying** to look like Nanami? Losers. Wasting their energy on jealousy. If they're going to be stupid anyway I can do what I want._   
Thus resolved, she put the glass down when she'd emptied it and leaned into him. Everything was made right with simple contact: this was happiness. He looked down and saw the shy blissful smile by his shoulder. If she was determined to get bitch-slapped across the campus, well, not his problem. Sometime when the champagne had relaxed him a little more, Touga put an arm around her. But he didn't just keep it there. As he made party small talk and filled people's glasses he gave her tiny invisible caresses now and then, fidgeting really, but they were only caresses to her. She appeared drowsy and positively stupefied in her bliss. People wondered if she was on something other than alcohol.   
"She looks like she's on opium or some shit." "Well she's gonna need painkillers tomorrow!" "Who the hell is she anyway?"   
Even the veiled threats were only background noise. Maybe she was introduced and greeted people, or maybe not. None of that was relevant. Now it didn't matter how many hours went by, time didn't mean anything in her world, a quiet eternal eden, a world made only of him.   
People began leaving in pairs, one trio. Some stayed, mostly sweet-faced evil-eyed ones. "Soon, Yumi," he murmured enticingly. She twirled a lock of his hair. She could wait. But not too long.   
  
Finally the more jealous ones had left, frustrated and bent on bitch-slapping. The more desperate ones stayed. Clearly the aqua-haired hussy was the favored one for the time being, but they would get their chances. There was a boy among them and the girls teased him, verbally and physically, and got teased in return. Perhaps some of them would also leave in time, but at the moment they were thoroughly drunk. Yumi, of course, noticed none of these inebriated sexual politics.   
"Now. Come with me." His whispered command took the ground from beneath her, making everything spin and swirl and melt like a hallucinogen, and the very air hum with electric anticipation. Charges gathering before a lightning bolt.   
And he led her through lavishly furnished chambers to his bedroom. It was, of course, the most sumptuously furnished of all the rooms, a place of cushions and velvet and satin. Most of it was pink, the bedsheets were pink. Not a cute pink, not a baby girl pink or a candy pink or a cherry blossom pink. A passionate pink, urgent, hungry, intense. The pink of blushing arousal when he reached under a skirt. The pink of wild roses in full bloom at the height of hot summer, ripe and heavy with dew, starved for pollination. That was the pink he had chosen for his bed—the most sensual color in the spectrum. Not many others could get away with pink bedsheets.   
Even in the dim light designed for seduction, the vivid aqua hair in front of it made for an interesting play of colors, along with the liquid amber eyes and the embroidered red dress. He eyed the combination appreciatively before shutting the door behind them and moving in.   
They met with all the hot ferocity of striking lightning. Her lips parted for him, she pressed up against him, clasping him tightly. She was as intent as if they were longtime devoted lovers who hadn't seen each other in weeks. _Well, she certainly will not be acting virginal tonight,_ he thought avidly, and so returned and amplified her intensity.   
She didn't have any thought. There was only sensation. It was like a higher plane of being, some would say a lower plane, but it was definitely higher, where nothing existed but animal passion, carnal mandates, a tantric place for nothing other than pleasure.   
But of course. What else would Touga's bedroom be?   
They were naked soon, and she pulled him toward the bed. "Touga..." she pleaded.   
She sounded so much like any number of people that he had to see her hair color again to remember who she was. "Slow down," he laughed softly. "Dear Yumi, have I corrupted you so in just one night?"   
"I was corrupted when I first saw you."   
"Is that how it is?" He moved his lips down to her small, pale breasts, barely touching her at first, sucking gently. She clutched at him, moaning. His hands caressed her waist, massaging her back, and then he began stroking her wet center. They fell onto the bed with her on top, gazing into his deep blue eyes. He continued stroking her and then suddenly she went devouring him with her lips, her mouth unable to stay in one place on him, but moving downward.   
He smiled. He knew what she would do now. How easily she made the transition from virgin to whore.   
But he hadn't expected her to be so intense at it.   
He was only halfway erect, for he was containing his arousal. And somehow when she saw him, his thighs parted for her against the pink satin, she felt an imperative so deep it was spiritual. Had she seen others do this to him, had she seen him do this to other boys, had she done this to him in dreams? Where did she remember this from? Did she remember it? Or was the imperative so strong it only gave the illusion of déjˆ vu? What difference did that make, she _wanted_ to do this, she was _supposed_ to. She attacked him: there wasn't any other word for it.   
His nerve endings exploded under her tongue, his breath quickened. She took him entirely in her mouth, she sucked _hard_, and he was likewise in an instant, he couldn't have controlled it if he wanted to. It seemed as though she sucked all the blood from the rest of his body into his shaft. He was caressing her face but soon he couldn't move. Had she done this before? She was so intense, aggressive even, almost rough, moving with a desire the likes of which he might never have seen before. Virgins didn't...do this...like this... He was coming. He didn't want it to stop. His back arched and he didn't just moan, he cried out, he yelled.   
He came in the back of her mouth and she turned and spat...and kept going. Unbelievable. _Oh my god, if I was going to fall in love..._   
When he was spent she came back up and lay across his chest, sighing. This confused him. Wasn't she still unsatisfied? Or had she climaxed somehow? Had she been touching herself as she did that to him? No—there was still hunger in her eyes. But that must have been intense for her too.   
Yes, so intense, she had managed to make him lose control. He didn't like being out of control in an encounter. And of course, it rarely happened. Only—he'd _wanted_ that to happen, he had certainly _let_ it happen. Why? There must be more to this one than she let on. What secrets could she harbor? Well, he'd punish her soon—for punishment and reward were exactly the same thing here.   
He smiled chivalrously. "Wouldn't you like some more wine?" He had plenty of drinks in here, as people got thirsty for things other than cum. He got up and found some sherry.   
"Oh... thank you."   
He looked at her lasciviously as they drank, and she blushed hotly over the lingering pink cheeks of arousal. She was embarrassed at her own intensity. Now she was back to virgin again? How cute. Strange, but cute.   
As he looked at her he noticed suddenly that her ears were oddly pointed. So that was what gave her a bit of an unearthly appearance. Did it mean anything? Probably not.   
She saw amusement in his eyes. "What's so funny?"   
"Why, just the fact that you gave me head and now you're blushing about it."   
At that she turned deep scarlet.   
He laughed. "You really are charming."   
"Don't be fooled." She deliberately gulped the sherry.   
"And hypocritical," he chuckled.   
She held out her glass, and he refilled it obligingly. She mellowed as she sipped it, gazing at him wistfully, intensely. _I love you_ was written all over her face. He wondered if she would be dumb enough to say it.   
She knew that he knew it, and she knew he didn't care, yet she wanted to say it so badly. He would care if he knew how much she knew. But how could she ever tell him that? What if he hated her for knowing? The secret ached in her chest. She nestled into him sadly, and her body still craved him, her skin blaring signals at the contact. She couldn't stay sad for very long when she was with him.   
In a way he admired her. She was smart. Well, she was very stupid to fall madly in love with him, but she wouldn't admit it out loud because she knew that it was very stupid, and in seeing that she was smart. But she was definitely hiding something else. If he didn't find out what that was, he wouldn't be able to break her, and then he'd be stuck with her. Actually, considering the last ten minutes, that might not be so bad... Of course, if he gave any appearance of making a commitment, whether he wanted to or not, some other hothead would push her out a window or something. Had she any idea what dangerous ground she tread? Yes—and he was the one who hadn't known what he was getting into. He'd only seen a few _really_ intense ones, all of whom had arranged their own destructions, sometimes before he even got involved with them. Love that deep was poison; it killed just like an overdose of any drug. Even dead white guys like Shakespeare knew that.   
Maybe even Yumi herself knew that.   
In any case, he had probably underestimated her, but that just meant he didn't have to do a thing to break her. She would take care of herself.   
_Poor idiot girl. No, she's not that stupid; the wise man knows himself a fool. Well, I try to avoid the Ophelias, but if they come looking for me, what can I do?_   
He stroked her bare skin, slowly, almost idly, until she invited him on top, and they put down the wine glasses and made out deeply, tasting the sherry on each other's lips. She twined around him, one leg curled way up across his back. She was impressively agile as well as intense. But after _that_...it would be a little time before he was hard again. He'd have to play with her for a while.   
"How about a game?" His voice was heavy and sultry. It made the space between her legs throb.   
"Game?"   
"Yes, a game. Are you ready to play?" He gave her a smolderingly erotic gaze.   
Melting, she drew out the consonant of her reply, making it a breathy pornographic word: "_Hhhai..._"   
"It's called 'Heat Lightning,' for the storms on hot, hot summer nights that are so far up in the heavens, they make no sound at all. This is how you play," he said in her ear. He would punish and reward her intensity with the most intense game he knew. It also put him in control the whole time, but that was beside the point. "You're not allowed to make a sound. No matter what I do, no matter what you feel, you must be absolutely silent, or I'll stop. Got it?"   
She gave an affirmative sound.   
"Hush now." He kissed her again, this time taking her tongue and sucking on it, something he'd always found incredibly stimulating. His fingers played below, but he didn't let her come. She squirmed but was quiet.   
From a box under the bed he took a bottle of strawberry scented—and flavored—massage goo. He slowly applied it to her and slowly licked it off in sections, neck and shoulders, breasts, abdomen, and finally thighs. Still she was quiet, but her nails dug into his neck, as his kisses moved toward her moist center, and then he parted her legs to almost 180û and returned her favor.   
She inhaled sharply at the touch of his mouth to her most sensitive place, but he let that go, and she tensed with the effort of holding in her voice. He teased her, and she was impressively stubborn, until his tongue entered her and she let a single cry escape her.   
He pulled away immediately. "Sssshh," he chided, hovering over her. He put a finger over her lips and she caught his hand, licking the strawberry stuff off. But he took his hand away and left her staring guiltily at him, with no contact.   
_When he said he'd stop if I made a sound, did he mean permanently?_ she wondered in agony. _Touga-sama, you're mean!_ But she kept silent for fear of ruining any chance of his continuing.   
He left her wondering for over a minute, during which she had almost resolved to beat him up. Then, confident that she was humbled enough, he parted her thighs again and resumed. She was quiet, so this time he let her come. Would she beat the game?   
She bit down on her cries, controlling her breath without knowing it, and pleasure swelled until she was sure she would explode, she _was_ nothing but this sensation, unfolding, crashing, taking over and filling every last part of her being. It didn't end. It waned like the tide going out but it remained, pulsing, aching sweetness. Spinning in hot darkness, she squeezed tears from her eyes.   
He was hard again now. If he moved quickly, and correctly, she would have a second, even deeper climax. He could make her wait some more, but after all, he had a reputation to keep. A guy couldn't be a player without being good in bed. Besides, she was winning the game.   
Testing her agility this time, he was sure they had invented a new page for the Kama Sutra. A good page. And she was still silent: she'd won.   
Few ever won Heat Lightning. Had he failed to give her ample satisfaction? It was when he looked in her eyes to congratulate her that he saw the trickle of blood from her lip. She'd been satisfied, alright—so much that she had no idea she'd bitten herself.   
"Oh, you're a brave one," he said softly, taking a tissue and wiping the blood away gently.   
Still she said nothing. She felt dizzy and sleepy, gazing at him with tears on her lashes.   
Her breathing was labored. She was clearly exhausted; she looked like she'd been through a war. She probably had done some AEA on herself too. _Shit, I could have killed her,_ he thought. _She takes this too seriously. Her feelings **will** kill her somehow. It isn't my fault. She wants to be a romantic tragedy._   
He thought of getting her a hard drink, but that would be too dehydrating. He gave her a glass of water instead, treating her delicately, cradling her and tilting the glass to her lips for her. "You mustn't be so serious," he said sweetly when he put the glass down. "It's a game, not a war. It's dangerous to take things so seriously."   
"I know _you_ think all love is a game." Her voice was neutral from weakness, her amber eyes serenely adoring, so he wasn't sure if she meant it matter-of-factly or disparagingly.   
_Ah. Here's my way out._ "See, Yumi, that's why I'm so terribly wrong for you," he told her smoothly. "You want a man who will move worlds for the sake of love. I only move bedsheets."   
She should have yelled but she hadn't the energy. "I really wish people would stop telling me what I want."   
He was caught. She had a point. Who was this girl, really? So full of contradictions, virgin and whore, charming and vulgar, modest and candid, stupid and knowing it. And she didn't take any crap.   
"I'll move worlds on my own terms," she went on. "What I want is that person not to deny it." Then her expression softened again, as if she remembered that she couldn't stay mad at him for he could do no wrong.   
He could find nothing to say. Apparently he was stuck with her until she destroyed herself. He knew how the story went. She would pretend that she didn't care, but eventually the agony of not possessing him completely and utterly for herself would drive her over the edge. It was just a matter of time. Did he have time? Well, no one knew what happened when you revolutionized the world, but it was supposed to give you eternity, and eternity was a lot of time. For the time being, she was a fairly interesting lover...if she didn't kill herself at that first.   
She murmured his name, touching his face reverently. He was afraid again that she would say it, but again she held it in.   
If this wasn't a game, what was it?   
Maybe, if the girl survived, she would be cured of her dangerous ideals. Maybe she'd grow up a bitter, lesbian cynic like Juri... he had to keep from laughing at this thought.   
Because she had exerted herself so, he let her fall asleep in his arms, something he rarely allowed. As she drifted off, caressing him, he heard her singing softly:   
_"Ah, that far off dream we talked of through the night, I don't want to make it come true by myself. I can't tell anyone, I want to tell someone, that person is more important to me than anyone else. La la la la...la la la la... In a nonexistent place I stand as I am. Please be yourself, that's how I want you to be. La la la la...la la la la... In a nonexistent place I stand as I am. Please be yourself, I want you to be that way forever."_   
  
When she next awoke he was with someone else. She sighed and turned over, pulled a pink sheet over her head, and went back to sleep.   
And when she woke after that it was broad daylight and she was very hungry. Everyone else was gone. She'd been hidden under the sheets; he probably thought she had already left. She lay there awhile, breathing deeply of the scent of his bed. But she was too famished to sleep any more, so finally she dressed and went back to her own room to find food.   
The clock on the microwave said it was almost noon. Good, she could say that she'd been "ill" again and go in for lunch. She showered, put on her uniform and headed out.   
She didn't try to put together last night. Thinking about stuff was for math class, the most boring thing in the world.   
In the dining hall, she was too hungry to look around for her friends, so she ate by herself. Then she found Kozue hovering at another table occupied by one person.   
"Hi Kozue-chan, I'm here," Yumi announced cheerfully.   
But it was clear she had walked in on something unpleasant. Kozue ignored her, as she was busy bitching out the seated girl, who concentrated on her lap with a sad, faraway face shrouded by long blue-black hair.   
"You think you can make him yours, huh? You think you're good enough for him? Look at you, all gloomy and pathetic. Are you one of those loser 'goth' chicks? What would he do with such a loser?"   
A tear spilled down the girl's cheek, and she said nothing.   
"Stop it, Kozue-chan, you're making her upset," said Yumi. Kozue continued her invective.   
Yumi saw that the girl's cheek was red. Kozue must have bitch-slapped her. Come to think of it, she _did_ hear that sound a minute or two ago...   
"Cut it out, Kozue-chan. Come on, quit it." Yumi tugged at Kozue's arm. Kozue shoved her violently without looking at her. Maybe it was wrong to butt in, but the sad girl wasn't fighting back.   
"You miserable wench," Kozue hissed at the girl. "I won't let you seduce my brother!"   
Yumi gasped. Kozue's voice echoed and mingled with Nanami's in her head.   
_"I won't let you seduce my brother!"   
"I won't let someone like you have my brother!"   
"What do you think you're doing, trying to ruin my Big Brother's reputation!"_   
"KOZUE, STOP IT!" Yumi shouted in her face.   
Kozue turned to her as if she had interrupted something very important. "What?"   
The girl with blue-black hair wiped away her tears and looked up in astonishment. Was someone standing up on her behalf?   
"What, she says!" Yumi was pointing a finger and backing away with huge eyes like Kozue was something hideous and deadly poisonous. "You, I can't believe you, you're just like Nanami! Vicious, conniving, egocentric, overpossessive—shit, why don't you two whores start a _club_ already!"   
Oh no. This was terribly wrong. If people realized what she really felt—if _oniichan_ realized... People were interested now. She had to smooth over the scene. "It's nothing like that, Yumi-chan," she said placatingly. "Please calm down. I'm just trying to—"   
But Yumi was not to be placated. "What, just trying to 'protect' him? Yeah we know! Bullshit! You're just trying to keep him in a cage all for yourself—whether he wants to be there or not! How could you be so damn selfish!?"   
"Yumi-chan, please don't say things like that," said Kozue nervously. "You're my friend."   
"Friend? Am I your friend? People like you don't have friends! Why is someone so vicious as you so nice to me? You have no kindness in you, you can only pretend to be nice!"   
Good, maybe now the argument would turn away from _oniichan_. "That's not true. I like you," Kozue replied weakly. That was sort of true, Yumi was kind of a fun person. And because she was so weird being around her made one feel normal.   
"Or you like _using_ me! You people don't have friends, you have lackeys, you _use_ people! Well, what is it you're using _me_ for, Kozue, huh? What is it?!"   
"I'm not using you for anything."   
"LIAR!" screamed Yumi. "Why are you using me!?"   
An especially barbed remark came to her tongue. "I'm not using you, Yumi-chan. Touga is the one who's using you."   
That was a bad move. It didn't mellow her like Kozue had hoped. Yumi's face twisted in anger like the mask of a _Noh_ villain and she launched herself at Kozue.   
The cry of "FIGHT!" rang out again through the dining hall. All Miki's fans cheered for Yumi, so she had substantial support. Yet Kozue was only unpopular among the fans of her brother, and perhaps among a few boys she'd cheated on.   
Kozue got a bad start; the wind was knocked out of her, and she was smaller besides. She lost quickly.   
"So fuck you," Yumi concluded, heedless of the cheers and threats, and left her humiliated on the floor.   
Miki showed up too late. "What—what happened?!"   
"Your sister's a bitch whore," Yumi replied easily, dusting herself off. Kozue left to look for her dignity, and to plot revenge.   
Miki stared. Miteki hid a giggle.   
"I had no idea she was so mean and vicious. But you're too nice to beat the crap out of her, so I did it."   
"Yumi-san...?" He couldn't understand it; she had never spoken like that before. Was she alternating personalities? Had she imagined it in her madness? Or was Kozue really being mean?   
He really would rather not be involved...   
"Yes, she really was being mean," said Yumi, answering his unvoiced questions. "Here I am just coming up to say hi and she's picking on this girl like _wah wah wah wah_..." She imitated the tone of Kozue's invective and hovered threateningly in Miki's face for effect. "Then she was mean to me, so I beat her up."   
"Um..." Miki tried to make sense of it. Kozue did bully people sometimes. But they'd seemed to be such good friends... Then he saw the dark-haired girl hiding her face and the red mark on her cheek. This must be the victim of Kozue's attack. "Oh, I'm so sorry!" he exclaimed to her. "I'm sorry—are you okay? Is there anything I can do?"   
"Huh? Oh—no—I'm fine." The girl's voice was very soft, and she blushed. She was astounded that he was talking to her.   
Neither could think of words for a moment and they looked at each other, and then Miki blushed too.   
Yumi held in her laughter. The irony was beautiful. Kozue had beat up on the girl to keep her away from _oniichan_, but her attack had precipitated their meeting! What a stupid idiot Kozue was.   
...And if not for that stupid idiot, Yumi probably would never have met Touga, at least not for quite a while; she would have stood there drooling forever on the periphery of his vision, or eventually joined the giggling groupies. She would not have been in a rose garden dream, nor welcomed to that tantric pink world... Kozue was the one who had shoved her into Touga's path. Kozue had helped her buy clothes and music and simple novels, and furnish her room and write that love letter, stupid as it was... She owed a debt to another Nanami. Why? Why had Kozue been so nice? Did friends really not exist in this beautiful world of roses and swordfights?   
She had seen the malice in Kozue's eyes. That was her true nature. So why? _What could she have been using me for? I was not a convenience; she went out of the way for me; she must have been using me to get to Kaoru-sempai somehow. She wouldn't use anyone for anything else. Well, that's over now. Your plan backfired, bitch. I've just figured out what you are, and I don't need you any more either._   
The red mark was fading on the girl's face, leaving a bruise. Miki's breath caught in consternation. _Why would she be so cruel?_ "How awful! I can't believe she did that! Let me get you some ice..." Miki hurried off.   
Yumi collapsed in a chair across from the girl, propping her head up in her hands. Regret stung her keenly, though she knew it must have been inevitable. And Rini and Motoko and Chiharu, they would go on being duped, they wouldn't want to be around her now either. "Well, that's it," she said to the table. "Now I have no friends."   
"I'm sorry," said the other girl. "It's my fault."   
Yumi looked up. "What? No, I should thank you. Now I know Kozue's true nature. No friends must be better than false friends." Both knew that she didn't really believe that.   
"I have no friends either," said the girl. Her eyes were grey webbed with paler grey, like crumbling stone castles of forgotten fairy tales shrouded in mists of memory. She smoothed her long midnight blue hair. She was a creature of poetry, and thus evoked poetic descriptions.   
Yumi saw the bruise rising on her cheek. Nothing poetic about that. "Damn, does that bitch ever bitch-slap!" she blurted. Kozue was even _worse_ than Nanami! How was it possible?   
Miki returned then with ice wrapped in a handkerchief. He seemed to avoid looking at Yumi. _Maybe he's scared of me now,_ she thought.   
Instead of giving it to her, without thinking Miki put the ice to the girl's cheek. She reached up at the same time to take it and their hands touched. Characteristically, Miki turned red.   
Yumi discreetly spun around in her chair to let them have a moment, hiding mischievous laughter. Oh, if Kozue knew what she'd started!   
"Thank you, Kaoru-san," she heard the other girl say shyly.   
"I—I hope you feel better," said Miki. He was too embarrassed to linger.   
When she was sure Miki had left, Yumi turned back. The girl was holding the ice, wrapped in a handkerchief of Miki's own, to her face as she would a lover's hand, with a dreamy introspective look.   
Yumi identified. She leaned back and let the other girl have a few more moments daydreaming. She went into her own dreamworld. It was a place of pink satin and strawberry fragrance...   
"Thank you," the girl said suddenly.   
Yumi blinked as if not remembering.   
"Um...thanks...for kicking Kozue's ass."   
They both smiled a little. "Oh, she had that coming," Yumi shrugged.   
The dining hall was mostly empty now. The dark-haired girl looked at her watch and stood up. "Class is starting soon."   
"Well." Yumi got her bag from the table where she had eaten. "What grade are you in?" she asked as they walked back to the main building.   
"Ninth. Are we in the same class? I think you sit near me."   
"Class C?"   
"Yes, we are! Oh, now I remember the homeroom teacher introducing you... Your name's Maigo, right?"   
"It's Yumi. The papers say Maigo Yumi but I'm really just Yumi."   
"I'm Kodama Miteki."   
"What a pretty name!"   
"Oh...thanks." Suddenly Miteki had a sense of something very strange from the skinny aqua-haired girl. Occasionally her powers picked up things other than future misfortunes, if there was something very strong to be picked up. The thing she sensed wasn't bad or good, just very unusual, something beyond comprehension.   
"Huh?" Yumi saw Miteki staring at her, or through her. Her grey eyes were unfocused.   
Miteki shook her head. Blue-black hair gleamed. "Sorry. I just got this feeling—has, um, has anything weird happened to you lately?"   
Yumi gave up on trying to make sense. "Well... I wasn't human before a few days ago."   
"Not human?" Being familiar with the supernatural, Miteki was not as put off by this as most would be.   
"I was a being with no soul, invisible to humans. Then I fell in love and became human. I must have a soul now, because everything feels so much deeper. Kozue said I look elfin."   
Yumi said all of this so matter-of-factly that Miteki didn't know what to think. She'd expected the inexplicable. But Yumi seemed to know exactly what it was.   
Then Yumi looked straight at her. "Do you believe me? I don't think anyone would."   
"Either it's true or it isn't," said Miteki. "It doesn't matter whether people believe it."   
"Well you asked if anything weird happened to me. So don't you have anything to say on the answer you got?"   
"If it happened, then it happened. I got these strange vibes from you and if that's what you say happened, I'm sure it's true."   
"Strange vibes?"   
"They make sense now. Because you remember being something else."   
"That's the first time somebody's told me I make sense. You don't doubt that I wasn't human?"   
"I guess it's easier for me to accept unusual things. I have clairvoyant powers. They've ruined my life."   
"How is that?"   
"I don't see people's fortunes—only their misfortunes." Miteki spoke quietly as though it was a shameful secret. "So don't ask me to read your future, it wouldn't be pretty."   
"And no one believes you either, do they?"   
"I don't talk about it any more. It only hurts people."   
They were at their class now. "Truth hurts," Yumi remarked reflectively. They sat down; Miteki was behind her and to the right. She'd never noticed; Miteki was a girl who made an effort not to be noticed. And it worked, even with an ice pack on her face.   
Yumi, on the other hand, was always noticeable. Chiharu gave Yumi a little sneer, then turned to Motoko and whispered something. They both giggled. They had not seen the fight, but they had seen Kozue afterward. They had been watching the almost-fight between Tenjou Utena and Shinohara Wakaba. Kozue, however, had not come to class at all. Or else she was late.   
So news had spread already. Not surprising. It was no worse than she could have expected, perhaps not even as bad, but still it smarted in Yumi. They'd all been laughing around the table, sharing pilfered wine...and now sneers and derision. How quickly they turned their backs on her!   
But if they were so quick to turn, if they took Kozue's word as final judgement, then they couldn't be worth even saying hi to...right? Well, she had an invitation to the bed of the Student Council President. They would never see it. It was her classified document. And the stupid people at the party had probably been bad-mouthing her all morning. The entire campus must be jealous of her now!   
Yumi sat back in her chair and sighed.   
The teacher saw her, wondering what was the real reason for her absence. "Maigo. Feeling better?"   
"Yes, thank you." She smiled politely.   
"And where's Kaoru?" Yamaguchi-sensei looked at the empty seat in front of Yumi.   
"Oh, no—I bet she caught what I had. I'll have to send her a card." She said that in a thinly apologetic way, which let Yamaguchi-sensei know that Kaoru was now skipping for some reason. Why? Who cared anyway? Never ask what's going on—that was the first rule of teaching at Ohtori Academy.   
Miteki stifled a snicker. Yumi had given it to her, alright.   
"Well, make sure you catch up on your work," said Yamaguchi-sensei.   
"Yes, sir."   
Yumi sighed again and retreated back into her thoughts as class began. She knew she should pay attention, but that was difficult...   
"Okay. Now let's review... Who can tell me when the French Revolution began?"   
Revolution. What did that word really mean, anyway? Why was it so important here?   
That beautiful night. The beautiful night before. Everything was so insane and beautiful. The things he did to her... He was impossible. It was so easy to give your heart to him, and so hard to keep it in one piece once you did. Touga. What new adventures would she find if she met him again tonight?   
He saw her feelings and he would try to use them against her, to push her away. But it wouldn't happen. He was too chivalrous to turn her down bluntly, and she too stubborn for him to do so otherwise. Until he found a suitable way out, he was hers. Sort of.   
And what then?   
What was it that she expected to happen anyway? Well, someday, she hoped to reveal his true self and bring him to happiness... _That_ sounded impossible. Best to take one day at a time, or one night as it were, these nights of moonlit roses and pink satin. The beautiful soul-filling sound of his passion, his voice crying out in the throes of his body... If someone asked her now what was the meaning of life, she would say it was that sound.   
Miteki was mentally reviewing a far more innocent encounter. However, being conscientious, she had more success than Yumi at taking notes. The aqua-haired girl had been gone yesterday and this morning, she realized; Yamaguchi-sensei had told Yumi to catch up. And, having only entered the class a few days ago, she must already have a lot to catch up with. So perhaps Yumi would appreciate a look at Miteki's notes. It was the least she should do.   
  
Walking along the atrium, she caught a glimpse of him in the rose garden. He was there making out with one of Nanami's minions or some other girl. She sighed heavily with a sad smile. _Enjoy it while you can. Soon you'll have to pick up the pieces of your heart._ She continued walking.   
Was the bliss of ignorance better? What would it be like not to know anything?...   
Then came the evil-eyed groupies.   
**_CRACK!_**   
And Yumi was on the ground. There were four of them standing over her with crossed arms, looking down their noses.   
"So, you think you can have Touga-sama all to yourself?" "You sure are a weird-looking slut. Do you ever comb your hair?" "Where are you even from, huh?" "Who do you think you are?"   
"What?" Knowing what they were jealous of, she smiled. "I'm sorry, one question at a time, please."   
"Would you look at that! She's smiling." "She must like being slapped around." The girl who said that went to hit her again, but Yumi caught her wrist and shoved it away.   
"I have somewhere to go," she said. "Please don't detain me." Yumi picked up her school bag and stood.   
"Yeah? Where you going? To buy some more opium?" They cornered her.   
"Hey look! It's Prince Utena!" one of them squealed derogatively. Utena was coming up the walk with a stoic expression.   
The groupies lost interest in Yumi and giggled. Apparently their greatest joy in life was to harass anyone to whom Touga paid attention. "Tenjou Utena, the prince of the junior high." "But she's in the proper uniform! What the hell is that!" "What's the matter? Shorts kept giving you a wedgy?" They snickered.   
Utena was going to pass them without noticing, but then she saw the nervous, resentful look and the red mark on Yumi's face. She never suspected that the look was for her and not for the groupies. "What's going on? Are you okay?" she asked the aqua-haired girl.   
The girl's eyes met hers, and the bright amber color was startling. No—it was the ferocity in them that startled her.   
Whispering and giggling, the four groupies left Yumi and Utena to stare at one another.   
"What is it?" said Utena.   
The girl glowered, like a dog smelling something it doesn't trust. Then suddenly she gave a cheerful smile. "Nothing. I'm fine, thank you." She bowed politely and walked away.   
_What was that about?_ Utena wondered, then shrugged and continued toward the rose garden.   
  
"Excuse me, Yumi- san," said Miki.   
"Hm?" Yumi looked unusually grim.   
"Um—that girl, from lunch today—is she okay? Have you seen her?"   
Yumi grinned then. Kozue's attack had backfired so completely. "Well, in fact, I'm going to see her right now. Would you like to come?"   
"Umm..." Miki blushed a little.   
"I know! Why don't you bring her a flower?" Yumi looked back in the direction of the rose garden.   
Miki blushed a lot. "Oh—well—I can't, really—there's some Student Council business and—um, sorry, I have to go," he stammered and rushed away. _That sounded really lame,_ he chided himself. _Student Council business? Isn't that the excuse Kiryuu always uses? When he has been with a girl, not to avoid one... I shouldn't think like that! It really is a busy day._   
Yumi raised her eyebrows. Well, _that_ made for interesting news. Although she had kind of been hoping he'd go back to the garden and interrupt what was going on there... No! That was ugly thinking. There was no indication that anything of consequence to her was happening there...right? Of course not.   
It was time to study, or else she might one day find herself at a particular disadvantage: being kicked out of the school. Weren't midterms in a couple of weeks? Had she ever been officially enrolled at all? Miki had probably done that. Not that it meant much, except that Miki had taken care of it—everyone knew the Student Council ran the show. She should try not to miss classes again. It had been embarrassing getting the work from various teachers, some of whom she could tell knew that she hadn't really been "sick," but didn't say anything. Besides, if she didn't let herself be distracted so, it was fun learning about all the different human things. Except math, that was incomprehensibly tedious.   
She would much rather fall asleep listening to Hamasaki Ayumi. But she had work. That was part of the deal—humans had to work a lot, or at least pretend to.   
Yumi went into two wrong buildings before she found the right one. The dorms were duplicates of each other in this part of the campus. Finally in front of the door with her classmate's name on it, she rapped politely.   
Miteki appeared in a moment. "Hi, come in."   
Making quite a discourteous entrance, Yumi threw down her book bag. "Never walk through the atrium after school! It's just waylay after waylay."   
"Oh. Sorry."   
"Well, I do have news. Kaoru- sempai inquired after you."   
"Really?" Miteki blinked and then blushed.   
"Yes. I invited him to come with me but he turned red and made a lame excuse."   
Miteki giggled. It was an unexpected sound.   
Yumi looked at her and began to snicker.   
"What?" said Miteki, a bit hurt.   
"Oh, it isn't you! It's just that it's so funny how Kozue wanted to keep you away from her brother, but he wouldn't have met you if she hadn't attacked you in the first place. Kozue's really stupid, huh."   
Miteki saw her point then and laughed also. "Stupid bitch whore."   
Yumi's laughter died off. "But she made me meet the person I like too. —Oh well! That's karma," she dismissed brightly, throwing out a word that had been discussed in literature class that afternoon.   
The dark-haired girl stood. "Let me make some tea."   
"No, you don't have to." But of course the hostess made it anyway. Yumi looked over her assignments. "Actually, you could make dinner too. I'll be studying all night." _Maybe I shouldn't go after him tonight,_ she thought. _Or someone might actually try to kill me. People get fanatical about him. I should know._   
"Um, I can make miso soup," said Miteki as she brought in the tea.   
Yumi clapped childishly. "Oh! Miso soup! If you make good miso soup I want to live here."   
Miteki smiled. Then her eyes unfocused and she went slack. The teapot fell from her hand, but Yumi nimbly reached over and caught it.   
It was hot, and the tea was even hotter as it splashed her. "Ow ow!" Yumi cried, putting it down and rubbing her hands. "Hey, what's with you? Hello?"   
Of course Miteki did not hear. She was far off... _...On a platform in the sky, with an inverted castle floating above and strange music wafting in and out of hearing.   
Yumi stood holding high a shining sword, dressed in a uniform like those of the Student Council, eyes flashing gold fire. "By my sword, you will die!"   
"Don't let him do this to you!" cried Tenjou Utena.   
Blinding light gathered and faded; vivid aqua rose petals scattered. Yumi fell to her knees. "Touga. I'm sorry—I failed you."   
The Student Council President was beside her. "You disappoint me. But I was fairly certain you would. Because you see..." He whispered something to her.   
Yumi's eyes widened in utter dismay. "No. NO! You—you can't—"   
"Don't you get it? She was right, I have been using you. I just wanted to see if you could beat her. But it appears even your so-called love isn't strong enough."   
The aqua-haired girl was in shock. "Then I...I will...revolutionize the world."   
He laughed at her._   
The cruel sound echoed in Miteki's head as she returned to the present. Her legs were tired. Yumi was sipping a cup of tea and watching her.   
"You awake yet?" said Yumi, seeing Miteki's eyes come back into focus.   
"Yeah," Miteki replied. "How long was I out?"   
"I don't know. I have no sense of time. One and a half cups of tea, if that helps."   
Miteki's heart panged as she realized that, unless someone moved to prevent it, what she'd just seen would happen to Yumi.   
Yumi loved the Student Council President? But she'd seemed so different. Everyone admired him.   
Yumi was going to let herself be used by him. For what? Something involving that popular pink-haired girl...it hadn't made any sense...but whatever it was, it would hurt. For the first time in many years Miteki considered telling of her vision. But how could she do that? Yumi hadn't even mentioned Kiryuu-sempai. What if she didn't want anyone to know? She should let Yumi bring it up first. But if she didn't, would it be the first betrayal not to say anything?   
"You saw something sad?" Yumi guessed from the expression on the other girl's face.   
"Yeah." She hoped Yumi wouldn't ask further.   
"Well, you can tell me later if it's important, but right now I'd rather look at your history notes..."   
Miteki smiled, a bit regretfully, and poured herself some tea. Then they attacked the schoolbooks.   
Later, as the hostess was making dinner, Yumi felt a blip, as of an unidentified object on an internal radar. She looked up, but nothing further manifested; she returned to the study of literary terms.   
  
The numbers went by on Miki's stopwatch. It was up to almost twenty minutes.   
"I don't think he's showing," said Juri.   
"Why?"   
"Just a feeling. Utena won the duel last night."   
"What? How do you know?"   
"I saw her with Anthy this morning. She was in her 'normal' uniform again. I'm not one to jump to conclusions, but I think it's a fair estimate to say that she's reclaimed the Rose Bride."   
"Oh. Well, Himemiya-san seemed happier with her, at least."   
Juri smiled at the young boy's naiveté. He blushed a little, then sighed.   
"What's the matter, Miki?" The poor boy was never good at hiding his feelings. Juri didn't like to see him burdened with things. He had innocence that was worth protecting.   
He looked up distractedly and clicked the stopwatch. "I just—Kozue-chan is so mean to people sometimes. I don't understand it."   
Although Juri had no particular fondness for that girl, she agreed on one issue. It would be disastrous if Miki knew his sister's true nature—but only for Miki. "She's just insecure," Juri explained. "People who feel inadequate lash out at others for no particular reason."   
"Why would she feel like that?"   
"Who knows? Who knows why people get the feelings they do? It's not for us to ask. In time she'll work things out herself."   
Miki's depressed expression didn't change.   
"But that's nothing unusual," said Juri with atypical compassion. "Something else is wrong, isn't it?"   
"Well...that girl Yumi...my sister said that she's in love with Kiryuu-sempai... I had the story all wrong! And Yumi-san is upset that I thought—what I did. I have to apologize to Kiryuu-sempai, but he isn't here..." He blushed, embarrassed at the rush of thoughts that had come pouring out. "It's not even any of my business."   
Juri took it in and thought. Of course it wasn't any of their business, but everything was the Student Council's business. "If she's upset, why not apologize to her?"   
"I don't think she'd want me to bring it up again. Poor Yumi-san! She's so in love she's gone mad. That's why she was in the music room like that."   
Juri had already heard the real story, though she too found this version much more believable. "Is that why you're worried about her?"   
"Yes. And I thought my sister was her friend, but they got in a fight today."   
That news had also reached Juri previously. "Well, it's not unusual for friends to fight sometimes. Or maybe their personalities don't really get along and she'll find other friends."   
Miki idly clicked the stopwatch again. "But... Kiryuu-sempai has all these people madly in love with him and he doesn't even care. He'll break her heart."   
The boy was so innocent and kindhearted, he couldn't stand the thought of anyone in pain. Juri sat up. "Oh, Miki-chan. It won't be the world's first broken heart. No one can stop hearts from getting broken."   
"That isn't it." Miki shook his head. "If she loves someone that much... I mean...it's so sad, it isn't fair... I just don't want her to end up like Ophelia."   
_"When one feels deeply about something, it's only a matter of time before those feelings betray them,"_ Kiryuu had said once on this terrace._ "Betray them as deeply as those feelings are deep."_ Juri saw Miki's point clearly. If some girl had the misfortune to _truly love_ Kiryuu Touga, it would tear her apart, and the playboy himself would help. "Do you want me to talk to her?"   
"Oh—that would be great, Juri-sempai, but she probably wouldn't listen."   
"Words will stay with a person even when one refuses to listen. I'll see what I can do, Miki-chan, but please don't worry."   
Miki tried to smile.   
  
Two friendless girls who became friends, the classmates by now were calling one another Teki-chan and Yumi-chan. But the vision she'd seen yesterday nagged at Miteki. On the way out after school, as she was debating how and if she should bring it up, an older girl approached Yumi. It was Arisugawa Juri, the indomitable lady of the Student Council.   
"Maigo."   
It took Yumi a moment to realize she was being addressed. "Yes?" She bowed when she saw who it was. She wasn't intimidated as most were, but knew that Juri merited a decent amount of respect. "Good afternoon, Arisugawa-sempai. Is there something I can do for you?"   
"I'd like to talk to you for a minute."   
Miteki, and anyone else within earshot, discreetly bowed and moved away.   
Yumi really could not imagine why Arisugawa would want to talk to her. She looked at the mature girl with big, innocent golden eyes. This and her lanky frame gave her the momentary appearance of an aqua-haired fawn.   
Not being one to dance around issues, Juri told her, "I wouldn't normally butt in on things, but Kaoru-san is seriously worried about you. Kiryuu Touga is a dangerous person to love. Don't make a tragedy of yourself."   
So that was it. People come to give her "advice" and tell her how to live. It took all of Yumi's restraint not to snap. "Thank you, I know."   
"I don't think you do. I've seen people throw themselves off roofs to try and get his attention. Friendships end, enemies go at each other's throats, girls lock their rooms and cry for days and he thrives on their tears. Loving that boy is an apple of discord. No good will come of it. If you have any respect for yourself, don't fall too deeply, and don't let him use you."   
"I think that you don't know what you're talking about," Yumi blurted rudely before she could stop herself. She waited for the bitch-slap, but it didn't come. Scornful Juri wanted to see if she would explain herself. "I'm sorry, but I couldn't stop my feelings if I wanted to. I'm already in too deep. What does it matter if I get hurt?"   
Juri didn't want to bitch-slap the girl, because that would just incite defiance, but she certainly invited it. Instead Juri let out a sigh of disgust. "Listen. If you let yourself be hurt, you will hurt others. Kaoru seems to feel protective of you and does not want to see you hurt. Nor, I am sure, does your friend over there. Your feelings are no more important than theirs."   
_Oh, SHUT UP!_ thought Yumi. "Do I _look_ self-pitying enough to throw myself off a roof? Gimme a break already! 'Oh, Touga-sama has left me, I cannot live with the shame! _Bleh!_'" She effected melodrama and mimed impaling herself with a sword. "Thank you very much, Arisugawa-sempai, I appreciate your underestimation of my intelligence, but I'm really not that stupid."   
Juri was laughing, not loudly, but just enough to be noticeable. Such a girl was obviously not from Japan. "Where on earth are you from?"   
"I'm not."   
"What?"   
"I'm not from this earth."   
So this Yumi girl believed the story she'd told. Or else she was holding to it. That didn't really matter. "Well, promise you'll take care of yourself, Maigo."   
They were both serious now. "Thank you, Arisugawa-sempai, I intend to. But please call me Yumi." She bowed again.   
"Alright, Yumi. Be careful." Juri nodded and left.   
She was surprised, but not shocked. Shocked was when Tenjou had defied her and Tenjou had beaten her. No, she was merely surprised that Maigo Yumi had told her exactly what she thought. Did that mean she had guts or just that she was impetuous to a fault? Probably a bit of both. She had laughed not just at Yumi's display, but mostly because she completely turned upsidedown the idea of the delicate tragic heroine that Miki had described. It likely would take more than Kiryuu's classic betrayal to ruin her.   
Because Juri had sensed something else. The girl _knew_ what she was getting into and she really meant to defy him. It was almost as if she intended to say to the player, _Here is my heart. Try and break it if you can._   
Good, it was about time Kiryuu started getting what he deserved. A girl whose heart he couldn't have and another whose heart he couldn't break.   
  
"What was that about?" said Miteki.   
"Oh, she just wanted to say I'll get my heart broken—everyone's telling me that."   
Miteki looked down. She should say something too...   
It occurred to Yumi that she had never mentioned her love for Touga. Well, if it needed to come up, it would.   
But as they walked at a leisurely pace across the lobby, Yumi's countenance became a little distressed. "Where..."   
"Where's what?" Miteki got a quick image of a dark room with weird music playing, but it seemed unrelated.   
"He's not here..." Her voice was unusually quiet and plaintive. "He always walks this way with all the giggly people around him. He wasn't there this morning either. What's going on..."   
"Who? The Student Council President?"   
"Yes." Yumi had a vague sense of something not right. She'd had it all day. "I suppose he could be with someone else...that must be it. Well, no helping that!" She shrugged and tried to ignore her misgivings. "Didn't you say you knew a good coffee shop close by?"   
"Yeah, should we go?"   
"Sure. I've never had coffee, I don't think."   
"Okay." Both were beset with their own worries. Miteki had to say something. It just wouldn't be fair not to. As they left the campus, she began, "Um, Yumi-chan..."   
"Hm?"   
"You know when I had a vision yesterday?"   
"Yeah, did you want to tell me about it?"   
"Well...it was about you. I'll have to say the same thing. I think...he might try to hurt you."   
"I know that," said Yumi as though it were blatantly obvious. "He will _try_. Everybody thinks it's stupid to love him and I'll just get hurt. But I became human to love him. I won't be broken that easily."   
"Oh." That didn't really make her doubt the vision, but Miteki wouldn't insist. She didn't want to make Yumi mad. Wasn't that really why she beat up Kozue, because Kozue-whore had said something about Touga? Miteki certainly did not want to risk inciting her new friend's anger.   
So she changed the subject. "Yumi-chan, I was wondering—how do you know Kaoru-sempai?"   
"Well, when I became human, I fell asleep in the music room. He found me there and he thought that—something terrible had happened to me. Now that he hears of my real purpose, he's afraid I'll 'make a tragedy of myself.' He wants all girls to be sweet and delicate like you..."   
Miteki blushed.   
Yumi adjusted her bag over her shoulder. "I, however, am..."   
"A wild rampaging sex addict?"   
"Eeehh, how do you know that?!"   
"Well anyone who likes the Student Council President must be."   
Yumi smiled slowly.   
"Ohmigosh!" shrieked Miteki, and then lowered her voice. "You already have slept with him, haven't you!"   
Yumi closed her eyes and said nothing.   
"Not that that's such an impressive feat..."   
"Oh, you wouldn't know until you've tried it."   
"I don't like man-hos! I like my shy little piano virtuoso."   
"That's all good if you're a piano."   
"And it's all good to love a playboy if you've been cloned..."   
In the coffee shop they argued the merits of their respective beloveds, and Yumi could almost forget about the unsettling feeling in the back of her mind.   
Still trying to block it, she fell asleep studying that night. There was a history test tomorrow.   
  
If it was because of a dream, she couldn't remember, but when Yumi woke the next morning, her apprehension had multiplied significantly. She could hardly think straight.   
_What is the matter with me?_ she thought after spilling her breakfast tea. _How can I take a test like this? Should I even go to class?_   
She went anyway, hoping that perhaps she'd see Touga and get a sense of normality, if that was possible on this campus. But he wasn't there again. Was that all that was wrong? It couldn't be...something was profoundly awry...   
"Are you okay?" was the first thing Miteki said to her.   
"No. Something's wrong."   
"What? Are you sick?"   
"That's not it... I don't know what it is. Tell me if anything comes to you."   
"Sure."   
Her movements were uncertain, as though everything in the room threatened her, and she certainly looked unwell. Even the homeroom teacher couldn't help but remark, "Maigo, you're very pale. Are you sick again?"   
"Um, a little," said a timid voice not at all like Yumi's. _Maybe she really was sick the other day..._ thought Sasaki-sensei. "Well, I'm glad you could make it anyway. Feel better."   
"Thank you, ma'am." Yumi knocked her book off the desk, confusing herself, and a boy handed it to her. _The whole day's going to be like this... What's going on? Where's Touga?_   
Concluding that she actually had been ill, and remembering that she was also a new student, the teachers asked her only the simplest questions. The literature teacher told her privately that Yamaguchi-sensei said she didn't have to take the test if she didn't feel ready for it. Yumi gave profound thanks, though that brought her no closer to solving the real problem.   
By lunchtime she looked positively haggard. Every passing moment that she didn't know what the problem was grated on her nerves. She couldn't eat. "What on earth is the matter with me?" she cried. "Teki- chan, can't you tell me? I thought you could see people's misfortunes!"   
"I don't know, nothing's come to me, Yumi-chan," Miteki replied. "Close your eyes and try and relax, and let your mind wander. Maybe images will come up to tell you something."   
Miki came over then to greet them. His shyness at seeing Miteki was overridden by concern when he saw Yumi with her white face and big paranoid eyes. "Yumi-san! Is something wrong?"   
"Yes! Something's terribly wrong! Do you know anything? Has anything happened?"   
"No, nothing's happened." Of course he couldn't tell Yumi about the duels; that had happened but of course it had absolutely nothing to do with her, nor was it very terrible, now that Himemiya was with Tenjou again who was kind to her. "It's a perfectly ordinary day."   
"No it isn't!" shouted Yumi, all her anxiety coming to the surface. "Where's Touga!?"   
"Yumi-chan," Miteki complained. People were staring and murmuring.   
Juri looked over at the scene and wondered if she should intervene.   
"I don't know," said Miki, agonized. "Yumi-san, please stop tearing yourself up over him! He isn't worth it!"   
"You don't know _anything_!"   
_CRACK!_   
Making a sudden appearance, Juri delivered a light bitch-slap. "Get ahold of yourself, fool!"   
Several people nearby gasped, including Miki, but no one dared to stare at Arisugawa-sempai.   
Yumi was furious, but she obviously couldn't fight back. She had to think before saying anything. "Well damn if I'm not getting bitch-slapped these days more than the Rose Bride."   
"You—_what_!?&q uot; Juri's eyes widened as she realized that Yumi indeed knew something—far more than she should. Miki was shocked speechless.   
"That's right, Arisugawa-sempai. I know a lot more than you think. So why don't you tell me what's going on?"   
Juri stared at her and said finally, "Not here." She touched Miki's shoulder. "Leave her be." Then she marched off.   
"I—I'm sorry," Miki said weakly, and left.   
Miteki didn't know what to think. "Yumi-chan, what the hell!"   
"I'm sorry for being so unpleasant today, but I told you there was something wrong." Closing her eyes, Yumi leaned heavily on the table. "Now let me think."   
Miteki didn't say anything. She was a bit mad at her for making Miki upset.   
Yumi too was quiet, thinking, trying to feel under the roiling currents within. The anxiety was for Touga, of course it wouldn't be anything else, and by trying to suppress it she had blocked her mind to its cause.   
Something wrong...   
An idea flared in her mind. "Teki-chan," she said briskly, "think back. In all your time here have you ever had any visions about Touga—about the Student Council President?"   
"I...I don't think so..." Touga's cruel laughter at Yumi's anguish—no, that wasn't what she meant at all. "I try to forget all the visions, because no one wants to hear about them."   
"Please try to remember. Anything, it could be the answer..."   
Miteki had that image again of a dark room. And then she remembered. The same image had flickered before her inner eye a few years ago when she'd first glanced at the Student Council President. Only then it had been clearer—a record player, a chair, a table with a hand on a gun. It came back vividly when she willed it. She described the image to Yumi. "I don't know how that's relevant, but that's it..."   
"A record player? A gun?" murmured Yumi, utterly confused.   
There was this depressing book in lit class where this character's father had shot himself, and the guy kept remembering his father's hand hanging limply onto the gun and...   
"A _GUN!?_" Yumi jumped up so that her chair flew back onto the floor with a clatter. Miteki saw for a split second her expression of sheer dread before Yumi ran out of the building as though she had demons at her heels.   
"Yumi-chan!" called Miteki, standing. But Yumi didn't pause. _Should I find Miki again?_ she wondered. Then she made the same realization that Yumi had—what that image could mean. _Oh no...she has to save him? Yumi-chan, be careful..._   
Yumi made her gangly legs go faster than ever before, zooming out of the main campus, all the way across that damned impressive bridge to the dorms. The paths all looked the same. Where...she could never remember where things were when she needed to... Where? _Where?_ If she paused to get her bearings she would faint. She took a wrong turn and then saw the Student Council dorm across a lush lawn; she cut across, half aware that it was horrible manners. She found her way inside to his rooms, yelling his name though she had no breath. Almost delirious with exertion and fear and confusion, deafened by her heart pounding in her ears, she didn't hear the strange music at first. When it reached her ears, she followed the sound and threw a door open on darkness, yelling, _"TOUGA, DON'T!"_   
But her cry was lost in the sound of the gunshot. 


	3. delerium : heaven's earth

  
  
She had startled him enough that he shot at her without any idea what he was shooting at and without taking aim. Slowly he came to see the figure standing in the doorway. She had been running. Her breath sounded over the music, some weird opera or something, over the thick quiet that filled again after the gunshot.   
Having flinched at the shattering sound, she opened her eyes again and gazed into the darkness.   
What was this? It should have been obvious that he didn't want anyone here, least of all an Ophelia. "You... Go away."   
Her breath came a bit easier now that she heard his voice. "I won't."   
"Go away now!"   
"No."   
"Go away or I'll kill you."   
"You could kill me," she said quietly, "but that wouldn't make me go away. My body would be here in your room. And I'd haunt you."   
Her eyes were adjusting, and he came into view, totally disheveled, hair and uniform rumpled, sickly pale with dark circles around his eyes. It pierced her. Whatever had happened, whatever had done this to him, she wanted to hold him in her arms and make it disappear.   
"Just get out of here."   
"No." Her voice shook, and so did the gun in his hands. She walked deliberately toward him, taking each step patiently, until the muzzle of the gun touched the tie on her uniform.   
"What do you think you're doing?"   
"I will not let you hurt yourself."   
"Who are you to decide!?" he snarled.   
"You're right. I am no one and I have nothing. Nothing but feelings which won't allow me to ignore yours."   
"My feeling right now is that I hate you and I want you to go away. You're ignoring that."   
That hurt, but she'd left herself open for it, so she didn't reply. Ever so slowly she moved a hand to his and began to push the gun away. "Touga, put it down. Please."   
"Why should I?"   
"Because you're not going to do anything with it."   
"Idiot girl. You don't know that." But he didn't resist her pushing it aside.   
She was being stubborn. Apparently if he wanted to make her leave, he'd have to weaken her, and there was only one way to do that. He put down the gun and looked away, seeming to regret himself for a few moments, before he pulled her in and kissed her hard.   
It was a bit surprising and probably something not to be trusted, but she melded to him immediately and gave herself in to it anyway. She couldn't help it, though he was stale and his face scratchy because he hadn't been taking care of himself. She felt his anger and the back of her mind wondered if she should be frightened.   
_Stupid wench. Self-assured little whore,_ he thought spitefully, crushing her with his mouth. _I'll tear you apart. I'll break your heart into so many pieces you won't know where to look for them._   
He stopped just as suddenly, giving her a gaze like one possessed, which in his present state really was frightening. She couldn't move.   
"You won't resist anything I do to you, will you?" He put his hands around her neck as if he might strangle her. "If I killed you like this right now, would you struggle at all?"   
"Yes," she said, trembling, "because I don't believe you want me dead."   
He tightened his grip a little. "What if I do?"   
"Aren't you chivalrous?" she whispered. A tear fell down her cheek and onto his sleeve.   
"Of course. That's why I won't kill you." He released her and murmured in her ear: "I'll let you go and forget everything you saw. Otherwise I'll have you kicked out of the Academy and you'll never see me again."   
She looked at him and another tear fell. "If I go now will I ever see you again!?"   
"It's your only chance, isn't it?" He gave her the player's smile and got her to stand. "Now go. Go, Yumi."   
He felt victory as her back faced him—but then she turned again and threw a tantrum. "_No!_ I won't leave! You can kill me, you can kick me out of the school, you can break my heart again and again but I'll never, never leave you!"   
Rage seized him. He jumped up with a hateful expression and yanked her to him, taking her even more savagely than before. "Is this what you want?" He tore at her uniform. "Do I have to fuck you before you'll leave?"   
She gasped. What had she done? This wasn't Touga anymore. It was anger, lust made of hatred, a demon in his form. But she couldn't get away now. Mouth and hands grabbed at her with bruising ferocity, and her lips were not free to speak. Tasting the salt of her frightened tears, he probed beneath her skirt, mercilessly and painfully.   
Maybe he didn't know. She tried to tell him that it hurt, but her mouth was covered. He didn't care. She pulled his hair and somehow moved her face away. "Stop it!" she shrieked.   
He saw his hand go up to hit her as though it didn't belong to him, but then he was hit with the full knowledge of what he was doing.   
He staggered backward in shame and horror.   
"No—no—"   
Cabbage heads and brilliant sky flashed in his mind. The pungent reek of pipe tobacco. A lecher's grin.   
"No!" He didn't want anyone to see him. He covered his face with his hands.   
"No! Leave me alone!" His voice was high-pitched with torment.   
Her soul screamed for him. She told him the only thing she knew at the moment. "I love you!"   
He didn't hear, nor did he hear her cry his name as he collapsed on the floor.   
  
"Well? What shall we do? We can't ignore the fact of someone else knowing about the duels."   
"I don't know... Nothing about her makes any sense at all." Quite distraught, Miki rested his chin on his hand.   
Juri sipped her tea. "She tells people that she's from another world, that she became human the night you found her. Do you think she believes it?"   
"That almost makes more sense. It's like she came out of nowhere, knowing everything."   
"I think we have to tell End Of The World somehow. But Touga is the only one in contact with them. Saionji's gone, and now Touga... It's just us, Miki."   
Miki looked up fearfully. "You don't think either of them are coming back?"   
"I just don't know. Maybe Tenjou's winning and the whole thing is falling apart."   
"But...what's happened to Kiryuu- sempai, anyway?"   
"He's gone into seclusion, of course. Trying to come to terms with the fact that somebody beat him. The same girl who beat all of us. With the Student Council broken up, there can't be any more duels. And that's really what Tenjou wants."   
"But then, would it even matter that someone else knows about the duels and the Rose Bride?"   
"Probably not." Juri sighed. "We'll just have to wait for something from End Of The World, or for Touga's ego to repair. Meanwhile, we should keep an eye on that Yumi girl."   
"I guess so."   
After school they both went to find her, but Yumi was not to be found. Juri, however, recognized the dark-haired friend.   
"Excuse me."   
"Hm? Oh! Good afternoon, Arisugawa-sempai," the girl said timidly, bowing.   
"Good afternoon. Is your friend Yumi here?"   
"No, sempai. She left at lunchtime."   
"She left? Do you know where she went?"   
"Um..." Should she tell? It wasn't a good idea to mislead Arisugawa-sempai, Miteki decided. "She was worried there was something wrong with the Student Council President. I think she might have gone to his place."   
Juri stifled a grimace. That was dangerous. Who knew what Touga with an injured ego might do to an amorous intruder? "If you see her, please tell her I'd like to speak to her again."   
"Certainly, Arisugawa- sempai." _What is Yumi-chan caught up in? These important people always after her... Surely they don't make such a big deal out of everyone who sleeps with the Student Council President. They'd have to hold assemblies..._ Miteki giggled inwardly, there was a good joke to share with Yumi-chan when she saw her.   
Then she saw Miki looking at her, and they both blushed.   
Walking out of the classroom, Juri saw the color in Miki's face. _It would be nice if he could fall for an ordinary girl,_ she thought, _which Himemiya will never be, no matter what Tenjou Utena thinks._   
But how to tell Miki that Yumi had gone to Touga? It would worry him terribly. Nor could she say that Yumi had gone home, then they'd just have to look for her. Well, maybe she had returned home by now.   
"What happened?" said Miki.   
"Yumi was so distraught, she left at lunchtime," Juri replied. "She must have gone home."   
So they went to look for her, but no one was there, just as Juri expected. She tried to conceal her own worry from Miki.   
"Where could she be?" the boy fretted.   
"Perhaps she's off seeking solace. I'm sure she'll turn up soon. Her friend didn't seem too worried, so it must be okay." Actually the dark-haired girl had seemed a bit anxious, but that was probably just because of Juri's reputation as a royal bitch.   
They gave up for the moment, and Miki left to seek his own solace on the piano.   
But someone was waiting there for him.   
  
She knelt beside him, not really knowing what to do. What had happened to him? She put a hand to his face to assure herself that he breathed. Then she thought that since he wasn't taking care of himself, she should help him do that. Had he eaten at all during the time he'd isolated himself? Probably not—that must be why he fainted. _Oh, Touga, what could have done this to you?_   
Yumi went and drew a bath. His was a grand bathroom more in the European style, with a sunken marble bathtub separate from the shower paneled with frosted glass. She wondered if he ever made love in that pretty bathtub.   
She found the kitchen and made a cup of tea in the microwave, not letting it get too hot. He was still unconscious when she returned to cradle his head and tip the warm tea to his lips.   
He woke halfway and sipped it grudgingly, wondering for a moment if he was dead and the tea some rite of purification before his soul was consigned to wherever it was going. Was the cool hand upon his face an angel's? No—it was that foolish girl again. He suppressed the memory of whatever had taken place, preferring to languish in a vague sense of self-hatred. The girl seemed intent on taking care of him, so he gave in and didn't entirely return to consciousness.   
"Come on, up," she urged when she set aside the teacup. "You're taking a bath."   
He didn't particularly feel like moving, so he let her support him to the bathroom. His expression—or rather lack thereof—distressed her profoundly. His eyes looked...dead. He wouldn't move to help himself at all, so she had to remove his clothes for him, but there was no sexuality involved now. He continued acting as though he heard nothing she said. Was he there at all? He seemed to have retreated into some dismal place where nothing could reach him.   
She checked the temperature of the water. It was a little hot; she adjusted it although it was almost full. The bathtub was long to accommodate his height and almost as deep as a Japanese one. She helped him in and he merely lay there, altogether too much like a corpse. Utterly chilled, she found some soap and shampoo in the shower and plunked them down on the side of the tub. He went on staring into space.   
"Well? Do you want me to leave?" she said. No answer.   
"If you won't say anything, I'll stay here." No answer.   
She nudged his shoulder. "You really don't look very sexy acting like a corpse."   
His only movements were to blink and the slight rise and fall of his chest. At least he was still breathing.   
"I love you," she said again, hoping desperately for some reaction, even if it was scorn and denial.   
Even to that, no answer. It was quite maddening. Part of her wanted to scream at him but she really didn't have the heart to attack him. He was making himself so helpless. With a jerking motion she turned off the water, wishing she could leave it running because the silence was horrific.   
"Well, if this is the case, I will do everything for you. Except shave. You'll have to do that yourself. I don't want to mess up your face. I hope you don't mind if I sing. This silence is really getting to me."   
Her expressive alto echoing slightly in the tiled bathroom, she provided an Ayu song to combat the awful silence. As though with a child, she washed his hair, the long red beautiful stuff in disarray, but she couldn't help but be reverent about it, and the act felt especially intimate.   
In fact it was quite intimate, and it soothed him somehow at the same time it turned him on a bit. He was too weak yet for lovemaking, but he felt for some reason that he wanted her body beside his. After she had rinsed his hair out, she sat idly stroking him, sorrowing at his impassivity. He granted her wish. "Come here."   
When she looked at him in surprise she was overjoyed to see that he didn't look so zombie-like. There was something in his eyes now—calm—acceptance? Did he accept her? Was it possible?   
Though she wasn't entirely sure what he wanted, she stripped delicately and joined him. There was room to spare.   
Despite the objections of his damaged pride, something about her proximity was comforting. He sighed as she kissed his neck and tenderly soaped him up. For the moment he could let her believe what she wanted to.   
She wanted him, but for the moment she would rather just hold him. And take care of him. He wasn't asking for that, though he grew stiff as he yielded to her ministrations, since of course she couldn't keep the caress out of them. She wondered if she should... No, she'd know when he wanted any of that. It was so strange, how he was letting her be so intimate and they were both aroused but it wasn't erotic.   
_If you wanted, Touga, I would do nothing but take care of you forever. I would be your Rose Bride._   
After he was clean she lay holding him for a few minutes in the soapy water, until she noticed it was getting cold. She pulled him out and wrapped them both in towels, then combed out his hair. He couldn't remember anyone ever being this intimate with him, not even Kyouichi.   
At least Kyouichi wasn't here to see him so vulnerable. His old "friend" would never let him forget it.   
No, this was merely a foolish little girl who would soon be crushed under the weight of her love.   
"Now you'll shave and whatever, and I will make you something to eat. I know you haven't eaten." Seeing as she'd barely been human for a week, she couldn't prepare much beyond rice, eggs and tea, but she'd find something.   
She was right, and he was much too tired to protest for he hadn't really slept either since the duel. He didn't want to think about anything... _Fine, just listen to the girl, she wants to make everything go away so let her.   
Let her try._   
  
"Hello, Mickey."   
The tall figure emerged from the shadows of the music room to reveal pine-colored tresses and violent violet eyes.   
"Sa—Saionji- sempai!?" Miki dropped his book. "How—What are you doing here? You can't be here!"   
"No one's stopped me. We need to discuss, Miki, the direction of the Student Council."   
"There isn't much of a Student Council at the moment. I don't suppose you've seen the President around lately?"   
Kyouichi moved closer. "That's what I'm talking about. Miki-kun, we must ally ourselves against Touga."   
"What? Kiryuu-sempai's in isolation. He's not doing anything because his ego is hurt."   
"Silly boy! Don't you know that a Touga with a bruised ego is the most dangerous Touga of all?" Kyouichi smiled knowingly, and the blue-haired boy blushed. "He'll use anyone he can to get back on top."   
_He'll use anyone..._ Miki gasped. "Yumi-san!" He turned to run out of the room, but Kyouichi caught him.   
"No, Miki, I'm talking about _us_. We have to protect ourselves."   
"Saionji-sempai, what do you mean?" Miki slowly pulled his hand away. He didn't trust Saionji as far as he could throw him. Especially with the way he treated Himemiya-san.   
A soft look suddenly came over Kyouichi, and he touched the younger boy's face. "Miki, so sweet and innocent... I don't want him to use you...the way he used me."   
Typically, Miki turned scarlet, and there was fear in his eyes. "What? But Saionji-sempai—"   
He forgot what he was going to say when Kyouichi kissed him on the mouth.   
Shocked, he pulled away. "Saionji-sempai! I—"   
"Ssshh." Kyouichi romantically embraced the boy, covering Miki's lips again with his. The young mouth was soft and sweet, clearly just as virgin as the rest of him. Kyouichi forced himself to hold back so as not to frighten the boy away. But Miki struggled anyway and escaped again.   
"What are you doing?! You're just like Kiryuu!..."   
That stung. _I am NOT like him!_ "No, Miki, I'm not. I'm nothing like him. I don't want to break your heart—I want to open it."   
Such sweet words coming from the brutal, bitter Vice President of the Student Council? Surely such claims were not to be trusted.   
He should never have hesitated before running. But trying to think of how to get away ruined his chances of doing so. And Miki found himself back in the upperclassman's arms, pulled to the kendo-toned body, too stricken to move.   
Kyouichi wouldn't let go this time. He made his passion more insistent, adding caresses across the narrow chest, licking the virgin lips, making Miki reflexively open his mouth and let him in. The blue-haired virtuoso was so small in his embrace, almost fragile. The boy trembled, no longer as much from fear, but from the totally new and unchildlike sensations Kyouichi awakened. Miki's mind said _RUN_, every dendrite of rational thought screamed _GET AWAY_, but his body had other ideas. He couldn't get away. He was being seduced—overtaken by a sweet heavy storm, by desires that had never before intruded on his consciousness, not even when he thought of Himemiya. And this was happening with another boy. With Saionji Kyouichi. With a hand up his shirt and another tongue in his mouth. Saionji who'd been so evil to Himemiya, and whom he almost hated despite his kind nature. Then why did it feel so good? There was nothing he could do to stop it.   
How should he go about this? He really did want to fuck the boy in his virgin ass. In his head Kyouichi could hear Touga telling him how uncouth he was. He knew he couldn't yield to that temptation now. As things were, that would hurt Miki too much, and he didn't want to frighten the boy away. Oh, he was doing both those things already, hurting and frightening him, but that was inevitable. He did want to be as gentle as was possible for him. True, he could be a bit fierce sometimes, but he would never do what that terrible man had done to Touga...   
Maybe he should leave in the middle of it and make Miki wait for the whole thing. No, he couldn't. Touga could do that to people but Kyouichi simply didn't have the control. It would have to be enough today to have those soft little lips around him... He hardened in anticipation, unbuttoning Miki's shirt. Such innocent beauty, like a rosebud. He'd thought that perhaps Touga had gotten to it first, but that obviously wasn't the case. Even Touga-_sama_ hadn't dared to mar this priceless purity—or else he had waited too long. Because Kyouichi was here first. Juri would be furious.   
Miki didn't know what to do with himself, he had no idea how to move, where to put his hands. Why were his pants so tight? Kyouichi removed his own shirt, not the uniform, for he could hardly wear that now. He could hardly wear anything _right_ now.   
"Saionji-sempai," the boy gasped, "you can't...we can't...someone will see us!"   
"No they won't, dear Mickey. This is more your room than the one you share with your sister." Kyouichi brought his lips to a cute, innocent nipple and reached down the boy's pants. He moaned under the touch of very skilled fingertips. One didn't spend ten years with a playboy and not learn a few tricks. _Pretty, innocent Mickey-chan. Wait until I get you in my mouth..._   
Deftly Kyouchi slipped the boy's pants off, and Miki inhaled sharply at the cool air on his throbbing erection.   
Then they were writhing together naked against the piano, as surely happened so often with Touga and any number of girls. Or maybe it was just Touga and Miki's messed-up sister, so she could get it on in the room where her better half spent so much time and pretend it was him. Even though one really couldn't draw any similarities between the player and the piano player, except perhaps that they were both impossibly beautiful.   
Touga used to tell him he was beautiful...once upon a time in a fairy tale. That castle in the sky had fallen years ago.   
He half wished Touga could see this.   
The boy was too bewildered to give Kyouichi any foreplay in return, but his soft innocence was enough. Miki could feel the tall Vice President's hardness pressing against him, and things were happening to him that had never had occasion to happen before. What was he doing? Why was Saionji-sempai doing this? It wasn't supposed to be like this with another boy...he wasn't like this...and that didn't matter at all. From within him was that primal urge, and he didn't care what it took to gratify it, he just needed to come. Now.   
Kyouichi smirked. _So young and inexperienced. He should learn the value of waiting._   
The forest-haired young man knelt, drinking in the boy's body with his haunted gaze. He was of a nicer size than than one might guess from his slight frame, though his boyhood was still apparent. Despite his academic maturity, he had some physical catching up to do.   
It brought unbidden memories of Touga back when...but Touga had never been innocent. Smooth, soft, sweet as an angel—Miki was beautiful indeed.   
Miki heard his own voice pleading for release as Kyouichi teased him with lips and tongue, a hand stroking his thigh and then massaging a tender place behind his balls. He had no idea this could happen to him... And, his fingers tangled in the rich green hair, his hips thrust and the center of his pleasure dove deep in Kyouichi's mouth, where he found such ecstasy that he completely lost any idea of what was going on or either who of them might be.   
The cries of Miki's advance toward manhood echoed in the piano room.   
_See, Touga, there is someone in this school I can please before you do..._   
  
The image wouldn't leave her mind.   
Maybe it was because Yumi, her first friend in hell knew how long, seemed to place some value on her clairvoyance. Or perhaps this vision had particular importance. She did get that sense, though she couldn't think of what it meant.   
Sometimes the visions showed events clearly as they would potentially happen, but equally often they would come obeying the laws of dreams, using symbolism and seeming nonsense. She didn't always know immediately what these more obscure ones portended; if it concerned her for some reason—it usually didn't—she might try and look up the significance of the images. But she had trained her mind to forget, and did so most of the time. And along with the images there often came feelings that would help her decipher the meaning, if she should be so inclined. This recent one, however, continued to be vague. She had a feeling that conventional symbolism didn't apply.   
In the middle of a class after Yumi's departure (which surprised no one, since she looked so ill today) the vision had come. There were green and blue roses twining together, and a feeling of complicated sadness, oppressive and shameful melancholy. Unspecified, unsettling, unsought. What was it? Shouldn't she just forget all about it? She wished she could tell Yumi. Her eccentricity might bring some insight.   
Arisugawa-sempai inquired after Yumi, but Miteki had little to tell. She felt like she really had no idea what was going on. In confusion she went to the piano room as usual, hoping for some comfort in her ritual. Anticipating the soothing sound, the music that poured like balm over a soul whose existence she doubted, she didn't watch where she was going, and rounding a corner she ran into a tall forest-haired upperclassman in casual dress. "Oh! Pardon me, sempai!" She received a piercingly annoyed glance and bowed low.   
Wasn't that the kendo team captain, the Vice President of the Student Council? Hadn't he been expelled? That would explain why he wasn't in uniform, but not why he was on campus. She turned to look after him in curiosity, but quickly jerked forward again. That was rude. However, it was indeed the Vice President. Perhaps he was being readmitted. But just as Yumi kept saying this morning, something felt wrong...   
There was no music coming from the piano room. The door was open and she poked her head in to see if anyone was there at all.   
There was Miki on the piano bench, half naked and crying.   
  
Touga was sprawled on a sofa, perhaps asleep, when she returned with a plate of eggs and toast and an attempt at miso soup. He didn't seem to notice her presence, and yet concerned as she was, her hormones stirred at the sight of him; he couldn't help but look erotic.   
"Here," she announced. He opened his eyes halfway.   
"I should kill you," he said slowly, "for letting you see me so vulnerable. Yes, I really shouldn't let you live."   
Knowing he was right, she didn't protest. She set his meal down beside him, trying not to spill the soup with her trembling, determined in vain not to let him know how easily he aroused her with that languid glance.   
"If you're going to kill me," said Yumi, "you'll have to live, and for that you must eat."   
"I won't kill you. I should but I won't and you know it."   
She had nothing to say. She sat down beside him, and, careful not to disturb the plate, gritting her teeth to control her shakiness through sheer willpower, she brought a spoonful of miso broth to his lips. So deceptive, his lips, so cruel the words from them and so sweet the kisses... He sipped it delicately.   
"Well, now that you have a secret of mine to keep, you should tell me a secret of yours."   
"I have no secrets from you," she replied. "You know everything about me."   
"But I don't. I know nothing about you. Where are you from? Haven't you a history?"   
"Actually I don't." She blew on another spoonful. "I could tell you my story but it really is insignificant, and besides that it's kind of difficult to believe..."   
He laughed a bit. "Difficult to believe? I assure you I have seen things stranger than what you could tell me..."   
"Oh, I know about _that_," she said offhandedly, not understanding the import of her words.   
He looked at her skeptically. "What? What do you know?"   
Suddenly she worried that he would be upset with her for knowing anything. Well, she didn't really; she hadn't heard about any of that dueling stuff since she came into human existence. Still... What could she say to cover?   
"Well it's obvious you've all got some conspiracy thing going on. The Student Council's so all-powerful and everything," she rambled.   
_She **does** know something._ Suspicious alarms went off in his half-asleep mind. Well, no matter, he'd easily drag it out of her any time he wished. For the moment he obliged her and sipped the broth. "Well then? Tell me where you come from."   
"But my memories are hardly worth recounting."   
"I thought you said you had no secrets from me."   
"If you're really that curious...the place I come from is a vale of dreams, made of sparkling light and laughter, crystal flowers and astral magic. It's older than time, more beautiful than the stars, and it never changes." Her voice was poetic and nostalgic. "I've mostly forgotten, but I can still almost see it when I close my eyes... Of course, I can never go back there." _Nor would I wish to, as you are here,_ she left unsaid but nonetheless audible.   
He smiled at her whimsy. "And where exactly is your 'vale of dreams'?"   
"It's not of this world."   
What sort of nonsense was she giving him? But this fawn-eyed girl was more transparent than a window, and she wasn't lying. Or at least she believed her words to be true. He cocked his head at her. Her appearance certainly hinted at things not of this world. "I suppose you do rather look like a changeling..."   
"What's a changeling?"   
"An old Irish myth, that if the fairy folk saw a human child they liked, they would take it and leave one of their own in its place, something like that. So your homeland must be, what's it called, T'r na Nog?"   
"I wasn't replacing anyone," she said openly. "I became human because I wanted to." There it was again, the Thing Which Must Not Be Said Aloud. She blushed and fed him more soup. He too remained quiet until the last of it was gone.   
"Why did you want to?" he pressed gently then, just to see what she'd come up with.   
"Because I saw you," she murmured, eyes downcast. If he knew he was her weakness, why did she feel so foolish every time it came up? She nudged the plate toward him. "Eat your dinner."   
He looked at the toast and eggs. "Dinner?" Of course, he'd drawn all the curtains, so he had no idea what time of day it might be.   
"I know it _looks_ like breakfast... I'm sorry, I can't cook at all. I can't even make rice balls." She laughed nervously. "I'd make a terrible wife."   
He laughed at her irrelevant worrying. "Oh, but you're perfectly competent in regard to other conjugal duties..." He shouldn't say things like that. She'd think he meant to take her to bed again when actually he would rather sleep alone.   
Or would he?   
His bruised ego whined for solitude, but solitude so easily lapsed into loneliness. Which so easily lapsed into self-hatred, which Ophelia- chan here apparently sensed in him and was bound and determined to wipe out. As though she could come along in a perky maid outfit and sweep away all these complexes like so many dust bunnies. She was a complete idiot. Putting a hand to her mouth to hide the shy little smile and blushing so immaculately. As though she expected her devotion to bring something other than supreme disillusionment.   
He'd just have to deal with her. Perhaps to break her heart he would first have to let her believe that she was gaining possession of his. This was the most cruel of tactics, especially with her, but it would make her see the truth. Because even though she knew it was stupid, and she knew that he knew, for some reason she still believed that he could love her.   
_Haven't you had enough of trifling with hearts?_ some part of him nagged. _Maybe you're losing your power. You couldn't break **her** to your will.   
Fuckit, what am I **doing**?_ He couldn't think like this today. He still hated himself too much.   
The toast and eggs were cold, but it would be unchivalrous to say so. And if dire fragments of memory proved accurate, he had already behaved unchivalrously enough toward her today.   
  
_"Wishing Well, I'm sick of everyone telling me what to do!" A-ko threw a coin down the well. A splash sounded. "I wish I was the queen!"   
"Are you sure that's what you want?" said B-ko's voice.   
A-ko looked around. "What? Who was that?"   
"I'm the spirit of the Wishing Well. I have to make sure people really know what they're wishing for."   
"Of course I know what I wish for! I wish to be queen."   
"If you say so. Granted." Poof!   
Now the shadow girls appeared as royal subjects. "She's a terrible queen! She must be assassinated."   
"I agree completely. We shall dispatch the assassin immediately."   
"AAA!" cried Queen A-ko on her throne. "I'm the queen! Why are you trying to kill me?"   
"Because everyone agrees that you're a terrible queen," replied B-ko the assassin, holding a knife.   
"But I'm not **really** queen! I only wished to be the queen!"   
"Sorry, I'm just doing my job," said the assassin, and plunged the knife into the queen's breast.   
"Uuugh," A-ko moaned and fell over._   
  
"Miki-chan!" cried Miteki. Her books hit the floor behind her as she flew to him. This was atypical of her; but decorum, a facade dropped at the door along with homework, had no place in the situation.   
Which was what? Which was something terrible had happened to the boy she loved: all the day's unease, all Yumi's ravings come home to roost.   
_I won't, I won't run away! I won't! _Acting on an impulse that terrified her, she drew up all her inner strength and sheltered the bewildered pianist in her arms. She didn't ask what had happened, only murmured nonsense words of comfort. _That vision...that image...is this what it meant?_   
Past the point of caring that he was shirtless in some girl's arms, he didn't even know whose shoulder it was he cried upon, but shame made him cry harder. _She doesn't know. She doesn't know what I did, she doesn't know how awful I am._   
She held him tightly, empathetic tears gathering in her eyes, as the moisture from his wet her collar. How? What? What the hell was going on today? She spared a moment's thought for Yumi: _How close is this dilemma to hers? Oh god how right was she—something is horribly askew this day—_   
He was shivering; the piano room was kept cool so as not to mess up the tuning; she reached for his uniform shirt and draped it around his shoulders. He didn't move, nor struggle nor speak, only broke out in stifled sobs. Someone had hurt him. Whose doing was this? Was it Kozue's? Suspicion stirred wrathful thoughts even as his tears clawed into her heart. Whatever it was, whatever evil might be afoot, she would protect him...   
Eventually his tears ceased as she stroked the soft blue hair, singing a tune as old as the trees it celebrated. _"Sakura, sakura, yayoi no sora wa..."_   
Oddly enough, her voice had the same sweet, soothing quality for Miki that Miteki found in his piano playing.   
He sniffed and finally lifted deep blue eyes, seeing her for the first time. Her own eyes had gone stormy with worry and love.   
"You're Yumi's friend, aren't you?" he said hoarsely. "The one my sister..." His fingertips went to the fading bruise on her cheek, and he could feel the heat that rushed to her face.   
Suddenly he blushed too, and backed away to put on his uniform jacket.   
"Are you okay?" Miteki asked softly. He looked at her as if it was a play for which he'd forgotten his lines.   
_She's worried about me..._ he realized, still blushing. _She wants to know what happened._ The thought of anyone knowing horrified him so that he stammered, "I'm sorry, I—I have to go." He left abruptly.   
His music notebook was on the floor not far from her own books. She thought of telling him, but decided he must want to be alone. He must hate her now.   
  
Touga had retracted back into himself, turtle-like, after she put the dishes in the kitchen. "Do you...need anything else?" she said uncertainly. She had no reason to expect a reply, and received none.   
His eyes passed over her without seeing and he sighed deeply.   
"You're tired. Did you sleep? I bet you didn't sleep at all either. Come on..." She pulled him up and he obeyed blankly, wondering why he would be able to sleep now if he couldn't before. Yumi bit her lip as she realized she was leading him to _the_ bedroom, and both of them clad in just these flimsy silk robes... The heavy scent of sex that hit like a wave on opening the door was no less than pure pheromones, not easily resisted. Wouldn't he let her _know_ somehow if he wanted her? She looked at him for direction, terrified of making the wrong move lest she bring out that demon-thing again—something had hurt him and he was so fragile now, a broken bone she didn't know how to tend.   
"Well?" she said, more irritably than she intended. Fighting desire for him was stressful work. She stood aside for him to enter his room alone, but he didn't move.   
She ground her teeth. This was torture. "Sh—should I leave?" she stammered. Her lips hesitated around the words; clearly they would rather be occupied elsewhere.   
He replied just before she would have thrown a fit. "No." But he didn't look at her and made no move toward her. How was she supposed to know what he meant!?   
Trying not to think of what might or might not happen, she walked calmly to the pink bed and held aside a gauzy curtain. He lay down slowly, in zombie mode, but he brushed her thigh on the way—accidentally to be sure, which made no difference whatsoever to her body, already charged and waiting for any contact to confirm her arousal.   
He wasn't looking at her, but he didn't close his eyes, continuing to stare disconsolately. He looked so forlorn there... So she leaned forward, pushed away a few locks of crimson hair, and kissed him.   
He responded lazily, not giving her the hungry passion she would have liked. His hand indifferently found her inner thigh as she moved her mouth across his jawline, and she whimpered when he let one finger nudge her already wet center.   
"Is this still what you're after?" he whispered roughly, knowing it was a cruel thing to say since she couldn't help herself. No one ever could in this room.   
Predictably, she pulled away at the sting of his words. "What! Don't you understand?"   
"Don't I understand what?"   
"You do too! You're just being mean."   
Apparently he'd decided it was time to ignore her again. The memory of the gun in the dark loomed fearfully in her mind. She choked out a sob suddenly and clutched at him tightly, as though determined to protect him from something. _Touga! You would have—! Why would you do that?_   
Her desire had not been entirely thwarted, and she wanted his mouth on hers again, but he would only tease her more. Why did he have to be so cruel? Why did it make her soul burn not with anger, but with that pure fire which had first birthed her?   
"Tell me what hurt you," she murmured into his shoulder.   
"Why should I?" he said after a while.   
"So I can kill it."   
He did not answer, but thought that now he knew how to break her.   
She pressed into him, hearing his heartbeat, and her own. _Doki-doki, doki-doki,_ they whispered to each other. _Koi shiteru, koi shiteru!_ her heart said, louder and more constant than its rhythm, but could he hear that? She strained to hear what his heart might be saying... but he had probably silenced it long ago, its secret cries full of pain and bitterness. She put a hand over his heart, wishing with all of hers that she could heal it somehow, make it real again.   
"You don't know how special it is to me, just to be human. To be with you."   
Her heart was open for him to take all her secrets. He may as well. "You really used to be something else?"   
"Yes."   
"What sort of being? How did you come here?"   
"I was something light and mysterious, insubstantial, something humans could neither see, hear nor touch. Something without a soul. I think the closest word is fairy. I didn't come here alone. We were seeking...seeking something...seeking mysteries. What we were...when we saw a human, we would see more than the form, the body—we could see the soul, and souls are so beautiful. I suppose we wanted to surround ourselves with that beauty. It's common, the seeking. But soon I was alone, because they didn't...they couldn't see..." Her voice was becoming agitated.   
"What?" he urged gently, touching her cheek. He could afford to be tender when he was after something.   
"They were watching...they were too busy watching. The others, they didn't understand, they wouldn't even try." The knowledge she shouldn't have and the truth she couldn't speak welled up inside her, fighting for words, and only came out in the form of tears.   
He watched her patiently, almost sympathetically.   
"I wasn't part of them anymore. I wasn't seeking what they sought. I... I fell for you, and they couldn't understand. They shunned me because they couldn't see what it was."   
"What, Yumi?"   
She lowered her eyes, pressing herself closer to him, aware all the time of the hunger he wouldn't satisfy. "You—your soul." _That mystery, that hidden wound. They were fooled, but not me._   
He didn't quite believe her, but he didn't disbelieve her either. In his world it was so hard to tell what was real, it didn't really matter one way or the other. "Why did you become human for me?"   
She felt his breath on her face, and thought, _For this._ "It just happened. I couldn't feel without a soul. You...made me feel...and my feelings formed a soul, and my soul formed a body, and I became human."   
"What did I make you feel?" He caressed her neck, moving aside the thin fabric of his robe that covered her shoulder, though he had no intention of fulfilling her desire.   
"Longing," she sighed. "Truth. Human desires. I just wanted...to be near you... You don't know what it's like, I would try to touch you and just pass through, you never knew I was there. I had to become human, I want to know everything you are, and... _Touga—_" She shook against him; he was torturing her, his fingertips travelling delicately down her chest. The heat rose to her skin.   
"Is that it? You want to know me?" His voice was low and erotic, teasing. "To know everything I am. Is that what you call it in fairyland?"   
"Don't. Don't be mean."   
"You want me, don't you. You want to feel me inside you." His lips were a tiny distance from hers, too distant for her comfort, he knew. He felt between her thighs; she was soaked there. "Just human desires."   
"_Ah!_—No. I'm not like them. They don't know. I want everything. I want your soul." She couldn't explain herself very well at this point.   
"Oh, Yumi, don't you know? This is my soul. This is all I am."   
"It isn't. Don't lie to me. I know— Stop. Don't tease me." She should throw herself on him, pin him down and make him see the force of her passion. But she couldn't, she could never do that, for she knew what had been done to him. She could only wait...   
It was too much for one little human girl to endure. She went down on him, as she had before in this room, with all that passion she couldn't contain. He wasn't even hard yet, but that changed quickly.   
He bit down the cries he knew she wanted to hear. She knew how to do that so well—how did she know—just the way to make him lose control, the one thing he couldn't allow. He pried her off, moving as though to kiss her, so she'd comply. But he only grated in her ear: "None of your tricks, now."   
A little flutter of triumph went through her. She _could_ get to him. Kissing him lightly, she played with her fingers between his legs.   
Oh no, no no no. She wouldn't overtake him so easily. The last thing he needed was for her to think she had any power over him. He'd have to give her what she really wanted and take it away at the last minute. He flipped her abruptly on her back and covered her mouth with his, in all the deep sweetness she craved, and parted the robe she wore. Let her believe he would take her...and then...but would he be able to get away? Not to hear her tell it. But he'd prove her wrong, he'd tease her until she had to either run away panting or satisfy herself.   
He could do that in front of her, make her watch as he took his own pleasure. That would be _really_ mean. He smiled wickedly at the cruel idea.   
She knew, from the way he wouldn't let her arouse him, that he intended to fulfill her either after a very long time or not at all. She should leave, she should run and save her sanity, or at least her dignity—he'd have her begging in tears for release, while he mocked her feelings, telling her this was all she wanted from him simply because it was all she could have.   
All she could ever have. Why should she want any more than this—his sweet mouth, his skillful hands, his graceful body, the soft cascade of his hair on her shoulders as she moaned his name like an invocation to some god of fertility rites—what else was there for her to want?   
There was the depth behind his eyes that he tried to keep hidden. There was the secret, the boy torn apart and buried, his true self lost. But not forever.   
_I want to know everything you are. I want your soul._   
That hadn't come out right. Words never came easily to truth.   
She should leave but of course she couldn't get away. He must know what crippling bliss his kisses gave her. He must know how helpless she was when he surrounded her with himself like this, and still he had to prove he was the one in power. So let him toy with her, torture her, enslave her—wasn't that her only purpose, to let him prove himself? He had to do this, he needed someone to reduce, this was how he forgot about being hurt.   
Her soul ached for him along with her body.   
"Maybe I'll keep you here like this, right here, forever," he mused. "Yumi, my concubine, my sweet little bedroom slave. We'll write sequels to the Kama Sutra. Would you like that?"   
She hardly understood his words; she could only moan in reply.   
"Maybe I'll never let you come. I could just keep you always on the edge, waiting, and pleading, but never any release..."   
Her moan was a plaintive whine. He illustrated by rubbing her swollen sensitive nub, and then holding back, just teasing, when she would have climaxed.   
She made a frustrated cry, almost a sob. Some part of him was angry, hating himself for being so cruel, but the anger only made him want to be more cruel. This was all he knew how to do; he had no other way to deal. Oh, if he let himself he could thrash about and yell and break things in fury, he could beat the girl instead of playing with her. But that would be losing control. He had to control things... Wasn't that the whole problem? He'd found something he couldn't control and it had ruined him. He must always control everything, ever since....   
He drowned all emotion and memory, as he always had, in sensation. Her taut nipples, her slick center, her parted mouth and pleading eyes. It didn't matter who she was. Just a sweet warm body, to use, to torment, to please until he forgot himself completely.   
  
  
_ There are a lot of questions one can ask about Ohtori Academy.   
For starters: What's with all the roses? Shouldn't the emblem be a phoenix? Then why didn't they call it Bara no Hana Academy? Do people actually learn anything here? Why is that pink-haired chick in a customized boy's uniform? What is the Student Council **really** up to?   
Why do people fall in love with Kiryuu Touga?   
That's the one I try to answer.   
It's easy to have what people call a "crush" on him. And it's easy to confuse that with "love," or so I seem to recall from observation. Of course, nothing less would have made me human.   
Admiration. Desire. Infatuation. Lust. Obsession. He welcomes all of those, indeed, must expect them as his due. But love? The boy should hand out pamphlets warning against it. Put a caution sign on his back.   
Not that such measures would have any effect whatsoever.   
Maybe that's the reason people do it. Because they know they shouldn't. Because it's just another perfect path to self-destruction. Unfiltered cigarettes. Heroin. Driving 200 kmph in the wrong lane. Falling in love with Touga...   
Did I want to destroy myself? It's true that by this love I am doubly doomed—made mortal through a fatal attraction.   
I'm letting their words get to me. "Kiryuu Touga is a dangerous person to love." "I think he might try to hurt you."   
But it's adventure, isn't it, a challenge. Danger. Perhaps it is not self-destruction we seek in loving him, but simply that element of danger...   
Maybe that's the same thing. This is a danger no one has defeated, a challenge no one has conquered. And yet I sought it, became human to chase the adventure when watching wasn't enough.   
Why have I taken this path? He doesn't want me to love him. He doesn't know what to do with anyone's love.   
What if, deep down in that place he hides from everyone, he still hates himself? What if he cannot accept true love because, no matter how many people he takes to bed, he really believes that he isn't worth anyone's love?   
I pray that there is another explanation, and everyone who has tried to warn me about him should pray the same. I pray for his sake, and they should pray for mine—for if this is the terrible truth, I know I would destroy myself just to prove him wrong. _  
  
  
If he was going to break her, he'd have to temporarily compromise a principle or two.   
One principle was that he never cried out, moaned, or otherwise uttered any names during climax. It was too easy to mess up, and if it didn't get confused, it gave an impression of attachment.   
Part of this process, however, was to give that impression, but never confirm it, so that when he finally denied it he could say that she saw only what she wanted to see. He suspended the rule and gave her the sound of her name in his voice at the height of passion.   
He gave her what she wanted—abandoning himself to her pleasure, losing himself inside her. After he made her wait long enough for her to have forgotten her name anyway. The rush, the sweetness, she did make everything else go away. Just like she wanted to...   
Then he told her what a good girl she was, soothing her like a puppy dog after a hard day's training. The waiting had wound her so tightly, he had to pet her as well, to rub the strain from her tensed muscles. She was quiet now, sated and worn out; she must be emotionally drained as well. So far she had not been one to hide her emotions, which was lucky, for he had to judge them properly if he was to play on them as was necessary.   
But she was still hiding something. He saw the tears suddenly, flowing fresh and silent, seeming somehow luminous. They had not been there before. Her secret was in them.   
"Ah, Yumi," he murmured, "what could you have to cry about?"   
She made a small wistful smile at some inner irony. "I'm doomed, aren't I?" was all she said.   
If she already knew her fate, he wondered, how much would she resist it when it came?   
He was thirsty for something light. She too must need a drink. He had taken out some of his favorite saké when he heard, faint from distance, a knocking on the door.   
_Now_ who wanted to intrude? What made them think he would answer?   
  
As she went to the Student Council dorm, Miteki was not sure which task she was using as an excuse for the other. She had to see if Yumi was okay. She had to give Miki his music book. Both would be difficult, and both were obligations.   
Maybe she should wait until Monday to give him his book. What if the only person there was Kozue-whore?   
There's a good reason to see if Yumi's okay first. Maybe she'd come along on the other errand for moral support.   
Of course, from the small bit she'd come to understand, Yumi would already be busy giving moral support. Or something. Ew... Miteki did not want to interrupt anything. Why was she over here at all? These were both dangerous, stupid, and probably unnecessary missions.   
But what if Yumi's visit had _not_ gone that way? What if... Miteki must know that everyone was alright. Yumi still was nowhere to be found. Several worst-case scenarios had come up to haunt the shy poetess since she found that Miki had been hurt.   
Oh, why did she have to run up and comfort him like that? He'd never want to look at her again.   
She could just shove the book in his locker or leave it outside the door, but it never entered her head not to give it to him in person, because she _had_ to see him again, whether he hated her or not.   
And now she had to knock on the Student Council President's door. Nanami would probably come and beat the crap out of her, and hell knew she couldn't fight back like Yumi did.   
The lack of answer made her especially worried.   
  
He ignored the knocking and waited for the potential intruder to leave. Yumi looked at him nervously, but did the same when she saw that he paid no attention.   
The person did not leave, but knocked again after a minute.   
Whoever it was seemed to consider heavily before opening the door and gingerly announcing, _"Ojama shimasu wa..."_   
"Teki-chan?" wondered Yumi.   
"Someone you know?"   
"I think it's my friend Miteki. I guess she got worried..." Yumi blushed to think that everyone knew where she had gone, and that it must now be very apparent what had been keeping her here for the past few hours.   
"Excuse me, I'm sorry—but I'm looking for my friend—" came Miteki's voice.   
"Let me go and..." Yumi began, and started looking for the robe that was tangled in the sheets somewhere, but Touga was already on his way.   
He saw the shy, dark-haired girl standing in the doorway, looking as though she might burst into tears.   
"And who are you looking for?" he said, more calmly than she deserved.   
Considering as he wasn't actually dressed, she found it difficult to look at him. She bowed about twenty times, stuttering, "I'm so sorry, please forgive me for intruding. I'm just looking for Yumi. She left so suddenly and, um, I haven't seen her..."   
"You've nothing to worry about. She's been here the whole time." His words were kind enough, but he said it so indifferently, as though Yumi was a spider on the wall.   
"Oh. Right. I'm sorry, may I talk to her, please?" Miteki desperately wanted to be able to tell her friend about the whole thing with Miki... Maybe Yumi would know, somehow, what it was all about... Though if Miteki the psychic of sorrow didn't know, who would?   
Actually, so many worst-case scenarios had been running through her mind that the Student Council President's word was not enough to stop her worrying. The word of a guy who assured one girl of his fidelity via celphone while feeling up another couldn't be worth much.   
Talk? Yeah, like he needed more people in here. Yumi was probably too embarrassed to show her face; anyway he wanted to be rid of the intrusion. "She's asleep," he told her.   
_Permanently?_ thought Miteki with a sick chill. For all she knew she was talking to a murderer. "Please, _Seitokaichou_-sama, can I see her just for a minute?"   
Yumi, however, had apparently decided to feign drunkenness, stumbling about with the bottle of fine saké. "Dammit Teki- chan, I'm perfeckly fine, now go 'way before I dump this Kiku Special over your fool head."   
Miteki blinked. That sounded like healthy Yumi—not healthy enough to walk upright, but healthy.   
"Well, she should have been asleep by now," said Touga ruefully.   
"Look at this! You supposed to be my friend and here you are makin' eyes at him like everyone else. Fffuck all you bitches!" Yumi hiccuped theatrically and retreated.   
"Charming, isn't she?" he remarked.   
"I'm glad, uh, she's having a good time. So sorry to bother you. Please excuse me," Miteki said quickly, bowing several more times and making her exit. In her rush to leave the Student Council dorm, she quite forgot about Miki's music book.   
"A girl of many talents," he congratulated Yumi. "She can sing, she can act, she can fight..." He put his lips next to her ear. "She can please a man..."   
"Because that's really why I'm here, isn't it?" She gave him a challenging look, daring him to mock her, though her pulse quickened.   
He returned her stare levelly. "I warned you," he said helplessly.   
"I already knew. Did it make any difference?"   
"Yes," he answered her rhetorical question. "The harder something is to get, the more people want it."   
"Is that so? I thought the only law that applies to all humans is gravity." She jumped, and watched her feet land back on the floor. "That used to not happen."   
"You're right, of course. There are laws of nature, but no laws for human nature. Only generalizations. I'm sure you would work doubly hard to defy any generalizations made about you." He smiled at the irony of his statement. Quirky as her character was, she would verify every generalization he made about her.   
"You know what I don't like? I don't like people judging me. People think they know what I want and they know what'll happen to me. But they don't know. Not even you. No one can know because...not even I know."   
"But you told me. What did you mean, then, when you said you want my soul?"   
"I don't know." Flooded by yearning for unnamed, unnameable things, she did not flinch from his searching look. "Do things people say in your bed usually mean something?"   
He laughed. "I suppose not."   
"Do _you_ know what you want?"   
Once more the brief flicker of anger or pain, there and gone in a fraction of a blink, quickly hidden and easily missed. Then the ice-blue eyes regained, or perhaps never lost, their usual chilled indifference. Could she ever know if that flicker was real, and not just a fabrication of her heart that longed for his emotion?   
"Do you?" she pressed.   
_If I did, I wouldn't tell you,_ he thought. "You've beat me again. I don't think many people know what they _really_ want."   
"But they think they know what other people want."   
"You do have a lot to say about human nature. Are you going into psychology?"   
"Maybe. Or maybe, since I'm so good at pleasing men, I should go into prostitution." Yumi swilled the bottle of saké for real. "Mmm. Hey, saké is good."   
Touga laughed again. She did manage to be quite amusing—weak medicine for the wounds of defeat, but he would take it. "If you're going to be a courtesan, you should at least drink that properly out of a _sakazuki_, and pour me some too."   
"Eh, quit making generalizations." She went to up-end the bottle some more, but he yanked it away, at which she whined in protest.   
"Very well, but I _am_ going to teach you to drink saké." He took out the _sakazuki_ set. "You must know by now that the only criterion to share my pillow is that one must be a civilized human being."   
"Oh! Did you hear that? That was the sound of my dreams flying away."   
How she did amuse him. Just like a good toy should. "Oh, I like you."   
She did not outwardly celebrate or contemplate the words as he poured the saké, but tucked them safely into her heart like a special flower pressed in a book, to be brought out later and treasured.   
  
The girl was talking in her sleep. Not mumbling unintelligibly, but talking aloud. He had the sense that she was talking to him in the dream, or that she was only half-asleep and talking to the real him. Either way it was rather eerie.   
"Dreams. I carry them inside me like a million swords. Razor-edged dreams, turning the sky red. They shine...like stars."   
Was she asleep? She couldn't really be saying weird stuff like that consciously, could she?   
"You don't see the power. You won't look at them. Why won't you see?"   
She paused, as though waiting for him to reply.   
"I know. It's madness. It's all madness. But that's what I'm here for, don't you get it?"   
Suddenly she cried out as if torn in the depths of her being, a terrible sound, not at all suited to this room. He was listening, mostly but not completely awake, to her sleep-ramblings, and the cry startled him such that he scrambled away and almost fell out of his own bed.   
She had screamed herself awake, and was just as startled. "I'm sorry," she said softly when she got her bearings.   
The dream had frightened her. He supposed that he should comfort her, but, since she had frightened him too, he didn't think she deserved it. They looked at one another uncertainly. She turned away, guilty of having interrupted his long-needed sleep, fighting away the nightmare memory. A red sky full of stars, a sense of destiny beyond her power to endure.   
It was dawn. Red-gold light tinged the pink room, promising baleful weather later, but particularly beautiful at the moment. When she turned to him again, her eyes were of course heavy with untold emotion. She reached out to run caressing fingers through a lock of crimson silk. In the dim light filtered by the pink curtains, it was a color deeper than heart's blood, more brilliant than Anthy's best red roses, the most terrible beautiful color imaginable.   
"Your hair...is the color of my dreams," she whispered.   
He took pity on her then, and held her. "Dreams that color are dangerous."   
"You say that like I don't know." Was this for real, did he care about her at all? Did it make any difference, so long as she was with him?   
When the answer was yes, there was a difference, then she would bleed for it.   
As he drifted off again it was easy to forget the name and face of the warm body in his arms. It was someone pure, and true to him above all else, and in the haze of near sleep he could almost pretend it was.... 


	4. aikawa nanase : lovin' you

  
  
Yumi, however, had mostly forgotten to take care of herself, and she was very, very hungry. She had to find food. There were no classes today, but it would also help to see other people and make sure she was still real. Humans were carnal creatures, but they were also social.   
Leave Touga's bed? That was the difficult part. She couldn't manage it for several hours. Thunder had arrived when she finally did so, but thankfully, he slept soundly. Oh it was difficult to leave that bed, that helpless beautiful sleeping form... But she was nothing if not strong. _"You've got a lot of guts,"_ was what he'd said to her that first meeting.   
She showered, using his shampoo and wondering if anyone would notice the scent. Probably only the sweet-faced jealous vultures.   
Then she found her clothes, unwearable. She panicked. She couldn't dress herself in that ripped-up uniform. She was stuck here.   
Not a terrible place to be trapped, but it wasn't good to be trapped anywhere.   
Could she get away with borrowing some of his clothes, and running back to her own dorm? It would be painfully obvious while she was in sight...   
There was an alternate solution: steal a uniform of Nanami's.   
Yumi cringed at the idea of wearing that blonde mosquito's clothing. And going into her room to get it. Yuck.   
Well, there was one more option. It was lunchtime. She could just sneak around the building and steal a uniform from Kozue instead. She'd been in there before, at least; she wouldn't have to go rooting through everything.   
It would barely cover her butt, Yumi thought. Miki's promiscuous sister must buy her uniforms three sizes too small. Kozue was significantly shorter than Yumi and still managed to show more leg.   
Wait, no problem. Only the shirt of her uniform was torn. A top from Kozue would be a scandalously tight fit, and even more scandalous in the rain she supposed was pouring, but suitable for darting across the dorm complex. Yumi wrapped herself in a robe, gathered her clothes and headed out.   
She was not prepared for the mosquito attack.   
A furious force materialized from nowhere and slammed her against the wall. No tame little bitch-slaps this time. "What the hell are you doing here?" snarled Nanami. "Are you stalking my brother?!"   
That was a rather extreme case of the pot calling the kettle black. Yumi laughed heartily, or actually, she made a sort of amused wheezing sound since the wind had been very much knocked out of her, and was having difficulty getting back in since Nanami's hands were around her neck.   
"I'll have you kicked out of this school in five minutes. You'll never be able to show your face anywhere decent again. You'll regret you were born if you come near him, you disgusting slut!"   
The blonde razed her with blind hatred. Now Nanami was going to strangle her. She was like him. Or she wanted to be.   
"Who's a disgusting slut?" Yumi ground out, and rammed her knee into Nanami's solar plexus. It was a very effective move. Her enemy doubled over on the floor. "You of all people should know. If you fight to keep him to yourself, you'll always lose."   
Hatred scorched so violently within Nanami that she was sure she would be sick. The fact that she had taken a harsh blow to the midsection did not help. Hatred had made her a poor fighter, and hatred now did more to paralyze her than the physical injury. She was a perfectly ordinary human being in that above all else, even anything that might come between her and _oniisama_, she hated hearing the truth about herself.   
  
Finally back in her own room, Yumi wondered if Nanami had noticed that she still smelled like him. Doubtless.   
Quickly she removed the scandalous stolen uniform shirt, and put on her own that was intact and fit properly. She had not ended up running across the dorm complex as she'd planned, because this was the first time she'd seen rain as a human. It was cold and sadly beautiful. Like a child she danced in it, and splashed puddles, and stood with her face skyward and then opened her mouth to catch the drops. She hadn't been able to completely enjoy it, however, because she felt as though something bad was watching her. Most likely a pair of big cute cornflower-colored eyes, full of unfathomable hate.   
For some reason she found herself regretting the unpleasant encounter. She had been cruel. She didn't like being cruel. But if the dumb blonde was going to be that stupid...   
That didn't justify anything. She found that she didn't hate Nanami anymore, but only pitied her. Nonetheless, she still had a mortal enemy.   
Yeah, and check out all these hicky spots. She'd have more than one mortal enemy to deal with. This was indeed a dangerous life.   
Miteki, as it turned out, had come to find her. Yumi opened the door and there was her dark-haired friend with a blue umbrella.   
"Oh, you are here," Miteki exclaimed in relief.   
"Yeah," she said. "I'm sorry I worried you."   
Miteki saw the love bruises adorning Yumi and pointedly looked another direction. Yumi blushed and decided she had best put on some makeup. Had Kozue known that this was why she'd need the stuff? Her stomach rumbled as she applied it.   
"Come on, the dining hall just opened," said Miteki, and they ventured back out into the rain. When would they be able to tell each other all that had happened in the past twenty-four hours?   
When would Miki tell her... Miki would never tell her, that was obvious.   
Despite the somber beauty of the campus in the rain, as they crossed the bridge under the blue umbrella, something ominous still nagged at Yumi. It was quite different from her feeling yesterday that something was wrong. This was more like something that shouldn't be here, a shadow creeping out from a place where it was always night, was here, and it was watching her. Following her.   
Probing smooth dark fingers into her mind. For a moment she was sure some vile force had physically stripped her naked, and she gasped and moved to cover herself, and was surprised to look down and see that her clothes were on.   
"What?" asked Miteki.   
"Something..." Yumi whispered, unnerved. A chill ran up her spine and she felt the terrible presence pinpointed behind them. She whipped around. No one was there but a man in a scarlet shirt with dark skin and lavender hair, and he wasn't even looking at her. Why then...   
Shouldn't she remember him from somewhere? That was a man who had said something important once.   
Miteki stopped walking, as Yumi had, and followed her glance. "Oh, that's the Trustee Chairman," Miteki explained. "He's engaged to the Dean's daughter. Quite the VIP. I wonder what he's doing wandering around in the rain?"   
He saw the two girls looking at him, and gave them a friendly nod. Miteki bowed deeply in return, and nudged Yumi sharply when she didn't move. Yumi's bow was shaky and not nearly deep enough.   
The Trustee Chairman's umbrella was a different shade of red than his shirt, a very specific red. "You're not allowed to have anything that color!" Yumi wanted to yell, but her lips wouldn't have moved even if she had something appropriate to say. What a weird thing to even think. If there was no such thing as a coincidence, there wouldn't be a word for it, right?   
"Seriously, Yumi-chan, I just told you he was important. That was really rude," Miteki chided when they began walking again.   
"I take it _you_ didn't feel anything," snapped Yumi when she could talk.   
"Well sure, he's got a weird aura, but that doesn't change who he is."   
Yumi disagreed. Were the Trustee Chairman and the ominous, invading presence one and the same? That made about as much sense as some campus VIP man she'd never met buying a red umbrella specifically to taunt her. But for some reason that notion was also difficult to dismiss.   
She felt like she should already know who he was, and that the title of Trustee Chairman was a facade.   
"But who _is_ he?" said Yumi.   
"I can't remember his name. But you know that Himemiya girl, with the glassses and purple hair? He's her brother, or so I've heard. They do look alike."   
Something resonated inside her like a giant bell. Something she could almost remember. Something she should know. Things seemed to hang in the balance of her knowing...   
How was that man even important to her? She'd never seen him around Touga or anything.   
Except there _was_ something important about him, terribly important...   
Too many conflicting contradictions. She didn't want to think about it any more. She was very hungry, because after all that, she still wanted lunch.   
"I think they should call this place Weird Shit Academy," Yumi concluded. "Let's find food."   
Yumi's aqua hair, contrasted against the grey day, caught Miki's eye; from a window high above he saw the pair enter the dining hall.   
"Yumi-san!" he exclaimed.   
Juri looked up from her tea. "Is she here?"   
"She just went into the dining hall with her friend." He was quite glad to see that Yumi was alright. Neither of them would admit how afraid they had been for her. He thought of going to greet her but remembered that Yumi's friend was the girl who...   
The girl who saw him crying yesterday. The girl who would want to know why.   
Miki had gone pale suddenly. "What's wrong?" said Juri.   
Inwardly he shrunk in dread from the idea of Juri finding out. If Juri knew. If Kozue knew. If Himemiya knew. If his father knew. Oh dear God. Would this fear of people knowing his depravity never leave him?   
"Miki, you look ill. Are you okay? Was the _bentou_ bad?"   
He coughed. "No, I was...just a little worried, that's all..." But he wouldn't face her.   
Juri remembered that Yumi had mentioned the Rose Bride. Yumi knew things. "I'm sure she's fine. I'll talk to her soon."   
"Okay." Miki stared at the rain.   
He had become very withdrawn all of a sudden. _Did he have a fight with Kozue?_ Juri wondered. That was unlikely; Miki was too sweet-natured to fight with anyone. Well, she wouldn't press him. If he wanted to tell her what was wrong, he would.   
If he was falling for the weird girl, that would explain why he was upset. But anyone could tell when Miki was interested in someone by the color in his face, and Juri had not seen him blush when talking to or about Yumi. Rather, hadn't he blushed yesterday at seeing Yumi's friend? Perhaps something had gone not so well between them. Juri would have liked to know, but if he wouldn't tell her, it wasn't her business—which simply meant she'd find out elsewhere. Information, in the form of gossip, tended to come to her without her even seeking it.   
  
"I'm really sorry I burst in like that," said Miteki. "I just... Well, I had to see if you were alright."   
"I understand. I wasn't really drunk, though. I just wanted to give you an excuse to leave quickly." Yumi grinned. "It didn't seem like you were having as much fun seeing him run around in a skimpy silk robe."   
Miteki grimaced. "Will you not bring that up? We're kind of eating."   
"Hmph! Some people have no taste."   
"What happened when you...?"   
Yumi got a serious look, and then replied quietly, "I shouldn't say."   
"Oh."   
_He's so fragile,_ Yumi wanted to say. _Something hurt him. He's so vulnerable and nobody knows it._ But she would keep his secrets. "What about you, how was your day?"   
"Miki was crying!" Miteki whispered intently. Her face was worried, anguished, pleading Yumi to tell her something.   
"Crying?" Yumi became worried as well. Miki was kind to her even after she beat up his sister. Miki crying? Could it have anything to do with what hurt Touga? "When? Why?"   
"In the piano room. After school yesterday. I don't know why. Yumi-chan, what's going on? Why's everyone getting all weird?"   
"There's something _wrong_ with this place," said Yumi angrily. She looked out the window, and her voice quieted to somber tones. "It's beautiful but there's something wrong with it. Like we can never quite get a handle on what's going on. Who really calls the shots around here?" She had that feeling again that there was something huge she should know, and let out an anxious sigh. "I wish we could just get everyone out." By "everyone," of course, they were referring to the people important to them.   
"I know what you mean." Miteki looked up. "Wait, what do you mean, who calls the shots? It isn't the Student Council President?"   
Yumi frowned. "That's... I used to think so too. But there's something else. If it was him...they wouldn't have done that to him..." Whoever "they" were, and whatever "that" was.   
A pink and black bolt of energy entered the dining hall then—Tenjou Utena, flanked by her perky brown-haired friend Shinohara Wakaba, and dainty purple-haired Himemiya Anthy.   
Yumi's sense of unrest grew. She had never trusted Utena. It was true, she had never trusted Utena not to be her rival.   
Technically she had hundreds of rivals. But, as everyone could see, Tenjou Utena was something else. The problem was that Utena didn't want him—she didn't want to be Yumi's rival. And she probably never would be. So why did that make her the most dangerous one out of the multitude? _How is she my rival by **not** being my rival? Nothing makes sense in this place, nothing._   
She just didn't trust Utena. All there was to it. No need to complicate gut feelings by trying to explain them.   
Instead Yumi turned back to the Miki issue. "So he was in the piano room crying? How was he crying? Quiet or loud?"   
"Just...crying." Miteki lowered her voice even further. "And...his shirt was off."   
"His _shirt_ was off? What the hell for?"   
"Damned if I know!"   
"What is that about? Did somebody jump him?"   
"No, there wasn't anyone else! Except I saw someone—" Miteki's eyes went wide suddenly and a hand flew to her mouth.   
"What? Who was it?"   
"That can't be right..." Miteki said through her fingers, barely audible.   
  
Minutes later, Miteki was at the table writing disconsolately, and Yumi was gathering food at the buffet a third time. This time, however, it was not for herself. She was trying to think what would make a good lunchbox when Miki appeared beside her.   
"Yumi-san...how are you?"   
"Oh, hi, Kaoru-sempai. I'm fine. What's up?" Yumi looked at him curiously, searching for any traces of the distress Teki- chan had described. "I'm sorry I got upset at you yesterday."   
He turned away from her clear gaze. "Um...well...are you really okay? We were worried, when you didn't come back..."   
"I wish you wouldn't worry about me." Actually, she wished that Teki-chan had come with her, so that she could make some excuse to leave them together. But maybe now she could extract the information from him. She didn't like the idea of being so nosy, but as a matter of fact, she was intensely curious.   
She knew Saionji Kyouichi without ever having met him. He had been friends with Touga but all had soured after the terrible thing. It had torn at Saionji so that he wanted and needed nothing more than to one-up him. He couldn't use the Rose Bride against him any more, so now—if Yumi was putting two and two together correctly—he was using Miki.   
...Friends? Was that the right word? Yumi would have liked to know, but there was such a thing as too much information.   
At the moment she was more curious about Saionji's current possible antics. It wasn't very nice, if it left Miki crying like that.   
A horrible thought hit her like the kick she had given Nanami.   
—_WHAT IF—   
What if Saionji did to Miki—   
—the same thing that was done to Touga?_   
The speculation made her inhale the tea cookie she'd snuck into her mouth, and she stood there coughing until Miki grabbed a glass of water for her. Soon she was breathing more or less normally again, and wiped the tears from her eyes. "Thanks."   
"Are you alright?" The concern was distinct in Miki's blue eyes.   
"Of course. I guess I had to be punished for eating while standing here." Yumi smiled nervously. She wanted to run away. This was too heavy for her.   
Miki smiled uncertainly in return. "Maybe."   
_Change the subject. Gotta change the subject._ "Um, Kaoru-sempai, do you know what makes a good _bentou_?"   
"Oh, a _bentou_? Who's it for?"   
Yumi didn't look away. "You know."   
It took a moment for Miki to understand. "Oh. H- How is he?"   
"He's okay." A sincere, gentle smile lit Yumi's face. Miki didn't have a very high opinion of the Student Council President, and hell knew what had happened to leave him crying shirtless in the piano room, yet here he was asking after him with genuine concern. He was so kind. It was easy to see why Miteki would fall for him. "He's just feeling a little antisocial, I think."   
"I see." He wasn't used to girls smiling at him like that. He almost blushed, but not quite.   
Then Yumi's expression turned sharply serious. "Do you know what happened?"   
"I..." Miki blinked. He couldn't tell Yumi about the duels. But didn't she already know? She'd mentioned the Rose Bride yesterday. "I think Arisugawa-sempai will tell you."   
"Where is she?"   
"She said she would talk to you soon."   
Yumi let the matter rest for the moment. If anyone had the facts, it would be Juri. On the other hand, something had happened to Miki as well. Did Juri know about that? Yumi wasn't so sure any more that she wanted to know.   
"Anyway," Miki interrupted her wonderings, not unwelcome, "it depends on what kind of _bentou_ you want to make, like noodles, or sushi..."   
He helped her pick out a few things, and after Yumi thanked him she said, "Oh, Teki-chan said she had your music book. You dropped it in the piano room."   
"I...I did?" Miki started.   
Yumi looked at him expectantly. They both knew he now had no choice but to go talk to Miteki.   
Miki knew then that Yumi's friend had told her what she'd seen. Yumi gazed at him with her otherworldly eyes, empty of judgement. Yet he was sure she would turn away in revulsion if she knew what he'd done.   
Or would she? Her look appeared to say, _I don't care. You're not a bad person._   
Almost as if she already knew.   
She broke the silence between them. "Well, don't you want your book back? Teki-chan's over there." She pointed, and it seemed for a strange instant that he was standing at a celestial crossroads, and she a guardian angel pointing toward his destiny.   
  
Juri managed to watch everything without looking like she was watching. She watched Miki talking to Yumi and wondered what thought made the girl's eyes go all horrified in the moment before she choked on a cookie. She watched Yumi direct Miki to her dark-haired friend and finish putting together the lunchbox. She would have liked to watch Miki talking to the shy girl writing poetry about him—it might have given her some clues as to what had upset the boy—but Yumi soon vacated the dining hall, slipping away silently to let the pianist and the poetess have their moment. Juri addressed her the second her hand touched the door.   
"Hello, Arisugawa-sempai. Are you well?" Yumi bowed, careful not to tilt the _bentou_.   
"Fine, thank you. I believe we have some things to discuss." Juri opened her dark fuschia umbrella, under which they ventured outside. With her precious cargo that she had arranged with such care, it was clear where Yumi was again headed.   
"Thank you, _sempai_," said Yumi, bowing again, since Juri was sacrificing her personal space to let her share the umbrella. Besides, she was glad for the company. She had been a bit uneasy about walking back to the dorm complex alone, and not just because of the rain. "Where shall we start?"   
"Well, let's begin at the present and work our way backwards. Why did you choke like that just now? It was clear that something frightened you."   
"An unpleasant thought that strayed into my head." Yumi looked hard into the grey distance, her words quiet but stiff. "I would not mention it aloud without due cause."   
Juri nodded. She knew those kind of thoughts. "And you know that Miki is upset? Was it, perhaps, something between him and your friend?"   
She thought carefully before answering. She didn't want to just hand out people's secrets like raffle tickets. "Arisugawa-sempai, I can tell you all you want to know about myself, but I don't know how much I should say about other people."   
"I understand. It's just that there seemed to be a bit of something between them, and..." How could Juri persuade her that she would be telling secrets to help her friend? "Well, you know Kozue. Your friend's a nice girl and I could keep an eye on her."   
Juri showing concern for another person? What was going on? Well, it had to do with Miki, so maybe it made sense, Yumi concluded. "Her name is Teki—Kodama Miteki. It wasn't anything she did that upset him. She merely found him after it happened." She certainly was not going to tell Juri what she suspected, and what she feared. If it was true, Juri would find out herself.   
"So you don't know what it was either?"   
"No clue, sempai." Yumi didn't know why she lied like that, but it seemed a better course of action.   
"Kodama Miteki." Juri tried to think if she'd heard the name before, and decided not. "Does she...have feelings for him?" Dumb question if there ever was one.   
"He is her prince," Yumi replied without hesitation. _And what of mine? I think you know what happened to **him**._   
"Okay. Back to yesterday, before you left. You said something about the Rose Bride."   
"Did I?"   
"Yes. How do you know?"   
Great. How to explain this to Juri. "Remember when I said I'm not from this earth?"   
"Yes."   
"It's true. You don't believe a weird thing like that, but it's true. I know some things. Not a lot, but maybe more than I should. More than people think, anyway."   
Who the hell was this girl? She thought she was a _tennyo_ now, or an alien? Okay, never mind how she knew... "Tell me what you know, then."   
"I know that tiny quiet girl Himemiya Anthy is the Rose Bride. I know if you have a Rose Signet ring you duel for her, and there's supposed to be some power you get if you win the duels, and this is all mostly the Student Council's business. That's it, and it's a big pile of enigmas if you ask me."   
"Enigmas," Juri agreed. "There are a lot of those."   
"So, now that I know all that, do you have to kill me, or what?"   
"I don't see any need for that. Obviously you haven't been blabbing to people about it."   
"No, although everyone knows the Student Council is up to _something_ really weird."   
"You don't have the ring. So you haven't been in any duels."   
"But we saw the duels. I can't really remember, though."   
"'We'?"   
"Myself and the others like me. I wasn't human before. See?" Yumi faced Juri and tugged at a pointy ear with her free hand.   
Juri blinked wonderingly. Certainly she was no stranger to strange things, though she may be skeptical by nature. "But you're human now?"   
"Yes."   
Never mind that question, then. Juri suspected no one would ever understand the aqua-haired girl's origins, seeing as she'd come up out of nowhere naked in the piano room. "Well, it's not my call if we're supposed to do anything with you. As long as you're not telling everyone about it, I don't see that it matters much."   
"Whose call is it?"   
"I suppose it would be up to the mysterious party who directs us, whom only Kiryuu can contact."   
"The mysterious party." Yumi squinted, sorting through fragments of memory. "Dios? No, End Of The World?"   
"That one. End Of The World."   
There it was again, that giant bell sounding, that thing she should know. Yumi shivered.   
They walked in silence for a few steps, surrounded by the pouring rain and other students returning from lunch under their umbrellas, until Juri asked, "What is he up to, in there by himself?"   
"Being a recluse for a while, I suppose," Yumi answered in a small, wistful voice.   
"How is it that you are allowed in?"   
Yumi looked at the older girl as though she'd asked a very rude question. The brightness of her amber eyes stood out from the dim rain- drenched scene. "Because I give a damn," she said in clipped syllables.   
"Hm." Juri had no retort for the truth, though she would have liked to warn Yumi again that the feeling wasn't mutual. Yumi, however, seemed determined to learn the hard way.   
"You know what did this to him. Tell me."   
Juri tried to come up with a reason not to, and couldn't. "He lost a duel, that's all. Losing takes its toll on all of us. I imagine it's more of a shock to one who isn't used to losing."   
"That's it?" Yumi had seen people lose duels. Was it _that_ traumatic?   
"We all lost to her. You must know."   
"Her..." Images flickered before her mind's eye. _The Arena, wide blue sky! The watchers! The mysteries! He was the only human watcher. Purple-haired obedience, pink-haired righteousness, forest-haired bewilderment; rose petals scattering, churchbells pealing..._ "Tenjou Utena!" Yumi spat the name as though it were a curse.   
"Yes, her. You don't like her, I take it. But she's only doing what she thinks is right." Juri sighed. "Maybe what _is_ right."   
They were across the great expanse of the bridge now. Yumi pressed her lips together, holding her anger within. _Nothing that hurts him is right. Ever. I will kill anything that hurts him. I will kill it._   
But Juri saw it in the strange girl's eyes, and knew that before long she too would wear a ring and hold a sword.   
  
She entered his room again and was attacked with desire again. It didn't help that he was sprawled naked and enticing on the bed, all red silk locks and ivory skin and dark lashes, a layer of pink satin over his legs, barely covering the scene's _pi _


	5. delerium : underwater

  
  
  
She woke well after dawn, and sat straight up, realizing that there were classes today. What time was it?   
"What?" he said, stretching in a very feline motion.   
"I have to go to class."   
"No you don't." He pulled her back down beside her.   
"Yes I do. This is a school, if you hadn't noticed. You should, too."   
"Watch this." Touga rose and shrugged into the magically appearing robe, left the room, and reappeared a few moments later with his celphone, then sat down on again on the pink bed.   
Yumi could see the celphone screen. _362 unanswered calls._ She stifled a laugh at the absurdity of the amount.   
"Who's your homeroom teacher?" he asked, dialing.   
"Sasaki Michiko-sensei. What are you..."   
"Ssh. —Can I please have Sasaki Michiko-sensei? Thank you. ...Hello, Sasaki-sensei? Good morning, this is the Student Council President. You know that new transfer student, Maigo Yumi? I'm afraid there's been a mix-up; she's not actually supposed to be attending classes here. She's here for some very specialized tutoring, you see, but didn't have the heart to protest when they had her down for normal classes by mistake, you know how it is. Right. Yes, please do. Of course, sorry about all this. Thank you." He closed the celphone and put it down. "See how easy that was? No classes for you, ever again."   
Wide-eyed, Yumi had put her hands to her face. "I can't believe you did that! Now all the _teachers_ know!"   
He laughed. "And does that really bother you?"   
She gave an exasperated sigh. "How am I gonna learn anything?"   
"I'll take over your education, of course."   
"Great, then I really will end up being a courtesan."   
"Hm, only if that's what you _want_ to be paid for. But you don't have to go to class to learn, you just have to read. By taking over your education, of course, I meant I'll find you some books, if you have such an inquiring mind." He smiled and pulled her close. "As for matters of the 'floating world,' I believe I already am in charge of your education."   
She blushed a little. She had never heard the phrase "floating world," but clearly it was a euphemism for bedroom things. It described this room rather aptly. _A pink room called Floating World,_ she thought.   
"Now, unless you're hungry or something, I think we should go back to sleep. It was a late night." He yawned over the last phrase.   
Indeed, it had been a late night—and an eventful one. How had it concluded? She didn't even know! She had to find Teki-chan!   
"I want to talk to my friend."   
"Your friend? The bashful one?"   
"Yes, the 'bashful' one."   
"Do you have to?" He pouted a little.   
She set her jaw in response. "Yes. I have to."   
"Fine. Good luck finding your clothes." He settled back into bed.   
She giggled. "I'll be back."   
  
The wind from yesterday's storm had decided to stick around. Though the sun was warm, it was a fierce, gusting wind, determined to mess up hair and flip up skirts. It shouted in her ears. _I'm here to stir things up! I'm here to make things change! And I'm not leaving!_   
"Like me?" Yumi said to the wind. Clouds hurried across the sky as if late for something important. If the wind softened a little, it would be a perfect day.   
She spotted Miteki heading to the bridge, long indigo hair whipping around her face. Yumi ran to greet her. "Hey, Teki-chan. Wow, what's up with this wind!"   
"Seriously. I should've tied my hair back," said Miteki.   
"I'm really sorry I had to leave you last night. I'm probably the worst friend you could pick."   
"It's okay. That...that was all just weird."   
"What happened finally?"   
"Oh, Arisugawa-sempai managed to kick him out and then I fell asleep hiding behind the door and she found me and let me sleep on her couch. Anyone would think I did something with her."   
"That damn kendo jock's a strange one. I wish I knew what he thinks he's doing." But Yumi felt a pang in her gut, a feeling that maybe ignorance was bliss. "Well, no one ever knows. He'd kill anyone who asks."   
"I don't like him," Miteki almost whispered.   
Yumi laughed loudly. "Miteki, queen of the understatement. There's no shame in saying you hate his guts and want him to die a horrible death."   
"Hey Yumi," some random girl called then. "I saw your friend leaving the Student Council dorm this morning! Is she stealing your boyfriend?" The girl's friends giggled.   
"Is the wind stealing your brain? Maybe you should find it before you say something else stupid," Yumi replied. That shut them up. No one had expected the weird girl to come up with a snappy retort. But Miteki's face was red.   
"My 'boyfriend,' huh? There's going to be a Brutally Murder Yumi Council if people are saying that," she muttered.   
"The active half of the Student Council were looking all over for you the other day," said Miteki. "I was wondering if they make such a big deal of everyone who gets with him. Wouldn't they have to hold assemblies?"   
Yumi laughed and mimed holding a microphone. "The best way to be seduced by the Student Council President is to write a love letter and then wait around in the rose garden. If you have been dumped by the Student Council President, please stay after the assembly for the mass _seppuku_ ceremony."   
This did not amuse Miteki, to whom suicidal thought was no stranger. Yumi blinked and changed the subject. "You know what he did just now? He called the homeroom teacher and told her to take me off the roster. So now I don't go to school at all, and yet here I am. Is that ridiculous or what!?"   
"Huh? Can he do that?"   
"Apparently."   
"What are you going to do all day?"   
"Beats the hell out of me!"   
"But he still isn't going to class? He wants you around that much?"   
Strangely enough, Yumi hadn't thought of it that way. Her heart leaped, and she said softly, "I guess so."   
It seemed suddenly as though Yumi might have attained the impossible, Miteki thought, that shining treasure quested for by so many. Miteki looked at her in wonder. "Does he...love you?"   
Yearning ripped unexpectedly through her whole being. Could she answer yes? If she said yes would it be true? If she believed hard enough...?   
Who would dare take such a leap of faith? To be proven wrong and fall from such a height—wouldn't that break anyone? She wanted to believe, but she knew better...   
"If he does I sure wish he'd fucking SAY SO!" she shouted. People looked at her. There were tears in her eyes. From the wind, right? Yes, from the wind.   
She looked down, speaking as quietly as Miteki was wont to. "Wouldn't it make sense that if you believe hard enough, something will come true? I'm human only because I believed that I should be."   
"It _would_ make sense," said Miteki, "but the world isn't known for making sense. Maybe it works that way for you, though. You come from a different world."   
"There wasn't any such thing as sense or nonsense. Making sense is a human concept." Yumi snorted. "I daresay you'd have an easier time of it anyway."   
"Of what?"   
"Winning your prince's heart, if you believe it into being."   
"I don't know why you'd think that."   
"Don't you? Yours is...pure. He's not so complicated. He'll tell you what he's feeling, and if he doesn't, you'll know anyway. Mine, he's something else. He's all deception, I can't read him, he never tells me his true feelings. He never tells anyone. If he felt anything for me he probably wouldn't tell me; if he told me I probably shouldn't believe him."   
"How can you love someone you don't know, who's 'all deception'?"   
"Because I know _why_."   
Miteki waited for Yumi to explain further, but she was done explaining. She'd said too much already.   
"Well, I bet he's 'complicated' now," Miteki said dismally, referring back to her own prince.   
Yumi shook her head. "Not that way. He'll never lose that purity. His sincere heart is the essence of him."   
She was right, of course. It was what made him lovable. "What's the essence of your prince, then?"   
"A diamond shell."   
No one who didn't love Touga would have thought of that, thought Miteki—that instead of being heartless, he was just one of those people who could never let anyone see his heart. No one who didn't love him would believe it, either.   
They had arrived at the main school building, and Yumi realized she would have to walk back across the bridge alone while everyone else was heading in the opposite direction. That would look more than a little suspicious. Well, she could just run and look like she'd forgotten something.   
"I'm sorry I can't be around more," said Yumi. "I don't know what'll be going on today, but if I get to, I'll come visit you later. Let's go to that coffee shop again."   
"Yeah, let's do that."   
"See ya." Yumi smiled, bright and encouraging on a day when nothing was that way, and turned and jogged back against the flow of students.   
Time for Miteki to face another day alone, as always. At least she was invisible, so no one would ask her why she looked so pale and nervous.   
  
He was asleep again when she returned, so she got back into bed beside him. She could use some more sleep. It was too windy outside. Wind moaned against the outside of the building.   
She woke a few hours later from hunger. Curious, she looked out the window to see that the wind had decided to calm down after all, and it was an utterly beautiful day outside. She had to tell him. "Touga, look, the weather's so perfect."   
He sat up and yawned. "Is it? Let's go to the beach, then."   
She looked at him excitedly. "The beach? Really?"   
"Sure. There's a nice spot not too far away. Do you have a bathingsuit?"   
"I think so."   
"Why don't you go get it?"   
"Okay!" She ran to her own dorm, full of anticipation, and found the designer bikini that Kozue had helped her pick out. It was a modest cut, but the sides were sheer, and it was a cute pink and white flower print. Over the suit she put on some clothes appropriate to a day of summer leisure. When she got back to his room, he had done likewise, and gathered beach supplies as well.   
"Oh, you look adorable. I can't wait to see you in your suit."   
Yumi grinned. He had his hair tied back loosely and a casual shirt hanging halfway open. She poked him where his chest showed. "Not so bad yourself. But you don't think you're showing off too much of the merchandise?"   
He laughed. "So you're the only one who gets to see it now?"   
"We can pretend that's how it is. After all, if we're going to the beach together, we must be a couple." Suprisingly, she didn't feel yearning when she said that, just sly amusement.   
"I suppose I'll have to indulge you, then." He fastened one more button.   
They were on their way in a little sedan before she knew it. He wished there was a convertible to take, but the only one around was the Trustee Chairman's. That car had a raw, provocative energy to it that was almost sinister, but he could have borrowed it easily enough; however, the reason he didn't take it was that he couldn't drive standard.   
"Are you old enough to drive?" Yumi said suspiciously. Wasn't eighteen the driving age here, and he seventeen?   
"No, but the cops don't know that."   
Yumi laughed. "You're going to get us in trouble!"   
"I never get in trouble."   
"Oh, that's right, you can charm your way out of anything. Well, charm us some food, I'm hungry."   
"Me too. There are lots of nice shops where we can get something."   
"Won't we look weird, being there on a school day?"   
"Not really; lots of students will skip on a nice day like this."   
"Lots of _delinquents_ will skip on a nice day like this."   
"In that case, we'll be delinquents." He turned on the radio and they laughed at the mangled Japanese versions of American pop hits.   
They arrived soon, and took some box lunches from a noodle shop out to the waterfront along with the requisite blanket and umbrella. Yumi had obviously never seen the ocean before. "Aahhhh! It's so pretty!" she exclaimed, her eyes wide with wonder just like a small child's. She laughed with pure delight. It really was a perfect day to be there.   
Carrying the box lunches, she ran down onto the sand, giggling as she almost lost her footing on the uncertain surface. Soon they found a spot for the blanket and umbrella, and sat in the meager shade eating and watching waves roll in and seabirds cavort.   
They finished lunch and Touga fished sunblock out of the bag. "Oh, look!" said Yumi. A little white butterfly, seeking shelter from the sea breeze, had landed on her shoulder. "What's it doing out here on the beach?" The butterfly closed its wings thoughtfully, as if to say, _I was just wondering that myself._ Yumi laughed. "Aw. See, it's lost!"   
Touga, apparently, was not amused.   
"That's an awful serious face. What's wrong with a little lost moth?"   
"It's a butterfly," he said in a strangely flat voice.   
_I'm sure I have no idea why, but it seems you're an uninvited guest,_ she thought to the little insect. She turned her shoulder landward and blew at it to send it on its way, but instead it made for Touga's bright hair.   
A look of horror came over his face. "Get it off!" he cried in a voice she'd heard him use once before—the voice that came out when he was somehow stripped of his armor and his wounds torn raw. "Augh! Get it off!" He shook his head violently but only succeeded in getting the hapless creature tangled in his ponytail.   
His urgency was too great for her to be confused. Responding without thought, she quickly combed through his hair with her fingers until the offending bug was caught in her hand. She moved away and released it. _I don't know what you did, but if you show those wings around here again I'll rip them off._ It fluttered away, innocent as anything. A couple of kindergarten-age boys were sniggering at the handsome youth freaking out over a butterfly in his hair. Yumi gave them a look that made them turn and run.   
She went through his hair again to make sure there weren't any bits of wing stuck in it. He was trembling. "I got it," she told him gently. "It's all gone." If there was a reason why a little white butterfly could get under his armor so well, somehow it didn't matter now. Today was supposed to be happy. She put her arms around him and her chin in the hollow of his shoulder, and waited for him to stop shaking. "Didn't you want to see my bathingsuit?"   
This girl, who longed so for his emotion, who wanted so badly to get into the truth of him, now after that display was pretending like nothing happened? She knew there had to be something behind it, and yet she just disregarded it entirely? He felt a surge of affection for her. He should thank her for getting rid of the thing, but his pride also refused to acknowledge such an outburst. He wished she could know how much it meant—her small kindness of not asking why he hated those little white butterflies with black dots.   
If she asked later, would he tell her?   
That he would even consider such a thing shocked him. Regardless of the fact that he could never speak of it to a living soul, what would she do with a piece of knowledge like that? It would just rankle inside her and make her angry at the world. Besides, she wouldn't ask. She'd already decided not to.   
What a strange girl. Silly, and funny, and good in bed; deranged, and opinionated, and kind when you least expected it. Kindness was something unfamiliar to him, so much so that when he saw it he had to wonder if it was self- serving. Not so with her, at least not this time.   
It was one of those weird things about the world, how some small kindness that a person thinks nothing of makes the biggest difference to the recipient, and the first person deosn't even know—but there's no way to tell her.   
He'd more or less planned to indulge her anyway, so he may as well feel tenderly toward her for the day.   
"Yes, I do want to see it," he smiled. "Off with those clothes now."   
"I get that a lot from you." She grinned and shimmied out of her shorts and T-shirt, then made some mock model poses for him.   
"Ah, that suits you perfectly. You are too cute." Seeing her so adorable and carefree, against the perfect backdrop of the sunlit ocean, filled him with a buoyancy so nostalgic it was almost painful. For some reason he'd known that taking Yumi to the beach was the way to find that feeling, and it had simply been a day to find it. It was the airy elation that came from looking at something commonplace and yet truly beautiful. It would vanish when the day ended and he probably would forget ever having felt it. But this was the kind of moment someone like her lived for, moments that made one feel like beauty and purity shone at the center of everything and the sorrow of living was just an illusion. It was strange for him to be feeling this way, as though he had stepped into some kind of alternate existence.   
The loveliness of the seashore flowed into her until she became part of its beauty, the embodiment of simple joy at being alive. "Come on, let's go swimming!"   
He wondered if, at this moment, he could call himself happy. Things moved slowly and brightly as if in a movie flashback of a childhood memory. "We have to put this on first." Touga found the sunblock that he had flung somewhere in his panic and held it up.   
"Whassat?"   
"Silly, it keeps you from getting sunburned. Come over here." He rubbed some onto her back and shoulders and she sighed blissfully, staring out at the ocean, her lover's hands on her back. It was so warm and wonderful she could only breathe, taking in the exhilarating salt air and sighing again. If there was anything more to life, she had no idea what it was.   
  
That was how the day went, playing in the waves, looking at seashells, admiring the scenery and each other fitting into it. They found dinner at a café and took cute pictures in a photo booth. The shore faced west, and at sunset they sat on a dune down the beach where they had wandered and watched the orange sun sink below the water, turning the sky more colors than Yumi would ever have thought to see. Wrapped in his arms, watching something so beautiful, she felt as though her body was too frail to contain her happiness. Surely she would dissolve into a burst of sparkles...   
Worn out from frolicking all day and too enchanted to stay conscious, she was asleep with her head on his chest when Venus appeared. He woke her with a kiss on the cheek, and without any words they stood and climbed back down the dune, and walked leisurely hand in hand through low-tide seafoam. The sky overhead was such a deep lapis blue, it felt as though she could drink it. The sound of the waves seemed to come to her from the core of the universe. Perhaps she was dreaming. It was the same kind of feeling as in the rose garden that first night, an infinite dream existing in one moment that seemed to encompass forever.   
In that kind of space it really felt like there was nothing she couldn't do, nothing that was impossible.   
A couple with a child, having spent most of the afternoon at the beach, was packing up. The little girl pointed at the two walking through the seafoam in the twilight. "Mommy, look, it's a fairy princess."   
"Oh really."   
"You don't believe me? See, she's all shiny. And she's got a prince with her."   
"Mmhm."   
"You aren't even looking! Daddy, tell her it's a fairy princess."   
"Well, Yumi-chan, grownups aren't very good about things like that. You'd know better than us."   
Yumi, half listening, turned and realized that the little girl had the same name as her. Little Yumi, perhaps four or five, blinked with a rapt expression on her round face.   
Yumi smiled and took a small pinkish conch shell from her pocket. "My name is Yumi too," she said and put the seashell in the little girl's hand, knowing Little Yumi would think it magical, since it came from a fairy princess. The child was too full of wonder to say anything.   
Embarrassed, Little Yumi's mother giggled. "Yumi-chan, thank the fairy princess," said the father, amused.   
"Thank you, _himesama_," Little Yumi whispered. She couldn't take her eyes off the fairy princess, and watched as she rejoined the prince and continued up the beach, the pair silhouetted against the twilight. She made a wish that someday she could reach the magical world they came from.   
  
The letter that End Of The World had been expecting for some time now had finally arrived.   
_An unusual girl has come under my acquaintance. Somehow she knows about the duels. I do not know how she could be of use, but the intensity of her feelings makes her easily manipulated.   
Seitokaichou_   
He smiled. Another duellist? A girl with such strange origins might well be able to unleash the Power. She had not the weakness of will that would make her suited to a Black Rose Signet; he would have to craft a ring for her and send it with the reply. He leaned back and watched the pen write on its own.   
_Those who know of the duels must participate in them. Let her believe that Tenjou has hurt you deeply, and cultivate her hatred until she is ready to kill._   
The paper floated into the envelope, which sealed itself.   
To craft a ring was a painstaking process that required assistance from the Rose Bride. "Come here, Anthy," he said into her mind.   
He put on his favorite album, _Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band_, as he waited. _"For the benefit of Mr. Kite, there will be a show tonight on trampoline..."_ The eerie, enigmatic strains appealed to him; it was the kind of world he created. But she was making him wait. Lately Anthy had taken to rebelling in little ways, like seeing how long she could resist his command without passing out from the pain. Apparently Tenjou Utena's headstrong ways were infectious. The sooner he got to claim that pink-haired siren, the better.   
  
The next day Yumi was resolved to go to the coffee shop with Miteki. Of course, she had to wait until classes were over. So to pass time after they woke late in the morning, she persuaded Touga to help her find books as he'd more or less promised to do. They went to the Student Council dorm's library.   
"Well, have you read _Genji Monogatari_?" he asked.   
She shook her head.   
"That's a good start, then. The Enchi edition is supposed to be the best..."   
Somehow she had managed to get by with about a third-grade reading level, and he ended up reading it to her. Whether it was the sound of his voice rendering the literary masterpiece, or just that she actually liked the story, he had no idea, but she was completely entranced, drawn into the millennium-old spell of the Heian court. He decided to skip ahead to famous chapters, and once the title character began to show his philandering tendencies, Yumi had found a new nickname for Touga, teasingly calling him _Hikaru-no-kimi_, the Shining Prince. In return he had to call her Lady Rokujo.   
"Rokujo? I'm Rokujo?!" She smacked him on the arm as he laughed. Rokujo was the token jealous bitch among the Shining Prince's lovers. "No veiled, indirect criticisms from this corner! Hmph. If I met the real _Hikaru-no-kimi_ right now, I'd run away with him. He must have had considerably more tact dealing with his ladies."   
"I'm sorry. That was mean." He laughed a last time at the reaction he'd gotten. "In truth, you're really Akashi, the uncivilized yet charming maid who catches his eye when he's exiled himself from the capital. That fits almost too well, my lady Akashi."   
"If you keep calling her uncivilized, Akashi is likely to stay that way forever." Though her feathers were no longer ruffled, she stuck out her tongue. But he slyly caught it with his lips, making her squeal in surprise, and then suddenly they were making love in the library of the Student Council dorm, volumes of _Genji Monogatari_ scattered around. He murmured verses of the Shining Prince's love poems to her. It was almost ridiculously romantic. In her heart she felt a shy, trembling fascination, altogether too much like some unsuspecting girl chosen for Genji's seduction.   
  
After classes, Miteki found Yumi waiting for her just outside. Yumi's eyes looked as if she'd recently awoken from a fantastic dream. She radiated happiness like some kind of angel fresh down from heaven. Always aware that the concept of happiness was something out of her own reach, Miteki almost felt envious. "Hi, Yumi-chan."   
"Teki-chan! What's up! Oh, it's nice weather again, isn't it."   
"Yeah, it is. Should we walk to the coffee shop?"   
Yumi giggled. "You totally read my mind!" They began walking, Yumi making an effort not to force Miteki to match her altogether too sprightly pace.   
"How come you smell like boy's aftershave?" Miteki asked, realizing immediately after she said it what a stupid question it was.   
Unexpectedly, Yumi flushed. "Eeeh! You don't usually ask such silly things."   
"Sorry, that was dumb. I knew right after I said it." But they looked at each other and laughed at themselves.   
"So what did you do yesterday?" said Miteki.   
"We went to the beach!" Yumi beamed.   
"That must have been nice." Miteki was reminded of dandelions. Yumi's happiness was as sunny, as uncomplicated, and as vigorous.   
"It was _wonderful_!" Childlike, she twirled around with the force of her elation, making her skirt fly up.   
"Um, you probably shouldn't do that in the uniform," Miteki suggested.   
"Oh..." She giggled, chagrined, as it occurred to her what Miteki meant. "Well, don't you think these uniforms are silly anyway? I mean look at these sleeves. What weirdo designed this?" She pulled at a mass of pouf. "It's almost embarrassing going off campus in it. Why don't we stop and get into our own things? Then you won't have to lug that school bag all over, too."   
"Yeah, good idea. These skirts are too short for my taste. It makes us look like porno game characters or something."   
"Seriously. I think I saw a CD- ROM with Kozue at the media store."   
"Eww!" They laughed and, after changing, continued on to the coffee shop, and right through dinner made a point of not talking about anything important.   
  
Miteki and Yumi had ended up doing a bit of shopping, since she had to replace the uniform that was ripped, and then going to a movie. She returned after dark, much later than she would have expected. There were no lights on in his rooms, and she heard faintly that strange operetta music playing from a tinny record. Fear stabbed into her gut. Had she been gone too long?   
Unlike the first time when a sense of urgency had made her fly like wind, now she was seized up; her feet would hardly move, her blood turned to ice water with the terror of what she might find. But she forced herself back to that shadowy room with its tall, curtained windows and music too sophisticated for an uncivilized girl like her. She found him there finally, sitting in an almost Byronic pose of fighting off inner demons. The fear evaporated. He was so beautiful like that, beautiful and fragile in a way that spiked through the center of her existence, so beautiful she was afraid to touch him, as though he might shatter into a million pieces if she drew another breath.   
But she went to him, softly, and fell to her knees beside him and put her head in his lap like a puppy. "Don't _do_ that."   
"I'm sorry..." he murmured, absently touching the nape of her neck. "I... You have some kind of power, the way you drive away that darkness... Your presence lets me forget..."   
His words answered to the truth of herself, making her feel that false pretensions such as "body" and "mind" melted away to reveal the shining core of her essence. If the depths of her consciousness warned that these words were empty flattery, she did not hear.   
"You should have told me," she whispered, voice shaky with emotion. "Say you don't want to be alone. Say it and I'll never, never leave you, not for a moment."   
"I..." he began. She waited, tears pricking at her eyes, for him to form words. He spoke so quietly, as if afraid someone might overhear and taunt his weakness. "It's true. I hate being alone. I can't stand it. You know that's why I always... But it doesn't change. In the end, it's just like being alone. Because it doesn't mean anything."   
He was right: she had known. This was the flicker of angry sadness behind his eyes, the inevitable curse that every human being was one's own separate entity—and therefore always alone. A curse that "love" was supposed to break, and so he searched, through all of its more earthly manifestations. So he knew how to get love and how to use it, but not how to receive it, nor how to give it. Somehow, he had forgotten. Somehow this most basic and most powerful of human talents had been taken from him.   
Somehow she would remind him.   
Deep in her soul, beyond awareness and irrelevant, the cry for vengeance echoed. If this was the result not of cruel circumstance, but of another's actions, if she ever found that individual—armies of demons would pale to see her wrath.   
Yet she was not the only one who felt this way for him. "But I'm not any different. Maybe I'm strange and uncivilized, but I'm not the only one who would wish to end your loneliness. I have no special powers, only feelings like anyone else."   
"Those feelings _break_ anyone else," he said roughly. "I can't even stop it. People who feel that way either move on or burn themselves to ashes. The force of their feelings frightens them so they can't even come near me. But you are different. You're strong, you have brightness inside you. When everyone else just wondered, for some reason, you came. Somehow, you knew..."   
She heard the words he left unsaid. _Somehow, you knew I was hurting._ Her body trembled, too weak to contain the force in her spirit. She squeezed his hand and pressed it close to her face. "Tell me. Tell me what darkness you would have me drive away. Tell me what hurts you and I will fight it to my last breath."   
He pulled her into an embrace, reminded of yesterday when, without so much as a curious glance, she had gotten rid of that little white butterfly. For a long time they said nothing. The record had reached the end and crackled quietly.   
Then suddenly he switched on a dim lamp, and when her eyes had adjusted to the change in light, he held something small and gleaming out to her.   
"I want you to have this," he murmured.   
A circle, silver and pink enamel.   
A Signet ring?   
She gasped. "Me? Why?"   
He looked deeply into her eyes with something that could only be trust, and pleading, and that flickering shadow of pain he had named as inescapable loneliness. "Because you want to fight for me."   
_Take this ring, and there's no turning back,_ whispered a voice from her gut. _Put it on and you are bound._   
Bound? Bound by what?   
_I am bound by one thing,_ she thought, _and that will not change from a piece of jewelry, Signet or no Signet._   
"A ring means a promise," she said. "I'll have to promise you something."   
"Promise me...that you'll keep your brightness. Promise you won't lose your shining strength, no matter what."   
He spoke not of the force of her feelings, but of something beyond that, something even she herself did not know. Perhaps it was clear to others, including him, that the essence of herself was some "shining strength" that gave her the power to withstand such fierce emotion as she felt for him. But she was human, and seeing oneself clearly was difficult for any human being.   
If this was what he asked of her, she would not refuse, though she did not entirely understand. If it was indeed the essence of her, she would not lose it. "I promise."   
He took her left hand and slipped the ring onto her, where it fit snugly as though she was never meant to be without it. Where it sent some kind of energy buzzing along her nerves—how, she had no idea, but the moment it was on her finger she felt starved with lust that seemed inappropriate at the moment. She looked away, blushing, wondering what strange enchantment was on this piece of jewelry.   
"I know..." he said, touching her shoulder.   
Her heart beat faster. "What...what is this?" she breathed.   
"It's your wish. You want to fight off my loneliness, and this is the only way I know how." He touched her face intently.   
"But..."   
"I told you, you're different." He kissed her, slowly, tenderly, and they made their way back to the pink room.   
"_Hikaru-no- kimi..._" she whispered.   
He'd put on a fine performance, he thought, and without telling her any lies—though perhaps he was revealing too much truth. Anyway, he never lied to her; she just believed what she wanted. But he found himself hoping she could keep her promise. She would need every bit of her brightness and strength, when he did what must be done.   
  
They spent most of the following day in the library reading more of _Genji_, or rather, he read and she listened. She was in no hurry to go anywhere without him. Anyway it was raining again, a slow, fine, soaking rain with no storm involved this time. Instead it was accompanied by a thick mist that lingered through the night after the rain stopped. But it began to fall again the next morning, growing heavier. By the afternoon, under such baleful weather, Yumi had a craving for Miteki's miso soup. Besides, she wanted to inquire after Miki. They hadn't talked about any of that the other day.   
Yumi informed Touga of her intention to visit her friend for miso soup, and then, for some reason, invited him along. How ridiculous. Not only would they not be able to talk if he was there, but it would be a trying ordeal for poor Miteki, who she knew had no particular fondness for him. She didn't really want to just leave him alone, though...   
Touga laughed. "Go with you? She doesn't seem to like me very much."   
"Oh, she's just shy."   
"Well, that would be too much pressure on a shy girl like her, to have the Student Council President over for miso soup."   
There was that whole status thing. "Yeah... I guess. Well, I'll have to bring some back for you. Her miso soup is absolutely the best."   
"That might be nice."   
She gave Miteki a quick phone call, wishing there was a present she could bring, but this was no weather for walking downtown to get thank-you presents. She'd just have to pay for Miteki's coffee next time they were out.   
"I won't be gone so long this time," she said, touching Touga's shoulder.   
He pretended to pout, and she had to kiss him. Pouncing, he trapped her in an embrace and murmured, "Gotcha."   
"If you really, really don't want me to go, you'd better tell me."   
"No, it's okay."   
"Sure? Promise me you won't be sad."   
"I promise." He gave her an innocent-child look, which made her giggle.   
"I'll be back soon." She kissed him a last time and left.   
A few minutes later he thought he should have found her an umbrella. But he hadn't been able to find his for a long time. He couldn't even remember what color it was.   
  
It was very foggy, and puddly as well. Yumi walked carefully, not minding that she was getting quite soaked. She'd be waterlogged whether she went slowly to avoid puddles or ran and splashed herself. Besides, she didn't entirely trust herself not to get lost in the thick, clinging fog. She could barely see two meters in front of her face. At least it wasn't very cold.   
Perhaps in her own room there was an unopened box of cookies or something that she could bring Miteki. She was considering turning toward her dorm when she saw a large, red-hued mushroom floating through the mist. It was moving toward her. She squinted, trying to figure out what on earth it could be.   
Her heart sank, making a cold weight in her stomach, when the floating mushroom materialized into the Trustee Chairman with the red umbrella.   
"You poor thing, you shouldn't be walking around without at least a raincoat," he said easily, and came close enough to hold the umbrella over her. "Here. Where are you going in this awful weather?"   
Yumi couldn't answer. She froze on the spot and broke out in goosebumps.   
The voice...   
That deep, rich, powerful voice...   
The voice of secrets...   
_"He's so used to manipulating people, he never realizes it when it happens to him... If he can use it, he wants it...he has to use because he was used."_   
He misread the cause of her unease (deliberately?) and laughed softly. "Don't worry, I'm not some weirdo. See, I work here." He gave her a name card with the signet on it.   
She looked at it, but the lines of the characters danced meaninglessly at her. Somehow she managed to take it with a bow, as one was supposed to do. She had nowhere to put it, though.   
"Where are you headed? Come on, I'll walk you."   
She had no reason to be scared. No reason!   
But there was something...something else she was supposed to know...   
Well, maybe if she put up with him, she'd find out. "Thank you, sir. I'm going to visit my friend in Kurihama dorm."   
"You're a good friend, to visit in such weather. What's your name?"   
"I bet you already know," she said cheekily. "I'm the famous weird girl."   
The Trustee Chairman smiled. She didn't like his smile at all. The lump in her stomach grew heavier. "Ah, you're the new girl? Maigo Yumi, is it? You should try not to get in so many fights."   
"I seem to have a knack for it," she shrugged, wondering if the Brutally Murder Yumi Council had been formed yet. Conversation about herself, however, would get her nowhere. "May I ask what someone as important as yourself is doing wandering around in the pouring rain?"   
"I like to walk around the school and see how everything is. It's kind of a routine. I feel a sense of responsibility toward this place, after all."   
"Is that so." What could she say to get him to spill something else important? If he had a secret like that—he must have tons of powerful secrets! She was willing to bet that he'd noticed her ring and deliberately wasn't commenting on it. "This shiny little ring," she said, holding out her left hand. "What's it mean? I'm not in the Student Council. So why do I have one?"   
"Those rings are not the sign of the Student Council," said the Trustee Chairman, "nor of academic prowess, or anything like that. They are the sign of true strength of character."   
Yumi snorted, thinking, _Then why has Nanami got one?_   
"Which, in all honesty," he went on, "is what this school aims to give its students, even more than a decent education. But some, of course, are born with it." He looked at her.   
"You flatter me," she said with a hint of sarcasm. "But what about the duels?"   
His expression went blank. "Duels?"   
She looked back, challenging, which was not only extremely disrespectful but took a lot of nerve. The black-lashed, jade green eyes were very unnerving. He had to be pretending. Yes, he had been talking about the duels that time! The voices from that scene came back to her all too clearly. And hadn't Miteki said that he was Himemiya's brother? It wasn't like he didn't look the part. He did not, however, look the part of Trustee Chairman. The title conjured a picture of a distinguished middle-aged man in a suit, not some graduate-age guy in a scarlet shirt.   
Why was he pretending not to know? She had the ring. She knew.   
He forfeited the staring contest, reminding her by doing so how rude she was being. "Here it is, Kurihama dorm. I've enjoyed your company." Stopping outside the entrance, he looked down at her again, and quite unnecessarily put a hand on her waist to make sure she didn't trip on the step.   
She jumped. "Geh!" No way. He had _not_ just done that. She knew she ought to smack him upside the head, but couldn't summon the nerve. Her eyes flashed indignantly. "Don't touch me! You apologize!"   
"I'm truly sorry, Yumi. I didn't mean to startle you."   
"_You_ can call me Maigo." Even though that wasn't actually her name.   
"Well, if you insist, Maigo- san." He looked faintly amused.   
"Thank you so much for kindly making sure I didn't get lost in the fog." Her polite words were competely toneless, as though she was learning lines phonetically for a play in a foreign language. "Please excuse me now."   
He closed the specifically-red umbrella and held it out to her. "Here, keep this."   
She blinked at him.   
"You need it more than I do. You seem to enjoy walking around in the rain," he said, rather cryptically. He wouldn't leave unless she took it, so she did, wishing she had the nerve to hit him with it, but of course she had to bow instead. He walked away, vanishing into the rain and heavy mist.   
"What the fuck was that," she muttered as she walked inside to Miteki's room. She knocked on the door rather than barging in like last time.   
She would not acknowledge the feeling that had shocked through her when he touched her. There was no way she would admit to it having happened. (Anyway, she'd just been kissing Touga, and one couldn't expect too much restraint of the human body for a while after that, what could one expect of oneself, really, spending so much time in the pink room, between that and _Genji Monogatari_ anyone's mind would be on that track, now wouldn't it, no matter what else was going on, and wasn't it what they called a reflex that...)   
Miteki answered finally. "Hi Yumi-cha—what happened to you?! Are you sick?" she interrupted herself with conern.   
"What?" said Yumi.   
"You're all white and shaking, and soaking wet, that's what! You really do need some miso soup. You look like a half-drowned cat."   
"I'm not sick."   
"Come sit down. What happened, then?"   
Gratefully sitting on a chintzy sofa, Yumi found that she had been nervously crumpling the name card in her hand—terrible manners. But she had no family to shame, so that hardly made any difference. "This happened," she said, opening her fist in front of Miteki's face.   
"Huh?" Miteki carefully uncrumpled the card. "Ohtori Akio. Oh, I could _not_ remember his name! Did you find this somewhere?"   
"No, he gave it to me." Yumi thought her voice sounded too calm.   
"Really? When?"   
"Just now."   
"No kidding? Wow, you're so shaky. Let me put on some tea. I was going to wait to make the miso soup, so you could learn how."   
"Thanks. That sounds nice." Yumi saw with mild surprise that she was, in fact, trembling quite violently. She hoped that it was a recent development, and that she had not looked like a scared puppy in front of the Trustee Chairman. It felt like she'd awakened from a terrible nightmare. Her heart was pounding, she was shaking, and who was to say that the dampness on her face was not partly cold sweat?   
She looked at the name card again. Still it made no sense to her; she just didn't know enough _kanji_. Did it say Acting Trustee Chairman, and not simply Trustee Chairman? Did that mean he wasn't the real one? That would probably make a bit more sense, though not much.   
Miteki returned, and Yumi asked her, handing her the card. "Can you read everything this says to me? I really don't read very well." Well, actually, she was just too nervous to concentrate.   
Miteki sat down. "Well, his name is Ohtori, but he's engaged to the Dean's daughter, Ohtori Kanami or something like that—or was she the Dean's granddaughter? Anyway, that probably means he's been adopted into the family that owns this place. This character _aki_ says 'dawn,' and _o_ says 'life,' so his given name says 'life of dawn'—that's a reference to the morning star. Not that that helps you a whole lot."   
Yumi's eyebrows were furrowed in concentration. The giant bell was sounding again, louder than ever. "No, it does mean something—" She put her head in her hands as if trying to pull the knowledge out. "He's telling me something, or he wouldn't have given me the card. What is it! _I'm supposed to know!_"   
Miteki looked at the other side of the card, in case some kind of message had been written on it, but there was only the same information in English. "He really does scare you, doesn't he. I don't know, I've never even seen him up close, really. I'm not actually a very good reader of auras." She would have thought that the Student Council President was a bigger threat to Yumi's well-being, but she wouldn't say anything like that.   
"Morning star..." muttered Yumi, still trembling.   
"You know, the morning star has some kind of bad connotation in the West," said Miteki. "I can't remember right now, but I've got books. I like books about symbolism and things. We can look it up. I don't know if that would have any bearing on anything, but...well, symbolism is powerful stuff."   
"Why did he give me the umbrella?"   
"Huh?"   
"He had that before," said Yumi, pointing to the red umbrella she had put down beside her shoes. "And he gave it to me just now before I came inside. I don't understand." But, truth be told, she almost _did_ understand. It was as if he'd heard her thought the other day, _You're not allowed to have anything that color!_ So he'd given it to her—mocking her, surely.   
This was ridiculous. She had to be paranoid. Coincidence, all of it.   
Except it wasn't. Ohtori Akio was the voice of secrets.   
And what did he have to do with all of it? Something important, and she was supposed to know, but she didn't.   
"That is strange," Miteki murmured, and went to get the tea.   
Once she began sipping the calming, earthy green tea, Yumi began to feel much better. "What about this part?" She pointed to the rest of the information on the card.   
"Oh, he's just the Acting Trustee Chairman? That means something's happened to the real Trustee Chairman. Either the other trustees voted him down, or he died or retired and they haven't picked a new one yet. Anyway, I guess that makes more sense. He is pretty young to be the Trustee Chairman. Yeah, look, he's still a student at the university."   
"There's a university?"   
"Yeah, but the university campus is downtown. There are college and graduate classes, and it's really exclusive; you have to take a whole new entrance exam even if you've spent your whole life here. We don't see any university students up here, and there aren't very many, I think less than a hundred. He must live up here, though. See, this says he's a third-year grad school student. I wonder why they picked a student to be the interim Trustee Chairman. It doesn't say what his degree is. Well, actually, Acting Trustee Chairman could just mean the real one doesn't feel like taking the responsibility at the moment and is letting Ohtori Akio take care of it. Maybe it's some kind of training thing because he's in the family..."   
"I'm sure I have no idea. This place gets weirder by the second."   
"Yeah, seriously." Miteki spotted Yumi's hands clutched around the warm cup of tea, and nearly dropped her own cup. "You have a ring!? Did he give you that too?"   
"Hell no, I wouldn't have taken any ring from him! Touga gave me this."   
"Oh, I see..." Miteki had thought that perhaps Ohtori Akio had given Yumi the ring because it seemed to forbode something. Even if Yumi's "boyfriend" had given it to her, Miteki couldn't shake the feeling that it didn't mean anything good for her. She wanted to tell Yumi to take it off, but of course Yumi would refuse, if it was from the Student Council President.   
Yumi sighed. "When he gave it to me, he asked me not to lose my 'shining strength.' I'm not sure what that is... Do you think I have something like that?"   
"Of course you do," said Miteki without hesitation, and then blushed a little for being so frank. "Well, you have something that makes you always stand up for what you believe in. And a capacity for happiness that I...can't really understand. Somehow, you have this ability to—to make people forget that they're sad."   
Yumi blinked. That was kind of what he'd said too. "Thanks, Teki-chan."   
Miteki, feeling rather silly, stared at her tea.   
"Well, enough about me," said Yumi finally. "I really wanted to know how Miki was doing. He's always so nice to me... Have you seen him? Is he okay?"   
"I don't know," Miteki replied with the quiet wistfulness more typical of her. "I mean, he's acting normal at school and everything. He's been playing the piano for longer than usual, though. That probably means he's upset. I—I can't ask him, because that would mean I know what happened..."   
"Yeah, that's a dilemma, isn't it. I can try and talk to him, though. It doesn't matter if I know—I'm just the weird girl. Or we could talk to Arisugawa-sempai."   
"...We? Why would she want to talk to me?"   
"Why not? She knows you like him, and actually, she seems to approve the match."   
Miteki went red. "She _knows_?"   
"Well...I'm sorry, I told her. She was asking about you. I think she's appointed herself your guardian angel."   
Miteki contemplated her tea some more, trying to think what this meant. "My guardian angel? What would people make of that? I wonder if it's gotten around that I left her room the other morning." She laughed mirthlessly.   
"Even if people drew _that_ sort of conclusion, no one would even think about being mean to you, not even Kozue. With Arisugawa Juri's protection, you're pretty much invincible."   
Miteki smiled a little then. "And there's you. Not only are you notorious for catfights, but you have a ring now too. Nobody wants to get on the wrong side of the students who wear the ring."   
"Yeah..." Yumi looked at her ring. She hadn't thought of the status it would accord her. What use that would be, if any, she wasn't sure. She looked back at Miteki, who wasn't a girl to express herself very openly; her face showed only traces of worry around the grey eyes. It occurred to her that they were in almost identical situations. "We're in the same place, aren't we? You want to be able to help him, but you have no idea how. I know that feeling, believe me. You don't know how to get close to him. You can't let him know that you know, he doesn't want you to know, you just feel it, he'll hate you for knowing, he'll never forgive you, he'll never forgive you for stealing his secrets!" Yumi found she was yelling by the end of this. Ashamed, she hunched over and put her hands in her hair as though nursing a headache. "Oh boy..."   
"Yumi-chan..." said Miteki with concern.   
She was murmuring strange things that made Miteki worry for her sanity. "I shouldn't know, I shouldn't know. I shouldn't be human. I should never have seen that. Why does it stay in my mind? Why couldn't I fly away?..."   
"Yumi-chan?" Miteki tapped her on the shoulder and reminded herself that Yumi was probably not schizophrenic; that she had, in fact, once been something other than human.   
Yumi sat up straight, shaking her head. "I'm sorry. I didn't come here to whine at you. Let's go make miso soup."   
"Yeah, let's." They stood up. Miteki could only guess at what Yumi had to put up with from her incomprehensible player. _Shining strength_ was right—Yumi had that in abundance. Miteki wished, not for the first time, that she had that kind of courage. Maybe Yumi could teach her how to go about finding it.   
  
After miso soup, which indeed left them both in much better spirits, Miteki retrieved several books of assorted sizes from her bookcase.   
"What are those for?" asked Yumi.   
"To look up the symbolism of 'morning star.' I get the sense that it's important somehow." _Important in a bad way_, Miteki thought, but didn't say.   
It seemed that Yumi was picking up on her thoughts, however. "Important in a bad way?"   
"Well—maybe."   
"Can I put the music back on?" Miteki had put on some band called Arashi while they were cooking. Yumi actually didn't much care for it, but she wanted to hear something.   
"Sure." After two and a half songs, Miteki found the entry she was looking for. "Look, here it is. This is what I was thinking of. It's the Christian symbolism."   
"Christian?"   
"That's the biggest Western religion. It's really the biggest influence on Western thought. Of course, most people out here wouldn't get named based on Western symbolism, but this is what I thought of when I read the name." Miteki read the story of Lucifer, the Morning Star, and the fall from Heaven, and the serpent in the Garden of Eden.   
"Well, that is a pretty bad connotation," said Yumi. "So the morning star means...the Devil?"   
"Yeah, that's about the size of it."   
Yumi looked again at the crumpled name card. "And when you saw this, that's what you thought of?"   
"Pretty much."   
Yumi didn't doubt her friend's intuition. It seemed to go along with the odd, nervous feeling she got when she saw the tall Trustee Chairman in his scarlet shirt and purple tie. But here, now, what did it _mean_? And why did it mean anything? She knew it had to mean something. The sense of vast meaning beyond her grasp was overwhelming; the giant bell was going off like mad. "Have you ever had any visions about him?"   
"No, never. I'm sure of that."   
"This adds up to something. I just have no idea what."   
"Me neither." Miteki sighed. "It really feels like...like there's something huge going on beneath the surface that we can't see."   
"Yeah, I think you're right about that." And they both had the sense, though they left it unsaid, that it was something from which they had to protect the people they cared about. Did Miteki know about the duels from her visions? Perhaps she had seen bits and pieces, Yumi thought, but not enough to know anything. If she did, surely she would have asked Yumi about it by now. And now, it was probably getting late. "What time's it?"   
"Almost eight."   
"I should go. But tomorrow, we could go to dinner and hunt down Miki."   
"In the dining hall, you mean? I don't usually go to dinner in the dining hall..."   
"Well, maybe sometime, anyway. I'll try to catch him in the meantime. I bet you don't care much for the dining hall, do you?"   
"Um, not really." Miteki didn't like being around that many people if she could just make dinner alone in her dorm.   
"It'll be okay if I'm there to protect you," Yumi grinned. "If worst comes to worst, I can just beat the crap out of Kozue again."   
Miteki laughed. "Well, I guess it'd be worth going for _that_ possibility, then."   
  
Having left the crumpled name card with its enigmas in Miteki's care, and carrying a plastic container of miso soup back for Touga, Yumi returned to the Student Council dorm. Making sure Nanami wasn't around, she put down the soup in the kitchen and went to find him. He was standing out on a balcony watching the moonrise, where the sky was clearing in the east. The rain had stopped and the night was warm; the hazy moonlight gleamed on the low mist, making an eerily beautiful picture. She joined him, silently, and later offered him the miso soup. He nodded, and she went to heat up a bowl; when she returned he had set out some saké.   
"I hope you had some dinner before this," she said.   
"I did," he lied. He didn't want her fussing. "This is pretty decent miso soup."   
She smiled. He finished the soup and they poured saké for each other, admiring the quiet moon.   
A poem from a thousand years ago floated up in his mind, and he recited it.   
_"What can vie with a misty moon of spring,   
Shining dimly, yet not clouded over?"_   
A warmth lit in her heart, and not from the saké. Perhaps it was silly, but she loved to hear his voice at poetry, caressing the delicate syllables like his hands upon her body... It was one that had been quoted in _Genji Monogatari_. They had read that chapter just before making love in the library.   
She replied with a verse she had spotted in a collection of poems even older than _Genji_, from a time when subtlety had yet to be invented and the written word still had a fresh air of foreign glamour. The poetry of that time had the passionate directness more relevant to herself. She was suprised at how well she remembered it. _"Love is a torment   
Whenever we hide it.   
Why not lay it bare   
Like the moon that appears   
From behind the mountain ledge?"_   
He looked at her, impressed, and a little amused. She giggled tipsily.   
"But love is not like the moon," she said, pondering with her chin in her hand. "The moon gets bigger and smaller, and sometimes disappears entirely. It's more like the sun, that always burns brightly, even when we can't see it."   
"You don't think love ever changes? Even the sun is going to burn out someday, you know. Billions of years from now, it will go dark forever."   
"Then what will happen to the moon?" she wondered.   
"It'll be dark, too."   
"That sounds sad. Will all the stars burn out someday, too?"   
"Yes. But new stars will be born."   
"What does it sound like when a star is born?"   
She must be drunk, he thought. This conversation was getting odd. "I don't know if it makes a sound."   
"Does it make a sound when it burns out?"   
"Maybe if it explodes."   
"Really? Stars explode?" Her eyes widened.   
"Sometimes. But I don't know very much about astronomy. You should ask the Trustee Chairman."   
Yumi dropped her cup. It broke with a low tinkle.   
"You are drunk," he said, picking up the shards of pottery and putting them on the table.   
"No! He's scary!"   
"Who? You mean you've met the Trustee Chairman?" He looked at her blankly.   
"He follows me around. He's really weird!" She looked frantic, grabbing his hand as though begging him to protect her.   
Touga blinked. Could she actually know who End Of The World was? "What do you mean he follows you around?"   
"He shows up when I'm walking around in the rain. I don't understand! What does it mean? Morning star—what does it mean? _Who is he?_"   
So she didn't know, but she was on the verge of knowing. Not that he'd tell her. "Yumi, you aren't making sense. Hey, stop that, you'll make yourself sick." She was shaking her head harshly, not a good thing to do after ten or twelve shots of saké.   
"Tell me! You know, don't you..."   
Her words were not slurring, but her movements were becoming unsteady. He took her into his arms before she could fall out of her chair. "Ssh, now. I let you have too much to drink. Just look at the moon..."   
"No, stupid! This isn't saké talking! I'm telling you, that guy's _scary_! Who is he, really?"   
She was even more stubborn when inebriated. "Don't be frightened, Yumi. There's nothing you need to worry about."   
"I beg to differ! Trustee Chairman my ass, there's something up with him. You gave me the ring, why won't you tell me?"   
"There's nothing to tell. Ssh, Yumi, dear Yumi, don't worry. If he scares you, I won't let him near you. Stay with me, and I'll protect you..."   
Finally he'd figured out how to calm her drunken anxiety. She curled up and clung to him, growing sleepy.   
Suddenly she returned to the earlier part of the conversation. "Do you think that love changes like the moon?" she murmured.   
"Maybe."   
"Sometime, you ought to tell me what you really think love is..." She yawned. "Because I'm not going to burn out..."   
As they watched the moon again, she drifted off, and then he carried her inside.   
It was much later when a blurry sense of rapture woke her. He was doing things to her, kissing her body, between her legs...   
Not quite awake, she sighed loudly, and her breath came faster. She twisted, and in the near-total darkness she saw through half-closed eyes—   
_Touga was asleep beside her.   
Then who—_   
She woke with a gasp. But she had already awakened. And she was in the same place, the same degree of darkness, he was sleeping the same way. It had felt so strangely real...   
Was it a dream? She didn't know. She had no way of knowing whether or not she had dreamed that. Except that no one else was there, so it must have been a dream, right?   
Right?...   
She was suddenly terrified, and at the same time still caught in desire, dream-induced or not. She had to wake him. "Touga... Touga, wake up."   
"What? Yumi..."   
"I was dreaming..." If she said it, maybe she would believe it. Just a strange dream.   
"So?"   
"Touga, I need you..." She moved closer to him.   
At the moment, wakened from his own saké-assisted sleep, he was too lazy to satisfy her. It crossed his mind that for him, that was rather pathetic, but he was also too lazy to care. "Can't you do it yourself?"   
"Please." She needed him to erase the memory of that frightening strangeness. If he was too tired, well, then, she only wanted to be close to him. "Hold me."   
He gave in, if only to get her back to sleep faster.   
This was enough, the warmth of his body enveloping her; it was where she belonged, after all. But then his hand moved idly down to fulfill the lingering demands of dream lust. She was ready, and he didn't make her wait. Bliss spread through her...   
She kissed him gratefully. "You owe me," he said.   
Nestling into his arms, she smiled, though it was light out before she fell asleep again.   
  
A couple of sunny days passed quite uneventfully. They finished the important chapters of _Genji Monogatari_ and began on another period classic, Sei Shonagon's _Pillow Book_. Yumi made a habit of joining her friend to eat lunch outside or downtown. She spent a little more time about; Touga thought that either she disliked being cooped up in his rooms, or she was afraid that he might tire of her. She probably did fear the latter, but wasn't aware of it herself. She shared his bed but they didn't have to make love every night. After what he'd said to her about his loneliness, she couldn't let herself leave him for very long.   
One pretty evening she returned from a trip downtown with Miteki, bringing with her a box of fancy sushi for him. She put it in the refrigerator and, as usual, had to search the dark rooms for him. Was he asleep? The door to the pink room was open a crack, and Yumi poked her head in.   
Good thing she'd put the sushi in the fridge first, or she would have dropped it now.   
She could almost hear her mind shutting down, whirring to a stop like a computer in a power outage. Heat rose to her face and she should have walked away. She should have been able to walk away. But she couldn't.   
A longing so fierce it was a spasm of pain flared through her lower torso, leaving a dull ache behind. She bit her lip. It was happening again—   
Saionji Kyouichi was with him, and she was watching.   
It hadn't started too long ago. They weren't naked, yet. Kissing, stroking, fingers tangling in hair, reaching up shirts, nudging crotches with knees.   
Was she jealous? She couldn't tell.   
This was forbidden to her. She should not be seeing it.   
Forbidden, but weren't the forbidden fruits the most delicious? Just the other day she had heard a story like that.   
There was terrible beauty to it, and she could not turn away.   
_He looked at her._   
Touga was kissing Kyouichi. But he was looking at her. Teasing. _You like it, don't you?_ Kyouichi nipped at his neck, and he smiled knowingly at her.   
The painful longing went through her again. Her skin was so hot, surely she was about to burst into flames.   
He'd known that she would come back just in time for this. He'd even left the door open for her. Why did he want to do this to her? Just to see how she'd react?   
He ran his tongue over his lips slowly as Kyouichi reached down his pants. He half-closed his eyes and moaned softly. Yumi trembled...   
Somehow, the door had swung all the way open, and moments later Kyouichi caught sight of her standing there with a face like the Rising Sun flag.   
The kendo jock broke away and announced none too happily, "You have a guest."   
"Why, Yumi," said Touga, pretending to be surprised. "No need to feel left out, you know. Why don't you come join us?"   
She hadn't thought it possible to get any hotter without spontaneously combusting, but she was proven wrong. Her legs became suddenly unreliable and she wobbled on her feet.   
He walked over and took her hand. Kyouichi glared at him, then seemed to give up on protesting and looked Yumi up and down appraisingly as Touga led her in.   
She had absolutely no idea how to feel. Apparently the part of her consciousness that recognized emotions had shut down along with the part that manufactured and sorted thoughts.   
He put his fingers to her lips, stroking them softly as though to make sure they were ready for kissing, and then moved his caress down to her shirt, where he began to remove her clothes, torturously slow. Kyouichi helped, and then she was naked, desire so strong it ached.   
Maybe for some reason what she was feeling was fear, because Touga said in her ear, "There's no reason to be so frightened, Yumi..." He bit her earlobe gently, making her gasp.   
"Scared, is she?" Kyouichi smiled wickedly. "Better tie her up, so she doesn't run away."   
"Hmm, good idea." Touga took something from the box under the bed.   
Next thing she knew she was being tied spread-eagled to the pink bed with pink silk cords, Touga over her, kissing tenderly and crooning, "Yumi, sweet little Yumi, don't be scared," as Kyouichi fastened the knots at her wrists and ankles. She was still trembling. She wanted him to touch her...   
"Oh, put her the other way," said Kyouichi.   
"We can't do that, she'd suffocate on a pillow," Touga replied rather scornfully, chiding him for having said anything of the sort.   
Kyouichi made a small sound indicating that _he_ couldn't care less.   
"Besides, she needs to be able to see what's going on—don't you." He gave her a meaningful smile. Then, as if punctuating his words, he returned to Kyouichi who was finishing up the knots.   
When all was tied securely they fell on the bed and made out beside her, tongues and limbs twining, stripping almost carefully. She stared, as pristine uniforms were shed, revealing pale grace and toned power. Breathing, little sounds, sighs of pleasure. They were—beautiful.   
Touga was on top and she could see Kyouichi's hands roaming places even she had never gone. They kissed slowly, almost with a kind of strange restraint, like they were hesitant to show too much passion; and then Touga's lips were moving down, earlobes and neck, shoulders, chest. He licked Kyouichi's nipples with his thigh pressed between the other's legs.   
Why were they so beautiful together? It was like shining a light between two mirrors, the light reflecting into endless space, magnifying its brightness. The beauty of them shone that way, so radiant that she forgot her own existence. She couldn't figure out how to feel, except for the thing that she was supposed to feel, and that was desire. Pure uncluttered lust, the kind that made everything else disappear. Including identity and emotion.   
He looked at her again. He seemed to gaze into the core of her desire, inviting her to lose herself to its tidal pull.   
As if she could do otherwise. She was not sure a delicate human body could stand this, watching them touch and tangle, shadows adorning the contours of their bare skin. Fierce yearning ached and throbbed. She struggled, starving for contact, but Kyouichi's knots held good.   
Slowly, so slowly, Touga put his hand on the curve of her waist, over her navel...   
_Please,_ she thought quite clearly, _oh please._   
Kyouichi, not even glancing at her, touched her inner thigh. Her eyes closed. Touga's hand moved down...but not all the way; he paused above her center, and gave her pressure with his fingertips there.   
It was teasing—it was torment—but so good. She cried out.   
Then someone's other hand was on her shoulder, her breast. Warm bodies sidled over to meet hers, to enfold her, two pairs of hands wandering over her, soft straight hair and soft wavy hair falling on her. Two mouths teasing her, but she knew which was Touga's, she knew that perfectly well. The other one was a little less gentle. Each found a nipple, and she panted, writhing. It was too good...like sinking into something smooth and warm that would keep her wrapped in ecstasy forever...like the kind of dream that, when one wakes from it, makes one go back to sleep trying to reclaim it.   
Kyouichi bit her too hard, deliberately, she was sure. "Ow!"   
"Now, Saionji, be nice," Touga scolded.   
The kendo jock's response was to pull away nonchalantly. His expression was unreadable, something like mild annoyance, but that was how he usually looked. Putting his hands on her hips, he began kissing the velvety skin at the top of her thigh.   
She felt herself clench with desire. Was he going to do _that_ to her? His lips felt strange on her—different. There was only one who was allowed to touch her there... But the laws failed. Pleasure was the only law.   
_You said he didn't like girls,_ came a stray thought.   
Touga, stroking her nipples now, touched his lips to her shoulder, her neck, the corner of her face. "Why..." she whispered at him. He only smiled.   
Kyouichi's hand parted her flesh below, and his tongue played with her center. She yelled and bucked. Of course Touga had done this to her before, but...different, strange...and the more erotic for it. Touga gave her that smoldering stare, and she could feel his hardness pressing into her side. She heard her breath heavy, urgent—the teasing rapture was unbearable. There was nothing but that chemical command.   
Finally as though at some cue, Touga's mouth fixed on hers at the same time that Kyouichi's fixed onto her sex. Pleasure shot through her, clear to her extremities, making her toes curl. She kissed back hungrily, her shoulders struggling toward him as her bound limbs craved to embrace him. Then she seemed to lose the capacity to move, moaning into slow playboy lips, because the kendo jock was sucking at her swollen bud, and she was coming. The bliss went on and on...   
When her climax faded after some incredible length of time, she gazed at her red-haired captor through heavy-lidded eyes, overtaken by his tantric spell. She was no longer herself, but simply a vessel for sensation. _More,_ said her gaze.   
Kyouichi sat up and, with the disdainful air of a cat cleaning itself, wiped his mouth, as much to say, _Girls are so **messy**._   
It wasn't over. She was relegated to watching again as they tangled again, and Kyouichi did to Touga more or less what he had just done to her. And Touga looked at her, the rapt expression of pleasure playing over his features, burning into her. There was nothing more beautiful... He put a slender hand to her lips, stroking; straining for his touch, she sucked on his fingertips, where she could taste what was probably the scent of forest-colored wavy tresses. As he started to come Kyouichi stopped, and pinched him with his hand, sparing Yumi a smug glance that told her, _Now this, stupid girl, is how you please Kiryuu Touga._ Indeed, Touga tossed his head, making small, pleading moans and digging his nails into her shoulder.   
Finally he let Touga come, and Touga did so vigorously, making a rather intense face and moaning for what seemed like quite a while. They both watched him, Yumi looking reverent as though in the thrall of some holy visitation, and Kyouichi looking strangely possessive.   
Suddenly, with savage hunger Kyouichi straddled him and, perhaps because he was still looking at Yumi, pinned him down by the wrists.   
Touga was no longer looking at her then. He tried to move away but Kyouichi, who was exerting real strength, held him down. "Kyo-chan, don't..." he whispered. The hint of a dark smile glinted in the violet eyes.   
A shadow hid Touga's face; she could only guess at the flashback of fear in his eyes. Clickita-whirr, her mind started up again, and she felt anger building in her.   
"Please don't..." he said, barely audible. Kyouichi only seemed to grow more sadistic and moved his face closer to Touga's.   
What was he doing? Didn't Saionji see he was hurting him? This wasn't some seductive game. He didn't like it, and Saionji was being mean. _Really_ mean. Even if these two being cruel to one another was daily routine, she would not watch this. She twisted and jerked, and somehow managed to dislodge a foot from its binding—had she ripped the cord?—then promptly kicked the kendo jock in the ribs.   
He whirled on her with a piercing sneer, and she looked back defiantly, even as she saw a hand moving to hit her. But Touga sat up and caught it, perfectly composed, and sighed with exasperation.   
"For heaven's sake, can't you children get along?"   
  
After that, the mood hadn't been quite the same, but still they managed to do things to her that she wouldn't have thought of in the most tantalizing dreams. And they fell asleep, all of them, a lover clinging to Touga on either side. Yumi woke as dawn began to creep up on the sky, and made a face at the sleeping Saionji—he was probably just pretending to sleep—before getting up carefully and walking to the window, looking at the landscape in the blue-grey light. Shapes of buildings and trees floated in morning mist, but the sky was clear, stars vanishing; the world was absolutely still, and serenely beautiful. A bird tentatively broke the silence, but then thought better of it. The morning star gleamed at her; pretty as it was, she shivered, though it took a minute for her to think why. At the moment that enigma seemed to have very little reality.   
She went to the bathroom and then stared at herself in the mirror, naked, adorned pretty much everywhere with hicky spots and slight chafe marks at wrists and ankles.   
What had she become? Where was this going?   
She wondered if she should feel cheap as a pornographic manga at a train station kiosk, but she didn't. She wondered if she should feel jealous, but she didn't. She just felt strange.   
Fragments of a dream came back to her. Those little butterflies landing on him, covering him completely in a mass of white wings with black dots. He cried out. She couldn't reach him and she was screaming at him to fight them. But he didn't know how. Then Saionji appeared, challenging her to a duel, smirking as he threw her a kendo stick. Churchbells clamored and the shining castle twirled above. The kendo stick became a sword because she willed it to, and she made a furious swordstroke with a martial cry, willing the malevolent butterflies away, and they flew off like so many scattering flower petals, but no one was there...   
There was something, revealed by the butterflies, some object or sound or _some_thing, but try as she might she couldn't remember. Perhaps it was better that she didn't. Her dream world was seldom very kind to her.   
She looked at the chafe marks on her wrists, blushing slightly as she remembered what heights he had brought her to—what heights _they_ had brought her to. Better than dreams. Even if some sense of dignity protested, she knew she would do it again if the chance arose. But...what a strange game. All this trouble, all for pleasure. Play at it too long, and pleasure would become one's only reality, anything else no more than jumbled nonsense.   
Was that the kind of consciousness he existed in? That would explain why he was full of deceptions, because even he couldn't see any more where his true emotions lay. Of course it was like that; he was always hiding himself in sensuality. He made her do the same.   
That was the meaning of "floating world."   
She sighed. Didn't he understand that there was nothing that could make her think him weak, nothing that would frighten her away? And no rush of pleasure that could separate her from her own feelings? Somehow she had to tell him that his true self was not weak, nor ugly, nor corrupted, nor anything that he would want to keep hidden. Somehow...   
But why did she keep ending up seeing them together? Why was it so terribly, strangely beautiful? One would think she'd be repulsed or jealous or _something_. Maybe that was how a normal girl would feel, and a normal girl she most definitely was not. What did she feel on seeing them? Awe to the point of fear; longing to the point of pain; fascination to the point of shame...   
Her ring glimmered, holding its own enigmas. Had Saionji seen it? she wondered suddenly. Would it matter if he had?   
What was Saionji up to, anyway? The Student Council Vice President's uniform was now on the floor of the pink room with two other uniforms; perhaps that meant he'd been readmitted for some reason. And had shown up to gloat at Touga.   
Or something.   
That was a strange relationship right there, to say the least. A childhood friendship had degenerated to the point that they didn't know how to do anything but be mean to each other and pork.   
Yumi shook her head. She couldn't help but wonder which one of them Touga was using to taunt the other. Probably both.   
She wouldn't get back to sleep if she climbed back into the pink bed. She wanted to leave and sleep in her own dorm, but the thought made her feel cowardly. Like it would label her too chicken to wake up with an extra lover. So back she went, quietly, shivering again under the pale gaze of the morning star. She hoped the sun would hurry up and rise. It really felt like the morning star was watching her.   
  
It was Kyouichi who left the bed about an hour after dawn, dressed and departed without a word. He was probably getting ready to go to class.   
Touga thought about class, but decided it could wait a couple more days. Next week he'd start acting like a student again. He suspected Yumi would resent the return to routine, since he'd effectively removed her from class; but there was nothing to be done for it. She was so strange, she probably didn't do too well in class anyway. Besides, she'd meet her fate soon.   
She wasn't asleep, he noticed, only halfway there, staring into space. He rubbed the night's tension from her back, and, smiling lazily, she finally dozed off.   
She had performed quite well last night, for something he'd never tried before. But he was really making fun of her for seeing him with Kyouichi. She knew that. (And obviously she really _did_ have a taste for it.) It had been _very_ good, but he probably shouldn't try it again—Kyouichi just didn't get along with girls. A next time could turn into an all-out fiasco.   
Though the weather had turned nice again, they spent another day inside, sleeping late and reading. They were almost finished all the important parts of Sei Shonagon; soon he'd have to find her some other famous novels and simple history books and things...   
When he asked her, late in the afternoon, what she might like for dinner, she said, "I'm going to dinner with my friend."   
"Again?"   
"Yes. Sure you'll manage without me?"   
"Well, maybe."   
"There are three simple rules to managing without me," she said slyly, counting out on her hand. "Don't sit in dark rooms by yourself, don't listen to sophisticated music, and don't pick up weird kendo jocks."   
He laughed heartily. "Are you saying you didn't have fun with the latter?"   
"That's right. I was faking it. Couldn't you tell?" She stood, pretending to be insulted at his laughter. "Well, I never!"   
"You do make it impossible to manage without you."   
"Then I suppose all's as it should be." She grinned mischievously. "I think there's some of Teki-chan's soup left in the fridge. I can bring you something else back if you want."   
"Well, bring back whatever you like."   
"I'll be back. Probably before dark." She twirled a lock of his hair, and was out.   
  
Miteki was understandably nervous, but Yumi had come up with a rather devious plan. Well, it wasn't completely devious, Yumi told her; it just involved a bit of lying. She had made a quick run off campus and picked up two boxes of fancy cookies, having them gift-wrapped. One box she gave to Miteki, "for putting up with me and feeding me miso soup." The other she carried with her as they walked across the bridge to the dining hall.   
"It goes like this," Yumi explained. "I'm going to apologize to Kozue—"   
"You've been in Japan too long," Miteki blurted.   
"Listen, I'm telling you this so you won't be mad later. I'm going to apologize for beating her up and explain that you and I are friends. But then I'm going to tell some blatant lies, like I came to agree with her that you're a threat to her brother, and that I'm working to keep you away from him."   
"What? What good is that going to do?"   
"It'll get her off your ass, if she believes me."   
"Are you sure that'll work?!"   
"No, but spying is risky business."   
"...Spying?" Miteki said skeptically.   
"Sure. I'm trying to get into her confidence. If I can convince her that I want to 'protect' him too, she'll tell me if something's bothering him. I mean, she may not see straight, but she does watch him like a damn hawk."   
"Do you think _she_ knows about—?" said Miteki in a squeaky whisper, eyes round.   
"No, I don't think she does. But that's another thing. I want to try and keep her from figuring it out, like we did. Her knowing wouldn't be good for anyone."   
"You're right..."   
"Three people know. You, me, and Arisugawa-sempai. None of us is going to tell anyone. So, to really protect him, we have to keep anyone else from putting things together. And Kozue is the one who would want to. If she sees that he's upset, she won't ask him why—but she won't even blink until she finds out. That's obsession for you," said Yumi wryly.   
"What if..." Miteki whispered very quietly, though there was no one in earshot. "What if Saionji tells someone?"   
Yumi sighed. "Well. He just might be that mean. I don't know how we could stop it. Unless we had something to threaten...him...with..." She trailed off, getting a very strange look in her eyes.   
"Huh? Uh oh, now what's your idea?" Miteki gave her a sidelong look.   
"Oh, I _couldn't_!" Yumi squealed, her eyes now as round as Miteki's had been a moment ago. She couldn't tell people _that_! Anyway, wouldn't that do more to anger Touga? Not something high on her priority list. "Never mind. That definitely would not work. We have no way to threaten the captain of the kendo team. We're out of luck in that department."   
"What? Come on, tell," said Miteki. If Yumi had any ammunition against Saionji, she wouldn't mind hearing about it.   
"No. It was stupid," said Yumi in a voice that closed the subject completely.   
Miteki still wondered, but told herself that her childish spite for Saionji wouldn't help Miki at all.   
"You know what's weird, though..." Yumi was impressed at how casual she could make herself sound. Maybe she really could pull off this spy thing without a hitch. "I think the Student Council Vice President has been readmitted."   
"What? You mean they reversed his expulsion?" Miteki was suprised. It was weird enough that he was still hanging around campus; it was unheard of for such an upscale institution to admit it had made a mistake.   
"Yeah. There'll probably be an official notice sometime."   
"How—how do you know?"   
"I saw him in his uniform, so I just kinda guessed. But maybe I'm wrong." Yumi pursed her lips to suppress a fit of embarrassed laughter at the fact that she had mostly seen him out of his uniform.   
They had arrived at the dining hall. She shook her head forcefully, trying to clear it for the task. "Anyway, I think I can make this work. Can you just wait outside for five minutes or so? I need to look like this is behind your back, after all."   
"Yeah, sure." Yumi seemed confident enough, thought Miteki, so maybe it would really work. It made her feel better that her own part was something in which she excelled—being invisible.   
"Alright. _Let's go!_" Yumi said in badly accented English. Apology gift in hand, she stepped into the dining hall and looked around for the girl wearing a uniform three sizes too small. As she'd anticipated, Kozue was at a table avidly trading gossip with her cronies over empty plates.   
"Excuse me, I'm so sorry to interrupt..." Once she had Kozue's attention, she kept her eyes down in humility. "I want to apologize to you, Kozue. Please forgive me for acting so horribly the other day. I really feel awful about it." She bowed and held out the prettily wrapped present.   
Kozue narrowed her eyes, but Rini nudged her under the table, reminding her to at least pretend she had manners. She nodded in return and took the gift, managing a noncommittal "Well..."   
"I—I just wanted to say I was wrong," Yumi went on. "I mean, you and your brother were so nice to me, and I was terrible to you. And that girl you were talking to, well, she and I are friends now. Because it turns out we're both really weird." She made a nervous laugh. "I thought you were just being mean, but you were right all along, trying to keep her away from him. The person I like can handle a weird girl like me..." She laughed again, self-deprecating. "But she's got this dark streak, and Kaoru-sempai would just get hurt, wouldn't he?"   
She could see that Kozue was falling for it. It was hard for anyone to disbelieve an echo of their own sentiments.   
"I'm glad you feel that way," Kozue said haughtily, "but then why did you make him talk to her in here the other day?"   
Yumi had already thought of this. "She stole his music book. I was trying to get her to let me give it back, but she wouldn't, she was hellbent on having an excuse to talk to him. I was trying to warn him away from her, but I had to tell him where his book was."   
Kozue's hands clenched with anger. "He's been acting so strange lately—" she hissed, almost to herself. "I knew it. I _knew_ it was her!"   
Chiharu and Motoko furtively exchanged worried glances.   
Yumi blinked with what she hoped was innocence. "He's acting strange? But I don't think Miteki's been around him enough to really upset him. What about that Himemiya girl he's always making eyes at? She's even weirder than us."   
Motoko suddenly caught sight of Yumi's ring. Wide-eyed, she whispered to Rini.   
Kozue stared furiously at a point on the table. The weird girl was really hitting some nerves. "Yeah, she is weird," she spat, unable to even look up. "She creeps everyone out. Everyone but him. Of course there are girls who like my brother, he's always nice to everyone. But Himemiya's the one who hurts him. Maybe—maybe I wanted to blame someone else because I can't protect him from _her_—she's friends with the Student Council. It makes me _so mad._" She spoke in a low voice through clenched teeth, afraid of shouting in her fury.   
Rini whispered to Kozue, who was not at an angle to see Yumi's left hand.   
Kozue's head whipped up to face Yumi, and she shouted then. _"You're in the Student Council!?"_   
Conversations stopped. Eating utensils paused in mid-air. Heads turned.   
"No! No, I'm not!" Yumi looked around nervously. This probably shouldn't be happening; she'd been holding her hand out of view, or so she thought. She turned back to Kozue. "Really, I'm not. I just have the ring. Tenjou Utena has one too, and she's not in the Student Council."   
"Where'd you get it? You didn't have it before!"   
Yumi didn't think to lie. She didn't think that even though she used a voice for speaking to someone less than a meter away, everyone was still waiting to hear her explanation, and her voice carried in the quiet. "Touga gave it to me."   
Countless whispers rustled, making the place sound like a forest in a breeze. Someone dropped a glass. Several girls jumped up and ran out of the dining hall. The girls at Kozue's table simply gaped.   
Miteki took a peek in the window. _Uh oh, she was right about the Brutally Murder Yumi Council._ Apparently it was not time to go in yet. She hoped that this was part of the scheme, though she knew it couldn't be.   
Footsteps sounded and stopped next to Yumi. There was Nanami in her Student Council uniform, cheeks pink with anger, flanked by her evil-eyed lackeys. Yumi looked back at her, just a little bit afraid.   
More footsteps sounded and stopped behind her. She recognized Juri's perfume and held in a sigh of relief.   
There seemed to be a battle of wills. Those who weren't holding their breath were students known for their indifference.   
"Hm," Nanami sniffed, pretending to lose interest. She spun on her heels like a soldier and walked away. The lackeys glared darkly before following her.   
Yumi turned and quickly bowed to Juri, her thanks quite audible though unsaid.   
Juri grabbed Yumi's hand to see that she did indeed have a Signet ring. "Maigo Yumi, what have you gotten yourself into?" Then, with her mixed blessing of keen observation, she saw the barely detectable chafe mark on Yumi's wrist and raised an eyebrow before she could stop herself.   
Yumi went deep scarlet and pulled her hand away. Anyone watching (and there were plenty of people watching) would think that Juri had just made some kind of move on her.   
Juri shook her head in something that looked like regret and left, returning to her own dinner. The dining hall seemed to come back to life, though many conversations now were about Yumi, who was still standing like a one-girl island.   
"Do you want to sit down?" said Chiharu, rather timidly.   
Yumi shook her head. "Thanks, but Miteki will be here soon." She turned to Kozue again, speaking very quietly. "Well, my point was, I'm really sorry, and I owe your brother for being so kind to me. So please believe me, even though she's my friend, I'm trying to repay him by keeping her away from him—in the end that's better for her too. Maybe together we can figure out how to keep him safe from that creepy Himemiya. There are so many people who would take advantage of kindness, he just needs to be protected, doesn't he?"   
Kozue was confused. Was this the same Yumi who had gone nuts and mercilessly beaten the crap out of her? She had been scheming her revenge, planning to get together with Touga again somewhere Yumi would find them. Someone that smitten couldn't be completely impervious to jealousy. But Touga hadn't showed up at school, and now Yumi was apologizing, and even sympathizing with her. And Yumi definitely was not after Miki, not with the way she looked at Touga. So how was it that she was able to understand Miki's predicament so well? It was ridiculous that Kozue should have an ally in battles she'd always fought alone, but...   
Someone with a Signet ring, rumored to be the Student Council President's _serious _girlfriend, would make a very powerful ally.   
She needed time to figure this out. "I'll write you," Kozue said tersely. Rini kicked her under the table. "I'm, uh, glad you didn't mean all that stuff."   
"Thanks, Kozue-chan." Yumi smiled her sincere, wistful smile and went to the buffet. Once people started walking around again, unobtrusive Miteki showed up beside her.   
"What happened?" said Miteki.   
"Umm..." Yumi saw the curious, suspicious, half-concealed stares. "Let's grab some food and go back to my room. ...Unless you want to try and catch him. I bet he's in here somewhere with Arisugawa- sempai."   
"Maybe another day." Miteki caught the stares as well. "Yeah, let's get out of here."   
Laden with food, Yumi nearly walked right into Tenjou Utena, who was heading for the buffet. "Oh, excuse me," said Utena.   
The sight of that trim figure with the shock of pink hair filled Yumi with anger. _You—you hurt him. You hurt him!_ She wanted to give Utena a good crack across the face, like Nanami had—it couldn't hurt her reputation much; she'd already managed to make herself infamous. But because she wasn't keen on acting like Nanami, and also because she was carrying her dinner, she settled for shifting her hand so that her ring was straight in Utena's line of sight.   
Utena, who had clearly been either absent or oblivious during the scene Yumi had caused, made a little gasp. Yumi tried not to smirk and kept walking, looking straight ahead.   
_How...? Why hasn't she been in the duels yet?_ thought Utena, incredulous. _I don't even know who she is. —Could she know the Prince!?_ Utena's heart jumped, and she determined that next time she saw the aqua-haired girl in a less crowded space, she would have to ask her. 


	6. onitsuka chihiro : infection

  
  
After they ate in her room, with J-pop on the stereo, Yumi began explaining everything to Miteki, but halted when she reached the part about convincing Kozue that Miki's distress was Himemiya Anthy's fault. She wasn't sure if Miteki knew about Miki's shy affection for the tiny girl tending the rose garden, and if Miteki didn't know, she didn't want to be the one to tell her.   
Even though Yumi really _did_ support keeping Anthy away from him. Miteki, ever polite and considerate despite her sadness, was the real version of what Miki looked for in Anthy. But Miki was taken in by the Rose Bride's quiet allure, an allure that deep down meant something sinister—especially if she was related to that Ohtori Akio.   
Finally Yumi bit the bullet and told the entire story; Miteki had to already know.   
"That's good," Miteki said, admiring the lie. "I never would have thought of using that for a cover..."   
"But the reason it works is, I think, she really _could_ hurt him," Yumi blurted, a bit surprised by Miteki's reaction, or rather lack thereof. "I mean, she's Ohtori's sister—I wouldn't want her anywhere near him."   
"All she ever does is stand around and water the roses, though," said Miteki, "and follow that popular pink-haired girl. You really think she's dangerous?"   
"Yes, but...dangerous in a way we don't know about..." Yumi snorted. "Like her brother." Miteki looked worried. Yumi hadn't meant to worry her any more. "Anyway, the point was to get Kozue's suspicion away from you, and it seemed to work. But she said something really interesting then." Yumi told her about Kozue's wondering aloud if she lashed out because she didn't know how to protect him from Anthy.   
"Oh...that would make sense." Miteki looked down, thinking what luck it was that it had to be her because she'd been stupid enough to leave her awful poetry lying around.   
"But that makes me glad I thought of apologizing to her," said Yumi, "because if she can see things like that about herself, she's probably smarter than we think."   
"She doesn't see herself all that clearly, or she'd know she was a fucking skank-ass psychopath."   
Yumi laughed at the lapse in Miteki's politeness. "Well, intelligence is limited."   
"In some cases extremely limited. So then what happened? Why did the Student Council President's sister come after you all of a sudden?"   
Yumi heaved a dramatic sigh. "I'm just getting to that part... Man, is there gonna be a price on my head after that." She finished her account of events.   
"Weren't you scared?" Miteki said nervously. "Wow. I think I would have fainted with all those people looking at me."   
"Nah. My talent's the opposite of yours; I'm good at making scenes."   
"You kind of are... What are those lines on your wrists?" Miteki had gotten something of a wrong idea and was hoping that it was not some kind of self-injury, like she used to do herself at home in Tokyo.   
"Great, why don't I just write it on my forehead!" Yumi shouted, flinging her arms up.   
"Huh?"   
Looking anywhere but at her friend, Yumi spotted an envelope that had been pushed under her door. She went to pick it up. "Uh oh, what's this?" Now that she had a ring, she should probably be wary of letters with the Ohtori seal. She opened it gingerly and, reading it, got an expression something between confusion and scorn.   
"What is it?" asked Miteki.   
"Nanami is having a surprise party tomorrow to try and cheer up Touga," Yumi said dryly. "Why she's invited me is completely beyond my comprehension."   
"Well, if he gave you that ring, it would be an insult to him not to invite you."   
"That must be the only reason." Yumi giggled to herself. "I can just imagine the look on her face when she realized she had to invite me or risk insulting him. She'll probably have me killed if I try to go, though. Hey, I can't get you to come with me, can I?"   
"I—I really don't like parties..."   
Yumi gave her a mischievous look. "You might get to dance with Miki-chan..."   
Miteki blushed and exclaimed, "Because that'd do a lot to get Kozue off my case."   
"Oh, you know she'll leave with some guy twenty minutes into the event. Or some guys. Maybe some dogs and goats too, and a sheep to round things off..." They laughed.   
"Even so, it'd get back to her. Besides, I couldn't—I could never ask Miki to dance."   
"I could get him to ask you."   
"How?!"   
"Well, I don't know. There's still time to think."   
"I thought you didn't care for parties either."   
"Eh... I don't, really. It's just something to do." Yumi regarded the invitation cynically again. "Besides, I'm kinda curious as to whether I could survive a gathering like that without getting into at least a catfight."   
"Please don't get killed. I rather like having a friend."   
They grinned at each other. "Maybe I'd just have to stick with Juri the whole time. That would solve two problems—if it looked like Juri and I were an item, that would put out the rumors about you, and Nanami wouldn't have a reason to assassinate me."   
Miteki laughed. "Yeah, and then Touga would see if he could get you in a threesome."   
Yumi jumped up as if something sharp had poked her in the ass. "Um, gotta pee." She ran out of the room before Miteki could see her turn a shade of red unachieved even by Miki.   
  
"I don't know. I still just don't know!" Yumi worried. There was no way she could convince Miteki come to the party with her, even for the possibility of dancing with Miki; Miteki just hated crowds that much. Yumi had already known that. And here she was in front of her mirror, all dressed to dazzle with Miteki's help, half an hour after the party had officially started, and she still wasn't sure if she wanted to go herself. There would be not only Nanami, but certainly Tenjou Utena, and any number of vicious groupies. No number of potential rivals should faze her in the least, and yet...   
She'd thought of asking Touga whether she should go, but had decided not to bring it up. It was supposed to be a "surprise party"—though she was sure he already knew. Why hadn't she asked him? She'd been confused because he acted as though there had never been an extra boy in the room the other night. Perhaps it was silly of her to think that it changed anything. She felt like it had changed something in her, but what? She wondered if she would be able to look Saionji in the eye without turning red. She wanted to be able to...   
_"What I wanted to be? Not a princess. What I wanted to have? Not glass slippers..."_ sang Ayumi.   
"Well you really look great," said Miteki, praising her own work as much as Yumi's appearance. "And if Nanami's trying to cheer up her brother, she won't start a fight at the party. But don't go if you really don't want to."   
Her mind, tossing thoughts around like nothing so much as popcorn in a popper, made ridiculous leaps as if jumping for excuses not to show up. "What if the Trustee Chairman's there!?"   
"Surely she'll only have invited students from the junior high and high schools," said Miteki. "Why would he come to a high school party?"   
"Yeah... I'm just getting weird thoughts. I...actually, I don't think I want to go...but I'm not sure why. If I don't go, it'll be like I'm afraid of Nanami..." Yumi regarded herself nervously, done up perfectly in a white-on- white patterned silk dress and matching headband with a rosette, and a bright gold scarf and nail polish, applied by Miteki, that matched her eyes. Her eyelids shimmered, makeup also applied by the skilled poetess, and her lips were the color of a room called Floating World. Wouldn't it be a waste not to let Touga see her so beautiful? But there would be plenty of dressed-up beautiful girls, many more so than her, and why enter into a competition with them? She laughed suddenly. "Isn't this what normal girls think about? Whether or not to go to a party hosted for the person they like? Worrying whether other girls will outshine them?"   
Miteki smiled. "Yeah, I guess that is pretty normal. But Yumi-chan, you shouldn't worry about other girls 'outshining' you. You're stunning. I think 'angelic' is the word."   
"Cut it out, Teki-chan, I'm not that pretty. I'm too thin. Good thing they make padded bras or this dress would look downright stupid."   
"He seems to like you fine without a huge rack. Don't be so hard on yourself; how you look isn't an issue."   
Yumi said nothing to the point that Saionji had made a snide remark about her lack of curves, and Touga had only defended her by hinting that there were more important things than a huge rack. "Do _you_ think I should go?"   
Miteki sighed. Yumi must have asked her that about fifty times. "If you want to go, then go. If you don't, then don't. It shouldn't be a competition with Nanami or anyone else. It should be about you having fun."   
"It'd be fun if I could dance with him...but even that would be a competition. Because truckloads of girls will be there with the same ambition. If I get to, I can't help but feel superior. I can't dance, though, not at all." Yumi stamped a high-heeled foot in frustration. "I wish I knew if _he_ wanted me there."   
Miteki thought that it couldn't be very healthy that Yumi's wants depended on his whims, but there was nothing she could do about it. "Call him up and ask him."   
"It's funny, but I actually don't have his celphone number."   
"Call the room and pretend to be refreshment delivery or something."   
"She wouldn't give him the phone; she's the one hosting it."   
"Hmm..." They both sat down, wracking their brains for a way to contact Touga. Nothing came up.   
"I'll just go for a little while. If he wants me to stay, then I will." Yumi stood up again, confused with herself. "I don't get why this is such a big deal anyway. It's not like the fate of the world hangs on it! It doesn't even matter whether or not I'm there!"   
"No, not really," Miteki agreed.   
"I'd better go, then. You never know—something interesting just might come up." A bit reluctantly, Yumi turned off the stereo and headed for the door, and they walked out into the warm night. "I have a ring. That means I ought to keep an eye on things."   
"Well, good luck," said Miteki after leading her to the party's location.   
"Thanks for helping me get ready. See you tomorrow, or something." Yumi smiled, and then they parted ways.   
Putting on a blandly cheerful face, hoping she wouldn't tremble, she gave her name to the people at the door who crossed her off the invite list. Well, this _was_ a party. The fancy campus guest house was teeming. What could uncivilized Lady Akashi do in a place like this?   
She saw him across the room in a throng of groupies, and had no idea how to get to him. She was tall enough that he would see her if he cared to look. She wandered around aimlessly, ignored but for the inevitable glares, wondering what to do with herself. She wasn't worried; it didn't matter much. No one would want to fight at a party for the Student Council President.   
"Look, it's Yumi-chan," said Chiharu. "She's all by herself."   
"Poor girl. He's not going to notice her," said Rini.   
"Well, we can't all have Kozue's charisma," Motoko remarked. Kozue had ditched them to flirt and was surrounded by nearly as many boys as Touga was by girls.   
"Yes, Kozu-chan looks very busy with her charisma," Chiharu snorted. "Let's go cheer up Yumi-chan."   
"She looks just fine," Motoko said, but followed the other two anyway to where Yumi wandered idly.   
"Hi Yumi-chan! Wow, you look great!" chorused Rini and Chiharu, while Motoko drawled in her sullen way, "'Sup."   
"Oh—hi!" Yumi grinned with genuine delight, almost forgetting that these three were prime examples of fair- weather friends. "You guys look nice, too."   
"We're so sorry for being so mean to you," Chiharu gushed. "I just hated it!"   
"You know, well, Kozue is Kozue," Rini added regretfully.   
"Why _did_ you apologize to her?" said Motoko.   
"I don't like being mean, either," replied Yumi. Had Kozue guessed her intentions and sent them to counterspy on her? They were nice company, but not very trustworthy. "I've missed a lot. What's everyone been up to lately?"   
"Don't be silly, Yumi-chan! We want to hear about _you_."   
"Yeah, you haven't even been in school—you must be up to really interesting stuff!"   
She tried not to blush, wondering if indeed they had been instructed to gather information on her. There wasn't much she would tell them; even if they didn't plan to report directly to Kozue, these gossip maniacs would blab anything of significance to the rest of the school. "Well," she said a bit smugly, "everyone must know to whom I'm keeping company."   
They squealed, like that day in the lobby when Kozue had shoved her into his path. "Did he really give you that ring?"   
"Of course. Did you think I was lying?"   
"Pay up, Moto-chan!"   
"Not 'til I see proof!"   
"Oh, you'll have it," muttered Yumi, as flocks of beautiful vultures across the room vied for Touga's attention.   
Rini and Chiharu exchanged curious glances. What kind of scene would Yumi make tonight?   
"What'd he say when he gave it to you?"   
"Did he ask you to go steady!?"   
People were eavesdropping. Kozue's cronies were not the only ones eager to hear Yumi's explanation. Many a girl was desperate to know what Yumi had done that was so special.   
Yumi wondered if she should spout off silly things like yes, he'd asked her to go steady (whatever that meant), yes, he'd even said he loved her. It was what people wanted to hear; they wanted to believe it was possible to win Touga's heart, even if some would drown in misery because it hadn't happened to them. She was tempted. Oh, how the vultures would scatter, how the blonde mosquito would tremble with rage! How the multitudes would try to ingratiate themselves with her in attempt to discover how she'd done it! But it was too risky; if he chose to ignore her tonight she would make a fool of herself, and besides, something so childish could hardly do much for his opinion of her. And it _was_ silly and childish! Why would she want to feed rumors like that? Better to stick to truths that people wouldn't understand.   
"He said I have 'shining strength,'" she told them finally, though no less proudly than she would have given a false answer. "He said I have brightness inside me."   
Just as she knew they would, her interrogators made blank faces.   
"Wow, that's deep... He must really like you!"   
"Are you his girlfriend?"   
Yumi shrugged, but shocked herself a bit with the answer that came out. "More like his concubine."   
More squealing. Eavesdroppers put hands over mouths to cover scandalized high-pitched giggles.   
"Did I say that out loud?" Yumi mumbled sheepishly. The damage was done; now she'd have to go along with it. "He has great skill with the sword, you know..."   
"Yumi-chan!" they squeaked, gasping with laughter.   
"Yes, his kendo stick is really one of a kind."   
More hands went to mouths, suppressing shrieks of hilarity.   
"All this talk makes me thirsty," she announced, yawning diffidently, and began making her way to the refreshment table. The squealing trio, and perhaps a few others who craved answers, followed her.   
The questions, she knew, were by now burning in many a mind. Did she, in fact, have Kiryuu Touga's heart? Was he truly allowing her, and only her, to see him during his unexplained absence? _Had he truly given her the ring?_ She had already answered the last question, and if they didn't want to believe her, well, that wasn't her problem.   
"Excuse me—can I talk to you for a minute?" Tenjou Utena had appeared in front of her. She had not deigned this time to don a dress; she was still the boy-uniformed wonder. She looked a bit anxious, a bit eager.   
Yumi regarded her coldly. She had to admit she was curious about what Utena could possibly have to say to her. "Um, sure." They moved away from the crowd, a little ways down a corridor.   
"Hi, I'm Tenjou Utena. Sorry if I'm wrong, but you're Yuumi, right?"   
"It's Yumi. And I know who you are. You're famous."   
"Well, not really..." Utena put a hand on the back of her head, a masculine gesture, and smiled humbly. "See, I have the ring too, and I was just wondering something..."   
"You want to know where I got it, right, because I didn't have it before, right?"   
"Yeah—how'd you know?"   
"That's what everyone wants to know." Yumi affected an innocent smile. They were almost the same height, but she was a bit taller; it gave her a completely fatuous sense of superiority.   
"I was wondering because, well—this is going to sound kind of silly, but—a prince gave this ring to me a long time ago, and I've been trying to find him ever since..."   
"Oh," said Yumi brightly, "a prince gave me mine, too."   
Utena's heart made a great leap of ecstatic hope, while at the same time she felt a stab of jealousy at the possibility that her prince could have given her up for lost and decided to bestow a ring upon another girl. "What—really!?"   
"Yes. A tall, handsome prince."   
"You—you met him? Recently?" Utena was sure that Yumi could hear her heart pounding.   
"Oh, I'm with him all the time." Yumi made her eyes misty with romance, perfectly aware of how cruel she was being, and unable to stop herself. Why was she being so mean? A part of her smarted with guilt, wanting to apologize, get the truth out. She really wasn't made for being mean. And yet most of her was enjoying it.   
"Who is he!?" Utena cried.   
"You know him already. He's here, in fact."   
Utena looked past her to search the crowd wildly.   
"He's been right under your nose the whole time," Yumi said. "The nose that you keep pointed in the air, looking for dreams in the clouds, unable to see what's in front of you."   
Utena focused on her again. "What do you mean?"   
"I mean you had your chance with him." Yumi's voice went cold, and she couldn't stop her words, even though she was worried that she was making a fool of herself, and if not that she at least sounded like a soap opera. "You probably still have it. But you won't see. He's not good enough for you, oh no, not for noble Tenjou Utena. You're too proud of yourself in your cute little boy's uniform—you're too busy being a prince yourself to notice when a real one comes along. And that's why you'll never find your prince."   
Not being one to reveal when she'd been cut to the quick, Utena quietly bore the brunt of Yumi's words. By now she had a bit of an idea what the deal was.   
"It's past bedtime for fanciful children like you. Why don't you go to sleep—you'll only see him in your dreams." With that parting shot Yumi turned. _I'm not like this,_ her heart wanted to say. _I don't know what's gotten into me..._   
"Hey!" Utena yelled. "You don't have to be so mean! I just asked you where you got your ring!"   
Yumi didn't turn back. "Haven't you figured it out yet? A prince gave it to me—a prince with a heart that fools like you can't see."   
Utena looked at her steadily. "Are you going to challenge me?"   
At that Yumi jerked her head around to give her a sharply contemptuous glare. "Challenge you? If you hurt him again, I'll just kill you in your sleep. Sweet dreams, Prince Utena." She jerked her head forward again and kept walking back out to the party.   
Utena exhaled with something like bewilderment. Talk about a distorted perspective! What was it about the Student Council President that could mess with people's heads so badly?   
_I ought to know,_ she thought wryly. _I only just escaped it._   
  
Yumi was stunned by her own cruelty. She hadn't known she could _be_ that mean to someone. It wasn't fair to pick on Utena's dreams—anyone could just as easily attack her own. But she probably hadn't fazed Utena that much. By the end she must have come off as just another jealous groupie.   
Except that she had the ring. None of the groupies had that.   
She should leave before she ripped someone else to shreds. But there was a knot of frustration in her gut for the fact that he still hadn't noticed her. She went to the refreshment table, as she'd been about to do before Utena accosted her, and looked for something to drink. She was, in fact, thirsty.   
Someone held a glass of red wine out to her, saving her the trouble, and she smiled, suspecting who it was. But then when she actually looked she jumped and made an odd squeaky sound.   
Not how she would have hoped to react when confronted again by Saionji Kyouichi.   
"Wine?" His violet eyes danced with wicked amusement at startling her.   
"Only if you haven't put an indirect kiss on it," she snapped, irked with herself. It was a stupid thing to say, and she regretted it even before the reply came.   
"Indirect kisses didn't bother you the other night."   
Heads turned. This conversation was interesting.   
Yumi's cheeks reddened, but mostly with anger. How she wanted to hit him! "I would slap you," she managed coolly, "but I don't want you to spill that wine on my dress."   
"But you don't seem to have a problem either with me helping you out of your clothes."   
Whispers and incredulous giggles started. Yumi shut her eyes tightly. She wanted more than anything to yell for Touga, but was afraid that he would pretend there was nothing between them. Here was Saionji making it sound in front of the whole school like....   
What could she do!?   
There was nothing for it but to attempt to maintain her dignity. She could see that Kozue's cronies wanted to rescue her, but were loath to oppose the kendo team captain. "I wouldn't have expected such crude behavior from the Student Council Vice President and captain of the kendo team. Especially since he's just been readmitted and should probably conduct himself to prove that he is of such upstanding character that the school was right to have reversed his expulsion," she said with acid formality. "Or is he now convinced that he can get away with anything and everything?" Since everyone was listening in, she wanted to add, "Including getting fresh with the Student Council President's girlfriend?" but was wary of pushing her luck. Instead she finished, "Like some common acquitted criminal?"   
Listeners gave each other intrigued glances. Her comeback had been flawless; there wasn't much he could say to that and keep his own dignity. But now the burning question was, _were Saionji's words true?_   
But it was as though he heard the words she wanted to say, and twisted them. "'Anything and everything'? You mean like, for instance, screwing the crazy girl who thinks the Student Council President gave her a ring?"   
Yumi's mouth fell open in horror. She probably deserved this for what she'd said to Utena, but that didn't slake her fury. An old- fashioned ladylike slap in the face could not suffice. Instead she picked up a punch bowl and sloshed its entire contents at him, thoroughly enjoying the look of panic on his face when he realized what she was going to do and that there was no way he could move fast enough to save his uniform.   
Everyone within earshot knew he'd earned it, but no one laughed. There was only stifled snickering.   
"You are full of shit," she said bluntly, and stalked away, leaving the kendo jock soaked and blinking. Or she would have, but there was Touga.   
"Yumi, what did you do?"   
She looked up indignantly. "Did you hear what he said!?"   
"No, but—"   
"You could have stopped him, but you didn't. You could act like you did give me this ring, but you won't. And that's what happened!" Tears of shame welled up in her eyes, because Touga would never admit in front of everyone that he had given the ring to such an uncivilized, childish, stupid crazy girl. And now everyone thought she was a whore.   
This wouldn't do, he thought. He wasn't supposed to be hurting her feelings, yet. "Oh, Yumi, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I didn't see you. Here, come outside and tell me what's wrong..." He took her hand and led her out a side door, and she tried to hold her head high amid not a few skeptical glares. Miki's amazement and Juri's amused approval were also in the crowd, but they didn't make her feel much better.   
The moment they were out in the cooling air, all her anxiety came to the surface and she began to cry. This made her even more ashamed so that soon she was sobbing almost hysterically. Praying that her moodiness was not an indication of pregnancy, he let her cry against his chest.   
"I don't understand—I, I'm being so awful—I can't believe it—"   
"Ssh, it's okay."   
"I can't—everyone wants to know where the ring's from—but no one believes me if I tell them—"   
"It's alright. They just can't understand."   
"Everyone hates me!"   
"_I_ certainly don't hate you."   
She drew a deep breath and sighed. That had gotten her to stop sobbing. "I shouldn't have come. I don't know why I was invited. I didn't really want to...but I wasn't sure if you wanted me here..."   
"Yumi, Yumi, I wouldn't want you anyplace where _you_ don't want to be."   
Her face grew calm, almost happy, his words of affection soothing her. She laughed halfheartedly. "I was so pretty, and now look at me..." Her makeup was smeared, and a bit of punch had splashed her when she lifted the bowl.   
"You're always pretty. Especially when you smile." He wiped her mascara-tinged tears away tenderly, wondering if this was finished yet. Some people inside would be getting very angry, chief among them Nanami.   
She smiled shyly. He had never called her pretty before. "I'm so sorry. I always make such a fiasco out of everything... I—I guess I wanted, I don't know, to prove that you gave me the ring, that I didn't steal it or something... I don't even know why. I shouldn't care what they think." The things Saionji had blurted out came back to her. She hid her face again in his chest. "He said such awful things! In front of everyone!"   
"I'll tell him off in front of everyone," he assured her. "Though you did do your part to that effect."   
"It didn't make what he said disappear."   
"I'm sorry. It's my fault. I shouldn't have...introduced you to him. He really is a misogynist. And occasionally quite the opposite of a gentleman. It's not a good combination. He probably just wanted to annoy me, anyway..."   
He trailed off. Voices were drifting outside to them—familiar voices.   
"I can't believe you did that! You worthless scoundrel! How could you ruin my brother's party like that?"   
"Excuse me, girly, I'm not the one who dumped a punch bowl on someone."   
"Anyone would have dumped a punch bowl on you after what you said! I can't believe someone in your position would be so crude!"   
"So you're taking her side now? Standing up for the girl who says your brother gave her a ring?"   
"_I am not taking sides!_ She's a nutcase, talking to her is asking for trouble!"   
"So why'd you invite her?"   
"Because obviously she got the ring somewhere—and because I assumed people like you wouldn't be stupid enough to talk to her! It's your fault, you oaf!"   
"'Oaf'? I won't hear this. Goodnight."   
_"Oh yes you will!"_   
Touga and Yumi looked at each other and laughed quietly. Apparently Nanami was already giving Saionji a tongue-lashing in a room with open windows. Yumi grudgingly had to give her credit—that did take more than a little strength of character.   
"I don't think I can leave," said Touga. "But I'll walk you back. I'm sorry you had such a bad time."   
She thought of what a story she had for Miteki. "Well, it wasn't all bad. Dumping a punch bowl on Saionji _was_ a rewarding experience."   
"Now, Yumi, don't do it again," he teased her. He had to wonder how jealous Yumi really was.   
He kissed her for a long time outside her door, and then made a comment to the effect that it would be a relief to see her tonight after fending off all those shallow giggly girls.   
She couldn't bear simply guessing at the meaning of his words, trying to decipher whether he meant them or not. "Does that mean you want me...and only me...?" she said, swooning.   
"It means you have more substance in the tip of your nose than all of them put together." He touched her nose as he said it, and left to make sure the party wasn't completely ruined.   
It was true at least for tonight. He wanted her, and none of them.   
She went into her room to change. Her ring shone. _"I told you, you're different,"_ he'd said.   
When the party ended, she would be back in the pink room waiting for him. But first she had time to report to Miteki. Knowing her friend would still be awake, Yumi washed her face, put on lounging clothes, and went to Kurihama dorm.   
Hearing of the incident, Miteki laughed loud and long. "I do wish I could have seen that! But why—why did he say all those things to you? Even he isn't usually like that, I don't think... I thought I'd heard of him being kind of a cold and distant person."   
"He wanted to embarrass me. He knows I must be the one who told on him that other night." She wouldn't say anything about the night before last, oh no, not even to Miteki. She wanted to be able to vent her extreme frustration at not being able to face him with dignity, but there wouldn't be any way to do that without a full explanation... She vented another frustration instead. "I'm so stupid. You know why I went, it's because I wanted Touga to recognize me. I thought if he just acted like he really had given me the ring, I could stay... Maybe I really just wanted to show everyone up. I can't believe I wanted something so dumb. He doesn't work like that."   
Miteki looked at Yumi with sympathy, though in her heart, she felt a tingle of awful premonition. _It is beginning...the truth of her longing will be her downfall._ "Yumi-chan, it's not stupid for you to want him to treat you like a real person."   
"But I'm not a real person, not really. I mean, I didn't even have a—a childhood. No parents, no home, no nothing."   
It was an interesting question, whether one was only fully human if born that way. But Miteki was a believer in souls, though she often thought that she lacked one herself. "Of course you're a real person. You have a soul, don't you? That means you are human. That wasn't what I meant, anyway. I meant he doesn't treat _anyone_ like a real person." She shouldn't say things like that, Miteki thought. She'd make Yumi angry...   
"That isn't it! He—he can't show people his heart. I wanted to go up to him but I was so afraid he'd just treat me like all the others. He said I was different but I couldn't know if he'd act like that in front of everyone else..."   
_Afraid of having her beautiful illusion shattered,_ hissed the voice of foreboding. "Don't you want someone you can trust?"   
Yumi looked wistfully into space. "I am the mistress of what no one else knows."   
"Huh?"   
"How could I expect him not to treat me like just one of the giggly people? Everyone would want to know why. And the why...is so many secrets. He could never act like I'm any different, even if I have the ring. That would mean I know the things that they don't—that he'd never want them to know. They can't understand. Yumi, mistress of secrets!" She pushed her hair back distractedly. She was talking too much again. "What a stupid idea. I should never go to parties. ...And Saionji's got his fans too—I'll have to stay out of the public eye for a while."   
Miteki blinked. There was probably a lot going on here that she didn't understand. If Yumi wanted to tell her, she would. But there were always things that people had to keep to themselves. "Well, next time you have cause to dump something on the Student Council Vice President, come get me first."   
Yumi giggled a little. "Will do." They watched TV in the lounge, laughing idly, until sometime around eleven, when she decided it was time to leave.   
To go back again to the Student Council dorm, back again to the pink room.   
  
  
_ It's raining today. Recalling whom I met with the last two times I was out in the rain, I'm staying inside. He has gone out for some reason, perhaps buying me something to apologize for Saionji's behavior. Or perhaps he has returned to his old routine, kissing around. The thought doesn't bother me, as my mind is fully occupied with the conversation that took place last night here in his bed after he returned from the party.   
We did some things, and then out of nowhere he said to me:   
"I love you."   
My breath caught and for one beautiful flower moment, the universe was indescribably perfect, an infinite paradise...but then I realized...   
"You don't mean that. You shouldn't say that to me without meaning it. That's really harsh."   
"I wanted to see if you'd believe it."   
"You're cruel. Say it again."   
"I love you."   
Flowers and fireworks, paradise only slightly tarnished by falsehood, a moment of fantasy perfection before reality returned.   
"More."   
"What for?"   
"If you say it enough, you might start to believe it yourself."   
"And where would that get us?" He was amused. He thought it a game, of course.   
"Loving one who loves you is true happiness. That's the only way to eternity."   
"You're really stupid."   
"One of us is," I told him.   
Why does he not believe it? How could he be so hurt, so jaded that he has no belief at all in the most powerful joy this world has to offer? A joy so great that even I think it too much to ask...   
If one loves another who loves oneself, how can there be sadness? How could someone not see its power?   
Perhaps if that someone really believed that he could never be worthy of it. If he cannot love because he believes so completely that he is tainted, defiled, and so he must scoff at its power, knowing only that such joy is not meant for him...   
How can I hope to cure this despair? How can I begin to undo what was done so long ago? What can a crazy girl with funny ears do to smash the world's shell?   
I won't do anything. If I try, he will push me away. If I make conscious effort, I will become consumed by the hope that by cracking the diamond shell I will be the one to show him the power he cannot see, seeking only to hear those words spoken in truth rather than mockery.   
But now that I have heard them, had an artificial taste of the power, am I doomed to seek just that?   
Or was the hope planted in me the moment my soul was formed—the hope to know that most powerful joy reserved for human beings?   
Why is that such a remote possibility anyway? Who else around here is trying so hard to understand him?...   
No more questions. No seeking! No matter how badly I want to believe, I cannot make things into being by willing them so. I cannot break a diamond shell by pounding against it. I will take these days and nights as they come; that is all I can do. And when he wants me, I will be there.   
If he needs me, I will be there. _  
  
  
"You okay?" Miteki said over coffee the afternoon of the second day after the party. Yumi didn't seem nearly as cheerful as was usual for her.   
"Yeah, I just... I feel helpless. Stalemated. I don't know how to do anything for him."   
"I feel the same way, you know. Except he doesn't pay attention to me." Miki still tended to spend more time with Tenjou and Himemiya, because he had a crush on the latter, and the latter was always with the former. Miteki didn't feel jealous of that, however. It was too cute...   
"Something's got to happen soon. Something to let us make sense of things." Yumi sighed and mushed cake crumbs with her fork.   
"Yeah, wouldn't that be nice." Miteki listened to the wind howling down the street outside. It was doing that today in every little space it could find, creating an empty feeling.   
Yumi heard it too. "I wonder what the wind is searching for."   
"Maybe it just wants to be noticed."   
They finished their drinks, listening to the wind that all but drowned out the soft jazzy music of the coffee shop.   
Suddenly a strange blip went off in Yumi's head. It hurt a little, in an odd tingly way, like when one has been sitting on one's foot and then tries to walk. "Ow—"   
"What?"   
She felt the pang in her soul. It was a pang of fear, and knowing—and maybe something else. The blip simply could not mean anything good. She stood abruptly. "Something's wrong!"   
"What's wrong?" said Miteki, who certainly knew enough to be worried.   
"I'm finding out!" Yumi slammed a thousand-yen bill on the table and ran. It was altogether too much like that day with the gun in the dark...   
"I'm coming!" Miteki shouted, and, with an apology to the person at the counter, did exactly the same thing.   
"It's got—nothing—to do with you," said Yumi, running as fast as she dared. "It's about him—I'm sure—of it."   
"What if—it's something—bigger?"   
"Then probably—everyone—will know."   
"Last time—something was wrong—with him—something happened—to Miki too!"   
"Then you're—going to see—Miki?"   
"Maybe!"   
"He must—still be in—the music room."   
"Or the library."   
They jogged up the hill to the campus; if they kept going full speed they'd never make it. "You know—" said Yumi, "I don't—trust this place—at all."   
"I know just—what you mean!"   
Finally they reached the campus and headed in opposite directions. Thinking she should probably make an exercise routine of jogging if she had to do this a lot, Yumi burst into the Student Council dorm and into his rooms, where she found him slumped in that same chair.   
But it was silent. Too silent.   
She went to him. He looked unconscious and in pain.   
"Touga! Can you hear me? Touga!"   
His shirt was hanging half open. He was hardly breathing; his skin was cold and clammy as from a nightmare. He opened his eyes a little, but they seemed glazed over, unseeing, as if he really was caught in some evil dream from which he could not wake. This was different from that other time—worse.   
"Touga, wake up! It's me, Yumi! Wake up! It's Yumi!" She took him by the shoulders, and he tumbled from the chair into her arms. They both fell, with her kneeling and him collapsed onto her lap.   
"The sword..." he whispered deliriously, and fainted again.   
There could be a simple explanation. He was walking around in the rain yesterday; he could just be ill.   
He could, but he wasn't. There were no simple explanations in this place.   
She could smell something strange, sickly-sweet, like dead flowers. She looked back toward the door—the door that, like those before it, had been open when she got there! Something truly sinister was about, something whose evil intent made her shiver. She glared up as though the something could be watching her from the ceiling, laughing at her futile attempts to protect him.   
_"What have you done to him?!"_ she screamed at the dark room.   
  
Naturally, she stayed with him. He didn't come to until after dark, and what he told her was strange and sinister indeed.   
He could tell her, he thought, since she was going to duel at some point. He didn't know what it was himself, but it was something about the duels.   
"A girl came in. I thought it was probably you, but it wasn't, obviously. There was something wrong with her; I couldn't get away. She—she took a sword out of me."   
Yumi's big amber eyes grew angry. "What..."   
"Then I blacked out, didn't I? It wasn't exactly the most pleasant experience."   
That meant, of course, that it had been horribly painful. Who was going around pulling swords from him and causing him such pain that it sent a blip of alarm through _her_ head? If she found who was behind this, they would do well to avoid underestimating her.   
"I can't leave you for a second, can I? I'm sorry. I should have been there..."   
"No, I'm glad you weren't. I don't know what they might have done to you."   
She stroked his hair. There were lines where his face had pressed into her skirt, and he still seemed weakened. She took him to the sitting room with its sofas and coffee table. "Try to stay out of trouble while I find you some dinner."   
That night he told her what it was like to be in the duels. And what it was like to be beaten by Tenjou Utena.   
Her fists clenched beneath the sheets. How could that upstart girl-prince have won against him? It made no sense. Unless...unless Utena wanted it more than he did.   
"Why do you want it?" she asked. "The power to revolutionize the world or whatever it's supposed to be?"   
It was a little bit before he answered. "The power to revolutionize the world...to smash the world's shell. Don't you feel like this world is just a tiny shadow of reality? Like a chick encased in an egg, unable to get out? If it can't break out of the egg, it will die without being born, without ever knowing how to fly. We all want that power, to find the true world, to become what we're meant to be. To break out of our shells and fly. That is the power of revolution—the Power of Dios." His voice held something of prophecy, something of yearning.   
Her heart was pounding. So he did want to break the diamond shell, he knew that his true self was hidden away within, a chick trapped in its egg. But he could see no way of breaking that shell except to win some mystical power in a floating upsidedown castle.   
"There are other ways," she said very quietly, "of breaking shells. The Power of Dios can't be the only path to revolution."   
"Here, it is the only path." He held up his hand for her to see the ring. "As all who wear the Rose Signet know."   
"I wear the Rose Signet, and I'm not sure of that."   
"You will be."   
_Am I too trapped in an egg?_ she wondered. _Am I something other than what I'm meant to be?_ She felt suddenly terrified at the idea that she was not meant to be human, with him. When somebody won the Power of Dios, would her human form vanish, leaving her as she once was? But no, that was absurd. She had a soul, and she was meant to love him.   
She knew that, but she did not know what she was meant to _be_ to him. Could the Power of Dios tell her? Could the Power of Dios let her help him...?   
The power to revolutionize the world. The power to smash the world's shell.   
So she had to fight as well... _"Because you want to fight for me,"_ he'd said.   
Their conversations at night kept getting weirder, she thought. But he wouldn't have mentioned Tenjou Utena at all if he didn't want her, Yumi the strange girl, to avenge him.   
  
Another day went by, unremarkable enough that Yumi felt as though some kind of tension was building. Probably within herself more than anywhere else. In moments when her mind wandered she saw strange fantasies of herself holding a sword—a metal one, not a bad double entendré one. She had startled herself when, quite without thinking about it, as he was in the shower she picked up the red umbrella cryptically given her by the Trustee Chairman and play-practiced fighting stances. That lasted all of about ten seconds before she realized what she was doing (and how stupid she must look doing it) and put down the umbrella, trying to figure out what was getting into her.   
So, it would probably happen sooner or later. But how could she duel? She had no knowledge whatsoever of martial arts. She didn't even know what kind of sword would suit her.   
But she easily put such questions from her mind, knowing that answers would come as needed. She wished, however, that he would validate or refuse this impulse that crept up on her, and tell her whether or not this was truly the way to fight for him, the way he wanted her to fight for him.   
She was not made for dwelling on antipathy, and she had surprised herself by being so hostile to Utena at the party. Still, she knew she would not think twice about fighting the pink-haired cross-dresser if the chance presented itself.   
And what about Saionji, who had unknowingly punished her for bitching at Utena? What was on _his_ agenda? Yumi got a picture in her head of the kendo jock writing in a little calendar book—_Weekly agenda: Piss off Touga. Boink Touga. Piss off Touga. Boink Touga. Piss off Touga..._   
She snickered, and Touga gave her a half-curious look. He was trying to get her to learn calligraphy with a brush, since he hadn't felt like reading today. Her concentration was nothing impressive.   
The following morning a touch to her shoulder awakened her. It was light out, and he was in his uniform. She blinked at him, wondering if he wanted to go somewhere, but he placed an armful of books on the pink bed.   
"I've finally been recalled to the fact that I am, in fact, a student," he sighed. "I have to leave you in the company of literature. Not all of these are as engaging as _Genji_, but you should read them anyway. If you read enough you'll become better educated than most of the students your age."   
"That isn't much of a challenge," said Yumi. "I'm barely a month old."   
"Well, then," he said, wondering why she'd ever come up with this fairy story, "you'll be better educated than most of the students the same age as you look."   
"How old do I look?"   
"Around fifteen, I think."   
"Oh. Maybe I do have some academic catching up to do."   
He smiled. "That's the spirit. I like a girl with ambition."   
She smiled back a bit wistfully, leafing through one of the books. "So you're going to class?"   
"Yes. But if you like..." He leaned toward her, almost murmuring in her ear. "You can come see me in the music room at twelve-thirty."   
She blushed a little at the proposition, covering her mouth with a hand as her eyes glinted with mischief. "Touga!"   
"Just an idea... Well, I'm off." He left, tossing his hair back enticingly, and she knew she could not refuse.   
"Come back soon," she replied, the customary farewell that sounded like a wife seeing off her husband. She read for a little bit, and when it was late enough for the coast to be clear she went to her own room with the armful of books, made herself breakfast, put on some J-pop and read some more.   
Sometime around one in the afternoon, she left the music room breathlessly fixing hair and skirt.   
  
Perhaps, against all odds, she _had_ managed to change something. He was going to class again, yet she remained the only one to share his bed. Maybe he just hadn't gotten around to sorting through all those phone calls yet... Maybe the others were afraid of seeming too aggressive by jumping him immediately upon his return to class... Or maybe something was happening that he wasn't about to tell her. Yumi did her best not to get her hopes up, but hope had a way of defying common sense.   
Several days passed, during which he acquainted her with the best places on campus for mostly-secret daytime trysts. There were plenty of such places in Ohtori, which had to be foremost among sprawling, luxurious private schools. They met in the rose garden at lunchtime or later in the afternoon, and he would take her to some new spot to...take her.   
She had finished all the books he'd given her the other day, and had some time to kill, so she wandered around campus for a bit and then went to the music room. It was just the right time to catch Miki starting his after-school piano practice. Soon Miteki would seat herself outside the door, pretending to do homework; after that Kozue would finish some rounds of flirting, or her own midday dalliance, and seat herself outside the window. It was routine, regular as a metronome, and beautiful in its way.   
She walked in happily, having taken in the warm sunlight outside. Miki was going through his music books, and jumped when she said brightly, "Hi, Kaoru-sempai!"   
"Oh—Yumi-san! Hi!"   
"Sorry I startled you. I haven't really seen you in weeks, have I?"   
He was such a kind presence, she always felt totally at ease with him. There was a sort of comfort in the fact that he would never be angry or scared of her or anything for being what she was. Hoping she wouldn't put someone in a jealous rage, she sat down beside him on the piano bench, but not too close.   
"Yeah, it has been a while... You know, I never got to apologize—I'm sorry for thinking what I did back when...when I jumped to that awful conclusion..."   
It took her a moment to realize what he meant. He was still so genuinely troubled over that? "Oh, that was ages ago! Don't worry about it. Nobody even remembers. I've certainly forgiven you."   
He smiled nervously. "Where have you been hiding out all this time?"   
"Oh, here and there. Touga got me out of class, you know. I don't really fit in. So I just read a lot."   
"I see." Miki got a worried look. "Did he really give you the ring?"   
"What, all the groupies telling you I stole it or had a fake made? Yeah he did."   
"Well—I was just wondering if there was a reason..."   
"He didn't ask me to marry him, if that's what you're thinking!" Yumi laughed.   
"Did he put you on the Student Council? I mean, if he has, you've missed a couple of meetings." He quietly began practicing some scales, the notes sounding with astonishing speed.   
"Not that I know of. Wouldn't I need a cool uniform like Arisugawa-sempai's? Not that I'd be much of a student representative, would I?"   
"The Student Council doesn't seem to have much to do with the other students."   
"That's very true."   
"I mean, I'm just a little worried because, well..." Miki looked at her anxiously. "Yumi-san, the duels have started again."   
She blinked. Touga hadn't told her that. "Really? And no one's said a thing to me. Except you, of course."   
"Saionji-sempai challenged Tenjou-kun again, but only him so far. And something different is going on—I don't know, I feel like something else is happening." Miki's scales changed to the minor keys, giving his words a sinister edge.   
"Like what?"   
Nervous, he played faster than ever, without missing a single step. "I really don't know. Just a weird feeling, I guess..."   
"It's not weird. I _always_ feel like that." She smiled self-deprecatingly. "Well, I am weird, though."   
He looked at her again. "No, you aren't."   
She was, of course, but he was being nice, of course. Besides, in Japan calling someone different was a near unforgivable insult. "Thanks, Miki." That was the first time she'd used his given name. But his kindness always made her feel so...warm and fuzzy!   
He tried not to blush.   
She felt like this was someone who understood her, or if not, would at least believe the best of her. Someone to whom she could voice the troubles that she was unable to share with Miteki. "I've got this ring, so no matter how I got it, that means I have to be in the duels, doesn't it? I don't know if I want to—I mean, I don't think of myself as a fighter, really. Unless it's with Nanami or something, right? But there's something—there's something inside him that wants to be freed. I don't know how I can do anything for him..." She almost got to "except warm his bed," but Miki wouldn't want to hear that. "He gave me the ring and he said I have this 'shining strength,' but it's not enough to help him. If I—if I could get the Power of Dios—then maybe that would be enough... The power of miracles, the power of eternity, the power of revolution, then I'd be able to smash the world's shell, right?"   
"Yumi-san..." He felt so much sympathy for her, it almost made his eyes water. She was just a girl in love, and so she was trying to make sense of all these mysteries in which the object of her affection was caught up, when really the mysteries had no place. She wanted nothing but for him to tell her where his heart lay, if he couldn't give it to her, as she'd already given him hers. Miki couldn't find anything to say.   
"It's got to be the way. The power is real! I see the castle in my dreams! I can't help it, I keep thinking about swords and I've never even held a plastic one, I keep thinking how much I want to fight her even though she's never done anything to me. I know I have to duel. Maybe it really is the only path left to our true selves."   
"But Yumi-san," he found words to his thoughts finally, "don't you think that if...if the something in him...is meant to come out, he'll win the Power of Dios himself?"   
"Maybe. Maybe it will happen that way. But I want to fight for him too." She looked at her ring. "I'm not a fighter. Unless it's for him. I'd kill the whole prefecture if it would chase his demons away." Mentally she chided herself. She was saying too much...   
He stopped playing. Her voice had gone hard. What was it that she saw, that could make a cheerful-natured girl who vowed she wasn't a fighter willing to take up a sword—or apparently even a nuke if it would help?   
"Sorry," she said, laughing at herself. "I'm getting weird. You feel like I do, it messes with your head."   
Did she know how apt her sarcastic remark about herself was, he wondered, at least according to Kozue's assessment of the situation?   
"Well, that must be quite enough about me!" she said. "What have you been up to? I mean, besides all that crazy Student Council stuff?"   
"Nothing much, really," he replied, "unless you want to hear about getting ready for finals and things like that."   
"Really? Is it time for that already?"   
"Yeah, most classes are starting to review, even though Ohtori's year goes longer than most schools. You don't have to worry about those things, though."   
Yumi laughed a little. "I guess not. Do people go home for the summer?" The thought worried her. Where would she go?   
"No, actually, we're encouraged to stay. It promotes a sense of community within the school. This is really a nice place to be in the summer, near the ocean and everything. Some people go home if they really miss their families, but of course, most people our age are glad to get away."   
Miki was on the verge of asking her a question, but she interrupted. They didn't need to talk about her any more; he was probably going to ask her if she had a family, and he wouldn't get any answers that made sense. "Have you seen Miteki lately?" She watched his fingers on the piano, playing half-step scales now, so she wouldn't see him blush. "I haven't really talked to her in a couple of days."   
"Oh, no, I haven't seen her either."   
Yumi refrained from dropping hints that he should try to talk to Miteki more, just in case Kozue might be listening. "She must be busy getting ready for finals, too."   
Miki steered the conversation away from the pretty dark-haired girl. He had the Chopin book with him today. "You know, there's a piece I've been practicing that kind of reminds me of you..."   
"Really?" Yumi noticed the tactic, but it worked nonetheless.   
"Yes, it's by Chopin. I bet you'd like him if you listened to classical music. I'm really bad at it, but..."   
"Of course I want to hear it," she smiled. "Here, I'll stand out of the way." She got up and stood behind the piano bench.   
"Okay." He opened the book and played. The only flaw in his performance was that it was only about three-fifths of the speed at which it was supposed to be played.   
It brought tears to her eyes. It seemed as though her whole life was in that song. Starlight gleaming on roses; yearning for unnameable things; moments of happiness and moments of truth...   
She stood in silence for nearly half a minute after the final note faded. "That is the most beautiful music I've ever heard," she said with quiet conviction.   
"Well...Chopin really was a genius." More humble than he had any cause to be, Miki scratched the back of his head.   
  
Put in a thoroughly romantic mood, she was humming dreamily when she met him in the rose garden. Not averse to Chopin himself, Touga recognized the melody. "I didn't know you liked classical music, Yumi."   
"Not really. It's too civilized for me," she said.   
"Apparently it isn't. You would listen to the romantics." He kissed her. "It suits you well..."   
They lingered in the garden a bit, and then before Anthy arrived to tend the roses, snuck out and ran furtively to—the dojo.   
True, it looked different in the daylight, yet the memory still came up. It was empty but such an open space. "Here?" she said, a bit apprehensive.   
He smiled. "No, of course not. In the supply closet."   
She giggled, and then something occurred to her. She went around looking at all of the windowsills, until she found the little burn mark. "Look."   
"What is it?"   
She touched the charred wood, getting a weird chill. "I made that."   
"You did? You don't smoke?"   
"No, no." The Chopin tune came back to her again. Her voice fell to a whisper. "I was right here, no bigger than your hand. Watching..." She was afraid of what his reaction would be, and yet she had to tell him. To show him this little bit of proof.   
"Watching?" Either he didn't quite get it yet, or he was pretending not to.   
She took his hand and put his fingertips on the mark. It felt very strange, almost as if it were still warm somehow. Some kind of energy lingered on it.   
"What do you mean?" he said. This was beyond his understanding.   
"I was here, watching you. I had no form that you could see, nor voice that you could hear. I cast no shadow in the moonlight." She looked back at him uncertainly, a bit pleading. "But I could burn."   
He knew by now what she was talking about, her odd little stories, her voyeuristic episodes. There was no reason not to believe her, but, as there was nothing to say to that, he only gave her the blank stare of incomprehension.   
She looked down again, sighing. "I guess I can't expect anyone to believe a weird thing like that."   
He put his arms around her. "It's not that I don't believe you. I just...don't know what to say. Besides, it doesn't matter whether anyone else believes your story, so long as _you_ believe it."   
"It matters to me whether you believe me."   
"Yumi, you don't have to prove anything to me. I know everything you say to me is as true as you can make it."   
She smiled a little. What _was_ she trying to prove? Wasn't a mark on the west windowsill of the dojo irrelevant by now?   
They heard the voices of early-arriving kendo team members. Mischievously they ducked into the dark supply closet, which was spacious and had plenty of hiding places. Whenever someone came to retrieve any gear, they had to fall totally silent and hope that no one turned on the light and looked from the proper angle. It was very exciting.   
A little over half an hour went by this way before they heard the stomping and cracking of kendo practice. But then the team captain, in kimono and hakama with his hair tied back, came in and turned the light on to look for something; and Yumi knew why Touga had picked the supply closet of the dojo, of all places. They were caught very much in the act.   
She felt him looking at her in complete disgust, and looked back out of the corner of her eye. The distaste in his expression, actually, was doing a mediocre job of hiding the jealousy. She didn't have to smirk; Touga was doing that already. The boys stared at each other. She felt like a casualty of crossfire.   
Eventually Kyouichi made a slight cynical sound, then walked around to find whatever item he was looking for and turned the light off and shut the door.   
She could not say in complete honesty that she disliked making Saionji Kyouichi jealous. Being used expressly for this purpose, however, made her punch Touga in the side.   
  
That night he was back in his room late. This was not the first occasion, and by the third or fourth she was becoming very curious. She had reason to believe that he was seeing someone in the rose garden; each time he returned well after midnight, the scent of roses clung to him faintly. She didn't feel jealousy, only curiosity. That didn't have to be the truth, after all. There could be some kind of top secret Student Council operation in the rose garden. But she was bent on knowing.   
"Where have you been?" Yumi asked tonight.   
"Don't ask questions that you don't want answered," was all he said.   
That was as clear an answer as she'd get from him. He was meeting someone. But who? Was it the same person every time, or had he simply conceded to her takeover of the pink room by moving his philandering to the rose garden?   
If it was important, she'd find out sooner or later. Perhaps Juri would know. Juri came to know pretty much everything that could make gossip. Yes, she would ask Juri.   
She hoped, actually, that it was only more philandering, because an eerie suspicion lurked at the back of her mind that it was something else entirely, something not quite as harmless.   
In the small hours something woke her. It was him stirring in his sleep. He hardly ever did; he was a deep sleeper, and he rarely even made any indication that he dreamed.   
What was he dreaming, she wondered, what vision was so vivid that it surfaced through his sleep like a bubble from far beneath the ocean? In the shadows barely lit by a hint of morning, she could see a tent in the sheets, and smiled to herself as she wondered if his dreams featured her.   
His dreams were not of Yumi. He dreamed of memories long before her time—before any girls, before white butterflies, seemingly before time itself—carefully buried memories that came back only when his subconscious called them up, against his diamond will...   
Two young boys ran through a forest, daring each other to keep up, and balanced across a fallen log that spanned a deep, cold pool in the middle of the woods. Laughing, they pulled each other off and fell into the water. Fed by a mountain stream, the pool was too cold to swim; they hung their clothes across branches to dry and sat on the rocks as they waited. They listened to the summer breeze in the leaves, the buzzing of cicadas. It was utterly peaceful.   
"I know a new game," said the red-haired boy.   
The other boy blushed a little. His friend's games tended to get very interesting. "Is it a kissing game?"   
"No. It's better." Touga sat up with that mischievous, hungry look he got. "Do you wanna try it?"   
"Okay."   
"Lie on your back and close your eyes." The other boy obeyed; Touga parted his legs and sucked gently. He wasn't any good at it, not back then, but Kyouichi squirmed and moaned the whole time anyway. Then after a couple of minutes, Touga pulled back and announced, "My turn." He closed his eyes and lay back on the rock with its cozy coat of moss.   
Shaking a little, dizzy with immature pleasure, Kyouichi obliged. So warm...and soft... Touga hadn't been sure what to expect; they were too young for fulfillment; but the velvety-sweet bliss was beyond anything he would have hoped for...   
And in the memory he was young, but now, dreaming it, his body craved release. He needed it, more than he needed his next breath—and it came—he came—endless spirals of rapture, on and on...   
In the pink room, he made little kittenish sounds of utter abandon, completely under the spell of the memory-dream, and unknowing that it was Yumi's mouth which satisfied him. She was only returning the favor that he had done her the other night when she woke in the thrall of dream lust. He was clearly not awake, but from the sound of things, he'd thank her when he was.   
"Kyacha..." she heard him sigh.   
Kyacha? That wasn't a name. It wasn't even a word.   
Just sleepy nonsense syllables.   
He enjoyed himself quite a lot, in his sleep. She had to go rinse her mouth out and have a shot of saké. _For all that,_ she thought, a bit amused, _he'd better tell me what he was dreaming about._   
But he didn't have to lie in the morning when he told her that all he remembered was the pleasure.   
"Typical," she laughed.   
"And I don't ever remember what I dream. Mm, that really was nice... You must have done it just right."   
"After all the time I'm spending with you, it'd be pretty sad if I couldn't do it just right."   
  
Yumi quickly found a new routine. She spent most of her days in the school library, its vast labyrinths of books a perfect hideaway for a strange girl in "specialized tutoring." She liked it there, she felt at ease concealed in the stacks, perhaps as much as Miki on the piano. Anything that caught her interest, she could pluck from the shelf and absorb all the knowledge therein, and if it failed to sustain her interest, there was always something else to find. Most of the time she had to keep a _kanji_ dictionary at hand, but how else was she to learn? History, poetry, science, literature, she consumed it all. To be sure, she learned an odd smattering of facts and culture this way, but it was better than trying to stay awake in algebra. No one knew she was here.   
No one but him...   
She kept a watch as well as a _kanji_ dictionary. The other thing about the library was that it was close to the music room. Sometimes he asked her to be in one section or another, and came to meet her in the stacks where no one ever went. They found a book of old erotic woodcut prints and tried some of the positions.   
Dressed again, one day, Touga jokingly warned her not to read _too_ much, or she might become nearsighted.   
"Bad eyesight is hereditary," she said, fixing her uniform tie. "I don't have parents, so that takes care of that problem."   
"But that does prove you've been reading too much!" he laughed. "You must know just about everything by now. What's the theory of relativity?"   
"Something about time. I didn't understand it."   
"I think that's about all any of us picked up, except maybe Mickey the genius. Seems like you're well on your way to catching up with him, however."   
He looked at the assortment of tomes she had beside her today. A volume of famous _Noh_ plays, including the one about the fallen _tennyo_, the celestial maiden who became trapped on Earth. Astronomy in layman's terms, so she wouldn't have to ask the Trustee Chairman about exploding stars. A collection of samurai essays on martial arts. He picked up the latter. "So..."   
"Tell me..." She moved closer, looking earnestly up at him. "Do you really want me...to challenge her?"   
He touched her face. "I want you to do as your heart tells you."   
She thought of the warrior posed on the cover of the book, ready to kill or die for his lord.   
She did not have the power. Love alone was not enough. But the Power of Dios was the power to smash the world's shell.   
Still, she was not a fighter. Unless...   
"Did she hurt you?" whispered Yumi.   
He looked down, slowly turning away. His eyebrows drew together just a little.   
Her hands became fists. "Then my heart says I must fight."   
  
She did not forget, however, that he was staying out nights and that she was very curious as to what for. That same day she tracked down Juri, who was probably itching to give her "advice" at any rate.   
Juri did not like being approached. She had to wait for Juri to see her. She watched the fencing practice, and found Miteki there too, watching Miki. They talked quietly; or mostly, Yumi talked, because Miteki didn't say much, her attention occupied by the elegance of Miki's fencing.   
"Those tight fencing outfits really make a spectacle, huh?" Yumi whispered naughtily in Miteki's ear.   
Turning bright red, Miteki made a mental note to punch Yumi in the arm later. "What are you here for, anyway?"   
"I want to talk to Arisugawa- sempai."   
"About Miki?"   
"No. It's something else."   
"Oh." Clearly Yumi wasn't going to say what, and it didn't involve her. Miteki wondered if she would get to hear Miki play the Chopin piece that Yumi had just given rave reviews.   
Practice ended shortly, and Miteki disappeared, too shy to let Miki catch her watching him. Yumi waited around, and Miki greeted her; she said hi and told him her purpose here. He probably passed on the message, because after changing back into her uniform Juri found her.   
"Well, Yumi. Come for dueling advice? Did you want to train with the fencing team? Hmm..." Curious to see how it would suit her, Juri took a foil from a wall rack and held it out to the tall aqua-haired girl.   
Yumi took it, turning to swish it at empty space. "I probably should. I don't even know how to hold a sword."   
"Neither did Tenjou, really, so it probably doesn't matter. You could probably use a few pointers, though. Stop by sometime when practice starts."   
"Thanks, Arisugawa-sempai. Do you really think fencing suits me?" She made a pitiful attempt at a stance.   
"Perhaps...yes, you look like you'd do better with a rapier than a katana." Juri took the foil and replaced it on the wall. They walked out of the fencing hall.   
"Miki told you I'm going to duel, didn't he?" said Yumi.   
"Yes, something like that."   
"Well, I don't exactly know yet. But I know that I want to."   
Juri held in a sigh. "You probably wouldn't have the ring if you didn't."   
"Yes, he really did give it to me," Yumi said without being asked.   
"Who said he didn't?"   
"Well, no one seems to believe it."   
"You do say some strange things sometimes. But I'm sure you're not lying about that." Juri didn't say _why_ she was sure. She knew Yumi wasn't lying about that because it was obvious that Touga would use her in every way he could.   
"Thanks. You're probably the only person who thinks so." Yumi glanced up at Juri. "Anyway, I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm trying to find something out. It's got nothing to do with the duels, at least, not as far as I know."   
"What's that?"   
"This is going to sound really stupid, coming from me. But I get this feeling that it's more than it looks like. See, well, Touga's been coming back really late these days—well, not every night—and he won't tell me what it is. It always smells like he's been in the rose garden or something. It's not like I wouldn't be used to the idea by now, you know, of him...being with someone else... He knows that, but he won't tell me where he's gone, even though he makes it _sound_ like that's where he's been... It's really weird. The whole thing just makes me want to know what it is."   
_She's right,_ thought Juri, _that does sound pretty stupid._ But she wouldn't make any harsh remarks today. "Why are you asking me?"   
"Well, because usually you know what's going on around school. And I thought maybe there was some secret Student Council business or something—but then of course you wouldn't tell me either." Yumi laughed at herself helplessly.   
"It seems that you aren't officially in the Student Council, but since you wear the ring, we wouldn't keep it from you if you asked. There's no secret business at midnight that I know of. It does sound like he's just being himself again."   
"Yeah, exactly, it _sounds_ like that. I figured maybe you'd know if that was it. Have you heard anything like that?"   
"No, actually, I haven't. Apparently your ring is doing a good job of keeping your myriad rivals' legs closed."   
Yumi snorted. "Or else it's doing a good job of keeping their mouths closed after the fact."   
"That could be."   
"No, wait. The thing that makes me think that isn't it, is that he won't tell me. He loves making people like me jealous. If that was the case he'd just tease me. But I asked him, and he just said, 'Don't ask questions that you don't want answered,' and not in a teasing voice. I try to ask again and he pretends not to hear, but not with that little smirk he gets either."   
"Perhaps he's trying to give you an impression of fidelity." _In preparation for trying to break her heart,_ Juri thought, but Yumi always claimed to be aware of that impending doom.   
"Yeah, I wondered, but if that was it I'm sure he'd just make up a decent excuse."   
"That's true." Juri saw her fidgeting with her ring. "You seem worried, Yumi—do you think he's in danger for some reason?"   
"I don't know. Maybe. I am worried. If he was seeing other people he'd taunt me with it. But he'd never tell me if he was in danger." Yumi looked up. They were at the café terrace; Juri must be hungry for an after-practice snack. Juri got some water and rice cakes; Yumi got some iced coffee.   
"You know..." said Juri after she'd drank deeply, "I think I once heard something. I'm not sure if it's true, and it might not help..."   
Yumi stopped herself from looking sharply into Juri's teal eyes; it was impolite to make too much eye contact with one's superiors. "Please tell me."   
"Well, I once heard that a girl saw him writing in something like a diary. Of course, it would be terribly rude to go sneaking around like that, even worse to read it if you actually found it. Personally, though, I don't think it exists. He doesn't seem like someone who would keep a diary. But if you're really worried, well, it isn't relevant whether or not you're being rude." _Not that she has a reputation of unblemished virtue,_ Juri thought, recalling the punch bowl incident.   
Yumi's eyes widened. A diary? It did seem unlikely. But she had no scruples whatsoever about looking for it. She did not like adding another layer of deception between them; he would surely be upset if he caught her. Nevertheless she was already resolved to commence the search next time he was out late.   
There were any number of places it could be—a hidden compartment she'd never suspect, a locked cabinet to which she'd never find the key, a shelf in the library where it would be missed among all the other books. It may not be anywhere at all. But she would search.   
Juri was being far more helpful than she had any obligation to be. _I'll have to get her something_, thought Yumi. "Thank you, Arisugawa-sempai. I really am in your debt."   
"No, no. After all, you're not the kind of person to go peeking in other people's diaries. And I'm not the kind of person to suggest that you should."   
Yumi smiled conspiratorially. "Of course not. It's probably just a rumor, anyway."   
Later Juri felt a twinge of guilt, but not for the reason that a morally upstanding person might. If Kiryuu Touga's diary really did exist, and Yumi really managed to find it, what sort of things would she read? What unsavory truths might be written on such pages? What might they do to someone who felt as that girl did?   
It was true that some questions were better left unanswered.   
But if Yumi wanted answers, well, she could probably handle them.   
  
Walking across the campus, Yumi saw the kendo team captain in the grand entrance lobby and braced herself for uncomplimentary remarks. He was bound to notice her, conspicuous as she was, but hopefully he would ignore her today.   
No such luck. As she drew near, attempting to ignore him, he gave her an objectifying look.   
She wasn't sure whether this was intended to embarrass or annoy her, but it accomplished the latter. Apparently he was good at making these little contests with people, and she had one going with him over who could aggravate the other more in front of other students. She wasn't someone who could just let it go and keep walking.   
"KYOUICHI!" she squealed, jumping up to him like a complete ditz. "Where have you been? Do you have a present for me?"   
The underlying suggestion to her frivolous words, quite loud and clear, was that he should have a present for her to apologize for being a total jackass at the party. But it wasn't that which got to him.   
He made a blank face, trying not to let her see how much it angered him. _No one_ used his given name.   
"Huh? Do ya? Do ya?" Yumi bounced up and down like a child after too much candy. She knew what made him mad. "Kyou-i-chi! Ki-you-i-chiii!"   
The knowing taunt hidden in her grinning face grated at him. But he'd gotten himself into it. He really wanted nothing more than to slap her to the ground like Anthy. But he couldn't, not in front of everyone; she'd make another huge scene. If he wanted to shut her up he'd have to play along.   
"Of course I do," he said, smiling with equally sincere sweetness. "Now come over here so I can give it to you." He led her into a shadowed corner. She skipped merrily the whole way, chanting his given name in sing-song so that he wished for olden days when a samurai could freely strike down anyone who showed the slightest disrespect. His eyebrow twitched.   
Other students followed them with their eyes and glanced at each other, completely bewildered, trying in vain to figure out what was the deal. _How many Student Council boyfriends does that weird girl have!? There ought to be laws against people like her..._   
The moment they were out of sight Kyouichi moved to slap her. But she jumped back in time, having predicted that he would do so and watching for it. That was probably a mistake, since it made him angrier. But she wanted to make him angry. He grabbed her wrist and flung her against the wall like he had the night she'd caught him on his way to Miki's dorm, but even more harshly. It hurt, but she didn't flinch, looking at him squarely. "I'm not afraid of you."   
"You should be." He leaned over her menacingly.   
A flash of an image came back, a warped travesty of what often came to mind when she saw him, that moment of cruelty beyond what she could witness without interfering. She wasn't strong enough to shove him away, so she grabbed him by the collar instead, her eyes narrowed with anger. "Oh, no, _Kyouichi_," she said in slow dangerous syllables. "It's the other way around. Anyone who hurts him should be afraid of me."   
He pushed her hand off his collar, and twisted her arm, daring her to call him by his given name one more time. Still she didn't even wince.   
"You'd better believe it. If you hurt him, I'll know. And you'll know that I know when I make your life a living hell."   
_As if it isn't already_, he thought, and laughed in bitter irony. "I should be scared of you? You, dancing around in your fool's paradise, wearing that ring like you think it means he actually gives a shit about you? That's funny. That's really funny. I can't wait to see your face when you finally realize that you mean about as much to him as a blow-up doll. Your head's got the same contents as a blow-up doll, anyway."   
So, he was going to rip on her. It was bound to happen sometime. What a nice little powder keg that night had put them all in. She yawned. "Like I haven't heard that tirade before. You'll have to do better than that to upset me."   
"Cute little Yumi-chan. Think you've got it all figured out, don't you? But an uncivilized whore with a shiny ring is still an uncivilized whore. I could take you from him, and do you really think he'd lift a finger to get you back? There's plenty more where you come from."   
Now Yumi laughed. "Take me from him? Exactly how do you think you'd do that?"   
"Oh, I have ways," he said softly. "He's not the only one possessing skill with the sword. You know that perfectly well." He touched her face.   
She blushed, half afraid he would kiss her, or something. "Hm. You seem to show a pronounced dislike for me; I don't see how you'd want me for yourself."   
"I'll take you from him just to show you that I can. It wouldn't be difficult. You enjoyed me just fine that night." He smiled as she turned pink, fighting down the longing from the memory of that pleasure.   
"I did that because he asked me to," she said. She was getting very uncomfortable. The memory of his lips upon her was strong. And much as she didn't need to think so at the moment, it occurred to her that he wasn't much less attractive than the one she loved—probably no less attractive to someone who could see from an objective standpoint, which she, fortunately, could not. He would always have "that night" to use against her.   
"Slut. You did that because you liked it."   
"So did you! Man-ho!" Funny how she was using the term to disparage him that always got applied to Touga.   
"I think you liked it a lot more. Maybe you really like me more than him."   
That got to her. She couldn't stand for that kind of remark; she couldn't fight back, so enraged by it that words absolutely failed her. She had to get away. He'd won this round.   
"EEK! Don't! You disgusting lecher!" Yumi shrieked for the whole lobby to hear. It was the white flag. He let her go and she ran.   
He leaned against the wall, looking after her with a triumphant smirk. She really knew absolutely nothing. 


	7. hamasaki ayumi : and then

  
  
"Well, that was a completely unproductive ten minutes," she muttered. She said this, but she was not happy about having lost. Next time she'd have to fight meaner. She'd say Kyouichi even in her thoughts, not Saionji as he made everyone know him by, and put his given name into every other sentence... Next time she'd tell him how much better than him Touga was at everything...yes, _everything_...   
What was she _thinking_? Didn't she have better ways to spend her time? Not only had she picked up this habit of trying to verbally beat people into the ground, now she was actually looking forward to the rematch and planning her next attack. He wasn't even the one she was supposed to be attacking, and she should be planning an attack with a sword, not words.   
Yes, that must be it. Her heart knew she wanted to fight, and her aggression came out because she hadn't begun to channel it properly. She would take up Juri's offer and start training. Of course she had to train with the fencing team, but not necessarily because she could wield a rapier better than a katana. She couldn't train with the kendo team because of who the captain was, obviously... Last thing she needed was _Kyou-i- chi_ trying to make her turn red with bad cracks about kendo sticks.   
Something about the kendo jock was bothering her. It wasn't that little row, it wasn't the punch bowl incident or even the fact that he was the only person other than Touga, not _quite_ invited, to touch her and never failed to taunt her about it. Not even the part about watching them together. There was something beyond that, the thing that had frightened her when she first saw him through human eyes, some warning from the depths of her mind.   
Was he, perhaps, hurting Touga more than she knew? This thing that was keeping Touga out nights, did it have something to do with the Vice President of the Student Council? The thought made her hands clench into fists. She wouldn't put it past him...   
They could be just out doing it. No one would hear about that. But even if the midnight liaisons were with Kyouichi, perhaps especially if it was Kyouichi, Touga would be teasing her about it.   
If Kyouichi knew what was keeping him, well, _he_ certainly wouldn't tell her. If she asked him he'd just do a more conceited equivalent of pointing at her and laughing because he knew and she didn't. Even if he had no idea, he'd do that.   
But she was supposed to be saving her anger. Saving it for Tenjou Utena...   
There was time to train, time to collect her anger. Surely someone would tell her if she was to challenge Utena the day after tomorrow. He would let her know when the time was right. Now, she had things to figure out. She'd read that sometimes things make more sense if you write them down, and that was why people kept diaries. She didn't need a diary, but she would write down all the facts and see if they made any more sense on paper before they all became a useless jumble in her head.   
Then, sooner or later, she could begin the search for his diary.   
  
It was eleven at night and, as she'd predicted, he was not back yet. Nanami would be asleep by now, and slept downstairs anyway. She had a notepad to keep track of where she'd looked in case she didn't find it tonight. The search began.   
She wished she could get Miteki to help, but the shy girl wouldn't want to be involved in something so underhanded, especially not in Touga's rooms.   
Yumi started with the box under the bed. There were toys with purposes she couldn't even guess at, and books on the bedroom arts, but nothing that interested her at the moment. She scoured the room and found no trace of her quarry. She hadn't expected to find it in the pink room. She wiped her forehead and moved to the room that had an appearance of a study, which seemed a much more likely place. The clock there said quarter after midnight. He wouldn't return until around two at the soonest. A young Touga and a young Kyouichi, each holding a kendo stick over his shoulder, smiled from a photograph.   
They were happy in the picture, eyes bright, eager as if looking forward to something. _But look where time has landed them,_ she thought sadly. _How did things get so wrong?_   
She'd find him that happiness again. That was why she had to fight for him.   
She looked first in the bookcase. If she had a book that she wanted to keep hidden, she would hide it among other books. But there were only textbooks and literature. Every time she saw a book without a label, her heart jumped. But every time it turned out to be no more than that—a book without a label.   
There were a couple of cabinets with nothing interesting, old papers and things.   
She went to the desk. The biggest drawer was stuck. No, it was locked...   
The desk drawers were all locked. Her heart began pounding.   
She had no hope of finding the key. It would be hidden under a carpet or between the pages of a book, somewhere only he could know. She'd be better off trying to pick the locks. She read that it was possible to pick a lock with a hairpin... Not that she had a hairpin.   
But Nanami would.   
Could she really get away with sneaking around Nanami's rooms? She had no idea how heavily the blonde mosquito slept. Wouldn't it be safer to just get one from Miteki and come back later?   
Safer, maybe. Convenient, no. It was one-thirty; anyone who professed to be a model student would be fast asleep. She wouldn't have to go in Nanami's bedroom; there were probably hairpins lying all over, needed at her fingertips to hold that dorky braid she always wore. It wouldn't be hard to find one...   
_Wait—_   
In the bottom of the box under the bed, there had been a small key. It was probably to handcuffs. But it might be to the desk. Or it might work just the same.   
She retrieved the little key. Her heart thumped in her ears, whether from the thrill of subterfuge or the fact that she was probably about to find _something_ out, she wasn't sure.   
It was the right size, but it wasn't the right key. Not about to give up, she wiggled and joggled it...   
The desk was old, and the first tired lock gave way finally.   
Biting her lip against a victory yell, she opened it, gingerly so it wouldn't squeak.   
Letters. Lots of them. Letters with the Ohtori seal. Letters from End Of The World?   
_Saionji Kyouichi has lost the duel.   
Kaoru Miki will challenge the Engaged tomorrow.   
Arisugawa Juri will duel the Engaged tonight.   
The Black Rose Project has failed._   
The Black Rose Project? What the hell was _that_? Yumi stared at the card with its terse announcement, wondering if this was the culprit for his late-night excursions.   
But the letter was dated weeks ago. He would not be meeting over a failed project.   
These did not seem to contain any information of value to her. She didn't think of looking for letters that mentioned herself. Instead she pushed the letters around to see if they hid anything; they did not.   
She tried each of the other drawers. Two were stuffed full of love letters, and a third was being filled. Surely her own was among them.   
She found it in the last drawer, the bottom left—an unassuming volume bound in ordinary black leather. Her throat was dry, and her soul panged with guilt or foreboding. Scarcely daring to breathe, as though it might crumble in her hands like an ancient manuscript, she took it up and opened it carefully.   
Names. Dates.   
Names and dates. Names and dates. Page after page.   
_Kasahara Fujie. November 6 1994. November 28 1994. December 19 1994.   
Matsumoto Sachi. November 12 1994.   
Kobayashi Marika. November 20 1994.   
Hashida Naomi. December 2 1994. December 4 1994. February 8 1995.   
Sakamori Etsuko. December 8 1994._   
On and on and on. The great majority were girls' names. Some had three dates beside them but most had one. The dates were never spaced very far apart. The book was about three-quarters filled.   
She gasped, realizing what this was. It was no diary, but a record.   
A record of everyone who'd ever made eyes at him, everyone who'd ever been with him—and everyone whose heart he'd broken.   
She flipped to the first page. The headings were there on the first line.   
_Name — Meeting — Pillow — Breaking_   
Her soul hurt. What kind of pain, what kind of loneliness, drove a boy to this?   
How could she hope to end something this powerful, this terrible? Against the juggernaut force she felt like a college student in Tienanmen Square. (She really must be reading too much.)   
Wait a minute. There was a name missing that should probably be in here. It should probably be one of the first names...   
No, it wasn't there. _Saionji Kyouichi_ was not in here at all.   
Strange...   
_Tenjou Utena_ was there on the third to last written page. There was only one date by her name.   
She already knew the last name. _Maigo Yumi._ Two dates, two consecutive days. She put her fingertips to the page, feeling the little raised patterns from the writing on the other side.   
Only when tears spattered on the page did she notice that she was crying. She quickly wiped them off, hoping it wouldn't smear too much, or she might be in trouble. Speaking of trouble, it was quarter after two.   
She put the book away. Picking locks was all well and good, but would the handcuff key work to close them again? She hadn't thought of that at all...   
Anguish blurred her vision and made her impatient, and she was near to shrieking with frustration by the time she got them locked again, all except the one with the letters from End Of The World, on which she gave up. And after all that, she was no closer to discovering what was keeping him out.   
Chest heaving with suppressed tears, she tried to make sure nothing looked like it had been tampered with. Finally she flung the key back into the box and pushed the box back into its place, and then collapsed on the bed, weeping.   
Only minutes later, he found her like that, sobbing into a pillow like the flighty heroine of an old movie. Showing what seemed like quite genuine concern, he ran to her and took her into his arms, but she only cried harder, guilt wracking her for everything that she knew, despair for his despair swallowing her whole.   
"I love you," she wanted to say, but she didn't. Because he couldn't believe in it.   
Touga, meanwhile, was getting very nervous that her sorrow was due at least in part to hormones. It wasn't as though he'd never had to foot an abortion bill with Student Council money before, but nobody _liked_ having to take care of that kind of thing. If it was true she'd have to notice sooner or later. For God's sake, she must have at least read enough to know how babies were made...   
"Ssh, Yumi, Yumi, it's okay. You can tell me what's wrong. It's okay. Tell me..." If she said she didn't know, that would be the red flag—or lack thereof, so to speak.   
_No I can't,_ she thought, but a sort-of lie came easily to her lips. "Saionji's being mean to me again! Why does he like making me cry?"   
_Does she go looking for it, or what?_ he thought. "Because I hate seeing you cry. Because he has a bitter heart and he enjoys upsetting me."   
"I'm not you!"   
"Of course, but he can't make me cry. He can only make me angry at him for hurting you." He stroked her unruly hair. "The only tears I like to see from you are tears of laughter."   
And wouldn't it be nice if she could believe him? Didn't he just want to put the third date next to her name?...   
But maybe... _Maybe_ burned like a distant lantern in the night.   
She didn't have any other way to live. Whether he cared about her, whether he pretended to care—in a fool's paradise it made no difference.   
And she was being weak. Weak! She was stronger than this! She had the strength to love him without falling into despair! It was not knowledge that gave her the strength. It was simply the essence of herself.   
"So make me laugh," she said.   
"There, that's it." He smiled and wiped away her tears. "You can't let the stupid things he says bother you."   
The scent of the rose garden was on him again. It made her nervous, but what could she do about it?   
"You know, there was a funny story a couple of years ago..." He told her a rumor about a couple who, while engaged in the act of love up against a hinged window, accidentally pushed the window open. The girl fell out stark naked from the (luckily, first-floor) window onto the ground, and from that day forward she was known as "Splat."   
This did make Yumi laugh quite a bit. "Then what did you do?"   
"I wasn't there, silly girl. It was a boy named Nobutaka or something, and I was in middle school when that happened."   
"Oh, really."   
"Yes, really."   
"If you say so." She yawned. "Oh, what a long day."   
"Long day? What were you up to?"   
"Reading too much. And what about you?"   
"The usual."   
_The usual,_ she thought, _in that he won't tell me what the usual is._   
  
Immediately Yumi began training with the fencing team. As it was clear she was Juri's new protegée, no one gave her grief for starting so late in the year. Then they no longer considered doing so. In three days she learned what took most students a month. She had an astonishing skill for absorbing any knowledge, including that of how to use a sword. She did not show a particular talent for fencing, but simply for learning.   
"If you can keep up this progress, you'll have to join the team," said Juri. It was as gracious a compliment as she ever paid anyone.   
"Thank you, Arisugawa-sempai. I thought I wasn't a fighter, but I think I'd like to." She'd join the team if Juri asked her to, because Juri was helping her out.   
"You don't have to be a 'fighter,' you just have to be spirited. _Step!_"   
"I bet a lot of people would say I'm spirited, but they probably mean crazy."   
"Sometimes, it's the same thing. _Thrust!_ By the way, did you ever find it?"   
"Yes."   
"And? _Parry!_"   
She didn't hesitate about answering; Juri by now had her complete trust. "It wasn't a diary at all. It was a book of names. Names and dates."   
"You mean—? You're kidding me. _Sweep!_"   
"I'm not. It was a record. Of _every—single—person!_" Yumi made vicious movements on those words and nearly managed to disarm the team captain.   
Juri stepped back. "Excellent. You must try to channel your feelings like that. But be careful not to concentrate on them—if you become too angry, you're done for. It's a fine balance."   
"Yes, Arisugawa-sempai." That was perhaps the only advice on her feelings from Juri that she took to heart, or tried to.   
After practice Juri mentioned that Miki had dueled Utena again (and lost again).   
"Really?" said Yumi, eyes wide.   
"Yes. It seems like all of us are fighting her again, and probably you for the first time."   
"I guess it's coming soon. Well, I'll work hard."   
"I wouldn't expect anything less."   
Tired from reading and fencing all day, she began falling asleep before he got home on those nights when he stayed out, and completely forgot to worry about the fact of his late returns.   
  
A week passed. She read during the school day; she fenced in the afternoon; and after dinner she helped the conscientious Miteki study. "Normal" students were nervous about finals. Yumi was nervous because she wanted to fight.   
"Why did you join the fencing team?" Miteki asked her.   
"Well, I'm not really on it yet," said Yumi. "But Arisugawa-sempai invited me to try it. I guess she thought I was suited to it—though I wouldn't have counted myself as either elegant or a fighter. Maybe she just wants to look at me in the locker room."   
Miteki laughed loudly.   
"You could try fencing, too," said Yumi. "I bet it'd be a great way to impress Miki. I even seem to be impressing Arisgawa-sempai, and she certainly doesn't impress easily."   
"Oh, no, I wouldn't be good at it. I like watching better."   
"I don't think I'm very good either. I'm just good at being spirited."   
"Well that's true."   
"If you like watching, you should come more often and cheer me on. Except if I'm practicing against Miki. I'll forgive you if you don't root for me then."   
Miteki giggled. "Oh, that's a relief."   
It was time to help her friend study, and Yumi set to it, though her mind was elsewhere, on sword techniques and floating upsidedown castles. Thankfully she didn't have to concentrate too hard, since she had the answers and was quizzing Miteki.   
She wanted to fight; her nerves were constantly on edge for it. If she had to wait around much longer she'd just burst into Utena's class and attack her.   
_"She beat the Sword of Dios with a broken kendo stick,"_ Touga had said. _"She beat it again with an ordinary sword borrowed from Juri, that snapped under its power but somehow defeated it anyway. It stuck in my mind, the way she looked when she won, her girl's uniform all ripped, holding a broken sword, the pink rose on her chest. She looked so victorious, righteous, almost...smug. Like she was only there to claim something that was hers by right."_   
What made Utena think she had the right? There were people who deserved the Power of Dios far more than she. She had her true self, strutting around in that boy's uniform with her masculine mannerisms, thinking herself so strong and noble. Yumi would show her the meaning of the strength it took to love a real prince.   
_Step! Thrust! Parry! Sweep! Step! Thrust! Parry! Sweep!_   
She would scatter the petals of that white rose.   
"Yumi-chan, you broke my pencil!"   
"Oh...sorry."   
  
Touga was there when she went to his room. Night had just fallen.   
"There's a beautiful sickle moon," he said. "Let's go for a walk. I know a perfect hill up on campus to see it from."   
"That sounds lovely," said Yumi romantically, thinking he must mean to make love to her in the moonlight. They left the Student Council dorm, hand in hand. Like a real couple.   
Fool's paradise or not, it was paradise. And fool or not, she was happy there...   
Walking across the bridge, they saw the place was deserted; everyone was studying. They said nothing, listening to crickets chirp and feeling the breeze off the ocean. It set her mind at peace.   
They climbed the hill at the edge of campus and sat down beneath the tree at its summit, looking at the pointed crescent moon. A smear of dusk still glowed in the west, faintly illuminating the phallic spike of the Tower where the Student Council met. The moon was indeed beautiful.   
"I don't know if there's anything that makes me so happy," she murmured, "as looking at something beautiful with you..."   
"You're better at living than most of us," he said. "Nearly everyone forgets to enjoy things like that."   
"Not you. You always take me to see beautiful things. You feel this happiness too, don't you? Together like this, you can't feel alone."   
"I think you have an extraordinary capacity for happiness. I like you smiling, because it shines out of you and warms everything else. You're right. When you smile, I don't feel alone. That's your power." He wasn't even sure how much of what he said was true, and how much was just to take her in. It was true that sometimes, with her, he felt just a little bit less alone.   
She smiled for him, and leaned into him. She didn't have to say what she felt.   
"You're lucky among human beings. You know that you don't have to look farther than a moonlit night with another person for happiness. That's what makes you so strong, and braver than me..."   
She looked at him; in the silver light he seemed pale as a ghost, but for his hair that gleamed softly. "How can you say I'm braver than you?"   
"I told you, I can see the strength it takes to feel as you do, and be true to your feelings."   
A warm pride lit in her. He may not accept her feelings, but he did admire her for it. He really did understand her. But she said meekly, "Sometimes bravery and stupidity are the same thing."   
"You certainly aren't stupid. You read too much, for one thing. So you must be brave."   
"I'm sure it's a combination of the two," she laughed.   
"I think not. It's nothing like stupidity that makes you unwilling to give up. I think you're even brave enough to hear..." He cupped his hand to his ear. Something growled in the distance, like thunder. But the sky was clear. "Can you hear it?"   
"What is it?"   
"If you haven't given up your soul entirely...you should be able to hear this sound racing at the end of the world..."   
The growling grew closer. It was not thunder, but a motor...   
And then he stood before her, his shirt thrown open, hair streaming, the light of the evening sky upon him, magnificent and sensual against the Tower and the night. She could only stare in awe. No—the light was—headlights? The growling motor was a red convertible that appeared from nowhere. Surely she had fallen asleep watching the sickle moon with him, and was dreaming?   
"Then come, journey with me to the world you desire!"   
She got to her feet as though in a trance, ready to follow unswerving wherever he would take her.   
But the driver of the convertible was—   
"EEEEEEHH!?"   
  
She would not be afraid. If he was beside her, she would not be afraid.   
The engine of the car made sensuous vibrations, its hedonistic energy seeping into her, so that she wanted his lips on hers, but not with...   
Not with the Trustee Chairman there in front of them!   
It seemed like a dream, it _should_ be a dream, but Touga was real.   
"Didn't you say you've met the Trustee Chairman, Ohtori Akio?" he said.   
She shivered, perhaps more from the wind of the convertible than the fact that Ohtori Akio was driving it. Touga held her close, into the warmth of his bare chest. But semi-arousal and semi-fear made her snappish. "Yeah, I said he's a creepy fuck."   
He laughed incredulously. "Don't say things like that when he's right there! You could get expelled for less."   
"Good, then I won't have to be in this stupid midlife-crisis car with him! Will you kindly enlighten me as to what the hell is going on?"   
"Ssh, Yumi, I know," he murmured, caressing her in a way that was more amorous than comforting. "Don't be afraid. I'm going to show you your destiny..."   
"What, am I doomed to sit in the back of a speeding convertible driven by a creepy fuck my whole life? Kill me now! And what is up with that outfit—"   
He kissed her, and she couldn't protest, even though kissing him with Ohtori Akio nearby did make her feel cheap as a pornographic manga at a train station kiosk. But the throbbing of the engine...and...   
"Tell me..." he said in her ear. "Tell me what you think love is."   
"What kind of 'love'?"   
"Any kind. What is the common essence of all love?"   
"The essence of love...is longing for another's happiness," she said without hesitating. The definition simply came to her.   
"So when you say 'I love you,' that means you want my happiness?"   
"Yes, obviously!" He knew all this already, but if he was going to make her say it, she could not just _say_ it, she had to declare it, announce it, no matter who might be listening. "More than anything, with every last bit of my strength, that is what I want! Even more than I want to _be_ with you, I want you to find your true self and your happiness!"   
"That's noble," he said reverently. "That's true nobility. Truer...than Tenjou Utena's. And you'll defeat her. For me."   
"I will!" Her hair whipped about her face, and his about her neck in the bracing wind, and the power of her feelings filled her. She was no longer afraid. "But what's this about showing me my destiny in a red sports car?"   
"He is the only one..." Touga nodded toward the Trustee Chairman. "The only one who truly knows the Power of Dios."   
"What?" She looked forward at Ohtori Akio's flowing lavender hair and epaulets, and something clicked together in her mind. Fury blazing on her face, she sat up. "You—it's _you_! I should have known! You're the one—and—you lying _demon_!" She kicked his seat. "Well, say something for yourself, you fucking bastard!"   
Akio shifted gears and the car accelerated, growling louder. She could tell he was smiling. "Honestly, Maigo-san, try to learn some manners," said the voice of secrets.   
"Eat shit and die!" she screamed. "I'll kill Tenjou Utena and I can kill you too!" She reached up and shoved him.   
Akio chuckled softly. She had only figured out that he was the one keeping the Student Council President out at night recently. What would she do if she knew the whole story?   
She shoved him again, more violently, and her ring sparked, jolting her with something like electricity, as when it had first gone on her finger. She gasped.   
"Hm. She's purring nicely, isn't she?" In a dashing and impossible maneuver, he leapt out of the seat over the windshield and flipped onto the hood. The car drove itself. Was this road even real?   
_He isn't human,_ she thought, realizing that she actually had plenty to be afraid of. _Lucifer the Morning Star—!_ But she shouted fiercely, "Yeah, you'd better be afraid of me, mother_fucker_!"   
"Yumi, really," Touga scolded, and kissed her again; the engine thundered, vibrating through the car, through her body, seemingly through the whole world...and everything else disappeared.   
  
The sun shone bright and hot the next day. Yumi spent much of the morning not in the library, but in the fencing hall, alone.   
After lunch she went to the rose garden where Anthy and Utena were hanging out.   
"Hi, Utena," she said. "I just wanted to apologize for what I said at the party."   
Utena smiled. She'd known the aqua- haired girl didn't mean it. It must be hard, after all, loving someone like the Student Council President... "Oh, that. That's okay."   
"No, really, I'm sorry. You see, I lied to you," said Yumi. "I said I wouldn't challenge you."   
_Oh no—_ thought Utena. She had guessed too highly.   
Yumi stared coolly. "But that wasn't true. I'll be in the dueling Arena after school. See you then."   
"Why?" said Utena. "Why do _you_ want to duel me?"   
Yumi plucked a white rose and seemed to contemplate it for a second, then she dropped it and ground it beneath her toe. "To show you what true nobility is." She smiled with cold confidence and walked out.   
"Oh, I wish she hadn't done that," Anthy sighed. "I liked that flower."   
"Chuu," her pet agreed.   
Anthy and Utena looked at the crushed petals ruefully. Yumi's heart would probably end up like that, Utena reflected. "They really should have sent Kiryuu Touga to a boys' school."   
  
The gondola brought Utena and Anthy into the Arena with a shower of pink petals.   
Yumi stepped out in front of the red convertible, and Touga followed. She stared wide-eyed at the huge expanse of the Arena, the sky so wide it seemed there was no earth below them. Perhaps there wasn't. It was a place of magic, as evidenced by the glittering castle that hung above. She remembered the shimmer of countless watchers. Surely, they were all watching her now...   
Her uniform was changed. It was now not unlike a Student Council member's: turquoise pants a shade darker than her hair, white military-style jacket with red trim and turquoise cord, darts on her arms and brass decorations on her shoulders.   
"Are you ready to fight for me?" said Touga.   
"I am always ready to fight for you."   
He attached a rose the color of her hair over her heart. "Remember how strong you are..." he murmured.   
Utena held in a sigh. How many people would he use this way?   
"Now, Yumi—" With a caress he put his arm on the small of her back, and she bent almost double, gasping as the light gathered at her solar plexus, and the hilt of a sword appeared—a strange sword...   
He grasped the hilt, and it felt as though he reached into the depths of her soul, and for that moment he possessed her completely. It was painful...and yet _right_...   
The sword floated in the air for an instant before she took it. It was like no sword he'd ever seen. There were delicate carvings upon the blade, and the guard was twin flowers sprouting from the elegant hilt, some kind of tropical flower colored quite realistically—paulownia flowers. And he saw that the filigree designs all along the blade were vines with flower buds and intricate snowflakes. Paulownia-winter-bud...   
_The sword was his name._   
What _was_ she?   
The churchbells pealed, heralding the arrival of a strange new duellist.   
She looked at the elaborate sword in her hand. "This...is my sword." Eyes flashing gold fire, she held it high. "I really should fight with his sword, don't you think? Because it is him I'm fighting for. But frankly, I'm not sure his sword would kill you, however much the bearer wished it to. So this is my sword, and by my sword you will die."   
"What?" cried Utena. "Why do you need to kill me!?"   
"I must kill all those who hurt him!" Yumi slashed at the air.   
"Hurt him—?" Utena threw an angry glance at Touga. "Don't you see he's just manipulating you?"   
Yumi took stance and pointed the blade at Utena. "I am not being manipulated! My feelings are my own!" But then she remembered Juri's advice. She must channel her fury, not be ruled by it. "Do you know of the unseen watchers?" she said, looking up to where they must be perched on the great stone structures. "Of course not. You know of nothing but your own 'noble' principles. But the unseen watchers are here. The ones who used to be my friends must be there somewhere. I can almost hear them screaming at me..."   
Utena and Anthy exchanged looks. This girl had seriously had her head messed with. Even though Anthy, in truth, knew exactly what the new duellist was talking about.   
Yumi fixed her gaze again on her opponent. "Well, are you going to fight? Or are you just going to stand there and stare at me like an idiot as I scatter those white rose petals, stained with your blood? Granted, it's all the same to me."   
"Don't let him do this to you!" Utena tried one last time.   
"_En garde_, Prince Utena."   
"If only that will show you his true face..." said Utena regretfully. "Anthy..."   
"Yes, Utena-sama."   
For some reason, it was in reverse from what Yumi recalled. The Rose Bride took the Sword of Dios from Utena. What was going on?   
Well, Utena's sword of false nobility would be no match for her.   
Almost before Utena had the sword in her hand, Yumi was upon her. Sparks flew as she blocked the thrust from the flower-sword.   
Cars pushed up out of the Arena floor like new crocuses through snow, all clones of the red convertible with the _OHTORI_ license plate. The first car circled the duel, carrying Touga and Anthy.   
The swords clanged. In the magical Arena Yumi's will gave her the strength of a seasoned fighter; she never took her eyes off Utena. Utena thought she saw a hint of Juri's style. With each strike Yumi let out a warlike cry, her face set in determination, her flower-sword curiously exquisite but quite bent on being deadly. Utena had to fight defensively.   
Things ran through Yumi's mind; fencing practice, the image of Utena's name written in the book, echoes of Touga's voice. _"You have brightness inside you. ...Because you want to fight for me."_   
There was music, drifting in and out of her hearing like a bad radio station. She remembered watchers who shone with majestic light, their voices pure as dawn: they were the ones who sang their mysterious songs during the duels.   
Anthy could hear the songs clearly. She always listened. It was the music of her destiny. _"Loving and dreaming, ah! Mysterious and strange, ah!   
Fire, consuming itself; stars, burning out.   
One by one points of light glow and die.   
Formed of the void, returning to void.   
Shamed by the chariot of Apollo.   
Wish upon a star, the voice of the night." _The lyrics of these songs were puzzling at best, but the Rose Bride understood every word. She learned much about the duellists this way, and much about humanity as well. The chariot of Apollo—did this new duellist know the truth behind that line? Anthy smiled to herself.   
"Having fun, Anthy?" Touga remarked idly.   
The Rose Bride giggled inwardly. She knew far more than Yumi did. _"Wandering fire, defying nonexistence.   
The brighter they shine, the faster they die.   
Burning to death, the destiny of stars.   
Self-destructive codependency, the destiny of angels."_   
The fighting girls were wearing each other down. Soon, one would make a mistake. "Can you—defeat me—with the sword—of a fairy-tale dream?" Yumi taunted.   
"Don't tell me—that you don't—have dreams!" said Utena. How did Yumi seem to know so much about her? "Your sword—is more dream—than mine!"   
"You think so?" The gun in the dark came up in her mind, which seemed to be showing off a medley of everything she'd experienced, and Yumi remembered it was Utena who had put him in that state. She remembered that, and with a fierce yell she struck, and the Sword of Dios went spinning across the Arena. _"What do stars dream? Do they dream they are angels?   
Ophelia, Magdelene, Psyche, Astolat.   
What are the stars in your sky of dreams?   
If you do not love, will you live forever?   
Worlds are made of the corpses of stars.   
Supernovas become black holes."_   
"If you want to be noble, try loving a real person!" shouted Yumi, triumph on her face.   
Utena somersalted to dodge the final strike, barely escaping, and darted toward the Sword of Dios. Yumi ran to charge again—but something made her nerve waver.   
The Rose Bride was staring at her from beside Touga in the circling car, that half-amused I-know-something-you-don't-know stare that her elder brother did so well. But there was a trace of pity in it as well, more like I-know- something-you-don't-know-and-I-hope-you-don't-find-out-because-it-won't-be-pretty.   
Himemiya Anthy, tending the roses with her shy sinister allure, sister to End Of The World, what did she know?   
Fear struck suddenly into her heart, and Yumi stumbled. Touga murmured her name, trying to warn her.   
Utena skidded and turned, taking up the Sword of Dios. The headlights of all the up-ended cars switched on, blinding light gathered— _"Catch-22, vicious circle of tragedy.   
Angelic light, ancestral light, firefly light, dream light.   
Stars twinkle and worlds crumble.   
A galaxy destined for darkness,   
A doomed universe, consumed in the eternal flame." _Somewhere a red convertible screeched and crashed.   
The light faded. Aqua rose petals scattered.   
"No—" Yumi stammered.   
Utena kept her face blank, knowing that sympathy or anything like it would only infuriate Yumi.   
"Your Rose Whore was staring at me! She made me trip! She's not allowed to interfere!"   
"Yumi, I don't think you wanted to fight," said Utena quietly. "He made you feel like you had to. But deep down, you knew..."   
"Oh, why don't you tell me what I knew, you fucking clueless drag king!" She could only lash out against the despair that came from knowing she'd let him down.   
Looking away, Utena didn't reply.   
Touga was beside her. Yumi couldn't meet his eyes. She sank to her knees. "Touga. I'm sorry—I failed you."   
"You disappoint me," he said. "But I was fairly certain you would. Because you see..." He leaned down to whisper in her ear, "I love her."   
The amber eyes went round in utter dismay. "No. NO! You—you can't—"   
"Don't you get it? She was right, I have been using you. I just wanted to see if you could defeat her. But it appears even your so- called love isn't strong enough."   
"Who do I have to kill to prove it to you?!" she cried. "Utena, Akio, Saionji, Nanami? The whole school? Or maybe just myself?"   
"Prove what?" He looked faintly amused.   
"Fine! So go on, love her! But she won't love you, she's stupid and weak."   
"You're kidding!" Utena shouted with a look of outraged disgust. "Did he tell you that he loves me? That's—that's _bullshit_!"   
"If you really loved her," Yumi realized, her horrified belief gone, "you wouldn't make me hate her."   
"Do you think I care who you hate? Or love?" he said. "If you feel strongly about someone, it's only a matter of time before those feelings betray you."   
"My feelings never betrayed me! You're the one who enjoys betrayal so much!" Yumi looked at him then, her face a mask of raw anguish, trying to fight the thought that every moment of truth had been a lie. _"Hikaru-no-kimi..."_   
"I'm not your Shining Prince. Genji could never walk away."   
"You can't turn your back on me!" It was an attempt at a threat. "I know everything!"   
That frightened him for a split second, but he never showed it. "Oh, Yumi-chan. No one will listen to a crazy, uncivilized girl like you. Least of all me."   
"Will you stop tormenting her?" Utena interrupted furiously. "Get out of here already!"   
"She doesn't really mind," he said smoothly. "She knew all along it was her fate. Didn't you, Yumi?"   
Yumi swallowed, determined not to let him see her cry. Not when he wanted to see her tears. And not in front of Tenjou Utena, either. "Why do you want to prove everyone right about that?"   
"It's got nothing to do with proving them right, of course. They just know me better than you think you do."   
She looked helplessly to the castle in the sky. "Then I...I will...revolutionize the world."   
He laughed at her. He laughed and, with that elegant flip of his hair, walked away.   
He felt just a little bit guilty, having to go through all that in front of Utena, but since she was someone who believed the best of people, the damage could be repaired later.   
_Brightness inside me? Shining strength?_ thought Yumi, getting to her feet, staring at the castle with its lights sparkling and blurring in her vision. _Was even that a lie?_   
"Yumi... I know." Utena couldn't help it, she remembered so well how it felt, she reached out to put a sympathetic hand on Yumi's shoulder. "He did the same thing to me. He used your own feelings against you."   
_"Don't touch me!"_ Yumi slapped her, and under the Arena's magic the force of her anger sent Utena sprawling.   
"Utena-sama!" cried Anthy.   
Yumi slumped her shoulders and closed her eyes. All the unseen beings were probably laughing at her too.   
He was gone, to write in the third date beside her name.   
  
Yumi's phone was ringing. She knew it was Miteki, but she didn't answer.   
One day had gone by since the duel, not that she had any idea how much time was passing. Time seemed frozen. She was bound and determined not to cry, and the effort took all of her strength, leaving her unable to move or eat or even turn on the stereo.   
Why was it that when one lost to Utena, one lost everything?   
Maybe he'd just acted that way to make Utena mad. Maybe he'd come to her door with a rose for apology and take her back...   
Maybe she was a complete fucking moron.   
Even the birds outside seemed to be chirping, "Toldjaso, toldjaso."   
Miteki, listening to the phone ring five, ten, fifteen times, knew with a sinking heart that the event she had foreseen the day she'd met Yumi had come to pass. And she knew Yumi probably wouldn't want to see anyone, but she made some miso soup anyway and brought it over. She knocked on the door and there was no answer; she found Yumi lying on the bed staring at the ceiling. Maybe she should pretend like nothing had happened.   
"Hi, Yumi-chan. I brought you some miso soup," Miteki said tentatively.   
"That's nice." Yumi's voice was flat and robotic.   
"Don't you want to get up? Go for coffee or something?"   
"No."   
"It's not good for you to be staying in bed for so long."   
"I'm trying to sleep. I can't sleep. Do you have sleeping pills?"   
"Yumi-chan!" cried Miteki, horrified. It sounded like Yumi intended to take a whole bottle.   
"What's wrong with sleep?"   
"Don't kill yourself over him!"   
"Don't be stupid. I'm not going to die. I just want to sleep." Yumi was vaguely insulted that Miteki would think her so weak, and yet, she was being weak.   
Somehow, she'd get up again. When she could look back without wanting to cry, she'd be able to stand up.   
She'd probably fall asleep if she cried. If she let the tears out, she could cry herself to sleep. But she refused to let herself cry, so she couldn't sleep.   
"I could make you some chamomile tea. That makes you sleepy," Miteki offered.   
"You have to study." Yumi was saying that she didn't want to be taken care of.   
"Then get up and eat, so I can study," said Miteki. She wasn't sure if Yumi could be left alone.   
"I'll eat when I feel like it." She was, of course, ravenously hungry, but it was better to think of the pain in her stomach than that in her heart. "I want to sleep."   
"Do you have any chamomile tea?"   
"Dunno."   
"I'll just bring you some teabags, okay? It's really relaxing."   
"If you really want to."   
Miteki left and brought back four teabags, and a bit of honey to go with it. "I use this stuff all the time when I can't sleep. It works even better with honey in it. Want me to make you a cup?"   
"I can do it myself. Please leave me alone."   
"Come out to coffee with me sometime," Miteki invited, a note of pleading in her voice. "If you walk around you'll be able to sleep better."   
"Maybe," Yumi said to shut her up.   
"Okay. See you later." Miteki went back to studying, telling herself that she would just have to trust Yumi's determination, that strength and cheerfulness so like dandelions. Someone like her, who knew what it was to be "happy to be alive," could never give up on living.   
Finally deciding that perhaps a full stomach would help her struggle toward sleep, Yumi ate the miso soup and some rice and made the chamomile tea with honey. She sipped the supposedly relaxing concoction, thoughts unavoidably getting replayed in her head like summer reruns, now that she did not have hunger pangs to distract her.   
She had forgotten how easily human beings allow themselves to be deluded. Being human, it was a good deal more difficult to observe the human mind. Near impossible, in fact. She only retained what she knew from observation. She knew nothing of herself. Shining strength? Capacity for happiness? Those were lies. Teki- chan had said they were true, but only because Teki-chan hated to argue.   
She had thought herself special, removed a bit from the rest of the human race—simply because her ears were pointy, her hair unusually messy, her navel not from the scar of an umbilical cord but from the seam of her spontaneously formed skin. But she was not different, not special. She thought the power of her love made her immune somehow. No such luck.   
She was in love. She'd forgotten about all the other powers that might have sway over her. Believing he underestimated her love, she underestimated his unlove. She underestimated the addictive power of self-delusion, and the avaricious power of selfishness. Most of all she'd underestimated pain. She hadn't known before, really, what it was to hurt all by herself, with everyone thinking "told you so," and no one thinking "oh, he'll want her back," at the end of the road, the past negated and the future void. There was nothing, nothing left. She couldn't even take Ophelia's way out, too amazed at the extent of her anguish to act upon it. She had painted herself into this corner; she deserved no such easy escape route.   
She had forgotten that roses have thorns.   
But she would not weep for it. If he thrived on the tears of all those whose names were recorded with three dates after them, he would have no such tears from her. He could write that third date beside her name, but it would not be true.   
She hurt, but she was not broken. She fell, but she would get to her feet again...   
What she would do when she got to her feet, that was the question. She would think of that when the time came...if the time came. Now, all she had to do was not cry...   
Having been awake for at least thirty-six hours, she finally found her way to slumberland. In dreams she asked people and unseen ones where he was, and everyone gave her the same reply: "Toldjaso, toldjaso."   
  
She became nocturnal, walking the campus at night to avoid meeting anyone, and made a lunatic ritual of it. She put on the shimmering evening gown and walked to the rose garden, waiting, pretending she had stepped back through time to that first night and was waiting for him. It seemed almost possible in the bewitching magic there. When she had waited long enough for the fantasy to lose its power, she wandered the campus aimlessly until first light, always back in her dorm before the morning star came out to watch her with its mocking gleam. If anyone saw her about, they would think her a ghost.   
After the third of these nightly ventures, a knock at her door woke her sometime in the afternoon. Thinking it was probably Miteki come to drag her out to coffee, she called, "Just a minute," and shrugged into some clothes. She might as well get some coffee and let Miteki see she wasn't dead. Yawning, she opened the door.   
It was not Miteki at all. It was Utena. "The fuck you want?" Yumi was about to say, but when the door opened all the way she saw that Akio was standing beside the pink-haired tomboy.   
She made a spastic movement, and after having stood up too fast from a sound sleep, she tripped over herself. Not very dignified.   
"Oh, I'm so sorry, we startled you," Utena apologized, and went to help Yumi up. She was there because she felt completely terrible about being witness to Yumi's heartbreak.   
"Are you alright, Maigo-san? We heard you were sick," said Akio, who had insisted on coming along.   
Yumi was in a state of total shock—she hadn't seen any people for days, and for these two to break the pattern put her at a loss—and could not protest as Utena took the liberty of leading her to the couch. She was shaking.   
"You don't look well," Utena worried.   
Then Yumi recovered. She stood up and faced Akio, wanting to yell but knowing that would accomplish nothing aside from making her look bad. "You are not welcome in my room."   
"Yumi, Akio-san is the Trustee Chairman," said Utena, a bit put off at Yumi's cold impoliteness. "Don't worry, he's really nice."   
"You know, Tenjou," Yumi said conversationally, "the planet Venus looks very pretty from where we see it in the sky, but if you were to get close and land on it, it's all dark and poison and burning acid." Her implication was all too clear.   
"What an awful thing to say!" cried Utena, and turned to Akio. "She doesn't mean it. She's just really upset."   
"Oh, I do mean it," Yumi snapped. "Ha. I can't wait until _you_ see what _your_ boyfriend's really like."   
"B- boyfriend!" Utena blushed profusely. "It's nothing like that!"   
"Really? Then why are you both here?"   
"Tenjou-kun mentioned that you'd had a shock, and wanted to see if you were okay," said Akio. "I felt bad too, so I wanted to bring you something...it's not much..." He held out a present, cookies or fruit or something. Probably an apple like Snow White's.   
Yumi did not obey her first impulse and tell him where to shove it, but said evenly, "I will accept nothing from you."   
Utena gasped. Refusing a gift was the epitome of personal affronts.   
"Well...I'm sorry," said Akio, looking like he was trying not to look flustered.   
"I doubt that," Yumi retorted, "but you will be."   
"Yumi!" Utena scolded, insulted on his behalf. She got up to leave. "Well, I hope you feel better."   
"Sorry to bother you," Akio added, and they left.   
Yumi sighed in both relief and disgust, standing against the closed door as though they might try to come back in.   
"No wonder she's staying in her room by herself," she heard Utena mutter in the hall.   
"Well, there are always people who need to be alone when they're in pain, and lash out at anyone who wants to help," Akio told her. "Anyway, she's probably not very happy with my half of the species at the moment."   
"Yeah, but she acted like she really hated you, Akio-san. It wasn't fair."   
"People with anger in them often find targets for it for no real reason..." Their voices faded out finally.   
Akio was mostly correct in his psychological assessment of her, except for the part about "no real reason." He very much deserved all the anger she had in her. But Yumi felt that right now, she would rip apart anyone she met. Perhaps she was reaching the point where pain turned into anger.   
Only the night would tell her. Unless Miteki showed up for coffee, she would remain a night owl, the ghost who haunted the campus in the witching hours. She had a cup of chamomile tea and went back to sleep.   
  
A week went by, and then another. She went downtown with Miteki several times, but was very silent. Since Miteki was naturally reticent, not much was said, and Yumi had no idea of anything that might be happening on campus. She continued to haunt it by night, living in a sort of purgatory. Feeling as though the same day repeated itself over and over again, she had no sense of time passing.   
Angst occasionally arranged itself into lines of poetry. Yumi murmured into her coffee:   
"It was foreseen but ignored—   
Why must my heart   
Belong to one whose own   
Could crack diamonds?"   
Miteki had nothing to say to that. But then she saw deep scratches on the back of Yumi's left hand, deliberate scratches, since they made the word _nobility_. "Yumi-chan, what's that!?"   
"My tattoo? I made it with rose thorns." She seemed vaguely proud of it.   
Miteki stared at her, grey eyes dark with worry. "Aren't you going to do _something_?"   
"I don't know yet," Yumi replied. "When I figure out what's to be done, then I'll do it."   
She tired of the dreamy rose garden and spent much of her nights wandering around the forest that hid the entrance to the Arena. She stared at the elaborate Rose Gate as though it had something to tell her.   
One night it did tell her something.   
She sat on the far edge of a fountain, trailing her fingers in the water and watching the ripples distort the reflections of stars. Stars that burned far away, like dreams...   
Suddenly there were footsteps. She sat completely motionless, nothing more than a stray moonbeam.   
It was him. Touga had come for her. Her heart soared in hope—then turned to ice and shattered, as she saw Utena with him.   
They opened the Rose Gate and went up to the Arena.   
Every moment of truth she had, Utena was stealing.   
Yumi splashed the water, disturbing the reflections of stars. Stars that someday would burn out.   
She stood up and tore off the hindering gown and flung it into the woods. Then she ran across campus, the mad ghost in the night.   
  
Still she did not cry. She felt cold inside, as though someone had turned down her body temperature. In attempt to combat the sensation, she drank large quantities of tea, but the only thing that increased was the number of trips to the bathroom. Every breath she took seemed to ache in her chest. Perhaps she was so heartsick that she'd given herself pneumonia. When school began and the dorm was empty but for herself, she put on Ayumi at full volume, but turned it off after an hour or so because she developed a headache. She really felt ill. But she also had the distinct feeling that she was being tested. _Are you still strong enough, Yumi? How much more can you take?_   
She was awake and working on her eighteenth cup of steaming tea when Juri knocked on her door and entered without waiting to be invited.   
"Whatever you're going to say," mumbled Yumi, "I know."   
"I'm not here to say 'I told you so,'" Juri said briskly. "That's your own business. I'm here to tell you it's no excuse to skip fencing practice for this long."   
Yumi blinked. So there was one person, at least, who really believed she could get back on her feet. "I understand, Arisugawa-sempai. Please forgive me for being so lazy. I'll be there today."   
"Good." Juri walked out as quickly as she'd arrived.   
Yumi finished her tea and showered, then put on her uniform and went downtown with plenty of cash. She knew what she had to do.   
What was that saying? _If you can't beat 'em, join 'em..._   
She went into the store that carried the school uniforms. "Excuse me," she asked the man at the counter, "but do you know where I could get something custom-made?"   
"Ah, might you be Maigo Yumi- sama?" said the salesman.   
"Um, yes," she said, confused.   
"We've been expecting you. It's all taken care of; we just need your measurements. Tokiko-chan!" the salesman called. "Come get the young lady's measurements."   
"Yes, Morida-san." A woman with short brown hair appeared and whisked Yumi into a changing room. Yumi was bewildered and made no protest as Tokiko asked her to strip to her underwear, then took out a measuring tape and measured everything on her that there was to measure, noting it all on a clipboard.   
"Well, that's it," said Tokiko when she finished. "You'll get your new uniform in a couple of days."   
"How come I was expected?" Yumi asked.   
"The Student Council told us, of course," replied Tokiko. "You're one of the elite now."   
"I was completely unaware of this development."   
"What? But you knew to come here."   
"I only came because I wanted a different uniform. Totally on a whim."   
"That's funny. Well, Ohtori's kind of a funny place, isn't it? I'm an alumna myself."   
"Really? Were you in the Student Council then?"   
"Oh, no. But I worked there after I graduated, and here I am, still in this town. I guess I just can't get away," Tokiko laughed. But there was something sad in her eyes.   
"What was the Student Council like when you were there?" Yumi was curious.   
"Hm...actually, I don't think there was a Student Council back then."   
"Oh, I see." Yumi didn't. She had no idea what was going on. And she had no intention of going to Student Council meetings, even if she did wear the uniform.   
She had a late lunch and bought Juri a pretty hair clip for being so understanding, and got back to campus just in time for fencing practice.   
  
Yumi's technique had become halfhearted at best. She tried to live up to Juri's apparent faith in her, but couldn't find the strength to wield the foil properly. Even Miki's look of empathetic kindness, which for some reason stirred her anger, couldn't resurrect her will. She tried to think of something that would make her "spirited," but all she had were old lies and new betrayals.   
She just didn't care.   
"What happened to your spirit, Yumi? I know you're stronger than this," Juri scolded after the unsuccessful practice.   
"I'm sorry, Arisugawa-sempai. I guess I'm out of shape."   
"Yes, you are, but not physically. Did you lie to us? You had me believing that you knew it was coming and it wouldn't get you down."   
"It won't keep me down. I just haven't figured out how to get up yet."   
"I'll tell you how to get up," said Juri, slamming her locker. "Stop letting what happened dominate you. If you look back, say, 'Yes, that hurt, but it has no power over me.' And don't worry about the future either. Separate the events from your feelings. I know better, myself, than to tell you to let go of your feelings. But move them forward with you. Haven't you ever heard that what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger?"   
"Well, I guess so," Yumi said numbly. "But what can I do, on my feet?"   
"That's the part you have to figure out for yourself. Maybe it looks like there's no reason to stand again. But you can't see anything lying down."   
The truth jolted her. Of course she'd never see what was to be done if she wasn't standing as tall as she could. "You're right. I really am being foolish. Arisugawa-sempai, may I ask why you're always so helpful to me?"   
"Because Miki likes you, and because I liked the idea of a girl whose heart Kiryuu couldn't break."   
"I haven't stood up yet because it's taking all of my strength not to cry," said Yumi, as though she had to put forth something in her own defense.   
"You haven't wet your sleeves?" Juri was skeptical.   
"Not for this. Not once."   
"Well...you are something else."   
Yumi could see that Juri didn't quite believe her, but it didn't bother her. That probably was the most implausible thing she'd ever said.   
They joined Miki and went to the café terrace for sustenance. Yumi was grateful to him for not making a show of pity.   
Miki, however, was thinking. There was something he'd figured out, but he didn't want to get Yumi's hopes up too high, for it made a good stepping stone from which to jump to conclusions. Besides that, it wasn't the most savory thing for her to hear...   
Touga drifted into view with the requisite throng of giggly people. He didn't seem to notice Yumi, but decided to loiter around the open terrace.   
"Let's go sit on the hill," said Miki, worried for Yumi's psychological state.   
"Kaoru-sempai, I don't think my head's going to explode," Yumi snapped.   
Juri covered a laugh.   
Yumi drank her iced tea with a sensation of little needles sticking into her soul. She thought of what Juri had said about separating events from her feelings. Apparently she couldn't yet look at him without memories clawing at her. It occurred to her how much she truly loathed not being by his side.   
But still, she could look. And she saw...   
Something had changed. He wasn't quite as cavalier, a little muted in his flirtations, a bit regretful in his movements.   
It worried her.   
"Something's different..." Yumi murmured. Who would notice such things, if not her?   
"Yes, he's been acting strangely," Juri remarked softly. "Ever since a little before you mentioned that he'd been staying out nights, we noticed..."   
Miki gasped. So Yumi must know!   
Yumi's fist crushed the empty can. She _did_ know.   
"We think...that maybe...he hasn't been acting entirely of his own will lately," said Miki carefully.   
Yumi's eyes went sharp.   
Juri nearly breathed a sigh of relief. That was the Yumi everyone remembered. "He's been paying quite a bit of attention to Tenjou. Maybe because he still wants to prove he can have her. But more because he wants to save her, I think."   
"From?" said Yumi with eyes like a falcon's.   
"From End Of The World," Miki replied very quietly.   
The three of them looked at the Student Council President, his vital arrogance dimmed as he fought a losing battle.   
Chivalry.   
"She doesn't want to be saved," said Juri. "End Of The World is her prince."   
"But who will save him?" Yumi whispered, her face white.   
The two Student Council members looked at her. "Who among us can save anyone but oneself?" Juri mused.   
"I will not watch him be consumed by our resident incubus," Yumi declared heatedly, and stood.   
"Yumi-san, be careful," said Miki.   
"If I knew the meaning of 'careful,' I wouldn't love him in the first place. Excuse me now." Yumi bowed a little and left in the direction of the dorms. Now that her path was clear, she wanted to talk to Miteki.   
But she felt immensely tired the moment she started walking, and had to return to her own room and sleep.   
In a dream, a name in the book glared at her. White butterflies with black spots became a flurry of Ohtori Akio's name cards.   
She woke with a start at high noon the next day. It had never quite sunk in; she couldn't quite believe it, didn't want to believe it. But now she had to know. She had to verify it.   
Surely it was only a weird dream, not a scrap of overlooked memory. Surely it had not gone that far...   
This she hoped in vain as she had some rice for breakfast (lunch?) and looked outside. It was raining lightly, but the red umbrella was where she was going, and she wouldn't have taken it anyway. She snuck into his rooms and found the handcuff key, then went to the study, unsure if the dampness on her face was rain or cold sweat. Her gut was in knots, her heart racing. The lock came undone. Feeling caught in a nightmare, she took out the black book and leafed through the pages.   
The name was there, as she must have already known. It was a page before _Tenjou Utena_, and the second date was right around when he'd returned to class.   
_Ohtori Akio_ with two dates.   
She put the book away, trembling so violently that it was difficult work to get the drawer locked again. Before she managed it, her stomach began lurching rebelliously. She thought she saw a tall shadow watching her as she staggered to the toilet to part company with her breakfast.   
She rinsed her mouth out and leaned against the wall, shaking. _I **am** stronger than this,_ she told herself. _I can fight. I can fight him..._   
She did one more thing, a dangerous thing, before she locked the drawer. She took a pen and opened the book once more, and scribbled out the third date beside her own name. 


	8. tatu : clowns

  
  
The rain stopped. After school Yumi found her friend.   
"What's going on?" said Miteki, who immediately saw the sharpness in Yumi's eyes.   
"We have an enemy," Yumi replied. "Coffee?"   
"Sure, let's go." They walked downtown.   
Yumi was silent until they were off campus. "I don't feel safe talking at school. He's watching."   
"Who?" asked Miteki, hoping that Yumi was not progressing into paranoid schizophrenia.   
"Our friend the Morning Star." Yumi said it as though she could get gunned down by a sniper for talking. "We were right. There's something thoroughly evil about him. He's got that Tenjou Utena under his spell, and Touga, too, though Touga knows it."   
"What do you mean?"   
"You think I'm going crazy. I'll show you something on campus, if he doesn't show up to stop me. But believe me. That feeling we got that something was happening we couldn't see, it's him. He's got something going on, something about as good for everyone as nerve gas in the subway. And he's using the Student Council in it. ...All of them."   
Miteki gasped, realizing that Yumi meant Miki was in danger too. They ordered their coffee and sat down. "But what can we do?"   
"Frankly, I don't have a fucking clue," Yumi said wryly. "Yet. Tell me what you've heard that's going on around campus."   
"Well, everyone says the Student Council's been acting strangely—even more so than usual—especially the President. And that he's redoubled his efforts toward Tenjou-sempai."   
"Exactly. Now here's what that means. They're all under the spell of the so-called Trustee Chairman, including Utena. Touga, seeing what he really is, is trying to save her, but to no avail, because Utena loves Ohtori Akio."   
"How do you know all that?" Miteki worried that Yumi was making things up to explain the betrayal, which was simply that, a run-of-the-mill betrayal.   
"Juri and Miki told me."   
"If they can't do anything about it, how can we?"   
"I'm trying to think of that!"   
The coffee came, and they sipped quietly for a few minutes. Miteki decided she should bring Yumi's possible thoughts into the open, so that they wouldn't entrance her from inside her mind. "Yumi-chan, do you think that he...broke up with you because he wanted you away from him, to protect you from the Trustee Chairman?"   
Yumi raised her eyebrows. She had not thought of it that way; it was too dangerous. "Is that what _you_ think?"   
"No. I was wondering if you were thinking that way."   
Yumi made a cynical sound. "Not so much. Thus far I'm sticking to the worst-case scenario."   
"The worst-case scenario?"   
"That he dumped me for kicks just like everyone else, obviously, which is what you think too. Although Miki said that it seemed like he hasn't been acting of his own will." Yumi sighed. "It would be nice to think that something else made him do that... Nice, but stupid."   
"Are you going to try and get him back?"   
"I'm not going to try, I'm going to do it. I have to be around him if I'm going to figure out how to protect him. You might want to stick around Miki, too."   
Miteki blushed a bit. "Finals start the week after next..."   
Knowing that impeccable grades were very high on Miteki's priority list, Yumi kept herself from scoffing at this. "Well, Miki isn't in as much danger. I'll try and keep you posted. Meanwhile, trust in your power. If you see anything—_anything_—I want you to tell me. I mean it."   
"Um, okay," Miteki said nervously.   
"Thanks."   
They finished their coffee in silence.   
"What's the thing on campus you want to show me?" Miteki asked as they left the shop.   
"Oh, that. It's weird and secret and stuff. I'll have to come get you in the middle of the night."   
  
Yumi did as she promised, and at one in the morning, she fetched Miteki and led her furtively to the Rose Gate. Miteki brought a bright flashlight, which Yumi carried, but they didn't need it to see the Rose Gate, for the curious monument seemed to glow of its own accord.   
"What is it?" said Miteki, her grey eyes round.   
"The gate to the apocalypse," Yumi murmured. "Beyond it, Ohtori Akio calls himself End Of The World and has the Student Council play out his strange rituals. Watch this." She walked up and grasped the handle, and her ring which was the key opened it, the water flowing and the structures moving.   
Miteki looked about ready to faint. "I've seen it in dreams..." she whispered.   
"Through there," and Yumi pointed to the enormous spiral staircase beyond, "is a place formed completely of magic. I'm not sure if it's real in the sense that the rest of the world is. It might be another dimension. I don't think I can take you in there. It'd probably kill you or something."   
"You've been in there?"   
"Yes. If I knew how, I'd destroy this gate, and seal off that strange place. That would put a dent in his plans."   
They walked away, and the Rose Gate closed itself.   
"I never entirely disbelieved you," Miteki said softly, "but I certainly won't at all now."   
At the edge of the forest, a shadow moved in the darkness. A hint of a scarlet shirt.   
"Run," whispered Yumi, shoving Miteki forward. "Run. Now."   
Miteki did, but paused when she realized that the only feet moving were her own.   
"Go!" Yumi mouthed frantically. Finally Miteki disappeared.   
"Why, Maigo-san, what are you doing out in the woods so late?"   
"I'll ask the same of you." She wanted to say that she wasn't afraid of him; or more precisely, she wanted to be able to say that she wasn't afraid of him without it being a blatant lie.   
"You first." He gave a charming smile.   
"I'm wandering aimlessly. Now, if you'll excuse me, I don't actually care what you're doing out in the woods so late, and I can't stand being in the same space as you." Yumi made a show of nonchalance and turned.   
"The poor lost child," said Akio with mock pity, walking beside her. "She wanders in the dark, hoping that her love will find her and ask her forgiveness, knowing all the while that he could hardly care less about her. She knows he was false, and yet every moment she's away from him is absolute torment..."   
His narration of her circumstances for the past couple of weeks grated on her heart, but she gave no sign of it. "Are you bored or something?"   
"Of course not. I'm an incubus. They go after unprotected young women in the night."   
Her fear doubled, so she became angry to defend herself. "You're an idiot, is what you are. Apparently you didn't understand me. _Get the fuck away from me._"   
"Is that any way to talk to the Trustee Chairman?"   
"It's the only way anyone should talk to you. Don't say another word to me, you piece of shit." Yumi tripled her pace, intending to leave him behind, but he caught her and pulled her to him. She yelped like a kicked puppy.   
"I think you'll find there's only so much you can get away with," he murmured ominously.   
"Likewise!" she shouted and twisted away. "Don't you _dare_ touch me!"   
"So quick to pull away..." He made his voice all soft and sweet. "Aren't you lonely, Yumi? Isn't your bed cold, without him?"   
_"I don't want no parts of that shit,"_ she snapped in English, a phrase of which Chiharu was fond. But what bothered her was that the image came up in her mind and didn't quite manage to be distasteful.   
"Oh, you'd like it. I'm good at warming his bed."   
_That_ was distasteful. She positively shivered with rage, gritting her teeth. "You stay away from him or I will make you _so_ sorry you were ever spawned."   
"Jealous? How about another threesome, then?"   
She was furious enough now to have a good supply of nerve. She whacked him upside the head with the flashlight and stalked away. It hurt for maybe a split second. He laughed softly as he let her go. Sure, she acted angry enough, but her terror was obvious. She didn't deny her fear to herself, at least. She was denying her lust, however, and that was why he laughed.   
  
Yumi did not run. She was as determined not to run from Akio as she was not to cry over Touga, and fighting the primitive urge to flee was just as difficult.   
She did not run, but she trembled. She was so angry, and so, so afraid.   
The melodramatic princess in her (which, she supposed, must be a part of any girl in love) was still whining for Touga to rescue her, to show up brandishing a kendo stick or even a real katana and tell Akio in no uncertain terms to get away from his woman.   
But that would not happen, because for one thing, the inverse was the problem. She had to protect him from Akio. And no matter how afraid End Of The World could make her, she would not let fear swerve her off the task.   
Nor anything else that he might make her feel.   
She knew that she was wet, and it didn't help her self-image much. But if he did not have that power he would not be what he was. Fear and anything else for the enemy were nothing next to the first and foremost of her feelings. That was how strong she was, she told herself.   
Besides, there was the other problem. She was not, technically, Touga's woman.   
Miteki was waiting for her at the entrance lobby, wanting to make sure that she returned. "What happened?"   
"He came after me, like I knew he would," Yumi hissed.   
"Did you get in trouble?"   
"I can't get in trouble, I have a ring. No, I can only get hit on."   
"Yumi-chan..." Miteki gasped. "I'm sorry!"   
"Now do you believe me that they're in danger?"   
"You are, too!"   
"I'm usually in danger. Nothing's changed there."   
  
A knock on her door came after lunch. By now she had the vigilance to ask who it was.   
"Delivery for Maigo Yumi- sama," said a young male voice.   
It had to be the new uniform. She took the box and thanked the courier, then set it on the table and stared at it without opening it.   
What would it mean if she put it on? Would she be in the Student Council, automatically subject to the perverse will of End Of The World?   
But no, she realized suddenly—it was the Signet rings which did that.   
"This ring!" she cried aloud, and yanked it off her finger.   
The moment she did so, she felt a terrible, searing, sickening pain as though swords were being driven into every part of her. She collapsed, curling up on the floor. She couldn't even scream.   
For some reason she tried to convince herself that it was some freak cramp and had nothing to do with taking off the ring. But every second she kept it off, the agony increased, until she knew she had no choice. Six or eight seconds went by before she used her last reserves to nudge her finger back into it.   
A thought got halfway into her mind before she fainted. _This evil is...._   
  
  
_ I wake, my head throbbing. Why am I on the floor? What happened?   
When I see the box on the table, I remember. It is clear now that I should not have taken the ring. But there is no way I could have refused what seemed at the time to be a gift from him, an invitation into his world.   
The world I must change.   
The other day I thought that if Utena is really his ideal woman, then I will imitate her to the fullest, and become the Utena who loves him. She's not the only girl, I thought, who can put on a boy's uniform and call herself _boku_.   
So downtown I went to the uniform shop, but they didn't want to give me a customized boy's uniform, they wanted to give me a Student Council uniform. I bet End Of The World really has it in for me. He must know that I intend to destroy him.   
It's impossible, my mind quails. I don't have any idea what the extent of his strange powers might be. Anyway, at the very least, I have to protect Touga from End Of The World.   
And to do that I must stand up and face him once again. He will know that I cannot be broken, I cannot be ignored. I am not special, except perhaps in my complete refusal to cut my losses and move on.   
In another hour, classes will end. I wash up and then take out the new uniform. It is nearly identical to the uniform the Arena gave me, but I think the sleeves might be a bit different. It has that tassel the color of my hair, just like the other Student Council uniforms. It would appear that I am indeed one of the elite, though no one on campus has said anything about that to me, and I don't know what the point is anyway.   
I don it slowly in front of the mirror, feeling ceremonious, and at a turning point. It looks strange on me, unfamiliar. I feel like a different Yumi, but I do not feel like another Utena. Probably for the best.   
I don't like the pants. They look too formal, and they make my butt look big. The cut works with Juri's generous hourglass curves, but not with my lack thereof. Besides, the weather has decided that it's summer today, and I'm too uncivilized to endure the heat for the sake of propriety.   
Instead I try the standard-issue skirt, which looks funny with the jacket. I could get away with the combination, since I'm funny-looking to start with.   
There's the pair of white shorts that I wore to the beach over my bathingsuit, that he probably won't remember and are probably too short to wear around school. If people look from the wrong angle, they might think I'm wearing no pants at all. But, let's be honest here, I'm not going to class, I'm going to pick up a guy. I may be in the Student Council now, but I am also the ghost who haunts the campus at midnight in an evening gown, once in underthings, and the weird girl who showed up unconscious and naked in the music room.   
I like this combination the best, the jacket and the shorts. It's cute and a bit reminiscient of my new sort-of role model. And the shorts' previous usage gives me a sense of comfort, as though good luck lingers on them from the happiness that day.   
But wasn't he happy that day? I could have sworn that just for that day...   
I cannot dwell on such memories; they will bring forbidden tears to my eyes.   
I smooth the jacket over the shorts, looking at myself in the mirror. I put a bit of color on my lips for the hell of it, the color of the pink room.   
"This is the revolution," I tell my reflection. "Now, I revolutionize the world."   
Because apparently no one told the other duellists that you don't need a sword to revolutionize the world, or a ring, or a fancy uniform, or any other accessories. All you need is your heart._   
  
  
Arms folded casually, she waited by the fountain in the center of the lobby. Conversations turned to her, with people wondering if she was really in the Student Council (or if she was really wearing any pants). Boys rubbernecked to get appraising views of her long legs, but none stopped to hit on her, because her purpose in waiting there was clear.   
Today, with the new uniform signifying her status, she did not have to wait for the groupies to disperse. They moved aside for her, though not without plenty of resentment; but they were also eager to see her make a fool of herself.   
He walked his usual route through the school with no reason to expect anything of interest to happen. But then the throng parted, and standing in his path was an aqua-haired girl. He was reminded of the scene many weeks ago when she had made her debut, except this time she had a new uniform—flattering, he had to admit—and seemed to know exactly what she was doing there, wearing a stoic expression.   
"I'm not the one who failed," she told him before he could speak. "You are." The words she forced out seemed to come from somewhere other than her own throat. Her heartstrings tied themselves all into knots, but she kept herself outwardly neutral.   
He knew more or less what she meant, but said bemusedly, "Now what is it I've failed at?"   
"Should I list everything?" she retorted in kind.   
"Maybe just the ones you really think I'm not aware of." He gave her a wry smile. "There must be something you think I've missed, since you're going through so much trouble to bring it to my attention."   
Her knees were going weak, but she drew herself up as proudly as anyone who ever started a revolution. "You failed to make me cry."   
The idea that Ophelia-chan would have been able to keep herself from wetting her sleeves, when he honestly hadn't even expected her to still be alive, was so preposterous that he had to burst out laughing.   
Again. He was laughing at her again. She wouldn't stand for it this time.   
**_CRACK._**   
Silence spread outward in a shockwave through the entire lobby. No one moved except to turn heads. It was exactly as though time had stopped.   
There were some who were in awe, others who cheered her inwardly, others who wanted to laugh; still others wanted to rip her to bloody pieces like wild dogs fighting over carrion.   
Someone started to clap after nearly a minute of silence. Applause soon filled the space where silence had been. And even those who would rather have beat the impertinent wench within an inch of her life had to applaud her bravery—for they were the ones who knew best that he very much deserved it.   
It was the first time he had ever been bitch-slapped. No one ever hit the Student Council President. Yumi and Touga stared at one another heedless of the silence and subsequent noise around them, both in a kind of morbid fascination at what she had just done.   
_Did I just hit him?   
Did she just hit me?_   
Suddenly a profound world-weariness rushed into him. He had been feeling this way frequently of late—utterly tired of what he was, but having no idea what else to be. It was mostly Utena who made him feel that way, but apparently Yumi could manage it as well, perhaps because he had given the latter her fate in front of the former.   
The latter, however, was refusing to accept her fate. Well, then, maybe _that_ was fate.   
Ill at ease with himself and everyone else, he wanted everything to go away. But there was only one way he knew of to make that happen. Besides, she'd just asked for a little humiliation.   
As though with an errant child, he hoisted Yumi up and over his shoulder.   
"Neeh!?" she squealed. There were a few giggles. Most everyone was certain she would get a spanking for her rambunctious behavior.   
She felt her face turning red, but was too stunned to protest. He carried her out like that, acting as though absolutely nothing was out of the ordinary.   
_How completely humiliating,_ thought Yumi, shutting her eyes for fear of seeing Miteki or Juri or anyone. _But really, it is better than nothing..._ Merely the fact that they were touching gave her a sense of contentment, of relief, like coming up for air after a long time underwater. Not only that, but the shorts were made to be tight, and with her in this position they were riding up in a way that was stimulating rather than annoying.   
Once outside he set her down, since he couldn't carry her that way for very long, and cornered her in a niche in the architecture, looking down at her intently. Heart pounding, she gazed back in complete rapture. Her lips tried to form something but no words came out; she couldn't find any words to put to her feelings. Then she lost the chance because he kissed her.   
She was _alive_ again, as if for the past weeks she really had been a ghost, and he breathed life into her now. And even if he felt nothing for her, even if he cast her off again, she would come back for more... Tears spilled from her eyes. Now, it didn't matter.   
"So, where would you have me take you?" he murmured. He saw her gleaming tears and wondered if she really had held them in for so long that they leaked out the moment she saw fit to let her guard down. After all the thinking that Utena had prompted in him, he could feel a twinge of regret for what he'd done to Yumi. And yet Yumi wanted to offer him the chance to redeem himself, even though he didn't have to feel any regret for her to forgive him.   
She shook her head slightly, indicating that where could hardly matter to her if she was with him.   
No less deft at sneaking around to a daytime rendezvous for the jolt to his established identity, he led her without being seen into a conference room nearby the music room. No one would come by, but he stuck a chair under the doorknob and closed the curtains for the sake of intrigue. He started to say something uselessly romantic, the sort of thing she liked to hear, but she put her finger to his lips, amber eyes big and shining in the dimmed light.   
They stood like that for a moment, completely silent, and then fell to making love on a plushy sofa, crazily, unable to wait. It was nice to have her in his arms, simply because he'd been abstaining too long, trying to look reformed and repentant for Utena.   
He sat up, holding her, as their breathing slowed and thoughts atypically chased themselves in his head. The feelings he had just tried to escape by taking her would not be ignored.   
He had tried so hard to capture Utena that he ended up with a little leftover sentiment toward her. He was never sure what image to present to Utena, and in the end, all of them had failed. The school tomboy who loved her Rose Bride's brother had made him realize that nothing was working anymore, that he didn't know how to live. But no one could fix it. There was no magic time machine to take Utena back to her _Oujisama_ before the Morning Star fell and him back to his lost self. That was what he'd tried to make her see, that they were both in the same place, but for her to see that would mean giving up her dream. He, of course, had given up long ago, for to do otherwise would have killed him with yearning.   
Just as he'd suspected would happen to Yumi. And she wouldn't have been the first. It really was amazing that he could be so heartless, driving girls to either disillusion or suicide without a second thought, as though he sought revenge on humanity for his own total disenchantment.   
But Yumi claimed to have been something else, to have chosen to be human. It left him mystified, uncomprehending. Why would one, being something carefree and bright, why would one so free want to be bound in a mortal form, shackled to a soul and emotion, sentenced to die and vulnerable to worse before that happened? She must think being human was nothing but rose gardens and sunlight warm on one's face and pink satin sheets. Why would one want to be born human?   
Auschwitz. Hiroshima. Nanking. That was humanity. Die and kill, kill and die, impossible suffering from the beginning to the end of time. Who would step into the great river, that eternal flow of sweat and blood and piss and so many tears, of her own free will? Either way she was mad. If the story was true she was mad for doing that; if the story was false she was mad because she clearly believed it.   
But if it was true...that meant she had given up eternity just to be with him.   
Of course, if she based her idea of humanity on watching him, it would have been only natural to think that being human was nothing but pleasure. And even now, after he must have proven to her otherwise, he knew she didn't regret the choice at all. According to her story she didn't have a childhood to look back on as a lost utopia, but she had her "vale of dreams."   
And yet the shining of her eyes told him that all her dreams were here. She was strong. He had no idea how she survived feeling as she did.   
She was curled up all blissfully in his embrace, asking for nothing, probably thinking nothing besides how beautiful he was. A tear fell from her lashes, sliding quickly down her face as though it didn't want to be caught. She had Utena to thank for it, but he really did feel regretful. Here was one, one out of the many to whom he could redeem himself. He couldn't give her what she truly wanted in her heart of hearts, but he might at least give credit where credit was due. And apologies.   
"Yumi, I'm sorry. I truly mean it. I...I regret hurting you."   
She stared wonderingly and touched his face as though to make sure he was real. This was not the Touga she knew, or at least, not the one he'd let her know. "What happened?"   
"Things are changing," was all he could tell her.   
"Could it be a revolution?"   
"Maybe."   
She knew without being told that whatever was changing, Tenjou Utena had been the catalyst. She felt awed, a little envious. But not really all-out jealous.   
"You know," she told him what she thought earlier, "you don't need a sword to start a revolution. All you need is your heart."   
He didn't say anything for a little bit. Strange girls got into strange places, and this one, perhaps, was getting into his confidence. After all the mostly-truths he'd told her before, she might as well be. "I haven't been able to find it."   
She pressed herself close as if she might dive into him and begin searching. "Somewhere. Somewhere..."   
The sound of Miki's piano playing drifted up to them. That song of dreams and shining things, "The Sunlit Garden," seemed to claim the moment gently.   
  
If Yumi had been keeping up with the campus gossip, she would have learned it much sooner, but the subtle alterations in Touga's character were not going unnoticed. Groupies were mystified, resentful past victims skeptical. And somehow, Yumi became privy to the truths behind the changes, now confidante as well as concubine. She became the person who listened, who said nothing and passed no judgements, the quiet presence holding his stories to her soul.   
"You're good at keeping secrets, aren't you?" he said when it began, more a statement than a question.   
"I don't tell secrets that don't ask to be told."   
"I mean you're good at living with them. Too many secrets can drag you down."   
"They don't, because my head is full of air."   
He laughed. "I'd say it's because your heart is light."   
"That too. My heart is full of Floating World."   
"A head full of air and a heart full of Floating World? No wonder you never sink too far."   
"Kyouichi said it's because I'm a blow-up doll."   
"Did he? Saionji's had a kendo stick up his ass for a long time."   
"Yeah—yours." She grinned with the perfect double entendré retort. He laughed again, but she could tell she'd said something wrong. She would not ask. If he wanted to tell her then he would.   
"He used to have all the secrets," Touga thought aloud. "But he grew out of it. He thinks that to be a man he has to be my rival."   
Yumi said nothing. She would listen to him sort out his thoughts, because talking to a person, knowing only that they were listening, was far better than revealing oneself to inanimate paper. Maybe if she collected all the pieces, she'd be able to put together the map to his true self, and help him find it...   
Minutes passed before he resumed to chase a different thought. "It seems to me that growing up is a fight to the death between oneself and one's dreams. You have to kill the dreams, or they will kill you..."   
She squeezed his hand.   
She asked no questions, made no remarks. When long intervals of silence came up she offered nothing but her own companionship. He never thanked her aloud; he didn't have to. A gesture, a nudge was all it took for him to say what solace he found in her tender listening.   
He talked often in bed, sometimes in his room and now sometimes in hers; other times they went downtown, to sit in the park away from curious students' eyes or even in the coffee shop of which Miteki had made her a fan. He told her the feelings that Utena gave him and why he'd tried so hard to save her, and the sense of desolate hopelessness he got when she defeated him in the last duel. He told her of his total discontentment with his present self and the feelings of regret he was getting for having hurt so many, knowing he wanted to change but unsure what he could become. He told her of the dark and stormy night when he and Kyouichi had found Utena in the coffin, and that it was Akio who had saved her, so Akio really was her prince, at least technically. He worked his way backwards into the past and finally told her things that he had no idea she already knew.   
"It was on my twelfth birthday. God, I hate birthday parties. And those white cabbage butterflies. That's why I hate them, because they landed on me like they thought it was great entertainment or something. I couldn't get up and Saionji found me just before dusk, but we were too young, he didn't really understand what had happened. I kept thinking that I'd dreamed it, that I must be going crazy, because _he_ never acted any differently; but I remembered seeing the blood and burning the clothes afterward. I was disgusting and awful, too awful for anyone to understand, so within the week I grew up, taking all the childish dreams and killing them before they could get to me. I ruined Nanami, because I felt so sure that I had to protect her from him; I got all possessive and hardly ever let her out of my sight. For a little while that need to protect her was all that kept me going. By the time I realized the mistake the damage had been done, and by then, I thought it was funny. I was too disgusting to be anyone's friend, and I resented Saionji for finding me, so I started being mean to him and encouraged his rivalry. By then I'd stopped caring about other people. I'd found out how great it was to control everyone with sex; that was my real talent, and everything else disappeared. It amazed me how easy it was to break hearts, so I did it again and again. Like some kind of weird addiction. I couldn't help but want to control everyone around me. It was the only way I could live with myself. But I'm sick of it, and they don't make rehab programs for this."   
She wept for him, and for the fact that he was telling her. She cried and cried. She kept herself from sobbing, trying to be strong for him, but the quiet tears would not stop.   
Suddenly he remembered who was listening, and felt shocked with himself. "I'm sorry. I can't believe I told you that. You don't want to hear about that kind of sorrow..."   
"Don't regret it," she whispered then. "I love you. I love everything you are. This is what foolish women do, we cry for our men so they can be strong and not shed any tears."   
He smiled and dabbed at her tears with a sheet. "Yumi, have you been reading samurai romance novels?"   
"Umm...no?"   
  
Yet as she lived in the moment, collecting his thoughts in her soul, piecing them together into the map that might lead to his true self, there were other things going on. The same day that she accosted Touga in the lobby to get him back, notices came from End Of The World to her and the other members of the Student Council that she was now one of the elite. Nanami set fire to hers; and Yumi wrote on hers, _Eat shit and die!_ with a smiley caricature of herself, before she threw it out the window. She would not defer to any messages from End Of The World.   
Juri and Miki warned her not to defy his authority; Touga practically begged her not to. She was a bit curious as to Kyouichi's reaction, but wasn't about to seek him out and ask him. He and Nanami were enough incentive not to go even if she hadn't been hellbent on defying End Of The World. Anyway she remained obstinate and refused to show her face at the meetings. She continued to wear the uniform jacket with the white shorts, however, because it looked good on her and gave her even more status than the ring. She didn't have to hide out during the day any more. If she felt like it she could read outside under a tree while others were trapped in class, or, soon, final exams.   
Kyouichi attempted to mock her a few times as she read library books outside, but she did not rise to the occasion. She no longer had any cruelty in her, except for one instance when she spent the last of it. He was being fresh, and finally she looked up from her book and said in cold formal words, "Why do you insist upon hating me and everyone else so much? Do I threaten you? Could it be, perhaps, that you feel the same for him as I do but haven't the courage to admit it?"   
His eyes went the color of thunderheads and he muttered something to the effect that such fools as her shouldn't be allowed to live, then turned arrogantly and stalked away in the direction of the dojo. She knew with a pang that quite without intending it, she had exactly hit the truth of Saionji Kyouichi. There could be a game- show bell going _ding-ding-ding!_   
Well, it wasn't her problem. If he couldn't tell Touga, she certainly had no business doing so. She put it from her awareness as quickly as she had chanced upon it.   
Nothing was actually _happening_, and yet, they felt as though something was. All of the Student Council—even the members who didn't show up to meetings—knew that Utena's final duel was approaching, and that something would happen. They may not ever know what, but something was coming.   
"I had a dream last night," said Miteki one day, "that Tenjou-san was surrounded by these little laughing dark fire- thingies."   
"Imps!?" Yumi exclaimed. "You don't see the unseen ones, do you?"   
"No...not when I'm awake, anyway. And whenever I see her for real, it's like there's this dark cloud around her. Wow, that sounds corny, doesn't it? But that's how it seems. Something terrible is going to happen to her. I hope I don't get any visions about it, because I don't want to see it."   
Yumi shook her head regretfully. "Of course something terrible's going to happen to her. She loves End Of The World. If that doesn't put a dark cloud of doom around you I don't know what would."   
"You guys sure are mixed up in some weird stuff."   
"He's a weird motherfucker. How was your English exam?"   
"I can't even talk about it! I completely suck at English!..."   
Yumi never forgot what she had to protect Touga from. Where he went, she tried not to be too far away, especially at night. She found him at sunset and stuck to him like a guard dog at least until the morning star disappeared. She didn't know that there was no need, since by now Akio was diligently focusing his advances on Utena.   
She told no one, not even Miteki, how he was baring her soul to her. It wouldn't matter to anyone else. Hope blossomed in her, the hope that she could never acknowledge for fear of dashing it. It made her fencing improve again, so that Juri couldn't say too much to chastise her about tying her happiness so heavily to another person.   
She was happy, but it wasn't that buoyant dandelion kind of happy. It really was more like...contentment. She loved him, and he trusted her, and that was all there was to it.   
The day came when she skipped another Student Council meeting and, looking up at the Tower from where she walked across campus with Miteki, she could just see them all looking out from the great terrace high above, Miki and Juri and Nanami and Kyouichi and him. And she knew the day was here, the day of the final duel, Tenjou Utena against End Of The World, one who wanted to be a prince fighting one who used to be.   
Yumi gazed up at that tiny spot of most beautiful red, caught in the afternoon sun. It moved and she knew that he saw her, the tiny speck of vivid aqua so far below; and he knew that she was looking at him, and that she stretched her arm toward him in something like a wave, something like reaching. That was the connection between them. She had a very strange, deep feeling that she couldn't name. It was like music, music from the heart of the world, music sung by stars, sounding out through the universe. It filled her soul and rang into the infinite expanse of sky.   
It sounded like destiny. Destiny was getting closer, though she did not know what it was.   
Miteki was looking back, toward the dueling forest. Something huge, some ominous mystical power, was gathering there. Oh, but she wanted to be off campus when it struck home... She turned to suggest to Yumi that they go downtown, but held her tongue. Yumi was far away, her eyes raised transcendently to some other plane of existence.   
Utena passed them, perhaps headed for the Rose Gate, traces of a pained or determined expression on her face. The cloud about her seemed so thick that Miteki could hardly make out the pink hair. She'd never seen anything like it and hoped she never would again. Not until they were off the campus proper near the dorms did she push for going downtown.   
"Absolutely not," said Yumi. "Don't you feel that power? I've got to make sure it doesn't make anyone's head explode."   
"What about mine? I don't like this. I want to get off campus."   
"Sorry, I can't go with you. Don't you want to protect Miki if he needs it? You don't have any faith in yourself, but you can be brave for him. Nothing can touch you when you think of the one you love. Think of that song he plays, 'The Sunlit Garden,' isn't it?"   
"Yeah..." Miteki blushed a little, as she generally did when anyone mentioned Miki. "Hey, did Kozue ever write you like she said?"   
"Nah. She probably ended up deciding not to trust me."   
"Typical."   
"That, or I never found the letter. Well, I do fancy a quick cup of coffee, though. Let's hurry!" Yumi smiled and set a lively pace.   
She was always smiling in the face of so much danger, Miteki thought. Being around Yumi was enough to make one brave. She had courage to spare.   
  
Utena never came back.   
The Revolution came, but no one knew what form it had taken, because Utena was not there to tell them. They all felt it, all of the student body and everyone from the faculty to the sanitation workers, anyone who spent time on campus—a strange blip, like Yumi felt when some form of darkness had drawn a sword from Touga. Throughout the city birds clamored, dogs howled and cats yowled, so that people called geological centers worrying about earthquakes. Miteki's psychic head pounded and ached unremittingly for several hours, and although she was more worried about him, Yumi stuck around to give her tea. By the next day, no one could remember the name of the pink-haired school tomboy, for End Of The World had erased the name and memory of the sheep on his altar.   
But by the next day, Yumi didn't care. The Revolution came, bringing destiny with it.   
When Miteki's headache began to subside, all the aspirin and tea making her sleepy, Yumi ran to find Touga. But he was with Kyouichi, celebrating the finality of revolution—or perhaps lamenting it—and much as she tried to fight it, the same thing happened again.   
She felt like a broken record, stuck on this one line over and over, until anything resembling thought or emotion was driven from her once more. They didn't tie anyone up this time, but they may as well have. She couldn't get away. That ecstasy...in the end, it was all any of them were...   
It should have turned into a fiasco, but perhaps because Yumi felt no anger and Kyouichi was afraid of what she knew, no fight broke out. "Well, I'm glad you two have learned to put up with each other," said Touga afterward.   
"Shut up," said Yumi and Kyouichi in exact unison, which was more than a little strange. Touga had to laugh.   
Maybe it wasn't wrong at all, she thought later. Maybe, in fact, it was _supposed_ to be like this. There was some French term for it. Wouldn't it be just typical, in this weird place.   
She pretended to sleep, but she didn't. The boys were doing the same. It was kind of funny. Each of them knew the other two were actually awake and yet continued to feign sleep. A moonbeam fell on her face, and Yumi looked to the window. The full moon had drifted into view, huge and bright, a serene and mysterious image. She could see the three-legged toad that Chinese folklore said was there. She opened her mouth to comment on it to Touga, but the words never came out. He was staring into space with a faraway look of discontent and longing. No, he was staring at Kyouichi.   
Out of nowhere she wondered if that was the sort of look she got when she gazed on him.   
It was a perfectly idle and meaningless thought. It had no significance to it and she was barely aware of it having passed through her mind...until suddenly the only thing such a comparison could mean loomed up from the depths of her consciousness with the destructive force of a tsunami. A tremor far beneath the ocean, unnoticed by anyone, triggered a cataclysm to wipe out anything and everything in its path once it reached the shore.   
She saw it taking shape, stabbing her with fear.   
Hadn't it been in plain sight for one searching so keenly as her? Hadn't she just been ignoring it?   
But now there was no stopping the tsunami. Fragments of his ramblings, hidden meanings and momentary thoughts fit together until one memory, one sound filled her mind, a truth edging slowly into her, the great wave creeping up to the coast.   
_Kyacha? That wasn't a name. It wasn't even a word._   
"Kyacha" made no sense at all. Because he hadn't said "kyacha." Her ears, nonetheless human for their elfin shape, had twisted what they didn't want to hear, missed what they weren't listening for.   
"Kyacha" was not a name.   
But "Kyo-chan" was.   
She got up from the pink bed, perfectly calm, as though headed for the bathroom. She had to get away before the tsunami hit. Its shape loomed over her, waiting to drown her in the hugeness of the truth. Somehow she kept her steps unhurried and quiet until she stood, naked, at the threshold of the Student Council dorm. The campus and the city had long since fallen silent. Some nocturnal bird made a soft, mournful cry, and it seemed like the only sound in the entire world. When it ceased the stillness was total, as if the world was frozen, holding its breath in the last moments before the apocalypse.   
She walked carefully as if afraid of breaking the ground, waiting for the tsunami to crash down upon her.   
Here was the mystery she had sought:   
Here was the truth of her longing, the end of her dreams:   
His true self was love for another. The key to his happiness was someone else.   
She fled into the night.   
  
None of the Student Council were sleeping that night. After sunrise, Miki came in early to clean the piano. It needed more attention, after all, in the humid weather.   
But Yumi was there, unclothed on the floor, just the same as the night of her appearance; except that this time she was curled into a fetal position on her side. "Yumi-san!?"   
It seemed to take her a while to realize Miki's presence. "I was...supposed to be...strong enough..." she murmured shakily, her low voice telling of some struggle he could scarcely imagine. "Supposed to be...supposed to be strong..."   
Had she gone off the proverbial deep end? Why? What edge had been there for her to fall from?   
He didn't give her his shirt or call the hospital, as it crossed his mind that he probably should do. Instead, feeling driven by some impulse outside of himself, he sat down at the piano and played, purely from memory, her Chopin piece. He played it much better than he had before, amazing himself.   
The music reached her, stirring in her ravaged soul, the song of herself. The song of her destiny.   
A destiny beyond her power to endure.   
It returned her to herself, as Miki had hoped, at least enough for her to cry. When the last sweet note died away she began to sob, then to cry as small children do, wailing at some fact of the world like gravity or hunger that seems to them to be the most extreme injustice.   
It didn't make sense for her to be crying, she thought vaguely. It didn't make sense in the way that one electron didn't make sense to the universe. If she stood at the top of the Tower and screamed until her vocal cords snapped, it would be like the soft _ting_ of a pin falling to express the fury of a supernova.   
But she'd probably try it anyway. Somehow she stopped her tears, hating herself for being so spineless as to bawl like the baby she'd never been. Like some toddler who dropped an ice cream cone. Whiny tears didn't begin to cover it.   
Her anguish frightened Miki. He couldn't comfort a naked girl. He ran to find a student directory, to call her friend.   
What, he had to wonder, what had Touga done this time?   
  
When the phone woke her Miteki knew something was wrong. She always knew when something was wrong. She thought it should be Yumi, but knew that it wasn't before she picked it up. "Hzbgh... Hello?"   
"Kodama-san? This—this is Kaoru..."   
Miteki nearly fell down. Even if her abilities had told her the caller's identity, she wouldn't have believed it, and she was startled. "Um—uh—hi!"   
"I'm really sorry to wake you up but...I...I went in early to clean the piano, and Yumi-san—she's like she was that one night, except, I don't know, she's crying and...I'm sorry, I don't know what's wrong..."   
"Oh! Oh, I see..." She could hardly talk. She was blushing because he'd called her, but had no idea that he was blushing for the same reason. "Yes, I'll be there in a minute." Miteki remembered the rumors of how Yumi had appeared and what Miki had thought when he found her. Poor Miki! How shocked he must be! But, more than that, poor Yumi—and Miteki was wondering the same thing that Miki was.   
"Thank you, Kodama-san." He hung up.   
Miteki dressed, unhappy at having to go outside in the morning without a shower, and ran to Yumi's room to grab some clothes. Fortunately, this was a place where no one locked their dorm doors unless they were doing something that needed locked doors.   
She reached the music room where Yumi sat quietly in a ball, face wet from tears. "Yumi-chan..."   
Yumi put on the clothes silently, underwear and a needlessly cute sundress and shoes. She didn't seem to be in as bad a state as Miteki had imagined from Miki's anxiety. Somehow she'd gotten herself under control. Miki was waiting outside nervously, and Miteki thought of him as she turned away to let Yumi dress.   
"Thanks, Teki-chan." Yumi stood, her voice soft and heavy with sadness, so unlike her as to be utterly chilling. "I'm sorry to be so much trouble."   
"What did he do to you?" Miteki whispered.   
Yumi raised her eyes—such sorrow in those golden eyes, in her bearing and her slightest movement, that she reminded Miteki of some haloed Catholic icon in a book of Renaissance art. "He didn't do anything. I did it to myself."   
Miteki, troubled and mystified, grabbed Yumi's hands. "What is it?"   
"He tried to protect me from it. Just like he tried to protect her. But you can't protect someone from destiny."   
"Yumi-chan, what?!"   
"It is not my secret to share. Stop trying to help me. Take your piano player and walk away. Please apologize to him for me."   
"Yumi-chan!"   
"I'm sorry. Leave me alone or I will get angry and hurt you." She walked out as if every step, every breath was torment. "Don't worry. I won't kill myself. But soon, the molecules of my body will find it too painful to stay together, and I'll simply melt into the air, like the mermaid in the story melted into the sea..." She passed Miki with these words, and Miteki was following her, frightened.   
Miteki stopped beside him in the doorway of the piano room, and Miki hesitantly took her hand as they watched Yumi walk away, half-expecting her to melt away as she said.   
She sang as she walked, a clear and melancholy sound, a post-apocalyptic nightingale. _"Exploded and scattered, the fragments of my heart glitter all around me. Since when have I become so weak?..."_   
"She said to tell you she's sorry," said Miteki, then began to cry. Brave Yumi was fallen. Miki could only return the favor she had rendered him before, and held her.   
  
Yumi went to the Student Council terrace. Alone in the elevator, she intoned a new version of that strange speech. "If the chick cannot break out of its egg, it will die without being born. We are the chick. The egg is a star that will burn out. Fight the dream that will kill you, or die without being born. Smash the sky of stars. This is the true revolution."   
She stepped out onto the terrace. It was hardly startling to see it covered with red, red rose petals, the red that was the color of her dreams. The dreams that spelled her doom. Petals occasionally drifted upward, and changed into the little white butterflies, which then disappeared with little bursts of flame. All of the petals that her feet touched did this. She stood at the edge, then _on_ the edge, looking out over the campus and the far landscape. Haze blurred the western horizon so that there was no line between sky and sea. The day promised to be swelteringly hot.   
She wasn't satisfied with the height. She wanted to scream from atop the Tower.   
She walked back inside, beneath the huge stained glass window in the design of the Rose Signet, petals floating up and transforming behind her. There was a rickety spiral staircase by the elevator that appeared to go all the way up. Perhaps it was there only because she wanted it to be. This Tower, like the Arena, had its own version of "reality." She climbed it, for how long she had no idea, but her legs were tired when she reached the trapdoor at the top. Just as she'd hoped, it opened to nothing but sky. Then she was on the roof. If she had been in a state to mind her health, she might have been wary of the Tower's smooth dome. But she was not in any such state, and besides, if she slipped there would probably be something in the architecture to catch herself. If she even felt like catching herself.   
The sky stretched on and on. At the center of the summit there was another Rose Signet, a flat circle the width of her shoulders for her to stand on. There she stood, and stared into the blue until she was no longer sure whether she would fall up or down should her feet falter. The gusting wind of altitude whipped her sundress about her legs.   
She thought of everything that she was and the truth that she'd been after for so long.   
The red petals from the terrace came up to float around her, metamorphosing one after the other into butterflies that stayed to mock her with their blithe fluttering. She filled her lungs, and screamed. Her fists clenched, nails making unnoticed cuts in her palms. Her body went rigid as her voice tried with all its might to let out the screaming inside her.   
In his planetarium, Akio laughed at her. He did not yet know that his tiny sister and her tiny pet monkey were packing to leave.   
  
Kozue and her cronies were sunning on the high bleachers in the afternoon, except for Rini, who was birdwatching. She followed a seagull with her binoculars. It wheeled in front of the Tower. From here the angle was just right for her to catch...   
"Holy shit!"   
"What, you find a bird with two heads?"   
"No! There's a person way up on top of the Tower!" She focused the binoculars. "Oh. Not such a big surprise. It's Yumi-chan."   
"Can I see?" said Motoko. Rini handed her the binoculars. "Thanks... How the hell did she get up there? She's singing, or yelling or something."   
"It looks like she's stuck up there somehow and she's scared," said Chiharu, taking her turn. "No...no, she's in pain. I wonder if it's got something to do with that funny blip yesterday? Maybe it's the aliens that took her, and—"   
"Gimme that." Kozue snatched the optical instrument. "What a weirdo. Moto-chan, go tell her boyfriend."   
"The Student Council President? Why?"   
Kozue giggled. "Cause I wanna see what happens." She gave the binoculars to Motoko and nudged her in the direction of Touga, who was not far away on the bleachers among some groupies.   
"All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players in the soap opera for Kozue-sama's entertainment," Motoko muttered and went to the task.   
"Well? What did he say?" asked Kozue upon Motoko's return.   
"It wasn't all that exciting. He said, 'Oh no, is _that_ where she is? How...' and he looked in the binoculars, then he sighed and excused himself to the giggle-girls, and there he goes." Motoko pointed to the Student Council President walking across the field. "He acted like it must be his fault, but something he didn't want to happen."   
"Hmm. Interesting. And now, we watch the drama unfold." Kozue raised the binoculars again to Yumi. "Somebody had to tell him. Don't you think she might kill herself from up there?"   
"She could, but he doesn't think she will," said Chiharu. "He isn't running."   
"He isn't running because it's too damn hot." Motoko picked up the fan which Chiharu had smartly brought and waved it at herself. "Or else because he still doesn't care."   
Rini was unsure whether to be sorry or glad about deciding to birdwatch that day.   
  
Oh, but the mad expanse of her pain, boundless as the sky! It made her solitary midnight hauntings into sketch comedy. It made supernovae into falling pins and galaxies into guttering candles. She yelled until her throat began to hurt, and then rested her vocal cords to yell some more later. At least, when she was screaming at the top of her lungs up here above everything and everyone, it felt like she was doing as her feelings told her. The sun grew hot. Soon she might faint and fall, and she didn't much mind the idea.   
The other side of an extraordinary capacity for happiness was, of course, an extraordinary capacity for sorrow. How much longer could she survive? How much could her body handle before the storm in her soul made her very atoms repel one another?   
Someone was yelling her name. It was him. Why? What did he want from this mistress of secrets and exploding stars? "YUMI! Yumi, come down. Please, I'm begging you. Come down from there." He was standing in the trapdoor and stretching out his arm to her.   
It seemed to tear her open, a physical agony like a sword slashing into her. "Why should I?"   
"Because you're scaring me. Please! Come down!"   
"How many, Touga?" Her voice was raw and accusing. "How many pillows soaked with tears, how many emptied bottles of sleeping pills, how many wrists bleeding in bathtubs, because you couldn't give us the truth?"   
"Stop it..." But she couldn't help it, he thought. She was torn, broken, and had to rail and curse her world in protest.   
"You can't even give _yourself_ the truth! Why? Why do you go on hurting one another? Why do two people who love each other—"   
"Shut up!" Was she trying to say things that made him itch to break the code of chivalry and hit her? His voice went icy. "That's an old lie. It's gone. Don't say such stupid things."   
"Oh, you hide it so well, don't you! It took me long enough to see it, and you still keep him in the dark! People wonder why he's so bitter—it's because he loves you and he thinks you care _nothing_ for him!"   
"He does not. Stop being so ridiculous." She was malicious to speak such lies, to torment him with dreams dead and buried like the ruins of some fabled ancient civilization. But he would not let her see the power it still held. This was one secret she must not have. "Those are all lies, dead lies, and it certainly has nothing to do with you. Leave it alone."   
She stared in disbelief. "You **_IDIOT!!_**" she screamed with such harsh force that she then wept tears of blood.   
"...Now he looks extremely displeased with her. Whatever she's saying, he doesn't much care for it. She stares and then yells with a fury that wracks her slender form, and... Oh my god," said Motoko with the binoculars, faltering in her narration. They had decided that she should have them because of her storytelling talent, and the soap opera now had an audience of random students. But this disturbed even the cool Motoko. "She—she's crying _blood_!"   
"She's a vampire!?" Chiharu blurted.   
Rini kicked her. "That happens when little blood vessels in your eyes break."   
Motoko waited for the murmurs to quiet before she continued. "His face is turned away. Maybe he's not sure if he wants her to come back down any more, if she's going to talk like this. The blood tears frighten him. Is she possessed by some hateful spirit?..."   
Far and above, the sound of the wind was loud and forlorn. He looked up at her again, the picture of all sorrow, dress whipping about her, rivulets of blood on her cheeks, a goddess of suffering from some dark forgotten world. She was broken by the last secret. Couldn't she understand that it was gone? He reached his hand toward her once more.   
She had no idea that she was crying blood. She thought that the dark curtain falling in her eyes was death, that her body was finally giving up and dissolving. The sun was too hot. She swayed on her feet. "This...is goodbye..." Tenderness passed over her face for a moment before her eyes rolled back in her head.   
"Yumi? YUMI, NO!"   
"...She begins to sway on her feet as though it's too much trouble to stand up. Is she fainting? Oh, _she's falling!_" shrieked Motoko. Cries of dismayed suspense went through the audience. Chiharu and Rini clutched at each other. Everyone leaned forward, eyes riveted on the Tower, even though only Motoko could clearly see the two people there. "Catch her! Oh, he's got her. Careful—_no! They're going down!_" Everyone screamed. "No, they aren't. They're alright. He made a flying leap and caught her, and then lost his balance for a moment. But now he has her and they aren't falling. She's unconscious. He holds her tightly, making sure that she's safe." A collective sigh sounded. "He might be trembling; it's hard to say from here. But even Musashi would be shaking after that. Now he moves carefully, gracefully but carefully, with her in his arms, back to the open trapdoor. And there they go. He carries her down and they disappear." Motoko finally put down the binoculars and rubbed her eyes, sighing. "Goddamn. Don't ever make me do that again."   
"That was almost as good as the 'Splat' story," said Kozue. Both Rini and Chiharu kicked her.   
Touga descended the rickety spiral stairs with Yumi in his arms, which was hard work. She probably had a bit of sunstroke. At the floor with the Student Council terrace he waited for the elevator, which shouldn't have been taking so long. He could hear it moving higher up. When it opened he saw the reason for the delay—Himemiya Anthy, in a bright pink dress with her voluminous purple hair down and glasses off, a suitcase by her feet and her little pet on her shoulder. She was almost unrecognizeable.   
"Oh, _Seitokaichou_- sama," Anthy smiled and moved her suitcase for him. "What a surprise. Isn't it a nice day?"   
"A bit too nice," said Touga, unceremoniously wiping his forehead as he stepped into the elevator with the unconscious Yumi slung against him. "It's very hot. Be careful if you're walking far."   
"I see. Thank you."   
"Are you off for a summer trip?"   
"I'm off to seek my fortune." Anthy made a courageous smile most atypical of her.   
"You're leaving?" Touga blinked. How had the demure Rose Bride escaped End Of The World? Something had happened...the Revolution?   
"Yes, that's right. There's a friend I'm going to meet."   
"Is that so."   
"Yes. My goodness, what happened to her?" Anthy appeared to just notice Yumi's limp form.   
"She dreamed," Touga sighed. "That's what happened to her."   
"Oh, a bad dream? Poor thing." Anthy knew perfectly well what Yumi had come to, and felt rather sympathetic toward the fairy-girl, but there was nothing she could do. She needed all of her power to find her friend—the one she loved. "She looks sunburned."   
"Yes, she was in the sun too long."   
"The chariot of Apollo," Anthy murmured pensively. "It puts out all the other stars."   
"Chu!" her pet added, but he probably meant praise for the cookie he was eating.   
  
He waited until Yumi woke enough to walk, albeit unsteadily, then took her to her dorm and made her drink plenty of water. She kept her eyes down and said nothing, as she was very tired and light-headed with the heat. He was worried that her stomach would refuse the water, but she fell sound asleep almost before he put her to bed, her face and shoulders and arms pink from the sun, specks of dried blood on her eyelashes. Even in sleep her brows were drawn slightly inward, her mouth tensed. He touched her face, wanting to erase the injured pout from it. She was a bit too warm. He put a cold cloth on her forehead, though the heat was probably just sunburn and not fever.   
He knew this would kill her. He'd known it all along. That was why, when he told her everything, he left out this part. There was no point to it. It was dead and gone, but trying to explain was no use; she refused to understand. She wanted to return the part of him that was lost forever, and now, having discovered what it was, she would not leave it alone. Even if it destroyed her. He should have done better to shield her from it; he knew he shouldn't have started another threesome... Sure, he could make regrets, but she would have found out somehow because she'd been after that dead dream from the start. And this, finally, was the only thing that could break her. What cruel irony this world could come up with...   
She was doomed by her dreams, just like...like...who was it?   
Her slumber was too deep to be feverish, and promised to last quite a while; he could only hope that her dreams there were not so cruel to her. He was just about to leave her to her own devices when a knock on the door came.   
"Yumi-chan, it's me," announced a gentle female voice. "Are you here?" Yumi's shy dark-haired friend made her way in. Upon seeing the Student Council President, rather than going all timid and polite, she went angry and rude—most uncharacteristic of her, even he knew. "You? Why are _you_ here? What did you do to her this time?"   
"I don't know!" he said, unnerved at the thought that other people would want to know what had hurt her.   
"Wow. That was cool. You just managed to cram more bullshit into that little phrase than I've ever heard."   
Great. He couldn't deal with Yumi's friends come to bitch him out. "Be quiet, will you. She got sunstroke and she's sleeping." He left, shutting the door quietly.   
What a strange day. Miteki angry and rude; Yumi full of spite and sorrow; himself full of regret; if such a trend continued, Nanami would say he had cooties and Saionji would...   
...run into his arms and...   
_Damn Yumi and her dreams!_ Her vicious lies made him taste the same deadly torment of longing that had her crying tears of blood atop the Tower. Did she want to drag him down with her, calling forth the ghosts of dead dreams to plague him? Was she out to martyr herself to dreams in a love suicide?   
And yet he knew that it was not even that sorrow which made her scream hard enough to weep blood. It was that she actually believed what she'd said. For she believed everything that she told him.   
What cruel irony.   
  
  
_ The human being is astoundingly adaptable. The resilience of the human spirit is known even to other races of beings from other worlds. It is one of the inexhaustible marvels of existence, although it is no more than completely necessary. Any being that knows it is going to die must be quite resilient to go on living.   
This is like one of those agonizing terminal illnesses you hear of people valiantly enduring until death finally comes for them. It will kill me, but slowly. It will flay my soul raw every moment, and yet...I can adapt to pain. I can accept it. What else is there to do, but live until I die?   
Broken dreams. Exploded stars. Oh, don't I understand now, why people kill their dreams, why he did! But I will hold on, like the little mermaid, like that girl...that girl who liked to wear a boy's uniform...who was she?... She must have succumbed, as I surely will.   
I've read that the big stars which shine the brightest and hottest sometimes explode rather than burning out. And sometimes after a star explodes, it can become something called a black hole, a strange phenomenon so massive that it distorts space-time, so dark that it is a great maw of absolute nothingness. Everything that passes near gets sucked in and crushed and ripped apart down to the atoms, maybe further, and even light cannot escape it.   
Pain, however, feeds spite. I think of how much I could hurt him by telling everyone. I relish the idea of making bitter, hopeless Kyouichi mad with jealousy, of taunting him with words so cruel they'd be worthy of End Of The World.   
Yes. End Of The World.   
Because after the few days it takes for my eyes to clear of blood tears, I come to see that it is End Of The World who keeps them like this, hurting each other, unable to forgive—keeping them in their state of diamond shell and cold north wind, for his exploitation, for his amusement. He has them under his wicked spell, convinced that each hates the other, as he uses their pain in his dark machinations. I know they did not get this way without any help.   
It is End Of The World who keeps Touga from happiness, and for that, he has no more devoted enemy than me.   
If dreams will be my downfall, Ohtori Akio, I will be yours.   
Even in the depths of my selfish despair, I stand up. I do not falter in fencing practice, as I cannot have Juri asking me what's wrong. I give Teki-chan the simplest of answers, so that she can at least stop being mad at him. But I will have no one's pity, and he, after all, does not want anyone to know.   
Whatever motions I go through, my soul is still up there on the Tower, screaming and screaming. The pity I really must avoid is that from myself. _  
  
  
Yumi was altered. Everyone could see it. She seemed to have caught the affliction from which Touga had been suffering lately, and it took a more dramatic hold in her. Some ineffable sorrow graced all her movements, once gangly and upbeat; her eyes made anyone who met them fall quiet under the mournful gaze. Her voice had become slow and soft, her laughter rare; even her hair seemed less spiky. When anyone showed concern or sympathy, she ignored the offender completely.   
"What has he done?" Miteki asked angrily, as she had been doing for the past three days. They had taken a bus to the local department store, more intent on the air-conditioning than shopping, and were eating in one of the top-floor restaurants. "Why won't you tell anyone?"   
Yumi poked at her salad. Her appetite had been failing. "He did not do anything."   
"Nothing else would make you so upset!"   
"Why do you want to know?"   
"Because you're my friend!"   
Yumi looked up with her eyes so sorrowful they were like a rebuke to anyone who doubted the depth of her suffering. "Swear two things."   
"What?"   
"One, that you will never speak of it."   
"Who am _I_ gonna tell?"   
"You could tell Miki or Juri."   
"I won't tell anyone."   
"Swear that you won't speak of it. That also means never bring it up again."   
"Yes, I swear. What else?"   
"Two, that you will not pity me."   
"Okay, I swear. I'll never speak of it and I won't pity you." Miteki was aching with sympathy, though, even before she knew what it was, because it was obviously so awful.   
Yumi closed her eyes. She didn't want to say it. Saying it meant thinking about it; saying it made it real. Every fiber of her being hurt. It tore at her like so many swords, but she forced the words out finally, because Miteki was angry at him without reason. "He loves another."   
"Oh!" cried Miteki in vicarious grief, and tried not to show any true sympathy, because Yumi really did hate sympathy, even if it wasn't exactly pity. "Well...damn, that sucks."   
Yumi laughed, but it sounded more like crying.   
They went to the bathroom after the early dinner, and all of a sudden the tears came out. Yumi fell to the tiled floor, covering her face. The song, playing softly on speakers throughout the department store but amplified by the acoustics of tile and porcelain, had broken the floodgate.   
_"People are all alike, they fall by clinging to kindness._   
_Once this unexpected betrayal shattered my dreams, my heart was crushed.   
To the end of time,   
Unable to do anything, unable to forgive,   
There will be those people who hurt each other.   
Unable to do anything, with my eyes shut   
And my breath hushed, it might all be useless,   
But surely, just like this..."_   
She knew the song; she had the album. But hearing it now, such a ruthless expression of everything, made her curl up and cry right there in the fancy department store ladies' room. Miteki knew her well enough to do nothing but sit beside her and hand her tissues.   
_"...Unable to do anything, unable to forgive,   
I looked at those people who hurt each other.   
Even if bit by bit, even if it's just a little,   
I want you to hold me and wrap me up tightly.   
I want to dream again, and when I can do that,   
Then, slowly opening my eyes, now I'm over the end."_   
The song ended and then Yumi stood up, blew her nose, and stared at herself stoically in the mirror. "Let's go back now," she said after a moment. "It must have started cooling off outside." She wiped the last of her tears and straightened her shoulders.   
Miteki gaped. "God, how did you get so fucking brave..."   
That gave Yumi just a little bit of comfort. She did not want sympathy for her ordeal, but...admiration.   
Really she wanted to be in his arms. With him, the pain stabbed into her again and again, ceaseless as ocean waves, yet at the same time she felt a kind of peace, faint drifting sparks of the happiness that always came from being near him. Perhaps the word was "bittersweet."   
They had no more words for each other. Between them, language seemed to have lost all meaning. They went entire nights together without saying anything. There was real sincerity in the quiet tenderness with which he treated her. He was the only one, of course, from whom she would accept any hint of sympathy. She knew that he cared for her but the place in his heart she wanted—much as she'd always tried to deny her wanting it—was long since reserved, like an apartment whose tenant had gone missing. She doubted that a worse fate could exist for one who felt as she did. But she had to be close to him. There was no other way for her to live.   
He knew how she was hurting. How he wished he could make her believe that the thing she'd seen was long dead! He was still afraid that she would show up with a bottle of sleeping pills and ask him to leave this life with her. It frightened him because he wasn't so sure that he'd be able to refuse. The thought came up so often that he must want to. Washing the pills down with saké, falling woozily into each other's arms, the love on her face blurring in his vision as the long sleep claimed them together... He must stop thinking of such things, before they seeped into her own mind by some kind of morbid osmosis.   
It frightened him because he knew death was the only way she might stop hurting.   
But she didn't think at all when she was with him. If she did, her thoughts would probably go that way. She simply sank into the lull of his warm presence, and that was all she asked for.   
All she could have. 


	9. tm revolution : madan

//This chapter gets weird. And by weird I mean stupid Sue cliches as well as reasons to reiterate the R rating.//   
  
  
  
When she began to adapt, as humans are able to do, she grew restless with his gentle regard. "Stop treating me like I'm made of glass. Go back to how you used to be around me. Tease me about something! Make me melt into the floor!"   
It was the most she'd said to him since calling him an idiot with tears of blood.   
"It won't take you back in time," he said softly.   
"Fuck time! Quit pussyfooting around me like I'm some invalid. Unless you think I should be in a mental home."   
"Of course not!" In fact it was quite a relief to hear her ranting. It meant she was getting her strength back. "Not unless _you_ want to be there."   
She'd wanted the kind of useless banter with which she used to make him laugh, but he was right, it was no good to pretend that they were at any other place than now. She was out of self-deprecating sarcasm, out of laughter, as though the first vital organ to go was her sense of humor. Nothing came out but harsh truth. "I don't know where I want to be. I'm broken on my feet. Why don't you leave me?" _And go back to the one you love_, was what she meant.   
"I don't want to leave you."   
"You should," she mumbled.   
"No." If she was going to go off on that tangent again, he really would have to quiet her the best way he knew and make her melt into the floor.   
_How is it that I keep standing?_ she wondered. But even more than she hated what fate had dealt her, she hated to see him deny it. And she was getting used to unbearable agony. "When? When will you stop this? If you still feel that way, you cannot truly believe that it's gone!"   
She must be trying to provoke him, he thought; she must want him to seduce her the way he did when there were feelings to bury. She wanted her old illusions back. And who could blame her for wanting to return to her fool's paradise?   
Or else she was just horny and he hadn't been giving her enough, treating her like she was made of glass, as it were.   
Either way she knew now what kind of words would get to him, how to bend him to her will with the threat of their cruelty, even if she didn't consciously intend it. So he swept her up and gave her the smoldering gaze that made her weak-kneed and breathless. "Everything you think you know...you'd do best to forget," he told her in that low bedroom voice. "Forget it all. I'll empty your mind, and fill...your body..."   
She sighed, waiting for his lips to meet hers.   
But he made her wait. It was better that way.   
  
She seemed to float in a state like a waking dream, feeling as though reality was losing hold of her rather than the other way around. She walked around the campus with a sense of utter detachment from everything, wondering if the effort of survival was consuming her very soul, turning her back into something unseen and unknown, or if perhaps the bindings between her body and spirit were fraying like rope stretched too tight, soon to break in death. The more she adapted to pain, the farther she got from the world.   
Words lost their meaning, so she ceased to speak except for yes and no, and when others spoke to her it sounded like distant mumbling. Books could no longer hold her attention. The most complicated thing she could concentrate on was a blade of grass twitching in the breeze, or perhaps the droning of a cicada. She saved all her clarity for fencing practice, so that Juri and Miki would not think her a complete wreck. But Juri, of course, noticed anyway.   
"What on earth is happening to you?" Juri demanded.   
Yumi looked at her, blank-faced, sorrow-eyed.   
"Have you gone deaf and dumb?"   
"No."   
"People's personalities don't do a one-eighty for no reason at all. Either Himemiya made you some curry, or something's ripped the world out from under your feet. Why is Kiryuu acting so sweet and apologetic around you?"   
"You might try asking him yourself, sempai." She stalked away. That was more than anyone had gotten her to say for some time.   
Miki had no opinions to offer on the matter. He was upset by Anthy's departure, which hadn't even included any farewells.   
Yumi was hoping that Juri did not decide to confront Touga on the issue. She didn't want him to have to fend off such questions. But the Student Council was no longer meeting, and there were no more letters from End Of The World, so perhaps there would be no chance for Juri to interrogate him.   
She felt like he was slipping farther away from her just like everything else. Even when he held her close there seemed to be impossible distance between them. But it was just the space inside her heart. Was this the meaning of "loneliness"?   
Still, he was the only real part of this half-reality in which she existed. She clung to the idea of him, the truth of her feelings that even now refused to change, the one shining thread that could not break.   
It was summer vacation. There was nothing to do, and if there was, Yumi probably wouldn't have done it. She sat by herself in a corner of the high bleachers. The sun had just set, and she was listening to the cicadas. Their monotonous buzzing was constant in a world that had been ripped out from under her feet.   
She heard footsteps and sensed someone sit down beside her. It was not anyone she had any desire to see. She kept her attention on the cicadas.   
But Akio, of course, was insistent. He was about to touch her.   
"Please don't bother me," she said in that quiet voice which shouldn't be coming from her. "I'm listening to the cicadas."   
"You don't think it's an annoying sound?"   
"I think you're annoying. Please go away." Apparently he was still able to bring out all her impudence.   
"I can do better than annoying. I wonder if you're still as quick to anger from the abyss of despair?"   
"Maybe if I ignore it, it'll leave, like a stray dog," she murmured as if thinking aloud.   
"I've got plenty of things that would anger you..." He stretched out beside her languidly. "I'd be helping you out, you know. Anger gives you strength."   
She hummed the old song about cherry blossoms, which didn't exactly go with the cicadas, but she couldn't think of any summer songs.   
"It's almost impossible to get guns in Japan," he said conversationally. "But I've had one for a while. You never know when you might need a thing like that. I've been dangerously careless with it, though. Sometimes I leave it lying around, loaded, where people can find it..." He laughed when she whirled on him, eyes all furious and falcon-sharp. "Ah, you see? You're looking better already."   
"You'll regret it."   
"Will I? Poor thing, you've always needed something to fight. First you fought the facade that wouldn't let you in; then you fought the pink-haired prince; but now, instead of fighting your true rival, you've laid down your arms and given up..."   
Even as the words stung, cutting through her detachment, more pieces fell together before her mind's eye. "Maybe that's because my true rival isn't my true enemy."   
He laughed again. "That's right. Your enemy is a dead lie, and how do you fight something that's already dead?"   
"Without anger," she replied calmly. "So once again, you've proved yourself to be totally useless."   
"You haven't completely lost your sharp tongue, it seems..." Suddenly he seized her in a devilish parody of a romance-novel embrace. "Be careful you don't drive me to temper it."   
She was terrified. She meant to scream, but only managed a mousy squeak. His face was far too close to hers; she tried to keep from breathing his rose-garden scent. She squeezed her eyes shut against his jade green gaze, willing him away like a nightmare. He didn't disappear. He stroked the back of her neck, and then somehow she found the strength to push him off and edge away. "Don't think that I can't fight you!"   
He smiled. "Fight me? With what, an army of cicadas?"   
Though she trembled, she glared defiantly.   
"Well then, I'll leave you to assemble your battalions." He stood with a crisp move, gave her a slight mocking bow, and walked off.   
She sat down again, ignoring her trembling and cold nausea and the impotent rage that pushed her almost to tears, and the other feelings she'd never admit. She filled her ears and her concetration with the steady comforting drone of cicadas, nothing but the cicadas...   
Something caught her, nearly bowling her over, and held her tightly. She cried out just before she realized it was Touga. The relief she felt bordered on absurd, and she collapsed into him. His breath was a bit labored; he'd been running. He must have seen her at what looked like the dubious mercy of End Of The World.   
"Be careful. Oh, Yumi, be careful."   
  
So this was the truth. She had one last battle to fight.   
It was the old samurai ethic, the Way of the Warrior, how the greatest heroes were the ones who fought against invincible odds, perhaps sacrificing themselves for the cause; and if they failed, all the more valiant for it.   
She would fight for the cause that would kill her.   
Until either victory or defeat, she would live. This was the only path forward. She must draw her sword under the banner of dead lies, wearing a crest of exploded stars.   
She did not let the new pain of this realization stall her. She went to her blank book and wrote down all the facts, poring over them, trying to find something that would make a battle plan.   
Again and again, her path went back to fighting End Of The World. It seemed like every day he came up with more reasons to be her enemy. He had been her only true enemy from the beginning.   
But she didn't know how to fight him. No one did. With anger, or with peace? With a sword, or with one's heart? What was the way to defeat someone—some_thing_—who held all the cards?   
If End Of The World possessed anything like a weakness, she had to find it. Oh, that she could speak to the unseen ones now, to ask watchers and imps! But the next best thing was a psychic friend.   
As though she'd heard Yumi think of her, Miteki showed up. "Hey, Yumi-chan, you here?" She was holding a bunch of dandelions.   
"Oh, pretty!" Yumi exclaimed, surprising herself. She hadn't marveled at anything pretty for...hell knew how long. "What are they called?"   
Miteki was surprised as well. She hadn't expected Yumi to even notice the flowers. "They're called _tanpopo_," she replied, "but I think the English word sounds even prettier. It's _'dandelion.'_ They remind me of you. They're so sunny and happy-looking, and they grow pretty much anywhere. And no matter how many times you cut them down, they grow back, because their strength goes far beneath the ground."   
Yumi threw herself at Miteki in a hug.   
"Don't smoosh them!" Miteki giggled, embarrassed.   
Yumi giggled too, and took the flowers to put them in water.   
"Wow, you really did grow back."   
"It's the last battle. I fight with the crest of exploded stars," said Yumi, putting the glass of dandelions on the table. She sounded oddly matter-of-factual for such strange words.   
"Huh?"   
"Oh, they even smell like sunlight!"   
Miteki got worried again. She'd heard that sometimes people who decide to take their own lives appear briefly happy before they depart forever. "Hey, what's going on? What do you mean, 'the last battle'?"   
Yumi looked at her somberly. "Teki-chan... I'm sorry."   
"What?"   
She sighed, looking sorrowful like before, and apologetic. "It seems to me that I shouldn't tell you. But you'd probably find out, being what you are. I walk a path...that leads only to death."   
"What are you saying?" cried Miteki.   
"I wouldn't expect this to make sense..." Yumi sat down and closed her eyes, unable to look at her friend any more as she spoke. Her soul panged with every word. "The one called End Of The World is keeping him from happiness. I must fight for his happiness, though I have no place in it. If I lose this fight, it will be because End Of The World destroys me. If I win, and return him to his true self, that too will destroy me. Because as I told you, the heart he keeps hidden from everyone belongs to another."   
"Yumi-chan!" Tears shimmered in Miteki's eyes. "Why do you have to fight like that? Why can't he fight for himself?"   
"Because he's already given up! But his feelings are still there, and this is the only way I can go forward! It's so far gone, they can't see it any more. Only an outsider, an _intruder_ like me can see it!"   
"I don't get it! How do you know all that? Was he mean enough to _tell_ you?"   
"He didn't have to. I've been after that secret the whole time, fool that I am!"   
"If you're the only one who can see it, how do you know it's for real?"   
"Ask him, if you dare!" Yumi's voice seemed torn from her, the sound of raw pain. "Ask him if he loves Saionji Kyouichi!"   
Miteki gasped.   
"No, no, no!" Yumi shrieked with remorse at having spilled his innermost secret, banging the table and making the glass of dandelions jump. "How could I! Oh, he'll hate me!"   
"Hate you for what?" Miteki said softly. "I've heard absolutely nothing."   
Yumi blinked at her. Of course no one had to know that Miteki knew. There was nothing Miteki could do with that secret anyway.   
...Except maybe...   
"I hope you've forgiven Saionji by now," said Yumi just as quietly, "because if you try to use that against him I'll be very upset."   
"No, I'll just dump a punch bowl on him."   
That got Yumi to laugh, albeit weakly.   
"Well...do you wanna get some coffee?"   
Yumi did not answer that. It was clear she was a little angry at Miteki. "Please don't question me. I know what I know."   
"So, why do you have to walk a path that will destroy you!?"   
"If there is another path that leads forward, I will find it." She looked genuinely regretful again. "Please forgive me."   
Miteki stared not at her but at the bright yellow flowers. "I'll help you find it."   
"I was going to ask your help."   
"Okay." Miteki tried to smile.   
"Well, I was thinking like this," said Yumi. "You thought of that story about the Morning Star when you saw that name. I wouldn't even believe that it's his real name, but then that would mean it's one he's chosen for himself. So I thought that since that story seems to be so relevant to him, maybe there's something in those books you have that might tell me what his weakness is. Because I know I have to fight him, but I don't know how."   
"We don't have to look that up," Miteki replied glumly. "The Devil doesn't have any 'weakness.' He's the personification of evil. It's the Morning Star because you can only see it before the sun, the light of God, comes up. I mean, that's how the story is, only God can vanquish the Devil. Well, even God can't, really, because good and evil are both immortal. But do you really believe in things like absolute good and absolute evil?"   
"I don't know. But when I think about it, it does seem like things are divided into those extremes."   
Miteki sat down, now engaged in the philosophical battle strategy. "Hm. I'm not sure this is the right way to think... But if your enemy is, to you, absolute evil, what constitutes absolute good?"   
Tenderness and sorrow came into Yumi's face as she looked away, whispering, "Touga's happiness..." Then she looked up again. "But that's the _problem_! That's what I'm trying to fight _for_!"   
"Then you keep the idea of it in your heart. Didn't you say that to me before? 'Nothing can touch you when you think of the one you love.'"   
"Yes...but...I don't know how to fight. I have to _attack_." She got the book she'd been writing in from the sofa and opened it on the table. "There has to be a weakness. Like...the sister! Have you seen Himemiya Anthy?"   
"She left. Miki's all upset. She didn't even say goodbye to anyone."   
"Really? That's weird." Yumi scribbled the news in the book. So that was why Miki hadn't tried to interrogate her—he had his own problems. Miteki ought to move in. But this was important for other reasons... "Oh, I wonder if _he_ could be upset about it!"   
"What would that do for you?"   
"I don't know. If he's upset it would only be because it put a dent in his plans somehow. I wonder if his power came from her, or the other way around. You know, maybe..." Yumi tapped the book with the end of her Hello Kitty pen. Her voice lowered, as though the enemy could be listening; he probably was. "Maybe he's tied to this campus. I mean, it's such a strange place, it could be that his power comes from it. Has anyone ever seen him off campus? I wonder if it'd be better to fight off campus..."   
"Why do you keep saying 'fight,' anyway? Are you actually going to try and _kill_ him or something?"   
"Well...not if I can help it. Fuck it, let's get coffee."   
  
Yumi thought it a little strange that she never saw her "true rival" around. If fate was so cruel, it would be more typical for her to see Kyouichi at every turn. She was curious about how she might react if he tried to mock her again. Would she flee like a startled deer? Would she fly into a rage and cry tears of blood? Would she withdraw into herself with silent sorrow, or speak words designed to cut to the quick?   
Would she tell Kyouichi what she knew? Would she taunt him with tales of how Touga protested it, or put forth vain effort to make him see that it was still true?   
But apparently he was avoiding her like the plague. Touga could trust her not to hurt him no matter how much she knew; Kyouichi, however, had no reason whatsoever to trust her, and plenty of reasons not to.   
Both of them were in a place so far gone that they could not believe the truth of the other's feelings, nor admit to their own, no matter how many tears of blood she cried for them.   
And when she thought of this, she felt more than ever that her final days were near.   
She wanted to ask Touga why he still cared for her, now that she was nothing but sorrow, the ghost who screamed atop the Tower. But she did not ask. She found her strength in his presence, and even if she was not the one, when he held her she was able to see the spark of light that could keep her going for just a little longer. He never left her alone for long, as though he felt he had to protect her from herself.   
She gathered this strength, spinning it like silk from the cocoon of his regard. She wove all of her courage together, and then one day when the sun shone hot and strong as it had that first day of her last days, she went to the Student Council terrace and waited. A phantom karate tournament played out beside her, a figment of the Tower's shaky version of reality. She looked out at the forest, wondering what was happening to the Arena now that the duels had ended. Had they ever really taken place? Who had they been fighting?   
She had not told anyone what she was up to. They would never let her try it. Especially not Touga...   
The enemy revealed himself finally. "Is that Yumi? Admiring the view?" Apparently he thought himself too important to use only her false surname as she'd told him to. "It's rather hot out, isn't it. Why don't you come up for some tea?"   
She turned slowly. It would be a lie to say that she wasn't afraid, headed into the lair of absolute evil, but she held the idea of her absolute goodness in her heart.   
  
She had time in the elevator to realize what an incredibly stupid scheme this was. What the hell was she thinking? Had he gotten into her head like everyone else's? She hadn't even left herself an escape route. Suddenly she was terrified, feeling the calculating, uncanny jade green eyes on her.   
It was more than likely that he sensed her terror, yet she was determined not to show it. She raised her eyebrows cynically. _"Ojama shimasu?"_ she said as though she wasn't sure whether he deserved such polite social norms.   
Akio smiled. She hated it when he smiled. It made her skin crawl and her insides shrivel up—while at the same time it sent tendrils of dark aphrodisiac sliding along her nerves. She lashed out against it. "So why would you invite someone as uncivilized as me up here?"   
"You interest me," was his sinister reply. "I simply would like to get to know you a little better."   
_Like hell you will,_ she thought.   
"...Perhaps at other schools they see the student body only as a collective group. But I like to look at the students here as individuals. And you, Yumi, are a very unique individual."   
"Spare me the bullshit, Mr. Incubus Chairman." Her terror was multiplying with each smooth word out of his mouth. But she'd fight to the death. The exit wouldn't work for her, but she had to put more space between them. She moved into the vast expanse of the room, where reality felt eerily suspended and malleable, like the Arena. It was cool, almost chilly. Of course the Trustee Chairman's rooms would have air-conditioning when no one else's did. That was not why she had goosebumps, however.   
"See?" he chuckled. "You are unique. You never fail to speak your mind, and that's _very_ rare. Even more amazing is how you manage to get away with it."   
"Yeah, sure. I'm so fucking amazing. What's your point?"   
"It wouldn't be right to tell you just standing here. Won't you sit down and have some tea?"   
"Can you make it the way I like mine?"   
"How's that?"   
"Without roofies."   
He laughed. She didn't like making him laugh either. But sarcasm was her only shield, caustic remarks her only weapon. She was working with a fairly limited arsenal here.   
"Yumi! I'm shocked that you would think such a thing of me." He paused before delivering the punchline. "I always take my lovers conscious."   
"I think I'm going to throw up," she told him flatly. It was true. She hoped desperately that she would; no one would want to seduce someone who'd just puked.   
"Oh, well then you really should sit down. Come now..." He took her by the hand and led her to the sofa, and instead of trying to resist she focused on the nauseous terror of the unwelcome touch and busied herself with sticking her finger down her throat, because she'd read that was how to make yourself sick. What better way to get her point across than losing her lunch all over his couch, or even better, himself?   
But he caught her at it, of course. "What on earth are you doing? Did you have something bad for lunch?" He stopped her and made her choke, acid burning in her throat.   
_Oh shit,_ she thought, _shit shit SHIT!_ Now she was helpless. What would he decide to do with her now that she was occupied trying not to breathe her own vomit?   
He just stood there and took the chance to put a supporting hand on her back. She recovered quickly enough and realized that suddenly she was no longer nauseated.   
_He had taken the nausea from her.   
He could control her body?_   
Her mind screamed in terror. She backed away.   
He put on a facade of concern. "Yumi, are you alright? Why are you doing that to yourself?" He knew perfectly well, and he had to give her credit, it was a clever plan. He had just barely prevented it from working.   
"Why, I was just trying to illustrate my candid opinion of you," she replied haughtily, her voice scratchy from gagging.   
He flinched. "Harsh. But I can't blame you for lashing out." He put a hand to her face to touch her tenderly, which he had no right whatsoever to do. "You're hurting so much..."   
What did he know!? The pain surged up inside her at being mentioned. She slapped his hand away, and it took a good deal of resolve to voluntarily touch him even for that.   
His voice, deep and sonorous as thunder, spoke gently, soothing, but it seemed that underneath his bass tones she could hear the ominous hum of danger, of eternal darkness. Of sensuality... "Yumi, I know. It saddens me to see you suffer so deeply, unable to see any end to your pain. The one thing you wanted turned out to be the one thing you couldn't bear. Unrequited love. There is no greater sorrow."   
It infuriated her, how he could bring out her feelings and rub them in her face and pass it off as compassion. The familiar agony ripped through her soul, sharpened its talons on the fabric of her existence, raking her thoughts into shreds... And this, this _thing_, had no right to know of it. "Don't you fucking pity me!" she spat.   
"I don't pity you at all," he said in that calming, mellow voice. "I admire you. You're so brave to carry such a burden. You bear your sorrow in such beautiful nobility."   
And didn't she want to believe that someone would give her credit for her suffering? Didn't she deserve some kind of acknowledgement for living like this? It was a nice thought, and she was flattered for a moment, until she remembered who was speaking.   
"Oh really? You wouldn't know love or sorrow if it shoved a kendo stick up your ass."   
"You're quite wrong." He was giving her this look, this intense jade stare, awestruck—and lustful. She was trapped in it, like they say a snake can hypnotize its prey with its eyes. She was scared—so scared—but weak under his spellweaving, the charisma of the fallen angel, the devil's enchantment. He was the very embodiment of the shadowy allure of evil, the seductive power of darkness, the danger and the temptation. It would be so easy to go over the edge. The dark power crept into her limbs, beneath her skirt, devouring her free will. She backed away again, conserving her willpower for a moment when she could run.   
He moved closer. He wouldn't let her put even a meter between them. "Let me save you from your tragedy. This sadness is swallowing you whole. I don't want to see you disappear."   
"I don't need to be 'saved.' Especially not by you!"   
"I know. You love him so much, you can't see how that would ever change. But Yumi, look..." He moved in still closer. "I'm everything he is...and more."   
Fear made her voice shrill. "Oh yeah, you're _more_ alright. More of a manipulative asshole, more of a messed-up piece of shit, more of a slut and more of a sister-fucker!"   
"Touché. But, if I can say this without being condescending, you have no idea what was going on."   
"I've got enough of an idea." She backed away some more, and found herself up against the massive twin globes of the planetarium. "Well, look at this. It's the apocalypse dorkfest. Did you get this off eBay while smoking up? What the hell is it supposed to be, some disgusting Freudian imagery?"   
"I assume you're referring to the planetarium? It's sort of a model of the cosmos. It projects all the stars and constellations. Would you like to see it?"   
"That's the stupidest thing I ever heard. Why don't you just look at the real stars?"   
"You can't always see the 'real' stars. And never all at once. With a planetarium you can see all the stars you want, whenever you want."   
"But they're fake stars! That's so _stupid_!"   
"What is a star but a point of light? It's exactly the same."   
"Real stars live in the sky, where they can't be switched on and off by weirdos like you."   
"Do you like the stars, Yumi?" He was doing that voice again, and that look, sending chills down her spine. "Stars burn themselves out, you know. The brighter they shine, the faster they die."   
She got the most eerie sense of déjˆ vu. She must have read that somewhere. "Idiot. That's why they're beautiful, because they're burning. Planetarium, what bullshit. Have you ever actually looked at that thing? It's ugly as hell."   
"Not to your taste? I admit it is rather avant-garde for a sitting room. Well, let me show you some rooms that I was more traditional in furnishing."   
"Oh, I really liked the elevator. In fact, I really prefer looking at the place from the outside." She remembered that it was her own idea to attempt to infiltrate the enemy's lair; obviously this was the most idiotic thing she'd ever thought of.   
"But I think you'll like this one." He didn't lead her, but rather herded her, almost as though he chose where her feet would land, down some stairs and through some corridors. How could she get away? She found herself inexplicably in the doorway of a room much like Touga's, except where his was pink, this one was ink black. And there were candles everywhere. A bedroom.   
_You gotta be kidding me,_ she thought, and would have slapped her forehead if she had been in a state of lesser anxiety. _This can't possibly be happening._   
He was blocking the doorway, propping an arm against one side. "How do you like it?" he said, voice heavy with suggestion, his lids half closed to display dark black lashes against dark skin, curving sensuous lips, hedonism carved as deeply into every line of him as it had ever been with the one she loved.   
She shivered, her mind frozen with the effort of fighting off the threat of dark lust. The space he left as he leaned against the doorway registered finally, but she was careful not to move her eyes toward it. "Man, it sure does look gloomy," she said.   
"Is there any pleasing you?" he mused.   
_Not by you!_ She seized the moment of his mocking sigh and darted through the little gap, then sprinted for her life. Where she could run, she had no idea. She suspected there wouldn't be a way out for her. Perhaps her best bet would be to crash right through a window and hope she could remember how to float. Or find something to use as a weapon—not against him, that would be ineffectual, but against herself, to threaten him with her own death. He had some kind of diabolical scheme set up for her. Her only defense would be suicide. Better that than....   
He was right in front of her.   
_HOW!?!_   
She couldn't stop her own momentum, and would have tumbled over ass-in-the-air, but instead he caught her and she fell right into his scarlet-shirted arms.   
"Careful there."   
She broke away, spastic in her terror, unsure where to move. _How? HOW?!_   
He heard the question shouting in her mind. "Don't you know? Time and space obey my laws here."   
She made a strange shaky sound between a sob and a whine, a sound of pure horror, as she groped at the wall, almost fainting. He trapped her against it, not touching her, but surrounding her, looking down from his unusual height into the fear plain on her face. The lock of lavender hair that never obeyed danced between her eyes.   
"What do you want!" she whined, near tears.   
"I'll tell you what I want," he said, the breath of his words touching her and making her turn away. "I want you. Your mysteries. Your power. You don't realize it but you have enormous power. You saw the story of the Princess who became a Prince and set the Rose Bride free. But that simply means there must be a new Rose Bride. You are the chosen one—the next Rose Bride."   
**_"NO!"_   
"You have no idea," he whispered. She shuddered, locked in fierce battle with the tendrils of inky desire winding around her. She was being overtaken, her knees weak, her mind fogging... But she hated him. She hated everything he was with the same fierceness as her love, because of her love. She said it aloud, reminding herself.   
"Hate me? Why would you hate me? I _made_ you what you are."   
Confusion added to the terror and anger on her features.   
"I know of the unseen watchers, Yumi. Indeed, all the supernatural beings that others can't see—I see them all. I knew you were in the room that day in Nemuro Memorial Hall. Each word I spoke there was for you. You didn't think you stumbled on your dear Touga's past by chance, did you? I _gave_ you his secret. And then I sent the imps to explain it to your innocent fairy heart. I saw what you could become and I made you."   
Anger, a wounded animal's ferocity, built inside her. "Shitface demon! I'm no creation of yours!" She fought to get away, kicking and scratching, but he pinned her against the wall by her wrists. And he gazed into her furious golden eyes, making them wide with terror at his intent, before he leaned in and kissed her.   
As kisses go, it was rather chaste, but his dark power was wrapped up in it. Her body reacted against her will, electrical lust shocking into her, and she pulled her face away and screamed with the humiliation, the frustration, the terrible shame of her fickle body betraying her own heart, feeling desire for one who was not her beloved—who was her one true enemy.   
"Silly girl. After all your time with him, haven't you learned that love and desire are not the same thing?"   
She gritted her teeth. He would not see her tears!   
"It's alright," he whispered in her ear. "I'm the one who understands you... _Mayumiare_."   
She gasped at the sound of her old, forgotten name. Too confused to move, she couldn't fight when he lifted her easily off the floor and carried her against his chest, her lanky frame curling up in fear and becoming no more than a child's to him. It was easy to set her down on the soft black bed; the challenge would be to get her out of the armadillo shape. He knew just how to go about it, however.   
Almost idly he removed his tie, undid a few shirt buttons and his ponytail, shaking out the lustrous pale hair. He could hear the panic in her head—_Help me! Help me!_—and nearly laughed. Who did she think would show?   
"You're not the only one I made, you know," he said conversationally, curling himself around her and feeling her shudder as he ran fingertips along a pale exposed thigh. He spoke into her hair, beside her shoulder, against the nape of her neck. "I made this place and everyone in it. I spent extra time on the Student Council, of course. Take Miki, for example. The effects of a parents' divorce in late childhood are very far-reaching. I sent Anthy to divide his parents, and the relationship between the twin siblings became hopelessly warped. But of course, you want to hear about _your_ prince. I already told you what happened to him, though. Well, before that I drove his and Nanami's parents to affairs that both ended in love suicides. A double double suicide, and those two young children left behind! It was the tragedy of the decade. The skewed, deadly love planted the seeds for Nanami's complex. Anyway, then they were adopted, of course, and he met your rival Saionji. And then...well, you know. A man took advantage of him. But here's another secret." He put his lips to her ear, murmuring lasciviously. "Do you know who it was who ravished a young red-haired boy one bright summer's day in a cabbage field? It wasn't his foster father. That's just how he remembers it." He paused, listening to her heart pound. "It was me."   
The world stopped.   
Truths shattered into horrific clarity. Her nerves, stretched taut and rebellious against their instincts, snapped like over-tuned harpstrings. She opened her eyes and it could have been the candlelight, but he was sure her eyes were glowing in her explosion of vengeful fury.   
Adrenaline shot into her blood, and she screamed a grating warrior cry, attacking without planning. She couldn't have planned an attack even if she had anything to fight with. One thing filled her mind, a primal command—_Kill! Maim! Destroy!!_ And she attacked like a wild dog, snarling, scratching, trying with all her wiry might to tear him limb from limb.   
In doing so she had given up her defensive shape, and he soon—though not, he had to admit, without some effort—pinned her beneath him. He straddled her, holding her wrists down so she couldn't claw out his eyes as she itched to do, putting just enough weight on her to keep her down, taking in the heat of her rage. She kicked, probably giving him some decent bruises that might last a few seconds.   
_"I'll kill you! Do you hear me! I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU!!"_   
Actually it was hard to look at her, almost painful, the way her eyes were burning into him. She did have power. Even now, with no way to fight, she was fighting simply with the force of her feelings, so livid that she forgot what was happening to _her_. He would remind her. Once he took her, he would begin to bend her powers to his aims. She would be a valuable asset.   
If he tried to kiss her now she'd bite his face off, he had no doubt. He would have to subdue her further first. "I felt I had to help you out a bit, seeing the way you suffer so bravely. I thought maybe if I did the same thing to you, it might give you some common ground to work with, so you might win him back..." It was working. Her fury was turning back into fear. "I believe you said once that you want to know everything he is. I can show you..." Deftly he moved her so that he could pin her arms with one hand and strip her with the other. Rather than bothering to undo the clasps of her Student Council jacket, he just ripped them off.   
"Stop it..." she whined desperately.   
"Well, he wasn't naked, but I think you should be. Pretty little uniform, though...with those shorts..."   
The traitorous desire coursed through her veins again—now even more disgusting with this new secret! Someone should burn her at the stake for this. Her hatred turned inward from shame. She tried to struggle again, but he pressed his weight into her, maneuvering expertly to get her shirt off without releasing her.   
He could feel the power brimming within her, and thrilled at the luscious sensation of it emanating into him. It would be very satisfying taking her energies.   
It was not simply the weight of him that stopped her struggling, but the unwelcome flush of mad lust that invaded her at the contact of his warm, chiseled body, contrasted with the rage and revulsion in her mind, killing her spirit with terror and betrayal. Still she thrashed about as though in the throes of a nightmare. Wasn't this a nightmare? Wasn't it?   
"You'll be the same now, you and him," he was crooning hotly in her ear. "I'll bind you to him forever. You want that..."   
"NO!" She already _was_ bound to him. Why...   
Now, rather than pinning her down, he could stroke her skin with his fingertips, absorb the willpower from her so that she would find herself utterly unable to struggle. First the palms of her hands, and then her wrists and down the soft skin inside her arms, so slowly. It was a very erotic technique, and very paralyzing. He kissed her, light and teasing, until he found that she still had the presence of mind to bite down hard on his tongue. His impulse was to slap her just as hard, but he restrained it; that would make clear the line between rape and seduction which he blurred so well. She saw with small triumph that she had made him bleed, but he easily closed the wound. He simply continued his fingertip massage, talking soft provocative words that matched the ink black velvet. "It's hard to believe, isn't it, how easily you can lose control of your own body. You feel as though you're betraying yourself...but honestly, with a body formed specifically to be with one who devotes so much to the pleasures of the flesh, you could hardly have expected not to desire it wherever it's offered."   
He had cut down her vocabulary to weak protests. "No. Please stop... Stop..."   
"Maybe I should have made you some other way, someone with more control. But it doesn't really matter. I created you, so I'll do with you as I please."   
He lifted her up a bit and slid off the rest of her clothes, tearing them in the process to make it easier, and admired her naked form. She was actually quite pretty, though not in a conventional sense; the fey qualities were a charming touch. And she was beautiful in her suffering and her vulnerability. Turned away, trembling, she had her eyes shut tightly.   
He moved his cool fingertips over her breasts, making her pant and sob with shameful, vulgar need. The power he absorbed from her was abundant and pure, so vivid that it started his own arousal. He savored it, teasing her and draining her of resistance, touching her nipples, her ribs, the scant curve of her hips, and finally her thighs, where the skin was so soft just below her center...   
"Stop it. I don't want to. Stop it."   
"Good, I'm glad you're still saying that," he murmured. "I am supposed to be raping you, after all."   
She made a whimpering sound, whether from terror or shame or desire, it was hard to say. He straddled her again and nipped her on the earlobe. _How could he know..._ Her body's reaction immediate, hateful and undeniable, she exhaled sharply.   
"But of course," he said against her neck, "you can't rape the willing."   
_No. I'm not. I'm not..._   
Her tenuous hold on sanity wavered and went into remission. The last vestiges of her willpower flew out of her in a cry from all of her being, a wretched keening wail broken like a sob, ****_"STO-OOOOP!" _**   
What a beautiful sound, he thought.   
But he was not the only one who heard it.   
  
The others did not exactly hear the sound. They heard the cry in their minds.   
There were seven or eight strong psychics on campus, and many other weak psychics. The weak ones felt something amiss and looked up momentarily. The strong ones heard the anguished cry and wondered who was in such distress.   
The strongest happened to be Miteki. She heard the cry so loudly that it gave her a dizzying headache, as though someone had struck a huge bronze bell with her standing inside it. Involuntarily she looked up at the Tower, then realized that she was looking at where it had come from.   
And then she realized that it was Yumi's voice.   
_Candles in a black room!_   
What? That part made no sense.   
But Yumi was in trouble! High up in that Tower! What could she do about it?   
_Get the Student Council President,_ said a command from her gut. How was she to find him?   
There was only one way to do that—ask the groupies.   
  
She had no resistance left. Her mind hurt with the force of her disgust with herself, so fierce she was sure she'd never be able to feel anything else again. She was claimed by darkness, poisoned, forever tainted. How could she ever show herself to _him_ again? She would just remind him of his cruel past—she would _become_ his past, a living shadow, an empty ghost.   
The Rose Bride.   
She had no power to stop it. Mocked by fortune, she would descend to the blackest of destinies, pulled by love out of that existence of light and innocence, ravaged by the truth of her longing, and finally resigned to an existence of dark and bitterness. She was the chosen one, prisoner of the roses. She could hear the imps laughing at her.   
The dark one smelled of roses, the heady scent of the Student Council rose garden enfolding her, so that he even raped her memories of a living dream at midnight.   
"What is the difference between rape and seduction?" he murmured next to her lips, intoning his wicked spell. "Can you draw a line between them? Is the difference in who you're with? You were his toy, and now you're mine. What does it matter, so long as you get played with?"   
Weakly, barely able to move, she tried to push his face away from hers. Her helpless frailty was so enticing. He caught her hand and sucked on her finger a moment. She tasted of crystalline glimmering, of her homeland.   
"Open your eyes, Mayumiare."   
She could not disobey. All she saw was lavender hair and cold jade eyes shining in the candles' glow, and darkness, so much darkness. Darkness consuming her...darkness...fucking her.   
The despair in her eyes was exquisite. It had been a while since he'd tasted such delicious torment. "The fairy girl, the _tennyo_, driven by love into mortal form, victim of her own flesh. Can you draw a line between good and bad?" He traced a line with his fingertip from her breastbone—achingly slow—to her navel—and beyond to her wet, swollen nub, just barely stroking her there. A moan escaped her, more like a cry of pain.   
Unable to resist himself, he dipped two fingers into the moisture of her desire, and brought them to his mouth, tasting her self-betrayal. Salt, and tart, and pure sweet energy.   
She bit her lip in humiliation. But then he kissed her again, licking her lips delicately. She squirmed.   
"You want to come, don't you. How will it feel, being brought to climax by the one who violated your true love? Is it still rape if you come?" He stroked her center again, the lightest of touches, feathery torture. "But maybe he enjoyed it too. You'd have to ask him—I'm keeping that secret." He moved down, pressing his lips to her neck, her collarbone. "He comes for me all the time now, though. As will you."   
Yes. Let her come. Let her get it over with so she could go somewhere and rip her skin off.   
"I can make you wait, longer even than he could keep you from release. I can magick your nerves, hack into your system, so you feel endless pleasure beyond anything he could give you. Do you want that pleasure? Is it rape? Is it seduction?"   
His mouth played with her breasts, and then he fastened onto a nipple and sucked her power from her like mother's milk. And still he teased her below, so that she bucked and tossed her head and bit into the back of her hand to keep herself from moaning.   
Intoxicating himself on the liquid purity of her soul energy, he did not sense the disturbance.   
  
Putting together sketchy directions, Miteki found the Student Council President as usual in a throng of giggly female students.   
She froze. She hadn't the courage to approach him in front of the crowd. It had been enough speaking to scornful, suspicious groupies. But her head still rang with Yumi's cry.   
She had to do something. Or she would lose her friend, she knew, to some unimaginable fate.   
"_Seitokaichou_-sama! Please, _Seitokaichou_-sama!" she yelled over the groupies.   
Touga recognized Yumi's bashful friend. Clearly something was wrong. He excused himself from the crowd, who gave her murderous stares.   
"What is it?"   
Polite as ever, Miteki bowed. "I'm so sorry to interrupt you. But...Yumi's in trouble."   
"What sort of trouble?"   
"I don't know. Something bad. I heard her scream. In my mind."   
"...In your mind?"   
"I'm a bit psychic. In my mind I heard her scream. From the Tower."   
"The Tower?" Now he actually began to look worried. Shy, polite girls like Miteki didn't make up stories.   
"Then I saw a black room full of candles." Suddenly that seemed relevant after all.   
"I know where that is..." He got a look of shock. "Oh my god!"   
"What is it? She sounded in such pain!"   
He had gone pale, but turned to nod to the groupies. "You'll have to excuse me. It seems I have a damsel in distress to rescue." They sighed and swooned at his chivalry.   
"Thank you," he said to Miteki and then, though his face was white as his uniform, instantly broke into a full run.   
Everyone was startled. What was making the Student Council President run?   
It barely crossed his mind that he would be rescuing her from his own past.   
  
He threw the door open. Candlelight flooded from the goth carbon copy of his own room. What he saw made his stomach lurch but almost aroused him. Akio was good at that.   
Until the door opened Akio was unaware of Touga's intrusion. But he knew without looking up who it was and why he was here. Damn! He should have suspected! But he hadn't noticed in time because the girl's energy was so perfectly delicious, addictive as an opiate. Nor had he imagined that anyone would find out before the project's completion. How miserably shortsighted of him. His impatience to claim a new Rose Bride had made him reckless. Well, he'd discover later how Touga had found out, if it mattered. But most likely things would still play out to his advantage. He looked slyly at the winded Student Council President. "Ah, here to join us, _Seitokaichou_? I heard you like using this one in threesomes." He used a rather impolite word for _this one_, a hair's breadth above calling her _this thing_.   
The voice of chivalry rang out into the darkness. "Get away from her, Ohtori."   
His voice reached her mind as though from a great distance, through a dense haze of nothingness. He had come to save her? She gave a thin wordless wail, of pain or relief, of desperate yearning that he was not a hallucination. And yet all she could think was _Don't look at me. Don't look at me._ She covered her face with her hands, one of them torn and bloody.   
Her cry spiked into his soul, piercing all his armor just as she'd been trying to do the whole time. He stifled a gasp at the sight of her wounded hand.   
"Why? She likes being used. Otherwise she wouldn't go after you." She was naked, defenseless, and Akio still fully clothed, making her as submissive as possible.   
"Look at her! You think she's having fun!?" Touga exploded. He had never been able to defy End Of The World before. "How could you do such a thing to a person? I had hoped you weren't one to stoop this low."   
"To seduction? Harsh words from the prefecture's most popular playboy."   
"This is your idea of seduction!?"   
"Of course. She's in need of distraction. After all, she's not the one you love." Without moving her hands Yumi slammed her elbow into his face. "Ah! Feisty one, isn't she."   
"Did I not make myself clear? _Leave her alone._"   
Akio sighed. "Fine, if you insist on being such a spoilsport." He moved her hands and kissed her a last time before getting up to stand beside Touga with a curious, complacent smile.   
This seemed to Touga such a vulgar mockery of a gesture that his rare temper flared and he landed Akio a well-trained punch on the jaw. Akio let him do it; like Yumi's elbow, it wouldn't leave any damage. He fell backward and knocked over some candles, starting a fire, which he then put out with an idle wave of his hand as he got up again to watch Touga's reaction. "First you interrupt me in bed, now you hit me? That's rather poor conduct, _Seitokaichou_. I should have you expelled for disrespect."   
"I should have you castrated."   
"You've been hanging around this one too much. You seem to have picked up her sharp tongue."   
Touga looked for her clothes. Only the jacket was relatively intact, so he stuffed it under his arm. He knelt beside her, taking her hand, the one that wasn't wounded, and his voice was soft and gentle. "Yumi...it's me. It's okay."   
How could he say that? How could he _touch_ her? She wanted him to hold her, wanted so badly it stung, but she yanked her hand away for fear of infecting him with the blackness that had claimed her. Apparently this was the most hilarious thing the imps had ever seen.   
His heart cracked for her with an almost audible sound.   
She was still on the edge of release, the dark lust still holding its dreadful command over her. Only darkness could complete darkness; the darkness inside her longed for its counterpart, its master, to finish what he'd started. The shattered fragments of her own being screamed for her one love to take her, to fill her and negate the darkness. But he would not negate it that way. He would be pulled into it. He must not touch it—he must never come near her again.   
He was here to defend her from the black enchanter, but too late to break the spell. Darkness must keep to its own. It wasn't as though she had any dignity left. She turned away from him so he wouldn't see the depth of her depravity, and finished it herself.   
Akio stared wantonly. He was not prone to anger, since things tended to go his way, but it didn't do much for his mood that she ended up taking her own pleasure instead of him drawing it out and savoring every euphoric drop of her power. It was the climax that would truly enslave her, the moment of release during which they were most helpless and the energy the richest, when he brought them completely under his control. It wasn't permanent, though. Energy renewed itself like blood, and he would repeat the process, savoring it all over again.   
But Mayumiare had escaped, and he was quite distracted with lust for her. Her strange origin and her powerful love made an exceptional brew. To say he wanted more would be an understatement, and he was not happy at having to wait for it. Next time she would already be halfway under his power and it wouldn't be nearly as fun subduing her.   
No matter. It seemed that now the new Rose Bride would be a potent weapon against Touga—almost as potent as he was against her. The interruption was annoying at best, but it actually was rather amusing that she had to finish herself off with her darling there to see her. Perhaps the imps had it right, seeing the comedy in the matter.   
It was nearly undetectable, since she was so close to the edge that she hardly had to move and was there in a fraction of a minute. But Touga saw what she was doing and, though he wished he could have done something for her, knew better than to make any sign of noticing, she was so consumed by shame and so afraid of his touch. Then he sensed Akio's avaricious gaze on her, and seized by fierce protectiveness, he encircled her without touching just enough to shield her from the brute's staring.   
Now _that_ was amusing. "Shall I...leave you two alone?" said Akio, almost laughing.   
Touga did not do him the courtesy of replying.   
The pleasure was shallow, rushed as it was, and she wished Touga had not come to her rescue. It was useless. The darkness had already made her its own, and now he had to see her like this. Spent, she curled into a fetal position and waited for him to leave. He must leave. No more did she belong to him. She wanted to scream at him to run, to flee the darkness here before he too was swallowed up...   
Too quickly for her to protest, Touga scooped her up and left the room. All he knew was he had to get her out of here. He didn't pause until the anteroom, when he realized he could hardly carry her outside stark naked like that. It was still broad daylight, and summer break at that. She was not heavy, but still he needed the weight off his arms for a moment. "Can you stand? Just for a second?" She was catatonic; if he told her to stand on her head and sing she would have done it. He set her down, gently enough to make sure she had her feet solidly on the floor. Then he wrapped her in her uniform jacket, but it wasn't enough coverage. He went to an ornamental table and yanked the tablecloth from it, not unlike Utena had once done for Anthy at a party, so swiftly that the vase of white roses on it was undisturbed. It wasn't much bigger than a towel but it would have to do. He tucked it into place around her waist and—   
There was Akio standing before them.   
She stood like a statue, thinking how nice it would be to scrape off all her skin. Scrape it off, rip it off, burn it off. Surely she'd get burned at the stake. The Rose Bride was a witch, and that was what happened to witches. But maybe they'd be nice enough to let her scrape off her skin first. That was all she asked for, to get rid of her poisoned skin.   
"And what are you going to do with her now?" Akio inquired diffidently.   
"Get her away from you, that's what."   
"She'll come back."   
"I don't think so." Why was he standing here arguing? This didn't do her any good!   
"Come here, Touga."   
It was a direct command, as though to a lapdog, yet try as he might he couldn't stop his feet from obeying. The scarlet shirt hung open, the pale hair flowed loose from its normal ponytail, the jade eyes beckoned, the ruthless magnetism pulled him in again despite what he'd just seen.   
In the depths of her ravaged mind Yumi felt a little seed of anger planted. A tiny blip of feeling that was not shame, a spark in the vast infinite darkness. Something touched on the edge of her failing awareness, some huge truth that had been swallowed up by blackness. Something she should remember. If she remembered the seed would grow, the spark would burn... The terrible secret...   
Akio was running his hand through a lock of silky red hair. "I don't think I'll let _you_ off that easy. You interrupted me. I don't like being interrupted." He smiled wickedly, drawing Touga nearer. "I think you'll have to be disciplined."   
He sighed, overcome by that chronic seduction that spread a soft blanket over his mind and made him forget he was supposed to be doing anything else than seeking pleasure. _Yumi...I'm sorry...I can't..._ A haze over his consciousness, black as the room full of candles, black as shadows of eternal night. It was calm inside where there was no thought, no feeling but clear-cut, simple desires of the flesh.   
The scene reached Yumi's perception as if through layers of fuzzy dreams, somewhere between real and unreal, something that was supposed to affect her though she couldn't think why.   
Then the spark in her mind glowed. It became a force like a wind trapped in a box, pounding against the walls of her skull. Truth and secrets were one, stirring a hurricane inside her.   
She saw this horrid creature put teasing hands upon her beloved in a deformed travesty of caresses, and his blind sensual acceptance. She saw this, and the world smashed back into reality, seething with hideous fury. It left no room for her helpless disgust with herself, room for nothing else but a rage, hot anger so vehement there was no word for it in any language, no color or sound to describe it. And no darkness that could contain it.   
**_"DON'T YOU TOUCH HIM!"_**   
It was not merely her voice which screamed, but the walls, the floor, the building, the entire campus, the very earth and sky somehow joined her. Her words resonated with an enormous sound as though ten thousand pianos were dropped on each syllable, almost an earthquake. Glass shattered, windows exploded outward, electromagnetic fields malfunctioned, every fuse on campus blew. The psychic sensitives who had felt her cry before now yelled in pain and fainted.   
Akio was flung across the room as though by the force of a bomb. And it actually hurt. He looked at Yumi, who was floating in the air, one arm outstretched in the gesture of forbidding, glowing from within, eyes burning with golden fire, an avenging angel. He had underestimated her ability to access her power. It might even be a while before he could stand.   
It was true—her fairy stories were all true. What _was_ she? Touga shook his head in incredulous confusion.   
She looked at him, her gaze blank. She drifted in slow motion back to the floor, the glow around her fading out, her torn hand falling again to her side. She blinked and her eyes rolled back in her head. He caught her as she collapsed, and, having no idea what had just happened, carried her out and away, the girl from another world, the damsel in distress.   
  
"Look, it's that weird girl."   
"She really was in trouble!"   
"What happened to her hand?"   
"I bet she's just trying to get attention again."   
"No, didn't you hear that huge sound? Something exploded in the Tower."   
"It was an earthquake."   
"No way. We have earthquakes all the time in Yokohama, and this was _not_ an earthquake."   
"Hey Suzuko! Is your electricity working?"   
Everywhere were fearful speculations and arguments about what had happened in the Tower and why it had knocked out the electricity. Apparently in most of the dorms it was working again, since the elevator in the Tower ran on electricity and it had taken a while for him to get Yumi down the stairs. He hoped that she was still unconscious and couldn't hear people talking about her. One girl's remark deserved a chastising glare and she looked another direction, mortified, upon receiving it.   
Finally they were in her dorm. His arms were so tired. He put her down on a chair. Her eyes opened, devoid of any expression.   
It was déjˆ vu in reverse. She gave no sign of self-awareness and would have preferred to be alone, in the dark, sleeping until everyone forgot her existence. She was doing the same thing that he had done, and had he ever even thanked her for taking care of him that time? No, he'd used her and hurt her instead. All he could do was try to repay her kindness now, even though it had been nothing short of hostile invasion at the time. It would be the same for her, but if he was conscious of the role reversal then so probably was she.   
The sad thing was that he knew most of what she was going through. He knew it so well, he knew that she wouldn't believe him if he said he understood.   
Suddenly he saw himself in that sun- washed field mirrored in her, vulnerable and ruined, full of shame and self-hatred, now that someone had his way with her waiting for death to do the same, praying no one would ever look on her again, especially not the one who had her heart...   
But that was himself.   
What was he doing to her like this?   
His younger self had taken form before him. The impetus to turn and run was so strong...   
And wouldn't that just prove her right in thinking she was poisoned?   
Yet he was the one she would not want to see her, the one she'd be afraid of poisoning, and wouldn't every moment he was beside her be a torment of shame and fear?   
He must not stay; he must not leave. He must not touch her; he must not avoid her. Yumi wasn't a shadow out of his own past, she was a real person.   
_A lot of people would probably say I'm strong. But I can barely manage to rescue a damsel in distress..._   
Wasn't he the master of shutting off his own feelings? But he couldn't do it, not any more. She was too...real.   
He was frozen. He felt panic building in him.   
He knew what he _should_ do, and made himself go through the motions of doing so. He pulled her up and told her, "Here, get in the shower. You'll feel better, I promise." Unfortunately her dorm had a community bathroom. Maybe they should have gone back to his room. But it was the middle of the day; probably no one would be there. He found her bathrobe and shower things, and put the robe over her shoulders before he took off the broken jacket and makeshift skirt. He led her down the hall, since she obviously didn't feel like moving on her own, and flung the tablecloth in the other direction so she wouldn't have to look at the relic from Akio's rooms. He probably should put something on her hand. Perhaps it would be better to leave and get her friend to take care of her. Because the truth was even though he understood so well, he didn't know how to help her.   
He opened the bathroom door, then found her a stall and adjusted the water for her. The sound of running water hitting the tiled floor felt too loud. Should he stay with her? He suspected she wouldn't want anyone to see her naked at the moment, especially not him. But did she want to be alone? "Just take a nice long shower and then soak in the bath. I'll be right outside. Bang on the wall if you want me."   
She removed her bathrobe and hung it up slowly, obeying as bleakly as the Rose Bride. The thought chilled him. He couldn't sing to her as she might have done for him, but when she was finished he might put on some of that J-pop she liked. He turned and left, thinking to sit in the hallway. Maybe her floormates would see him there and wonder, but he couldn't care less.   
Methodically she took the things out of the shower caddy one by one, putting them down in a neat row like someone with an OCD. Shampoo, body wash, scrubby, razor, face soap, shave gel.   
Razor? Well, it would take some effort to scrape off her skin with an implement designed for removing leg and armpit hair, but it would have to do. Now where to start? The skin over her wrists was weak and easily accessible. That would allow for a good first incision. Besides, it would bleed a lot there and make it look like she was getting somewhere.   
He happened to turn his head as he opened the door to leave, just so that his peripheral vision caught her lunging at herself with her razor. He screamed her name and ran to her, nearly falling as he slipped on the wet floor, grabbing her arm and hitting the back of her hand with a move designed to make one's opponent drop his kendo stick.   
"Ow!" she yelled as the razor fell from her grip. That was the hand she'd been biting. She moved to pick it up again, but he locked her in his arms and kept her from moving, hating that he had to do such a thing after what she'd just lived through.   
Everything that she felt, he knew so keenly, he hurt so badly for her he could barely stand it. "Please don't do that," he begged her. "Don't ever do that." But she'd wanted him to stop her, he realized. If she really wanted to die she would have waited until well after he'd left. More than she wanted to hurt herself, she was only screaming at him not to leave her alone.   
"Fuck you! Get off me!" she cried, furious. She had every right to cut all her skin off! Why did he think he had to stop her?!   
But she was torn in half, a split personality. Half of her that answered only to her creator and master known as End Of The World, that knew she was claimed by darkness, destined to be the new Rose Bride, that pleaded for the return to the deep oblivion where he would silence the pain of her riven dreams. He who understood her, who had the power to make the burning constellations of her existence into a quiet rose-scented planetarium. Half of her that was forever tainted and screamed at the one she loved to get away from her lest he too fall into blackness.   
And half of her that answered only to those dreams, riven though they might be, the half that would stand and fight for the truth even as it destroyed her from within, that drove full speed for a future where her beloved would be happy regardless of her own selfish sorrow. Half of her that feared being alone more than anything, that screamed for him to hold her and save her from the darkness.   
Mayumiare the Rose Bride, Maigo Yumi the weird girl, two halves of her being, a soul at war with itself. And all she asked for was to get rid of her skin! She struggled against his hold.   
Why did it take this kind of disaster to make him realize that she was important to him? He wanted to say "I love you," but it would be even worse than saying "I hate you," simply because it wasn't the love she wanted from him. She needed to hear _koi shiteru_ and all he could tell her without lying was _ai shiteru_. A difference in one syllable that tormented her beyond imagining.   
"Get away from me!" Her words were the same, her voice was the same, as that broken boy nearly hidden by cabbage heads and little white butterflies when Kyouichi had found him after a confused day of searching. The sound had an existence of its own, a savage beast ripping his soul to pieces. His hold on her slackened; it took every ounce of his strength not to cry. Why did such a thing have to happen to her? No one deserved the kind of fate he'd suffered, especially not Yumi, already drowning in her sorrow of ill-starred love. Maybe he shouldn't interfere with her death wish—surely death would be kinder to her than he could be.   
"I'm sorry," he said stupidly. Sorry he didn't know how to help her. Sorry he couldn't love her the way she wanted. Sorry that everything she did and everything that was done to her was because of her feelings for him. "Yumi, I'm so sorry."   
The pain and sincerity in his voice reached some level of her awareness, reminding her that he did, in fact, understand. And he really, truly wanted her to stop hurting. If End Of The World wanted to quell her anguish it was so that he could take its power for himself. But fragile, beautiful Touga just wanted her to be able to live in her own identity without it rending her apart every moment. And didn't she want the same thing for him?   
She was too weak to know what she wanted anymore. Even if she died there would be no peace for her. There was just one way that might possibly quiet the screaming in her soul, and that was to give up her soul entirely—and become the Rose Bride.   
Was this how it had gone with Himemiya Anthy? Had she too been trapped in a destiny so unbearable that she had no recourse but to descend into Akio's blackness in search of numbing solace?   
But somehow, in the end, that pink- haired prince had saved her from it.   
If Touga truly wanted to save her from that, let him try, let him be noble and chivalrous. Let the last prince try to save this sullied princess. She would never have what she ached for, so how did the end of the story matter?   
She had gone limp, as catatonic as he'd been after she, full of bright force and the nobility of her feelings, had stopped his own suicidal musings. The role reversal was so vivid, it felt like there was some cosmic purpose to it, but one that escaped him entirely. Heedless of his pristine uniform, he washed her just as she'd done for him, but more thoroughly since he remembered so well that aftermath sense of "dirty." Then he lifted the lid from the bath and helped her in, unable to do anything but hold her hand and stroke her head slowly, gazing at her from the depths of compassion, praying for the strength that had brought her this far.   
Her mind felt as dark and strange as the bottom of the ocean. From somewhere in that drifting blackness she recalled the same scene inverted. She remembered thinking back then that she would be his Rose Bride.   
Wasn't that what they called "irony"? That was pretty funny, really. It was the kind of thing that would make a person in a straitjacket laugh. 


	10. hamasaki ayumi : duty

//And here comes the climactic scene for which I don't much care. I actually wrote part of it while high. Kid you not. I was on a bus to Otakon scribbling in my notebook, and someone on the bus was smoking up. Later I looked at what I had written and laughed my ass off. Then I kept it because that was vastly amusing. You'll probably be able to figure out where I was under chemical influence. Now, it screams at me to revise it.//   
  
  
  
Miteki came to in a hospital cot. Before she opened her eyes, she knew two things:   
One, Miki was beside her.   
Two, Yumi needed miso soup.   
"Oh, Kodama-san! Are you awake?"   
"Yes..." The pain in her head was still almost blinding, but the concern on Miki's face did enough to dull it.   
"Something exploded in the Tower, and you...you got sick and fainted. It was really strange. There was a huge sound, and all the electricity went off, and people were passing out..."   
"Oh...I remember." The feeling of incredible, unstoppable fury with huge words that ripped through her mind. The shock of excruciating agony from her clairvoyant senses that made her fall to the ground, clutching her head, before she lost her lunch and then her consciousness.   
"Are you okay now?"   
Sitting up, she smiled weakly. "My head hurts, but I'm fine. Did you...did you find me?"   
"Juri-sempai saw you. She was afraid you were going to choke. It was so weird, like an earthquake, but not..."   
"It wasn't an earthquake. It was Yumi-chan."   
Miki's eyes widened. "What? How do you know that?"   
"Sometimes, I just know things..."   
"Really? Like...ESP?"   
"Yeah, like that."   
"What did she _do_?"   
"Something we can't understand." Miteki tried to stand, but her sense of balance protested. "She needs my help..."   
"Oh, careful!" Miki caught her, and they both blushed.   
"I'm okay..."   
"No, let me..."   
He supported her up and out with his arm around her, and then he even stuck with her long enough to help make the miso soup. It was like the old adage of a blessing rising from a calamity.   
  
"Yumi, please eat. Just a little bit. Please."   
It was almost dark out. She had fallen asleep after the bath; now Touga had made some noodles for dinner and was trying to get her to ingest at least one bite. But of course, she was refusing to, staring at the yellow flowers in a glass on the center of the table.   
"My dandelions are wilting," she whispered, scarcely audible. It was her first attempt at words for some time.   
"We could go out and pick fresh ones. We could keep some, and make dandelion salad too. It's really good, much better than noodles for this hot weather anyway. Do you want to try it?"   
"Dandelion Bride," she said mistily. "No roses for this one. Dandelion Bride."   
He shivered. Did she have to talk like that? "Please, won't you eat a little? You won't sleep well if you're hungry."   
She nudged her plastic cup again. He obliged and refilled it with iced barley tea. At least she wasn't making herself go thirsty—this was her fourth glass.   
A knock on the door sounded. "Yumi-chan? I brought you miso soup," called her friend's gentle voice.   
Yumi got a look of panic and curled up like a pillbug, hiding her face in her knees. Touga went to answer the door, touching her head as he passed, trying to reassure her.   
He blocked Miteki's entry, taking the warm container. He wondered again if he should leave Yumi to the care of her best friend, a girl and therefore less of a threat, but realized that he cared too much to leave her to anyone else. "Thank you. She's very sick."   
The accusation in her grey eyes disappeared when she saw how pale and distraught he was. "What happened?" she whispered.   
He shook his head with pained regret, indicating that it was too dreadful to even speak of in Yumi's own hearing. But Miteki's look was anxious and demanding, and he had to tell her so that she might understand. He took Miteki back out to the hall and closed the door silently. He saw that Miki was there too, waiting out of sight from whoever answered the door, but just as concerned.   
Touga couldn't look at them as he said it. It hurt in his soul, as though speaking of it to others would make the nightmare more real. "The Trustee Chairman...he tried to...to violate her."   
Miteki's hands flew to her mouth as she made a gasp of utter horror. Miki, equally wide-eyed, moved closer to her as if to protect her from the wickedness of it.   
"What—what can we do?" said Miki.   
"Nothing. Nothing but try to return her to herself." He turned with sorrow and remorse in his movements. They could see his anger with himself for failing to protect her enough.   
"Thank you...for telling me," Miteki managed quietly, since he didn't have to tell her and it had clearly taken some effort for him to do so.   
Touga shook his head again, hating to be the bearer of such news, and returned to Yumi's room.   
"I didn't believe her..." Miteki murmured. "I didn't believe that the thing she was fighting could be that evil..." She was shaking as they walked away.   
Miki took her hand. "Are you like me? ...That you never think of how evil the world can be, and it always shocks you?"   
Miteki looked down, blushing. "I ought to be used to it."   
Inside, Yumi was still curled up, convinced in even that short a time that he had seized the opportunity to run away from her. There was no reason why he shouldn't. It was better for him, that he should leave her to the darkness. Soon, her creator would come for her and take her back to his world of numbing pleasure and fake stars...   
"Yumi, stop!" She had taken the bandage from her hand and was biting on it again. It was proving very difficult to keep her from doing that. Keeping down the worried scolding that came to his lips, Touga dressed the wound once more.   
The memory came back of hitting Kyouichi's hand with a kendo stick, and then tying the strip of fabric...he'd done it on purpose for an excuse to touch, to give an apologetic kiss... He'd always been that way. White butterflies hadn't changed so much. It only brought out the cruelty that was in him from the beginning.   
Yumi knew it, and she kept insisting on loving him. No part of a person can ever be so stupid as one's heart.   
"Here, your friend brought miso soup," he said, and poured it into a bowl for her. It was still steaming. "I bet she knew that's what you really wanted to eat."   
She eyed it suspiciously and then sniffed it, as cats do before they deign to eat whatever their fool human has provided them. But she was only ascertaining that it was indeed Teki-chan's unsurpassable miso soup. It was, and it smelled good. Teki-chan's miso soup was not darkness. Perhaps if she ate enough of Teki-chan's miso soup, it would begin to combat the darkness inside her. Teki-chan did not make miso soup for Mayumiare the Rose Bride. Teki-chan made miso soup for Yumi the weird girl who made her think of dandelions.   
She ate all of it.   
Then she was keeling over with fatigue. Her mind had no energy left to torment her.   
Touga moved to put her in bed, but when they got close to it she squeaked and backed away, terrified. Apparently she couldn't stand to be near a bed yet, not even her own, not even to sleep.   
It was practically too hot to sleep on a bed anyway. He grabbed her pillow and put it on the sofa, then opened the windows to let in the night air and turned off the lights except for a low lamp. She curled up on her side when she lay down on the sofa, but soon stretched out because it was too hot not to do so. He wanted to hold her, but she was still shying away from him, though it seemed she was unable to move without him leading her. So he sat down on the floor, leaning his back against the sofa, his head near hers.   
Her eyes remained disconsolately open. She was so tired, despite the nap before, but somehow not _sleepy_.   
He went to turn off the lamp but instead picked up the library book of ancient poetry sitting beside it. She liked to hear him reading to her, especially these millennium-old things. He opened the book at random and read the poems aloud until they both drifted off.   
  
Sleep was a bad idea. There was no escape in dreams. End Of The World had her on the sofa in the planetarium, but the backdrop of the fake stars was that red which he was not allowed to have.   
"I'm dreaming," she told him. "You lost. I'm dreaming, and you aren't here."   
"Oh, I am _here_," he murmured. "I'm in your mind. I've been waiting for you to fall into the dreaming state, to take you in your sleep. It doesn't work quite as good as reality, of course, but it'll do for now. And invading your dreams has its own advantages. He can't save you here." He smiled dangerously, and she realized that she was naked.   
She tried to conjure some clothes; she knew she was dreaming, so it should have worked; but it didn't.   
"You may be dreaming," he said, "but this is not _your_ dream. It's mine." He drew her close and kissed her, and no matter how she tried to will herself away, into some other shape, nothing helped. "You...are mine."   
_Touga!_ she screamed with all of her soul. It should have summoned his dream-form to save her, but all that happened was that the ceiling disappeared to show the night sky, and the stars danced into pictures of him.   
Akio laughed. "A light show to protect you? How about one to tease you, then?" He waved his hand toward the sky, and the stars showed Touga and Kyouichi tangled together, that scene from the dojo.   
She watched, for even in dreams of star- pictures she was unable to look away, and she could not escape him as he touched her, invading her...arousing her.   
She was supposed to destroy him. She knew she had the power, at least enough to get him out of her mind, if she could remember that fury. But the spell of dream lust was too strong. She fell to the dark enchantment...   
"In dreams, it's even easier for you to lose yourself. The command of desire can take over your subconscious completely, without any interference from thought or emotion...just as I take over you, Mayumiare..."   
It was true. There was no fighting it. She had to come and nothing else mattered. Nothing. He did all sorts of things to her, playing with her, bringing her to the very edge, sensation that was too intense to be purely subconscious imaginings. "Touga—!" she cried, one last attempt, but really it was a cry of pleasure.   
"Still crying his name? Hm, no, I can't have that." He looked into her eyes, even though they were squeezed shut, because in dreams that didn't matter. "Say my name, or I won't satisfy you. Say it."   
If she were awake there might have been a choice. But here there was none.   
"A...ki...o..."   
"Good girl."   
Finally, he took her. She heard her dream-voice moaning and yelling, wordlessly, at the pleasure that erased everything and seemed to never end. He did not cry out or moan as he came inside her, inside a dream, but only closed his eyes and smiled, almost a laugh.   
  
She woke. Why did she have to wake up? Why couldn't she sleep the eternal sleep after something like that?   
She was covered in cold sweat, except for the dampness between her legs, which was another thing entirely. There could not possibly be anything on the planet as disgusting as herself. She felt diseased in every cell of her revolting, treacherous body.   
Her sense of balance was gone. She fell off the sofa, onto Touga who was asleep sitting up against it.   
"Ow! What the—? Yumi!? Are you okay?"   
She gagged. Realizing she was about to be sick, he got her to the bathroom in her dorm, which was more of what they called a water closet, a compact sink and mirror and toilet. She doubled over and retched violently into the latter as he waited outside, eyebrows drawn with worry.   
Partially digested miso soup was particularly vile, and the awful taste prompted her gut to reject everything else she'd consumed the previous day. She gargled mouthwash and staggered back out, letting him sit her down on the sofa, only to find in the next few minutes that there was more to come up. Tears and snot ran down her face, and she trembled. It was nearly half an hour before her stomach decided it was done, and by then he had to hold her up. She was sure she was dying. He handed her mouthwash and a towel to wipe her face, and when he let her down on the sofa, she collapsed, shaking and sniffling.   
Her eyes looked wild and glazed. He put a hand to her forehead—though her face had a sickly pallor, she was far too hot. He didn't need a thermometer to know she was in danger. He turned the lights on and began looking for aspirin, though he wasn't sure she'd be able to keep it down. By the time he found it she was sitting at the table pulling apart the wilting dandelions.   
"Yumi, you have a bad fever," he said, taking her hand. "You need to lie down."   
"Dandelion salad!" she shouted, throwing the little petals at him. She tried to stand and went reeling.   
This time he got her to lie down on her bed, from where she was less likely to fall, and held a cold cloth to her face. She didn't seem to recognize him. He got her to take some aspirin, but before it worked she went thoroughly delirious. She chanted all of the _kana_ syllables in order and then started raving, strange names and nonsense.   
"Athanynth? Athanynth, I don't like it any more. I can't do it. Lyly'efandwr was right. Even Tur'raskevevry was right. Let's go home. Where's Endrei'anna? Tell her to open the door. Endrei'anna, open the door. Endrei'anna, open the door! Open the door! _Endrei'anna! Open the door, Endrei'anna! Open the door!_"   
Her voice was so urgent, so anguished, but there was nothing he could do for her besides put more cold water on the cloth for her forehead, and hold her hand although she couldn't feel it.   
  
"Yumi? Yumi, can you see us?" cried Athanynth.   
"She can't really," said Johriishang. "She's just sick."   
_"Open the door, Endrei'anna! Open the door!"_   
"Why can't we take her back!" Tears glowed on Athanynth's face. "Poor Yumi! Look what they've done to her!"   
"She accepted all of the risks," said Lyly'efandwr. "But she must not have been one of us to begin with. No being of our race has ever become human with a soul."   
"Such strange stories," Johriishang murmured. "The seeking of the gods is so strange. Every story must be different. How do we know that this has never happened before?"   
"I know it. It has never happened before, and it will never happen again." Lyly'efandwr looked down at the delirious Yumi. "We have the ability to walk between worlds, not to become part of them."   
"This world has to be the strangest," said Athanynth. "One of the goddesses wasn't even human. She was from yet another race of beings. And so is her brother the demon."   
"They are of a race even we do not know," Lyly'efandwr agreed. "Anthy-sama has a soul; yet she and her brother could always see us. Even now she could be travelling between worlds to search for her Utena-sama. Maybe Tur'raskevevry and Endrei'anna are trying to help as well as watching."   
Johriishang looked at the strewn dandelion petals. "And we didn't even see that Anthy-sama wasn't human. I wonder why that is."   
"Because she and her brother are powerful, and they did not want us to see it. They must have the talent of glamour," said Lyly'efandwr. "Morning Star is not a demon, however. He is what they call a Darkling."   
"Darklings are humans," Athanynth argued.   
"Not always. It is a term for any fallen being."   
"Is he the one called Lucifer, like Mayumiare and her friend the oracle said?" Johriishang wondered.   
"Don't call her that," Athanynth scolded him. "That's what Morning Star calls her now. Her name is Yumi."   
"Lucifer, the first Darkling, from the legend called Paradise Lost..." Lyly'efandwr cocked her head. "It could be. Human legends always have greater meaning than they seem to. Perhaps Yumi will uncover that mystery as well."   
"How many more mysteries can she take?" Athanynth whispered.   
  
Fever was a defense mechanism. It was designed to rid the body of infection, but could also do the same for the mind. Yumi woke in the morning with her head utterly clear.   
It wasn't that she didn't remember everything. She knew her body had become sick to try and get the darkness out. She knew the darkness inside her remained. But now she could face herself with a grim determination to take things as they came. The illness was gone, and she was starving. The sunlight seemed somehow different, newer.   
She remembered fragments of her delirium. Unseen watchers, three of those once her friends, had been there. She couldn't recall their names, or what they looked like to fevered human sight; their voices had come to her as distant nonsense fading in and out. Probably no more than a hallucination. Yet it was so strange to even have thought that she saw them...   
Touga was curled up like a kitten on the end of her bed. It didn't look very comfortable, however. He must have been ready to sleep anywhere after her fever went down, not wanting to leave her so that she woke up alone, but wary of frightening her by getting too close.   
She wanted to wake him with a touch, to run her fingers through his soft hair, to kiss him. But she did not deserve any such luxury. He was too beautiful for her to touch.   
"I'm hungry," she announced instead. She did feel she could put a sushi bar out of business for the day.   
"Hnn?" He stirred, stretching, and then the situation came back to him in reverse chronological order. He was taking care of Yumi. Yumi had been sick. Yumi got sick because he hadn't done enough to protect her... He sat up, asking anxiously how she felt.   
"Hungry," she repeated, but her voice seemed to have receded far away again, small and quiet.   
"Oh, good, that means you're better. I'll make you something..."   
"I want to go downtown." She wanted to go to a restaurant and be waited on and eat until they kicked her out.   
He touched her forehead, peering into her eyes, which were clear and lucid. To all appearances, she was fine. "Are you sure?"   
"Yes. I want to go off campus."   
It was probably much healthier for her to walk around, and especially to be wanting to, he thought. And wouldn't it be better for her to get off campus permanently? The place was being so cruel to her... "We'll go downtown, then. But I'll have to clean up first." After he'd begun spending so much time with her, telling her so many things, he had a stash of clothes here. He needed a shower, though, so any girls who had the same idea might get some bonus eye candy.   
"I'll wait." She curled up resolutely, hugging her knees. The cicadas were buzzing again, and she could listen to them.   
Her army of cicadas.   
Her soul was still torn in half. She was not sure of her name. But right now the struggle was deep within her, away from the surface. She was able to think only of how terribly hungry she was and all the expensive food she wanted to eat.   
He returned quickly, with only a towel around his waist, trying to grab clothes quickly so he could dress in the water closet and not threaten her. But he was enticing like that, and the crazy girl with funny ears wanted to jump him, like she would have once upon a time.   
_You mustn't touch him,_ said the prisoner of the roses. _You must not! You will poison him!_   
The struggle came out. Like the devil and the angel on one's shoulders in corny cartoons.   
_Just a little. Let me be close to him. Just a little. I can't live without being close to him._   
She moved toward him, her eyes big and unreadable. She seemed to be asking him something.   
He waited. Was she going to kiss him? How would he know how far to go without hurting her more?   
But she paused with her face close to his, just close enough to feel his breath, as close as she dared. She shut her eyes, her hands moving to almost touch him, wanting to so badly.   
He froze, having no idea what to do for her.   
Then a great shudder went through her and she turned away. He took her hand, trying to let her know that she was not tainted as her mind told her, not too unclean for him.   
If anything she was still too pure for him, but she'd never believe it.   
Slowly she turned back to him again, and her eyes were just _clear_, there wasn't any expression that he could see. Carefully, as though seeing how far she could go without the world blowing up, she put her fingertips to his face, touching his eyelids, his lips, and then, almost reluctantly, travelling down to his chest and...   
She didn't seem amorous. It was like she wanted to make sure he was real or something. But men were not built to resist this. His towel fell off. If she kept moving downward, he'd have to...   
She pressed herself up against him. She wasn't trying to be erotic, but she was succeeding. "Yumi—please—"   
_No! You cannot touch him! You will pull him into darkness! Walk away from him forever, and let him escape!   
That is what End Of The World wants you to think! End Of The World hurt him, and so anything that he plans is what you must fight to the fullest! For him! Disobey, for him!_   
Her hands wanted to touch him, her lips wanted to kiss him, regardless of how many pieces her soul split into. She brushed his eyes closed gently with her fingers, and put her lips to his so softly, no more than dandelion fluff.   
He needed more than that, but he clasped her hands and gave her the same kind of softness, like a first kiss. Except for the part that he was naked and getting hard. If he'd known she would be like this, he would have made the shower cold.   
Every moment she touched him was defiance to End Of The World—who would punish her later, surely, but all she had was now.   
She wanted to tell Touga to claim her. But she was afraid...afraid of desire...   
"Yumi, I need you. Don't...don't do this unless you want me..."   
She kissed him with passion for a moment and then broke away. She had no idea what she was doing. He saw her lips move in the word, "Sorry..."   
He took a moment to think unsexy thoughts, dressing quickly, and then told her, "No. Don't apologize. Everything's too confused for you to know what you want. But when you see, then I'll try to take you to wherever you want to be. That's what I want you to know."   
She clutched at herself. Her voice, as was becoming usual, was barely audible. "Why do you feel that way for me?"   
"Because the brightness inside you...is so beautiful."   
She turned to him and fell against him, letting him hold her.   
_Get away! Oh, get away, get away! You will hurt him, you will poison him!   
No. This is truth._   
Her stomach rumbled. "I want to go...to a really good restaurant."   
He had to laugh. "Then we'll find the best one."   
  
They spent the day downtown, and when they got back after dark Touga thought she looked completely worn out, though she insisted on staying awake to read. She hadn't turned a page for several minutes, and her head was nodding.   
"Yumi, aren't you tired?"   
She shook her head. "I can't sleep."   
"I'm sure you can. We walked around a lot today."   
"No, you don't understand." She got a look of total fear. "I _can't sleep._"   
"Nothing will happen," he said, taking her hand. How well he knew... "I'm right here."   
"You can't stop it..." She curled up and her voice fell even farther, the whisper of a child's fear of the dark. "He's in my dreams..."   
He couldn't keep from enfolding her tightly in his arms, furious with himself. Why couldn't he protect her? Every time he thought he could save her, something worse happened. He tried to shield her from that final secret; from End Of The World; but there was no way to stop the cruelty of her own mind after he failed...   
"I wish I knew how to protect you. I want to find the way to protect you. I wish—I wish I could become all the things you need me to be."   
Shaking, she looked into his urgent cobalt eyes, slowly brushing the soft crimson away from his face. He meant everything he said to her now.   
Now, when it was too late.   
She was always seeking her own doom. She wanted her heart broken; why else would she give up an eternal vale of dreams for one who left only tears in his wake? She wanted darkness within her; why else would she step willingly into the planetarium?   
_How can he protect someone like that?_ she thought. _How can he even try to protect someone who always ends up cursing herself?_   
There was no way to protect her. But the fact that he wanted to was enough.   
Still she had the last shining thread, unbreakable, unending.   
So to spite the darkness, to prove that she would not be ruled by it, she kissed him intently, twining her arms around him. The torment would follow later. But later was later.   
He was almost startled, though she didn't have to tell him why she was being that way. She wanted belong to him, to know for herself that she was his and only his. He was afraid she'd hate herself for it in the morning, and he wanted her to belong to herself. But if this was what he could do for her...   
If he could protect her from candlelit ink-velvet nightmares with a lover's embrace...   
If she found her happiness in his arms, he would hold her.   
They went to the bed, her bed, where only he had ever been with her, where only he was allowed. Someone hit the stereo controls and Ayumi played very softly.   
_"...I saw the end of an era with my own eyes.   
And in truth, I actually do know   
That it's my turn next.   
You'll find me, won't you?   
I'm betting that you'll find me..."_   
He made love to her with a tenderness that no one would have expected from him.   
She loved him, and the thing about her was she could get rid of everything else and still have herself, there in that one truth. All the darkness of black holes and skies of exploded stars meant nothing beside it. Only this was true.   
And she cried quietly in his arms, because at the center of everything she still had that pure, beautiful, bittersweet happiness; and she knew in her heart that this was the last time.   
She fell asleep in that power, and no one could invade her dreams. But she woke soon, before dawn, knowing what she had to do.   
There was one path forward.   
  
  
_ I hate leaving him. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.   
But I must. This is the path. This is how I must go.   
He does not wake. I'm afraid he will. Maybe I'm hoping he will. But he doesn't.   
I hate it.   
I'm weeping again as I look at him in my bed, his arms still curled around where I should be. And he is beautiful. I kiss his hair, breathing deep his scent, holding the moment in my heart. This is what they call "blissful suffering."   
I didn't say it last night, so I leave him a note on my pillow. _Flowery high-winded crap can't tell you how I feel. I love you. _I feel like collapsing in tears, but I get dressed in my standard-issue uniform. I wipe my eyes and walk outside. The sky is a metallic grey-blue, pale silver in the east, where the morning star gleams.   
This is the path. This is how I will free him.   
I am no longer afraid of you, Morning Star.   
But as it happens, I am not the only one out and about at this hour.   
Some things are too coincidental to be called coincidence, I think. That's why they have words like "fate" and "destiny" and "karma." _  
  
  
Kyouichi and Yumi ended up on the bridge at the same time. They couldn't pull off completely ignoring each other, but she waited for him to speak.   
"What the hell are you doing?" he said as though the sky would fall if he cared.   
She had no need to lie. "Good morning to you, too. I'm going to the Rose Gate. And yourself?"   
Neglecting to answer, he looked at her suspiciously. She had a pensive expression, tears on her face. "What's with you? Why are you in that after you were so proud of yourself in that Student Council uniform?"   
"That uniform got ripped." Strangely, she could answer his interrogations with complete calm.   
"So why do you look like you're on your way to a funeral?"   
"It's my own."   
He raised an eyebrow. "Oh? Finally decided to give up on this life?"   
"No, I wouldn't put it that way."   
"And how would you put it?"   
"An ink-black destiny."   
He laughed viciously. "That's a good one. I'll burn some incense for you."   
"How kind of you. And what are you doing out so early?"   
"Cleaning the dojo, of course. You fool." It should have been obvious, with him in kendo dress.   
They walked in silence for a few moments, until Yumi said rather humbly, "If I may, I'd like to ask you a last favor, as I go to meet my fate."   
"What's that?" he asked, slightly amused.   
"Please forgive him."   
He turned and slapped her to the ground.   
She got to her knees, eyes downcast, holding her bruised cheek. It struck him that she looked just like Anthy.   
But, unlike Anthy, Yumi stood up again.   
"You little slut," he spat. "Don't you presume to know what's going on."   
"Don't you think I wish I didn't?"   
"Exactly what is it you think you know?" Kyouichi narrowed his eyes.   
She replied with the song lyrics. "Unable to do anything, unable to forgive, the two people hurting each other..."   
"Stupid bitch. You've lost it." He continued walking. "Hurry on to your 'ink-black destiny.' I don't need to hear any more of your babbling."   
"But you will, because we happen to be still headed in the same direction."   
"Why the hell _are_ you going to the Rose Gate?"   
"If you really want to know, you'll have to follow me," she said, without knowing why.   
"What, and act as second to your honorable _harakiri_? No thanks. You're on your own, girly."   
"Good. You'd be in danger if you came along."   
He didn't look at her, but she could see she was making him curious. "Oh? Why's that?"   
"You think I'm going to kill myself. It's like that. But not my body. I'm going to give up my soul."   
"What are you talking about?"   
She looked up at him as though expecting him to understand. "I'm going to the castle in the sky."   
He made a skeptical sound. "You have lost it."   
She was quiet as they passed through the main gate, then the entrance lobby. Just before he turned toward the dojo, she said, "If nothing else, please don't forget what I asked you. I'm selling my soul for it." She bowed in farewell.   
Why didn't she feel any resentment toward him? Was she really that far gone already? She couldn't really understand her lack of cruelty.   
"Not much of a deal," he snapped, wanting to hit her again, but deciding she wasn't even worth the trouble. He walked away. He could hear her singing to herself.   
_"Unable to do anything, unable to forgive, there will be those people who hurt each other..."_   
She really was ruthless, he thought. Good riddance.   
Yumi walked across campus and into the forest, where it was still black as night. Thick ivy and branches covered the Rose Gate, but the foliage untangled and withdrew on its own as she approached. It looked considerably more ancient than it had during the duels, lending it an even more mysterious grandeur.   
She thought of him fast asleep in her bed. This was the only path, and she would walk it for him.   
The sun rose behind her. She grasped the handle.   
  
All of the duellists still sleeping woke with a gasp.   
Touga sat up. There was no one beside him.   
"Yumi?"   
He looked around her room. It was utterly silent and empty.   
His elbow crumpled paper, and he picked up the note on the pillow. Dread struck into him.   
_"Yumi, no!—"_   
  
The great spiralling staircase was cracked and crumbling. She got into the gondola and it began its slow, rumbling ascent. Strangely, her uniform changed again to the dueling outfit.   
When she reached the top she saw that the edges of the Arena had all crumbled away, and pieces were fallen from the stone structures where the unseen watchers would be. The great, wide sky was the grey of dawn. But the gondola kept ascending, farther, and farther, toward the Castle of Eternity.   
The eroded Arena dwindled below her. And below that, it seemed that far, far down, perhaps kilometers away, there was a landscape, but not a familiar one. An old one, a magical one, a fairy-tale landscape. Another dimension?   
But it changed as her ascent continued. She could see forests disappear for fields, rivers fill in, towns and cities spring up. All of human history was passing before her eyes, far below.   
The landscape arrived at the present, and the gondola stopped. The tallest spire of the upsidedown castle was just within her reach, a bright orb at the end.   
She stared up at the castle, so close. It was huge, and shining, and silent. It had a strange silence that was almost, somehow, a sound, as though the sound it made was too vast for any ears to comprehend. As though it drew its song back into itself, like light to a black hole.   
Not in the deepest recesses of her mind did it occur to her to turn back. Fate compelled her inexorably forward. She stretched both arms up and touched the bright orb.   
A horrid, agonizing shock went into her. She screamed. She felt a transformation, and then the pain left. She opened her eyes in a room the size of a cathedral with immensely tall windows, and she knew, without looking, that she wore the dress of a Rose Bride.   
Yumi's dress had a slightly different design, however—a more alluring one, as she was no timid and modest Himemiya Anthy. It was dazzling white with black and red trim, the top more ornate and more provocative, the skirt open in the front to show the sheer, sparkling red underskirt. Her tiara was carved with those same filigree designs, flower buds and snowflakes, as the blade of the sword which Touga had drawn from her.   
She knew she was inside the castle. This place seemed to have even less substance than the Arena. It felt like a dream, but different, since this was not the inside of her own mind.   
The footsteps came.   
Ohtori Akio, in full regalia, bowed to her, the courtly bow of a fairy-tale prince. "So you've come."   
"Did it hurt?" she asked. "Did it hurt, when Anthy left you?"   
She meant the words to sting, but if they did, he showed no sign of it. "Of course," he said simply.   
"She left because you destroyed the one she loved." Here, in the castle, it came back to her. She could remember Tenjou Utena now.   
"I didn't destroy Tenjou Utena. I don't even know what happened to her." He got his amused look. "And what might your point be?"   
"My point is, I have one condition. I know creatures like you are bound by a promise."   
He smiled. "Very well. You've proven yourself a force to be reckoned with. Tell me your condition."   
"Touga and Kyouichi. Let them go. Free them, and _never go near him again_. Don't try to play literal-word games with me either; you know what I mean."   
He wouldn't tell her that it was not his power that kept them hating each other. She'd have to see that for herself. Anyway the important part was the part she'd blown up the Tower for. "Yes, I understand. And you, Mayumiare, are bound by your destiny as the new Rose Bride."   
"Swear it."   
"To your condition, I swear." He held out his hand as though asking her to dance.   
She had no fear left in her, though she felt a trickle of revulsion as she gave him her hand. "Then I am the Rose Bride."   
"Done."   
Her ring snapped into pieces like plastic and fell, clinking on the polished stone floor.   
Churchbells pealed wildly. Rose petals of every imaginable color swirled about like elegant confetti. He pulled her into that romantic embrace and, as he kissed her, a numbing ink-black tranquillity descended over her soul.   
It was the tranquillity of his possession. End Of The World had her soul, and she would never have to feel anything again.   
  
Touga burst into the dojo and grabbed a katana from a display rack.   
"What the hell?" Kyouichi exclaimed, busy cleaning. He knew it was something to do with that annoying blow-up doll.   
Touga didn't even look at him, but said as he nearly ran with the sword, "Stay out of it."   
Oh? Touga was telling him to stay out of it? Well that just meant he'd have to get into it, now didn't it.   
Yumi had told him to stay away because he'd be in danger. Touga seemed to be saying the same. Conclusion: Kyouichi had to see what was going on.   
He liked to clean the dojo at sunrise. No one else came around; no one could intrude on the only place he found a semblance of peace. But it could wait. The dojo would still be here tomorrow. Once interrupted, he was unable to get back into that peace.   
He took another katana, unsheathing it a little to check the blade. It looked passable. He thought of taking the short sword as well, though, since Yumi had sounded like she'd need it.   
  
An enormous white rosebud appeared in the center of the Arena. Slowly its petals unfolded, and the bells rang out, and all of the shimmering watchers joined their voices in a huge, tuneless, wordless song. The rose blossomed, and out of the center stepped Akio and Yumi, End Of The World and the Rose Bride, small as pixies against it.   
The Arena was transformed. Around it, beautiful structures of bright stone towered and laced and interlocked, covered with carvings and vines, and with watchers who perched on every ledge, singing. At the edges, paulownia trees thrived in full bloom, and the Arena itself was no longer drab grey stone but a glowing ivory color. It was, more than ever, a place of enchantment.   
"The phoenix is said to roost in paulownia trees," Akio remarked.   
"Never again," snapped the new Rose Bride.   
He laughed. "Yes, of course. That era is over." He took Yumi in his arms as if to carry her over the bridal threshold. There was an elaborate arch with vines of red and white roses through which he walked out of the great rose, and then arch and flower dematerialized.   
"Unhand her." The point of a katana touched Akio's throat.   
He set Yumi down and faced Touga, to whom the new Arena had given a new uniform. It was black, flamboyant and militaristic, with red trim and white cuffs and white cords and plenty of brass ornaments. His hair seemed even deeper red; his expression was angry and valiant.   
Seeing him, so terribly handsome like that, she had the very cliché feeling of falling in love all over again. But she was far away from him now. She could not be near him, only gaze from afar. She did not want him to see her this way. The Rose Bride wanted to hide in the arms of Akio, who would calm the shame and agony of leaving the one she loved to sell her soul.   
"Is this a challenge, _Seitokaichou_?" asked Akio.   
"I'll pay you no such attention. The duels are over. Go back to where you came from."   
Akio laughed, the loud contemptuous laugh of a villain. "Would that I could. What do you think I've been trying to do?"   
Touga withdrew the sword and seized Yumi protectively. "Yumi, what are you doing here?"   
She pushed away, shaking her head, unable to meet his eyes. "I am Mayumiare, the Rose Bride."   
His eyes grew almost fearful. _"What?"_   
"You heard her," said Akio, placing his arm around her. "If you would have her, then fight for her."   
"I won't 'have' her. But I will keep her away from you." Touga took stance, wishing he had it in him to just kill Akio.   
"Touga, don't!" cried Yumi. "Just leave! Please, get away!"   
"Now, Mayumiare," Akio told her, "if he wishes to duel for you, it's your duty to prepare us."   
"You won't fight him with my sword," she said, and immediately doubled over with a sickening agony, the same she'd felt when she tried to take the ring from her finger that time. Akio caught her, amused.   
"Yumi!" Touga yelled.   
"You'll get used to that," said Akio. "The Rose Bride can't disobey me, you see. Anyway, of course, the Sword of Dios is inside you now. Prepare us."   
When her defiance left, so did the pain, like shock therapy. She walked to a point between the two duellists, and two roses appeared between her hands. Eyes downcast, she attached the red rose to Touga's chest. It hurt to be near him. He shouldn't want anything to do with her.   
He caught her hand, trying to look into her eyes, but she flinched as though struck and walked away.   
_Ssh, poor Mayumiare,_ Akio murmured into her mind, numbing her soul. _I'll make it go away. I'll make it stop hurting._   
Yes. This was who she belonged to. Her place was in the dark of a planetarium, where anything that hurt her had no more substance than fake stars. She attached the purple rose to Akio's chest.   
"Rose of the noble castle, Power of Dios that sleeps within me, heed your master and come forth..."   
The light gathered between her hands, at her solar plexus, and Akio caught her around the waist and took the Sword of Dios. "Give me the power to revolutionize the world!"   
At least, it was almost the Sword of Dios. It was just like the Sword of Dios, except that where the guard should have been, a paulownia flower was obstinately stuck. Very curious.   
"Hmm." He looked at the sword and flicked the flower with his other hand, trying to see if it would come off. It sparked at him, like a jolt of static electricity, as Yumi cried out and clutched her head. He tried it again and she cried out louder.   
"Stop it!" shouted Touga, though he didn't understand what was hurting her.   
Akio saw that he could get rid of the flower design and make it the true Sword of Dios, but it would kill this Rose Bride and put her power out of his reach. He couldn't very well remove the core of her being and expect her to live, after all.   
He turned to his challenger. "So take the Rose Bride, if you can."   
"She is not the Rose Bride!" Touga charged.   
Once again she could hear the strange music clearly, the lyrics of the watchers who sang during the duels. But the style was different for the new Rose Bride, perhaps more romantic and less enigmatic. _"Ah, build your skyscrapers higher!   
It's Sisyphus and his rock; all will tumble down.   
Ah, build your computers faster!   
It's Icarus and his wings; all will melt and crash.   
What drives civilization? Is it the end of innocence?"_   
They fought, and it occurred to Yumi that this must be what every girl dreamed of, to have handsome princes sword-fighting over her. To be a princess in a rose garden, in a shining castle. So strange that a dream in the hearts of all girls would in truth be the darkest destiny, which one had to sell her soul to meet.   
And this was her destiny, to watch the one she loved fighting the one who possessed her now, in this beautiful place of magic, this dimension of dark sorcery. She found herself hoping that Touga would lose. If she was to belong to him it must be by choice, not by duty. And how could he and the one _he_ loved reconcile with another Rose Bride between them? _"The glittering cities full of   
Everyday gods.   
Cry for this psychosomatic revolution:   
Capitalism, agnosticism, all are the same.   
Neon lights shine brighter than stars." _It hurt. Every time the swords clashed, it hurt. She couldn't tell if it was because her sword was being used against him, or because the Rose Bride always felt it when the Sword of Dios struck something.   
Her sword should not be fighting him. But he had to lose. He must lose and walk away.   
There was no telling who would win. Touga fought with anger, however, and Akio fought with none.   
Why did he have to fight? Shouldn't there be some new generation of duellists, people she didn't care about? This was too dramatic. It was beautiful to watch, and terrifying.   
He still did not know that he was fighting the man who had violated him... _"Hail your new prophets!   
Your salarymen and office ladies,   
Your tech support and pop idols.   
Heed the exhortation!   
Beauty is the be-all; bed is the end-all.   
Dreams are poison; love is a myth.   
This is the reborn truth." _So that she wouldn't think too deeply, she made herself become caught up in watching them, like an opera, like a swashbuckler movie—watching like one of the unseen audience she began as. Every one of Touga's movements was so elegant, so refined with skill, even through his anger. He never faltered, a black and red blur, too perfect to be real. The Shining Prince.   
And Akio was just as elegant, with his grace born of darkness, fighting effortlessly with the devil's luck. "Do you really want to be engaged to her?" he taunted. "She won't stop being the Rose Bride if you win her, you know. You should have learned that from Utena and the last Rose Bride."   
"Of course she won't stop being the Rose Bride," Touga retorted, "because she never started."   
"Oh, but she did. I'm not sure she appreciates your denial, either. She did it for you. She wants you to leave her for the one you love."   
Stricken, Touga faltered then, just for that moment. Akio smiled as he saw the opening, and lunged. _"The glittering cities full of   
Everyday gods.   
Cry for this post-modernist destiny:   
Seduction, salvation, all are the same.   
In a world too civilized to live, there are no princes!   
Only everyday gods,   
Lost children and everyday gods." _"TOUGA!" Yumi screamed, despite herself. She felt power blast out of her.   
The Sword of Dios shattered. Akio held only the hilt. Intrigued, he let Touga make the final strike.   
Purple rose petals floated away. Touga, grim in victory, put his arm around Yumi defensively. Since he didn't need it any more, the katana disappeared along with the pieces of her Sword of Dios. He held her tightly, and she had the feeling of rightness, of belonging, but she knew it was more the Rose Bride's than her own feeling.   
"Why are you doing this? This won't make you happy."   
"I've told you before, Touga-sama. I want your happiness more than my own."   
He looked at her in consternation. She heard her words, too, and got a look of fear. They were spoken formally, as the Rose Bride to the Engaged. Coming from her, they were completely wrong.   
"Yumi, this doesn't make me happy either! I don't want you to be like this!"   
"I am not part of your happiness. I am only the Rose Bride." She wasn't controlling her own words. She meant what she said, but they didn't come out the way she wanted. She wanted to raise her voice at him, to tell him to get away, but she was engaged to him now, and had no power to do so.   
This wasn't how it was supposed to go.   
"Yumi, stop! This isn't you! Stop it!"   
_Why? Why did you lose to him!?_ she shouted in her mind at End Of The World. _You have to let them go! You're bound by your word!_   
_Foolish girl, you broke the Sword of Dios. You always want to belong to him,_ he replied. _You seemed to want it so badly I thought you should let you have your choice, even though the Rose Bride isn't supposed to have one. But this isn't over yet. We have another contender._   
Kyouichi appeared, having walked up the spiral staircase. He too now had a different uniform, in the same style as Touga's, black jacket and white pants. Holding his katana, he stared in bewilderment. "What happened to this place..." Then he saw Touga and Yumi. Everything stabbed fiercely into his heart, making him want to fight, the only way he could live with himself. "Is she—?"   
Akio smiled. "Yes. Mayumiare is the new Rose Bride."   
"Mayumiare...?" Then Kyouichi pointed the sword at Touga. "I knew it! 'Stay out of this,' huh? You won't keep me from the power of eternity!"   
"She is not the Rose Bride!" said Touga.   
"Don't try to play me for a fool any more! This time, I'll have the Power of Dios!"   
Touga looked helplessly at Yumi, indicating that she had to prepare for another duel.   
"NO! Please, don't fight!" cried Yumi. The searing pain lanced into her, but now that she knew what it was, she fought it. "I will not—allow this—I will not..." She fell, grimacing, into Touga's arms, and shouted, _"I will not allow it!"_   
"Yumi!"   
She squeezed her eyes shut against tears of pain. Light flashed behind her eyes. Just as she was about to lose consciousness, it stopped. She stood up weakly, her breath labored.   
"What is this?" demanded Kyouichi.   
_You're far too stubborn to be a Rose Bride, but I'll indulge you for now,_ said the amused voice of Akio in her head. _If you cannot bear to see your favorite lovers locked in battle, there is one other path that might suit you better._   
As he said it a long, narrow pathway leading to a huge ornate door appeared between the paulownia trees at one end of the Arena. _Now, let your rival sleep._   
Yumi knew what he meant. It was the Rose Bride's magic. She left Touga's side and walked over to Kyouichi. Touga said her name nervously, and Kyouichi watched her with his head cocked, waiting to see what she would do.   
If she hadn't become the Rose Bride, it might have made her feel sluttish. She stood tall and softly put her lips to Kyouichi's. He got a look of shock before he vanished.   
"What!?" yelled Touga.   
"Let us see what path the Rose Bride will take," said Akio, and turned to the pathway.   
"What's going on? Yumi, what are you doing?"   
She stood in front of Touga once more, eyes down and hands clasped in the manner of her station. "We must follow him."   
"Why?"   
Again she doubled over with pain, making a strangled sound, but soon she recovered.   
"That's why," Akio said without turning back. He began walking the narrow path that had no visible means of support.   
Touga glared, nearly shaking with anger. His arm around Yumi's waist, they followed. They walked silently through the sky for time out of mind.   
Mists parted, revealing that the great door was to the castle, colossal and shining. Touga, holding Yumi to him, gazed up at it in awe, anger and everything else forgotten. Truth, destiny, eternity, revolution—all the power was here.   
Akio stood in front of the door, facing them. "Now, give her the Sword of Dios."   
Yumi intoned the spell again, and, knowing that it would cause her pain if he disobeyed, Touga drew the sword from her. It floated in the air before she grasped it herself.   
"Open the door." Akio moved aside.   
Yumi swung the sword but once, and there was a creaking sound as of a huge lock being released, then the doors swung open. Myriad gates clinked and opened behind the doors, and a blinding brightness shone out.   
"What's happening?" cried Touga, shielding his eyes. She turned to him, just as mystified.   
_Let him sleep,_ Akio commanded.   
_If you dare harm him..._ Yumi left the thought unfinished.   
The mental voice laughed. _I wouldn't dare._   
The light began to fade, and she touched Touga's face and kissed him. He vanished, but she knew he was only inside the castle. She walked through the doors, dwarfed by what must be a grand hall, and Akio followed close behind her. The room seemed to have no ceiling, it was so immense. Bluish light, like moonlight, shone from above, and through stained glass windows with the rose motif. Disjointed architectural structures stood oddly around, as if finding themselves there by accident, and chains looped around and criss-crossed from them like a bizarre spiderweb. Caught in the center of the tangle of chains was a person, but Yumi wasn't looking at that. She had dropped the Sword of Dios with a clang and run in dismay to the open coffin full of red roses, where Touga lay.   
He was only sleeping, and in fact, he was beautiful like that. It was a morbid beauty, to be sure, but still... She knelt beside him, stroking his hair. Akio stood beside her, holding the Sword of Dios with its residual paulownia flower.   
"That scared me," she complained.   
"Sorry," Akio said, probably not seriously. "This place has a thing with coffins, if you hadn't noticed."   
"Or you do. What is this all about?"   
"I'm making you a proposal. You don't have to take it, but I think you'll want to. They're too caught up in the duels; they'll fight for the Rose Bride all over again. You wanted a different path, so I'm offering you one. If you choose this way, he can be yours and yours alone."   
"What?" Hope flared in her heart, avaricious hope, more like greed. She narrowed her eyes. "What's the catch? What's in this for you?"   
"There's no 'catch.' All I ask for in return is your power."   
"My power?"   
"Yes. The power that gives you strength when you're angry and lets you cause explosions to defend him. The power that comes from the mystery of your origin. Give that to me, and I can grant all of your dreams."   
Yumi exhaled skeptically. "Don't you have plenty of power like that?"   
"Tenjou Utena stole most of it. You can restore it."   
"I see." Her hand was clutching Touga's, but Akio took her other hand, indicating she should get to her feet. He led her to the tangle of chains. Suspended there was Kyouichi, eyes dark and unaware, no more conscious than a sleepwalker. She stared, her eyebrows drawn.   
He held out the sword, hilt toward her. She gasped and backed away.   
"No! Are you mad!? I can't—!"   
"You won't kill him," said Akio. "This is how it works. You'll erase his past, erase him from everyone's memory. He'll wake up at the other end of the country, never having gone to Ohtori Academy, never having met Touga, as far as anyone knows. Give me your power, and I can even fix it so that Touga's feelings are turned to you."   
"So I'll be the one he can't forgive!?" she cried.   
"Of course not. We can erase that part as well. No, you'll simply have his love."   
The yearning that took hold of her, in a soul that wasn't supposed to feel any more, was enough to make her shudder. In her deepest hidden heart, the most human part of her, that was what she wanted, more than she wanted her next breath. _Touga, all to myself. Touga, mine..._   
If...if he loved her...then that would be his happiness...   
But he already had someone. How selfish would she be? How _human_?   
For that pure love, the altruistic longing for another's happiness, that was the stuff of fairy tales. It did not exist by itself. She was no pure- hearted angel, she was human, and human beings could not subsist on that purity any more than on pure water alone. It was, after all, killing her. A human needed to be loved in return.   
To feel that infinite bursting joy, and have it be true! To have him turn to her with eyes not ice blue but burning as if full of stars, his voice speaking those words she always tried to deny wanting to hear! To laugh together, or maybe cry; to go to college and live together and perhaps even end up with too-cute children with hair the color of crimson dawn, to look at beautiful things together forever...to be his happiness...   
Tears of terrible longing fell down her cheeks.   
To escape that numb blackness of her destiny, and into eternal happiness.   
And why would End Of The World let her do that? "You won't do it," she spat. "You can't. How can I be the Rose Bride then?"   
"Let me have your power, and I will, for as you know I am bound by my word. It's true, you will no longer be the Rose Bride. I see now that you cannot play the part, since at the core of your being is love for a duellist." He looked pointedly at the flower stuck on the sword. "No, you'll be...the Paulownia Bride."   
"If I am not the Rose Bride, what reason will you have to keep my condition!?"   
"Oh, I will. You'll still be significant as the Paulownia Bride. You'll be obliged to carry out anything else I ask of you."   
"Like what, give you my firstborn child, Rumplestiltskin?"   
He smiled. "I couldn't ask that much of you. You're barren, Mayumiare."   
She blushed angrily. How come he knew a thing like that, which she didn't know about herself?   
"Well, that could be a temporary condition. Even I can't see the future. But you...can choose it."   
She could not believe in this possibility. She'd spent too much time denying it. And she could not believe that good could come of anything done by End Of The World.   
This was completely wrong. It was like trying to get rid of a headache by banging her head on the wall and then stopping. Most likely, it wouldn't work too well. How did he come up with such a dumb idea? She just couldn't do it...   
She was in Touga's arms suddenly, and he lifted her face and kissed her with passion, that melting mind-numbing kiss that always smothered her rational side—weak to begin with.   
This new path, it didn't matter if it was right. It was...her own happiness. Weren't human beings supposed to fight for their own happiness? She should be fighting for nothing more than to be by his side and in his heart, and to hell with everyone else.   
His kiss ended and then he stood beside her, holding a bunch of dandelions with their spiky leaves for her. But his eyes were as dull as Kyouichi's; he was still under the spell. Akio had only called him to do that to kill her resistance.   
"Believe me," said Akio, "I can do this for you. Your powers are that rich. If I go back on my word, of course, the power will return to you."   
She closed her eyes, trying to see where this path would lead. Humanity...would make her inhuman. How? How, if she truly loved him, could she be this selfish?   
"Love is selfish, Mayumiare." She opened her eyes, facing her "rival." She took her Sword of Dios.   
This wasn't just for herself. This was the only path with a chance of Touga's happiness. He and Kyouichi would never forgive each other. They would go on like that forever, loving and hating all at the same time, fighting and seducing, those two people who hurt each other, to the end of time. No matter how much she begged them, no matter how many times she sold her soul. She was the one with the strength to love him. She would be his happiness.   
She held the sword in both hands, aiming it for the one caught in the tangle of chains. She would not be killing him. She would only be setting him free from a destiny he was unable to face.   
A destiny...that was not hers.   
The moonlit dojo came back again. It was all warped, and cruel...but someday...   
Someday...   
That was beauty. That was truth. For her to be his happiness would be a lie. Akio would erase it from her memory too, but here, at the crossroads, she knew.   
Her destiny was to defend the dream that would kill her.   
There was one alternate path—one true path. She turned the sword on herself.   
"NO!" Akio stretched his hand toward her, flinging all of his remaining power into wrenching the sword away. But it didn't even waver. It was still her own sword, and she had her own power.   
Light sparked along the Sword of Dios and it transformed back into the sword of her heart, the Paulownia Sword. Like a shamed samurai, she plunged it into her body with all her strength. She made a cry at once of pain and triumph.   
"You _FOOL!_" shouted Akio, his voice echoing thunderously in the empty hall. Still he tried to pull her back, to undo what she'd done to herself, though he knew it was no use. As she doubled over, blood beginning to stain her white gown where the blade protruded from her back, bright shapes appeared and unfurled from her shoulder blades. Great radiant wings stretched out with a flurry of shining feathers, lifting her for a moment, her face turned up again and her arms open as though to receive the benefaction of heaven. The castle crumbled around them, falling to insubstantial pieces and leaving them once more in the Arena. Now, towering metal structures held electric lines that crossed and hummed with energy high above, and the bells chimed with deeper reverberations than ever.   
The expression on Akio's face changed from furious shock to furious awe. The spell on Touga and Kyouichi broke, and they too stared.   
The unseen watchers all bowed in reverence. "A goddess!" the cry rang out. "She is a goddess!" They had to hide their eyes from the blinding brightness of her soul.   
"Yumi...?" Touga whispered.   
The wings dissolved, the bright feathers floating down and out and away. Yumi too floated slowly to the ground, where she stood for a moment, her face still turned skyward with eyes closed and a look of utter serenity. And the sword through her body.   
Touga screamed her name, a harsh sound of raw grief, as he ran to her and she fell into his arms. Kyouichi flinched from the sound of it.   
He knew better than to take the sword out of her; it would only leave the wound gaping open; but how he wanted to get rid of it... "Yumi, no... No. Why?" His voice broke. "Yumi, why?"   
Kyouichi turned away and started back down the spiral stairs. He couldn't watch someone die, not even an annoying blow-up doll, and especially not in Touga's arms.   
Touga fell to his knees, holding her. She tried not to grimace. She hadn't thought it would hurt so much; she'd already been dealing with gut-wrenching agony today. But this was different. This was...death.   
Dying, in the arms of the one she loved. She put her hand to his face, gazing on him with final tenderness. He was so beautiful...   
"I love you..." She coughed.   
"Don't leave. Please." He clutched her hand against his cheek. Tears were gathering in his eyes. "Yumi, please!"   
"I'm sorry... Touga, don't. Don't be sad. If it makes you sad, don't remember me at all. We knew it had to be this way. It's alright. I was not born in your world, and I cannot stay..."   
"No! That isn't true! You're better at living in this world than anyone I've known!"   
"Dandelions don't bloom for very long..."   
"Stop it! Don't leave!"   
"I won't leave..." She took a shuddering breath, her voice faint. "I might disappear, but truly, I'll never leave you. Because I want you to find again what you lost. It's still there..." She coughed again, convulsing with pain, blood trickling from the corner of her death-pale lips.   
"Yumi, no!" He hunched over her, wracked with guilt and grief, his tears falling onto her face. "I love you! I love you!" _Koi shiteru_—in that moment, it was true. In her last moment he felt all the desperate longing she wanted.   
He was...crying?   
Weakly, she smiled, a smile of bliss and regret and all her true feelings. With her last strength she pulled his face to hers and kissed his cheek softly with a little lick, tasting his tears. Her vision was fading, seeming to grow at once lighter and darker.   
He was so impossibly beautiful. This was how whe would have wanted her last sight with human eyes to be.   
A sob broke from him. She put her fingers over his lips, and then her hand fell, and her eyes closed, leaving a sweet look on her face as if she were only dreaming. She felt a vast rushing, like a wave crashing over her head. It bore her away from her body, and the sound of his weeping that pierced into her soul was lost in the great current. 


	11. okui masami : over the end

//Chapter break in the middle of the pot-induced climactic scene. The Sueness gets ever worse. But hey, last chapter. The ordeal is almost over. It's sad how much fun this was to write.//   
  
  
  
Akio, still unfamiliar with hopeless rage, paced furiously. Why had this failed? He couldn't believe that he had actually _under_estimated the force of human selfishness. It was ridiculous, almost ironic. His head throbbed from the effort he'd put forth trying to revive her. It hadn't had the slightest effect.   
If she had the power to destroy herself against his will, did she have the power to destroy him?   
His last bid for power was not completely gone, however. Her soul was still here. If he could harness it somehow... He might just be able to if he played everything right. The triangle was a most potent figure. If he could find out how to use the connection between her and Touga and Kyouichi...   
Kyouichi had run away. Typical. He'd spent too much energy trying to keep her here to notice her rival escaping. Well, he still had the one she loved at his mercy.   
Suddenly a huge brightness gathered in the sky. It was vivid amber, the color of autumn sunlight on gingko leaves turning. The color of a fairy-girl's eyes.   
The light looped and swirled about the Arena and finally came to a wisping, flowing halt beside Akio and Touga weeping over the fallen Rose Bride.   
It was Mayumiare's spirit, in the form of an Eastern dragon.   
Touga couldn't see it; she had no more substance now than her original form. But considerably more power.   
She glared at Akio with eyes of crimson dawn, and roared, a sound like a tidal wave. She didn't need words to make herself understood. For a split second he was almost afraid.   
_Meet your own destiny, Prince of Darkness._   
  
She was borne up to a place of light, of complete tranquillity. Shifting landscapes sparkled, laughter tinkled.   
_Am I...home?_ wondered her spirit-voice.   
A figure of warm light took shape before her. She knew the word to describe the figure was "motherly," although she had no mother, and her only point of reference was little Yumi's mother on the beach. The goddess—for that was the figure's nature, she knew, in the sense that humans thought of gods and goddesses rather than unseen watchers did—radiated a feeling that reminded her of a rare moment of Juri's compassion, but the goddess was always that way.   
_This is a place like your homeland,_ said the goddess. _But it is inhabited by different beings. It is a waystation for human souls._   
_Who are you?_   
She felt, rather than saw, the goddess laugh. _There's no one answer to that question. Where you live, they call me...oh, I believe it's Kannon._   
Comprehension dawned on Yumi, except for one part. _Live? But...I'm dead. I died..._   
_I don't say "dead" until you leave the waystation,_ replied Kannon. _But your circumstances are peculiar. A not- quite birth leads to a not-quite death, it seems._   
_What are you saying?_   
_The place where you left your body was a half-reality. It was not a true human dimension. And for that reason, your path branches again. You can return, if you choose._   
She remembered Touga's grief at her departure. His tears...so beautiful...but if she could avoid making him cry then so she must. A dead girl was no better than a Rose Bride at healing that rift. _Yes. I must return._   
_You are as brave as your friends say,_ Kannon beamed. _Follow me._   
She had left him alone with Akio—whom she had defied. _NOW!_ she exploded.   
_Ouch! Calm, Yumi._ Kannon put metaphysical hands on her, quieting her anxiety with the compassionate serenity for which the goddess was known. _Don't worry. Time does not exist here._   
  
Miteki sat bolt upright in bed, her face wet with tears. Dreaming, she had seen Yumi's death; waking, she knew it had just happened.   
She couldn't think. Maybe in the back of her mind there was the mad hope that it had really been just a nightmare. She had to see someone—she had to see Miki. Why, she didn't know, she just had to find someone...   
Someone to tell her it wasn't true...   
But it was. She knew the difference between nightmares and psychic visions. This was her curse.   
Chest aching, she threw on her uniform and staggered out into the morning sunlight. The day was too pretty for this to have happened. Why, some part of her wondered bleakly as she ran, why had she not foreseen something this brutal and devastating? It made no sense that she hadn't seen it until the actual time of the event...that was not the way her curse worked...   
She had no way to figure it out; the voices were too loud, the voices telling her that by becoming Miteki's friend Yumi had marked herself for tragic death, that people were better off dead than being around someone like her... The voices never said anything about actual cause and effect, and they said nothing now about the real cause for which Yumi had died.   
She reached the music room, knowing that Miki was already there.   
Miki was playing the piano, and Juri was leaning on a windowsill sipping cold, sweet vending machine coffee. They had been startled awake by a strange, unsettling feeling at dawn, and met in the hallway of the Student Council dorm, both wondering what had happened. So they had gone to the music room to wait for something that might tell them.   
Miki was absorbed in "The Sunlit Garden," but Juri heard footsteps running, and what might be a sob. Alert as a wildcat, she looked up as the cause of the disturbance revealed itself.   
Miteki clamored onto the scene, her despairing cry at odds with the gentle strains of Miki's song. "Yumi-chan's dead! Yumi- chan's dead, she's dead!"   
"Wha—!?" Miki shouted, missing notes with a discordant bang as he stopped playing and jerked his head around.   
"I saw it in a dream! She's dead!" Miteki hiccuped and broke down. Tears started in Miki's eyes too as he ran to her.   
Juri stared blankly, putting down her can of coffee. She didn't believe it. It was easy to draw the conclusion that Yumi had finally given up—too easy. It couldn't be right. The way he was now, Touga wouldn't have wanted her to, and the way she had always been, that alone would have kept her from taking her own life. There was some other side to this.   
"How? Why?" Juri stepped away from the window. "Kodama, I'm sorry to have to ask, but what did you see?"   
Miteki cried harder. _Why_ was the saddest part of all, and _why_ was the secret that Yumi would have wanted her to keep.   
"But where is he?" Miki whispered roughly. "He was staying with her..."   
"He was there," sobbed Miteki. "He was there—and she died to protect—to protect—she killed herself—rather than—" She couldn't finish; she must not. She had sworn to Yumi, and she was not so terrible as to make postmortem betrayals. But nor could she let people believe that Yumi had only succumbed to despair. "She didn't give up! She said she was going to fight to the death for it! She—she sacrificed herself!"   
"What?" Miki blurted. "What did she have to protect like that!?"   
Juri looked at the floor. "It's something she never wanted us to know. Am I right?"   
Miteki nodded, tears streaming. Miki's face was wet now too.   
"There are things here we can't understand," Juri murmured, like a eulogy. "We think of ourselves as having reached a point too civilized for warriors and martyrs. But she saw something lost, something so beautiful it was worth dying to revive it, or just to call attention to its absence. We called her _Maigo_, but all the rest of us are the lost children." Juri was almost suprised to feel a tear fall down her own cheek. The last time she could remember crying was when she was ten and her cat had died. Funny, the cat had had bright amber eyes too.   
  
Kannon stepped into a current of light, and Yumi followed. She felt that huge rushing again, and then she was back in the Arena, where Touga held her lifeless body and Akio stood trying to form a last-ditch scheme.   
Now, freed from mortal shape, the extent of her power of which Akio had spoken became clear to her. She had the power. It was made of her love.   
_Good luck,_ murmured Kannon, in the guise of an unseen watcher.   
Yumi's spirit moved toward him, twining around his exquisite sorrowing form, basking in the warmth of her own feelings, drawing her energy from his heart that he had found enough to cry.   
Akio moved toward him as well, placing a hand upon his head in what should have been compassion, but with End Of The World was only scheming and lust. Touga didn't even notice, so Akio ran caressing fingers through the vivid red hair...   
She tensed, and then shot up into the sky, swirling into bright form. This form was suitable to her power. She tested it, flying her sinuous length about the Arena, and then faced her enemy, roaring a challenge.   
She could see the beginning of the tiniest edge of fear in his jade eyes. Then he smiled darkly in reply.   
Ohtori Akio left his body to collapse slowly to the ground. Blackness burst into the sky, twisting into the form of a dark bird—a phoenix, its lush feathers bright jade and black and every shadow-color inbetween. Its mocking eyes were intense glowing purple, beak and talons cruel as an eagle's.   
But she had her own razor teeth and talons.   
The bird screamed. _Two can play that game. But you cannot defeat me, for I am Darkness! Burn me with all the fire of your true feelings, and I will rise anew from the ashes!_   
Touga looked up, realizing something was happening, though he had no idea what. Akio had fallen? What was going on now...? Not that it mattered, with him holding a dead girl.   
_Protect him!_ cried Kannon the watcher, seeing that he would become a casualty on the battlefield. The watcher called Athanynth echoed the cry, and then the myriads took it up as well, and they all formed a shimmering cloud of protection around Touga, all except the imps and other dark ones. "Dude, no fair!" the imps shouted, and did the same for Akio's body.   
The effect of the cloud of watchers was that, looking through so many of them, Touga could actually see what they saw. And what they saw was a huge golden dragon and a great shadow-colored phoenix circling and glaring, about to battle.   
The dragon growled. _I may not defeat you forever, but I will defeat you here!_ The words flared in Touga's head, though really there were none. He stared, wide-eyed, knowing that something of import was happening though he could not understand it.   
The phoenix made a mocking cry. _Here, in my own realm? This is my dimension. It obeys my laws. I can trap him here and never release him..._   
Electric lines snapped free and moved to ensnare Touga, but the unseen ones were enough to deflect them.   
_Your army of unseen cicadas?_ the phoenix cackled. _Well, they can't protect him from everything._   
Touga gasped in pain, clutching at his head, as he was not one to cry out. But he trembled, his breath shuddering.   
The dragon curled around him and let out an air-shaking roar, making the metal towers quiver and pebbles fall from the intricate stone structures. _It matters not where! I WILL DESTROY THOSE WHO HURT HIM!_   
The wires crept toward Yumi's serpentine form, but she writhed effortlessly away, charging for Akio.   
He flew about so quickly it was as much as teleportation, shrieking with bird-laughter. _So you always say, but you passed up your chance to destroy the one who causes him the most pain!_   
_You know nothing,_ growled the dragon. _I am the defender of the lost dream. I will restore the destiny you stole._   
_How adorable. Fighting for dead lies! The fairy-girl thinks she's so noble...but of course there is that nobility in fighting for a doomed cause._ The dragon and phoenix swirled and lunged, striking but scarcely wounding.   
He was unsure what tactics to use. If he made her angrier, would it get her to make a vital mistake, or would it give her more power in this form? What he had to do was make her afraid. But anger too should work. Everyone knew that hate opened the door to darkness. Yes, her righteous wrath would be her downfall.   
_I can kill him here in my realm. I can seal off this dimension so the two of you can never leave. You'll have your wish after all, alone with him for all eternity.   
Think you know so much about humanity, don't you? Apparently you missed the part that I'm not at the top of my wish list.   
And more the fool you are for it!_ he cackled. _You went about the wrong way proving it. For now that you've disobeyed me, it's him I'll punish...as I did before..._ He flung the images into her spirit, images from long ago of a pretty red-haired boy fleeing the tall dark figure; overtaken, struggling uselessly, clothes torn open, pinned down, finally resigning glassy-eyed as butterflies alighted on him and the shadow above him grinned in vicious pleasure—   
The dragon whipped violently from one end of the Arena to the other, trying to escape the assault of horrors from the past, roaring a sound that would surely have split the earth apart were it anywhere nearby. Touga pressed his hands to his ears in pain.   
_Why, I don't even have to lift a talon,_ Akio laughed. _You'll kill him with that sound you're making._   
She couldn't hear, nor even see anything over her own rage. It was shaking the very Arena, causing metal structures to squeal and chunks of stone to fall. She wanted to fly higher but the electric lines closed her in, for she was afraid of their dark humming energy. She thrashed around aimlessly, and didn't avoid the wires that he sent to snag around her.   
Suddenly, she was caught. She should have been able to break away, but Akio felt her hatred fueling his power. The more she wanted him to suffer and die, the more she fell into his grasp.   
The phoenix screamed triumphantly. _So I know so little about you, do I? I created you, and I know how to destroy you. Same thing, in fact..._   
_YOU'LL NEVER HAVE HIM!_ the golden dragon shrieked, her satiny scales standing on end. _NEVER! NEVER!!_   
_He has always been mine. Even you with all your _tennyo_ powers cannot set him free._ He threw the past at her, again and again, the broken boy and the butterflies, the degeneration and the rivalry that later would leave Kyouichi crying alone; the wretched shamed scream in a cabbage field that was the sound of rent destiny...   
The great shadow-bird landed on the dragon, perching behind her head to arch his neck and look intently down into her furious crimson eyes. _You missed your chance for a fair trade-off. Now here's your choice. You can give me your power and return to your destiny as the Rose Bride—_   
The phoenix spread his wings again. Cabbage heads sproated from the floor of the Arena, and white butterflies rose from them and fluttered about...toward Touga.   
_—or you can watch a real live flashback...   
Yeah? How badly do you want your own fate sealed!?_ the dragon roared deafeningly, and whipped her head around to snap at the phoenix who cawed with laughter.   
With the look of a frightened animal, Touga glanced up warily from where he was still bent over Yumi's body. The mass of unseen ones fought to keep the butterflies away from him, but they were small and devious creatures. Touga looked in terror to the sky, where he could still see the phoenix and dragon in battle, except the dragon was losing.   
Then it dawned on him completely. It was some kind of spirit duel between Yumi and Akio...and she was losing, because Akio was using him against her...   
Trying not to look, he took the hilt of the sword that was his name and pulled it from her body, hating the sound it made as it left her flesh. New tears spilled over when he blinked, and he set her body down softly, then stood, ready to fight for her with the sword stained by her blood.   
The butterflies tried more violently to swarm at him, and the cabbage heads struck old terror in his heart, but he knew they were there only for that purpose. And to make Yumi angry. He trembled, and he wept, but he stood.   
_What will it be, Mayumiare? How much can you stand to see him suffer?_ The phoenix dug his talons into her neck. She roared again, incoherent rage.   
Cold with fear, tears shining on his face, Touga called her name.   
The sword he held was still connected to her. She felt him take it up, the sword of her heart, and when he called her name, all the hate and fury and horror left her. The dragon closed her eyes and dissolved in a shower of bright golden scales.   
The phoenix didn't miss the chance. There was the connection, like a gleaming strand from Yumi's now formless spirit to her sword in Touga's hands. Akio swooped and grasped it in his talons, then took his beak to it, drawing its power into him. It was the rich energy of her being. His feathers sparked and glistened blackly as he absorbed it.   
Touga didn't understand what was happening now, but he felt an odd pulling on the sword. She had disappeared. He yelled her name again, not even knowing that he was defending her that way, with the power of the name by which he knew her.   
Her spirit seemed to wake again from the darkness of Akio stealing her energy. The one she loved was calling her, and she would go to him. Her spirit took a shape like her body formed of brightness, and floated down to him, like Dios used to float down from the castle to Utena...   
The unseen watchers parted for her, and all the butterflies nearby broke into fragments and evaporated. She stretched bright spirit-hands toward him, glowing with her feelings, and met him in a kiss that was more like a sunbeam on his face. He felt her warmth flow into him, into the Paulownia Sword he held.   
There was one last sacrifice she could make. She took power from his tears, power from the truth of her love and everything she existed to protect. She _became_ her own sword, so that it was like sunlight in his hands and he felt her presence in it. Ringing softly, it transformed into a blade of light, shining with the brilliant radiance of her spirit. The brightness inside her.   
The connection snapped out of Akio's reach. But he had regained enough power now to seal them both here and use them against each other for as long as he needed. He retreated back into his body, jade and shadow feathers swirling away, and got to his feet. Yumi's body, in her bloodstained Rose Bride dress, lay in a coffin of white roses, where the white butterflies gathered. Horrified, Touga swatted the insects away, but it was the sword of light that destroyed them, making the butterflies burst into flame and vanish when the blade drew near.   
"Well?" said Akio. "Do you want me to revive her?"   
Touga almost flinched in painful hope. Did he have that kind of power?...   
_Don't listen to him!_ Yumi shouted in his head. _He'll make you sell your soul for me, and he'll keep my soul for himself. Strike him! Touga, strike him down and destroy his hold over us!_   
But how could he? If there was some kind of chance for Yumi...how could he ruin it?   
_I will live again,_ she told him, her spirit voice warm and sweet. _I love you. I will never leave you if it makes you cry. Strike him, so we can live free. We have the power._ The sword shone yet more brightly. _I promise. I'll come back._   
She always told him the truth. If she said she would live again, then he would fight so that she was not doomed to live as a Rose Bride. He would avenge her, as true chivalry demanded.   
Not to be caught unarmed, Akio drew a sword from the air, a Sword of Dios made of blackness that was all his own power.   
It should have been more than enough to parry the blow. But light always cut through darkness.   
Touga struck, slicing through the dark sword as easily as through thin air. The sword of light impaled Akio, and Touga let go of it, leaving it there to destroy him. Akio staggered back, face haggard in shock. The sword through him became a blinding brightness, and he yelled in pain. The Arena shook as though with an earthquake, fit to ruin it once and for all.   
Touga flung himself over Yumi's body, trying to protect her so she could keep her promise, as the Arena crumbled into nothing.   
  
She was light.   
She existed as a sunbeam, glowing with her last radiance. It hurt, but it was beautiful; blissful suffering, the core of her being...   
She hadn't told him what she was giving up for him. She was shining all of her light into the overpowering darkness, banishing the shadows forever from that which she had to protect.   
And the truth was that this light was the thread which held her together. She would return to her body; she would not die; but soon she would disappear just as she'd appeared. Her soul was formed of this light, and now she gave all its energy to banish the darkness.   
It was not the sorrow that would make her body dissolve, her atoms drift apart. For that too was part of the light, of her destiny. Sending all of her fire outward to burn the phoenix, leaving nothing to keep her in human form—that was how she would go.   
Shining bright as a star, formed of the void, returning to void.   
She knew only the brilliant force of her love, until finally, the darkness was filled, and her small broken spirit had nothing left but the empty pain of her feelings gone.   
  
They were in the planetarium, but much havoc had been wreaked. It looked as though several explosions had rocked the place. All of the windows were shuttered, though pieces had fallen from some of the shutters, letting bits of sunlight filter in. But most of the illumination came from the center of the room, where the great globes were cracked open, the pieces scattered, to reveal the blindingly bright lights behind the phantom stars.   
_She has smashed the world's shell,_ thought Touga with strange clarity, _to reveal the shining light within..._   
He looked around, frightened for a moment, but Yumi was sprawled beside him. She was in the normal girls' uniform, which was torn and frayed, but there was no wound, no blood. He took her into his arms and her eyes opened slowly.   
Although she knew she had stopped breathing and her body had ceased to function, Yumi couldn't pinpoint the moment when she started again. She ached all over. Light stung her eyes, and then Touga floated into focus.   
She should have said "I love you." She should have been able to say it; her mouth almost formed the words out of habit. But she did not feel it. She felt empty. Her heart was a wasteland in nuclear winter, as though a hollow-sounding wind blew through her, leaving only the memory of a shining fairy-tale castle.   
He cried her name and held her to him, so grateful to see her alive after all, not knowing that she had made a greater sacrifice than her life.   
She had sacrificed her identity.   
Her hands tangled into his hair, because they were used to doing so. The gesture had no meaning to her.   
He looked in her eyes, making sure she was really in one piece. But something was wrong. She looked confused, and sad, as though trying to remember something important. "Yumi, what is it?"   
She held her hand up to the light. Just as she thought, she was going translucent. "I'm going to disappear." Her voice sounded distant and ethereal, echoing strangely, as though from the bottom of a well.   
"What?" He saw the light beginning to glow through her, like she was becoming a ghost before his eyes. "Yumi, what's happening!?"   
She looked at him, trying to feel _something_, and only coming up with the sharp regret at feeling nothing. "I gave my power to destroy him. Now there is nothing holding me together. I didn't want to leave you in a death like that, staining your heart with it... Instead I'll go just as I came."   
"I don't understand! Where are you going? What power did you give up?"   
"I burned out, like a star. I used all the power of my feelings, and now my feelings are gone. You don't need to worry any more about hurting me." She smiled softly as her voice seemed to drift even farther away.   
"You're not making any sense! People don't _run out_ of feelings." He was speaking anxiously, afraid she really would disappear, to remove the constant of her pure and sometimes brutal honesty that he'd been taking for granted. "You can—you can fall out of love, but that doesn't mean you disappear."   
"It does for me. I told you, it's what made me human...and now I'll probably turn back into what I once was... So don't shed any tears over me." She was, perhaps, a little bitter, missing the core of her being.   
"No! It doesn't have to be like that! You can get out of here and live. There's so much world out there, don't give up on being human just because of this! You—you've never even seen cherry trees in bloom!"   
"I'm not going to die. You just won't be able to see me. Why do you want me to keep living as a human being?"   
"Because you have something to teach the rest of us," he said, touching her hair, now so sure of what he was telling her that he didn't shiver as he saw his hand through her face. "As long as there are people in the world like you, who can find real happiness by just looking at something beautiful with someone they love, there's a chance for humanity. We're stupid creatures, we keep trying to kill the planet and kill each other, we cause each other so much pain...and I think maybe you came here to remind us how to live. I want to be able to live like you do." He swallowed on a lump that had come up in his throat. "But I...I haven't gotten the hang of it yet."   
"Maybe it's not as easy as I can make it look," she smiled, almost transparent. "But it's like this...you go deep, deep into to the center of your being, and find the one thing that's truer than everything else, and you don't hide it, but let it out, and it shines...it shines..." Her voice faded like a waking dream.   
He tried to take her hand, and passed through. He stared in dismay, opening his mouth to protest, but then a tall unearthly figure was standing beside them, all in regal white, jeweled and caped. It was like Akio, but not the same presence...a gentle, noble presence...godlike...   
Dios.   
Just as Touga realized this, the Prince touched his forehead, and he fell over slowly, unconscious. Yumi was not alarmed. She knew it was nothing more harmful than a healing sleep.   
The Prince held out a gloved hand for Yumi, and her hand did not pass through him. She seemed to regain a little solid form as he took her hand. Wide-eyed and ghostly, she got to her feet to face him.   
"Who..." said Yumi's faraway voice.   
"I have been called Himemiya Dios," he replied, his voice just as ethereal. "Fallen, I have been Ohtori Akio, the first Darkling, the Morning Star. I am the Prince from the beginning of creation, the spirit of nobility. I am Darkness and Light in one, the ever-shifting balance of yin and yang. I am Abraxas, the god of revolution."   
Yumi blinked. "That's a lot of identity to keep track of."   
The Prince smiled kindly, almost remorsefully. "I'm not sure it could be called 'identity.' But I've come to apologize for taking yours."   
"You didn't take it," said Yumi. "I gave it up to free him."   
"You also freed me. I was trapped in that form of darkness, and it took the sacrifice of three girls to burn the Phoenix in the purifying flame. But the first two had each other to protect. You are protecting something you cannot have...and thus you are the bravest." The Prince bowed gallantly, but completely serious. "You have my true gratitude. I can offer you something in return, but it will be as much a curse as a gift, for such is my unavoidable nature."   
"I've reached the end of this path..." Yumi looked wistfully at the sleeping Touga lit by the broken planetarium. "I don't know where to turn next. I'm turning back into what I was, but I don't know how I can be that way. I miss myself. If there's somewhere else to go, then please tell me."   
"You are not quite human, and not quite watcher," the Prince told her. "You possess the greatest talents of both beings—to love, and to travel between worlds. Having escaped the sorrow of a lost childhood, your soul is of rare strength. And in your defeat of the Morning Star, you've taken some of his magic. Beings such as you have not existed since the shattering of worlds."   
"...The shattering of worlds?"   
"You read the story of Paradise Lost, the land called Eden and the Fall. It is a story like that. At the dawn of time there was one world, where all girls were princesses and all boys princes, where all was light and innocence—Himemiya, the Princess Shrine. But the unity was unstable, for an existence only of light cannot sustain itself. I was the light at the center of the world, but I could not uphold it, and I grew ill. Anthy, the Flower, my sister, sought only to protect me. She came to see that sustaining that world was killing me, and began to feel hatred for it—she vowed that if it was the only way to save me, she would destroy the harmony. You have known that kind of love. And she called darkness, trying to protect me; the story has split her into Lilith, the witch, and Eve, who took the fruit of original sin. But it wasn't all her doing; I accepted it, becoming the Morning Star, the fallen one whom the story calls Lucifer. That wasn't what she wanted, but it was too late. She was exiled, sentenced to eternal agony by those whose hate and fear she had inspired. To allude to another myth, Pandora's box was open. Darkness was in the world, and paradise shattered into all of the infinite realms that continue to fly apart into oblivion."   
"But then...how did you and Anthy survive?"   
"Her sentence required her to live in agony, so she did, flung to the corner of a far realm—this realm—and unable to escape the torture of her sentence. The Morning Star survived the shattering simply because of his power. It took millennia, but he found her, and devised a scheme to open the door to the first world and restore it, so that he might overtake all creation from there. It makes no sense to a being with a good heart, but that is the way of darkness. The dimension beyond the Rose Gate was made as a model of paradise, designed for the duels to play out, a place of magic from where the door would open."   
"Then, what happened to the victor, that Tenjou Utena?" Yumi felt like she should be taking notes. This was a lot of explanation, and she'd probably forget all of it, when she ended up wherever she was going.   
"She freed Himemiya Anthy from her sentence, and the backlash of power threw her into some unknown realm. Perhaps she is through the door, in the remains of the first world where Ohtori Akio was trying to return. Even I can't tell, though the part of me that lived in the castle is now alive within her. There's no way I can explain it to make sense to either human or watcher understanding. But the truth is that Utena and Anthy both gave up the same thing to protect each other. They both gave up the dream of finding the Prince to protect them and living like those innocent princesses in paradise. You, however, gave up the very power of your feelings that went even beyond dreams."   
"Well, yes... This is very enlightening, but why are you telling me all this? What's the thing that you were going to offer me?"   
"I want you to understand the path that you can choose. It's not an easy path, and most would be wiser not to take it. But you have the strength for this destiny. Light is fading out from too many hearts in too many worlds. Princes forget their true selves, as I did; nobility is dying, and the balance is being lost. But you've made it clear that you have the power and the will to remind a prince who he is, and that restores light to the universe, a change for the better no matter how small the scale. Take this path and it will not be the last time. You can become the Seeker of Princes."   
"The Seeker of Princes..." She tested the words and the meaning of the destiny spread out before her like a landscape touched by sunrise. She would love, again and again, never to have, but always to seek. To protect, and become not a princess, but a guardian, a defender of what was true and right for the ones she chose. Awakener of dead lies, finder of lost dreams, warrior of exploded stars, restorer of light. A neverending quest. The extent of joy and sorrow would come upon her each time, and her happiness would be in looking at beautiful things with that person.   
So she would walk this path, because she wanted to feel. She wanted to keep her soul. She wanted to find it again, that heartrending bliss. That was the way she knew how to live.   
She drew herself up tall. "My name is Yumi, and I will be the Seeker of Princes."   
The Prince gently took her head between his hands in something like a blessing, and she felt solid form return to her, the energy of her body and soul tied together again. "Then live, Seeker, and call yourself not _Maigo_, but _Hoshimoto_, star-seeking. I am indebted to you for freeing me, so if you should find yourself trapped in the darkest depths, call upon me for strength. You are brave to take this destiny. He was always right about the brightness inside you, Hoshimoto Yumi." He kissed her forehead. It felt like an old dream, like a lost memory from the childhood she'd never had. "When your work in this world is done, then step into another realm and begin your search again. When the time comes, you will know how to go. Hold on to your brightness, for it will never burn out..." He faded away just like a ghost, the way dreams vanish on waking, leaving the same kind of feeling behind.   
She stood in the ruined planetarium, feeling utterly alone, but not lonely. Touga lay sleeping amid the debris. He was beautiful but it no longer burned so dazzlingly in her heart.   
The future given her by the Prince didn't seem real at all. What was she supposed to do _now_? Her work here wasn't done, but what more could she do?   
She would find a way. She always did. She murmured her new name, trying out its syllables. "Hoshimoto Yumi. Hoshimoto..."   
  
Touga dreamed. He had a dream of searching and not finding, searching for something huge and vital just out of his reach. He was just on the verge...but he couldn't get to it...   
Then Yumi, angel-winged, seemed to drift down from the sky in gauzy celestial raiments, smiling and holding out her hand. "Wake up. I'll take you to it."   
He took her hand and then he woke. He sat up, and Yumi was there beside him, solid and whole. He touched her shoulder, making sure.   
She looked at him with her amber eyes clear and serene. "My name is Hoshimoto Yumi. Hoshimoto, from 'star' and 'seeking.'"   
"Seeking..." Everything came slowly back to him as though from a great distance. "Dios was here..."   
"Abraxas, the god of revolution. He named me." She turned toward the shining broken planetarium. "Man, somebody should turn that off. What a waste of electricity."   
He laughed. "Yeah. Let's turn it off and get out of here." He found the switch and flicked it off, and the vast room became almost completely dark. They went down in the elevator to the entrance lobby, where a few clumps of students were still hanging out.   
Suddenly she knew what had to happen. Heedless of their ripped uniforms that made students look at one another curiously, she grabbed his hand and ran, pulling him behind her.   
"Yumi?" He was confused, but he didn't stop. He trusted her. He had a feeling that it was a continuation of the dream—was he still dreaming?—and she was taking him somewhere he wanted to be. He couldn't see the exhilaration plain on her face, an expression like a child at a fair, like the day at the beach. Dusk had turned almost the entire sky pale pink.   
Confused over the state of reality, he didn't realize that she was leading him to the dojo until they were already there. Both knew that Kyouichi would be inside, sullen and brooding, wondering what had taken place beyond the Rose Gate, if the image of the stupid girl dying in Touga's arms had been real. If she had really killed herself not out of her own despair, but to keep them from fighting...if she had really seen something there worth dying to protect...   
Wondering if it was too late for him and the dead girl had Touga's heart... Wondering, Yumi knew, and wishing...   
Touga looked at Yumi nervously, his heart quailing. Why did she still believe in this? It was gone...so far gone...   
"Don't you run away," she whispered, somewhat conspiratorially, then kicked her shoes off and skipped into the dojo. He did want to run, but some kind of habitual pride took over—he wouldn't be that weak in front of her.   
Kyouichi managed to mask his surprise and only raised an eybrow.   
"I'm your fairy godmother," Yumi announced with a grin. "I can grant you one wish!" She held up a finger in his face. "What'll it be? C'mon, make a wish!"   
"I wish you'd shut up and go away," he said, slicing the air with a real katana.   
"Aw, I'll do that anyway. Make a _real_ wish. What do you really, really wish for?"   
"You're the one who thinks she already knows. Get out of here before I stop thinking about beheading you and really do it. You were supposed to be dead, anyway."   
"Hm, does that mean I have to pick your wish for you?"   
"No, it means I don't want any wishes from you. Go away, you crazy bitch."   
"Nope! Can't go away 'til you make a really real wish!"   
She really epitomized the meaning of "pest," he thought. He always had to play along to get rid of her. He got the eerie sense that she saw beneath his forbidding exterior to everything that was hidden away, and he knew that the impression wasn't wrong...   
"Fine," he spat bitterly. "I wish for ten thousand lost dreams. How's that?"   
"Perfect! I got 'em right here!" she shrilled so jubilantly that, thinking back on the morning, he had to wonder if she had some kind of bipolar disorder. Hell, she probably had every psychological problem in the book and then some. She bounced out and then there was a male "Hey!" and mischievous fairy laughter, followed by a crash.   
Touga had expected her to beckon or maybe try to forcibly pull him in by the arm. Yumi caught him completely off guard when she skipped out past him and then body-checked him with all her strength, running against him, making him stumble into the dojo and finally fall over with an utterly undignified thud not far from Kyouichi. "Was that necessary?" he yelled.   
"It certainly was. _Bye- bye!_" she called in English as she danced out again.   
Kyouichi stared, unsure whether to laugh or run. "Does the word 'henpecked' mean anything to you?"   
"Funny girl, isn't she," said Touga sheepishly, standing. He was abnormally disheveled, with his uniform practically in shreds. They both looked around uncertainly, as if waiting for some kind of cue.   
_Say it,_ Yumi willed, out of sight but not out of earshot. _Say it. Somebody say it._   
"I—" Touga began. He wasn't sure what he was about to say but before he got it out, a huge feeling choked him, regret and nostalgia and an interminable aching for something lost, the thing he was so afraid to face because it would only hurt...   
"There's something in your hair," said Kyouichi with trained indifference.   
Bewildered, Touga ran a hand through his hair automatically and a shining white feather drifted to the floor. He picked it up.   
Yumi's...   
All of that had been, somehow, real. For a little while she really had been dead. And she had sacrificed herself for...this...   
Then she had gone even beyond that sacrifice, and parted with her own truth, so that she wouldn't want to stand in the way of it...   
_"You go deep, deep into to the center of your being, and find the one thing that's truer than everything else, and you don't hide it, but let it out, and it shines..."_   
He put the feather in an intact pocket, trying to find the courage. The one true thing...   
He didn't have the courage. But he did it anyway. Touga walked to Kyouichi and touched his shoulder, making him stop swishing the katana and glare; but when he saw the look in Touga's eyes, the sword fell with a clang.   
"Can you...forgive me...?" Touga's voice wouldn't work. Only a barely audible whisper came out.   
Kyouichi tried not to tremble. He shouldn't believe it. This shouldn't be trusted. But maybe...   
Just maybe...   
Maybe was good enough, wasn't it?   
The old dream came back with a jolt of emotion so intense there wasn't any word for it. Words were remote and useless abstractions. He collapsed into Touga's arms, tears trickling out as his chest shook quietly. Touga took the elastic from the forest hair to tangle his fingers in it, holding the one he'd been hurting so much... It was like reaching the calm in the eye of a storm.   
Yumi risked a peek. It was the beginning of the end of that era. She mouthed the last verse of the song to herself.   
"_Even if bit by bit, even if it's just a little,   
I want you to hold me and wrap me up tightly.   
I want to dream again, and when I can do that,   
Then, slowly opening my eyes, now I'm over the end."_   
She turned away, letting them have the moment to themselves. A beautiful, bittersweet feeling welled up in her chest, taking her over, as the cloak of a warm night fell and crickets chirped. It was so painfully exquisite, it made her giddy with joy to feel it, and she giggled as she pranced and cavorted away.   
Touga heard the soft tinkling of her fey laughter. It felt like a _tennyo_'s blessing upon the heartbreaking perfection of everything he'd denied for too long.   
  
Miteki, Miki, and Juri were all sitting in the Kurihama dorm lounge, staring at the TV but not really watching, having eaten the comfort food that Miteki had prepared (trying not to get tears in it). There was an untouched bowl of miso soup on the table, chopsticks resting in it, an offering to Yumi's spirit.   
"Aha, here's Teki-chan!" said the dead girl, bursting into the room.   
"Eh!?" Juri started. Miki jumped.   
"Yumi-chan!?" cried Miteki.   
"Huh? What's wrong?" Seeing the ceremonial bowl of the miso soup she so favored, and Miteki's red-rimmed eyes, Yumi immediately understood. "Oh, Teki-chan, I'm so sorry! I told you that place was magic!—"   
Miteki nearly knocked her over in a fierce hug.   
"But—but—" Miki faltered. "Yumi-san, you left a suicide note!"   
"Suicide note! You should know better than to read other people's love letters." Yumi went for the bowl of soup. "Suddenly it occurs to me how starving I am. Hey, is this still warm?"   
"Don't eat that! It'd be bad luck!" Miteki said hoarsely. "And no, it's cold."   
Juri handed Yumi the last _onigiri_. "Would you mind sitting down and telling us what the hell happened?"   
"Thanks. Well, first I sold my soul," Yumi replied with her mouth full, "then that didn't work, so I tried _harakiri_, then _that_ didn't work, so I used all my energy and fell out of love."   
"Huh?" the other three blurted.   
"Didn't work for what?" said Miki.   
Yumi gulped. "To protect the shining thing, of course. Oh, and I think the Trustee Chairman's dead."   
"Huh!?" they chorused again.   
"Oh, is that what that was..." Miteki murmured. There had been another huge campus-wide blip, like that night a couple of weeks ago; but instead of a migraine, Miteki had gotten a feeling like a cage being unlocked.   
"Yeah, dunno where he is, though." She shoved the entire remainder of the _onigiri_ in her mouth, an impressive feat.   
"You fell out of love? Really?" said Miteki, thinking it must be a shock to someone who loved so deeply.   
Yumi shrugged. "More like jumped, actually."   
"That's really brave," Juri remarked. She hadn't been able to pull it off yet.   
Yumi shrugged again.   
"It must be better for you," Miki added.   
"I don't much care for it," said Yumi. "But if you want to get all technical and stuff, yeah, I guess it is."   
Miteki laughed a bit. "But where's he?"   
"Ssh." Yumi got a sly, guarded look. "It's a secret."   
Everyone looked at her blankly, though Miteki thought she understood.   
"So is there any more food, or do I have to go find the vending machines?"   
They laughed. "You damn moocher," Miteki scolded as she led everyone back to her room for more sustenance.   
  
Nearly everything about the campus turned slowly upsidedown. The Student Council rose garden, already withering from the absence of its caretaker, suddenly died completely. Buildings began to inexplicably crumble, to the point where some students had to find alternate housing. Within a week the deterioration became so advanced that it was clear that the school would have to close and kick everyone out, at least until the cause could be discovered and remedied.   
The Trustee Chairman was nowhere to be found. Rumors of a murder floated around the city, and the cops were called in. The strangely well-preserved body of his missing fiancée, Ohtori Kanae, turned up beneath a sheet in Nemuro Memorial Hall during a police search. It seemed to detectives that rather than being the victim of murder, Ohtori Akio had committed one and fled the country. A manhunt was issued in national and international law enforcement circles, to no effect. If anyone had reservations about closing the school, they were effectively wiped out.   
But perhaps the most significant changes were within the students themselves. Nanami and Kozue, both suffering deeply from similar identity crises, sat not far apart in the café terrace one day. Suddenly they looked at each other and got the kind of guilty expression people get upon realizing they've been complete idiots. Then they burst out laughing and became inseparable friends.   
Miki looked up from playing his song one day, wondering if he would ever see Himemiya Anthy again. Then he saw Miteki standing in the doorway and realized that Anthy, who had never really cared for him, was gone; and Miteki, who had always cared for him, was here...   
Juri remained consistently unapproachable, but seemed just a little less cold, a little more mirthful. She couldn't say that she had fallen out of love like Yumi, but maybe that old story was starting to loosen its painful grip on her...   
Kyouichi seemed to be losing some of his bitterness, though not his aloofness. It appeared to the casual observer that he and Touga suddenly didn't hate each other as much. They were seen to be hanging out more frequently. Opportunities to flirt with the Student Council President became close to nonexistent, to the dismay of many a female student. They let it look, for the sake of convenience, that he was serious about Yumi rather than anyone else, although neither were ever spotted doing anything more serious than sitting around with him. Touga understood now the real identity of the man who had ruined his youth, and that it had all been just a scheme to create duellists. That he had been used in that way as well left new wounds over the old; but it was all over, and he had avenged himself. He and Yumi had avenged themselves and everyone else, and there was nothing for it but to look away from the past. The present deserved more attention, to make a future in which he could be his true self, with the one he'd always truly wanted, so they could break out of their shells and fly...   
All of the Student Council members had long since noticed that on their rings, the Rose Signet was cracked, so no one wore the rings any more. Nearly every student at Ohtori Academy underwent some kind of epiphany that summer.   
Yumi, however, wasn't sure she could call the feeling she had an epiphany. She was more fairy-like then ever, often caught with a mischievous pixie grin, a mysterious glint in her golden eyes, gangly and tinkling with laughter. But inside she felt an immense uncertainty, a fear that her future was empty. She and Touga talked like friends, and she felt that what she had with him now was really more like friendship than anything else. He would tell her how it went with Kyouichi, still a turbulent affair, and she would offer her remarks from the perspective of one who had loved him. She would tell him of her sense of going nowhere and he would tell her that she was free to find herself, that she reminded him how to live even if she felt empty inside. He called her Yumi-chan now, not in teasing, and it didn't sound strange at all.   
Somehow, perhaps from an electrical short caused by the unexplained dilapidation all over campus, the Tower caught fire one evening just after sunset. The weather had been hot and dry, and by the time someone noticed and called the fire department, the conflagration had taken hold of everything at that end of the main campus. Most of the students, wary of staying in the dorms in case those too were ignited, wandered outside to watch. Touga and Yumi, sitting on the hill on the edge of campus, went to join the crowds.   
Seeing the tall overtly phallic structure in flames gave Yumi a strange sense of awe and liberation. She wasn't the only one who felt that way, but she was the one uncivilized enough to start the riot. Later she would say she only did it because it was too damned hot watching the fire in the middle of summer.   
She ripped off her Student Council jacket and standard issue skirt (both repaired by Miteki some time ago) and threw them toward the burning buildings with a rallying scream of, _"Revolution!"_   
Touga thought this highly amusing, so he followed suit. Besides, that way she wasn't making a fool of herself, because once the Student Council President did it, everyone had to. And everyone did. Someone brought over a burning stick and flung it onto the pile of uniforms, so that soon there was a bonfire with hundreds of students dancing around in their underwear shouting, _"Revolution! Revolution! Revolution!"_   
The firefighters, too busy with the blazing buildings to break up a student riot, called the police, who took their own sweet time getting there. But the students couldn't go back into their dorms with the risk of the fire spreading. They had nowhere to go, so the cops gave them emergency blankets to cover themselves and exasperatedly herded them onto the high bleachers, where they continued to chant until their voices failed, and after that to laugh hoarsely at the folly of adults.   
Ohtori Academy was defeated.   
  
There was hardly any damage to the dorms, from the fire anyway. Some students were already being put up in hotels until they could go home because of the condition of the buildings. Boxes of student belongings waiting to be shipped home littered the dorm complex.   
The administration was obliged to find different schools for students to attend and teachers to work at, but this proved quite a challenge since all of the records had been destroyed. More imminent, however, was the need to prepare for the graduation ceremony—Ohtori's last—which was to take place after the Star Festival in July. It had to be postponed, and students participating and attending were placed in hotels. The school had a vast budget, and along with the seizure of the Trustee Chairman's assets and the insurance from the fire, this didn't leave much in the way of debt. The school was closing, after all.   
Miteki told her family about her friend Hoshimoto Yumi, whose parents had died in a car crash, leaving her with a bit of amnesia and not a single living relative. Vapidly empathetic and well-to-do, the Kodama family graciously decided without hesitation to take in the fey orphan. Miteki's mother was of the liberal persuasion, and felt the need to congratulate the Ohtori students on their riot. When Miteki revealed that Yumi had started it, Kodama Rie was even more eager to meet her daughter's friend.   
The former Student Council and those close to them lived extravagantly on the school budget at an old-fashioned inn by the sea outside the city, partying on the beach, strolling around in elegant _yukata_ on the night of the Star Festival, which delighted Yumi no end. And none of them could complain much. After the graduation ceremony which saw Touga and Kyouichi off with high school diplomas, Miteki's parents announced that they would be leaving Tokyo in a few days to come get her and Yumi.   
  
  
_ The sky is so blue it's painful to look at. Miteki and I put down the last boxes and wipe our foreheads, gazing out over the landscape as though we stand at the edge of the world from an outdated fable, looking out into deep space.   
"Yumi-chan!" I hear. That voice out of old dreams, calling my name, calling a friend's name. A feeling I have no word for swells in my heart, something like nostalgia or regret.   
Touga runs up to us. "Oh, I'm glad I caught you. Look, I found these." Smiling, a simple genuine smile that makes my soul all warm and aching, he holds out half a sheet of little pictures from a photo booth. It's from that first day we went to the beach... Wasn't that some previous incarnation, some different world?   
I take them, staring at that image, that frozen piece of time—my pure, uncomplicated, overflowing joy captured in a tesselation of tiny rectangles. I wonder if that sort of bliss can ever come to me again. Someone has a radio on to pack by, and a song drifts on the breeze, faint as though the wind itself is singing to me. _"As if this image that I'm likely to forget, like time escaping me, could revive me, it woke me up..."_   
The sun is warm on my shoulders. Joy, sorrow, anticipation, fear, contentment, loneliness, every possible conflicting emotion is crammed inside me at once. I look at him and I know he feels the same. I know he was happy in these pictures too, though he wouldn't have recognized it at the time.   
"I kept some," he says. "Don't tell Kyo-chan."   
We laugh just a little, even as I feel tears on my cheeks, and I begin to cry for everything I was and everything I might become. He takes my hand. _"When I stop time, there I am dreaming by myself. Will I go through the fragile meetings again, to a world my heart reaches?" _The sun shines and the wind sings, and I feel every ocean wave and tree and building, every ray of sunlight and blade of grass. Everything in the universe rushes into a point in my head, transforming into this thing called "now," reborn in every instant of awareness. Past and future merge upon the present with dizzying clarity. I've never been more **real**. _"I wandered at a loss meaninglessly. I'm living for now, again holding my throbbing chest." _Suddenly I understand—this is the true meaning of "revolution." Changing, a space between eras, moments that never come again. I breathe deep to keep from exploding with the power of it. _"If I make it through the night, I wonder if there I'll be betrayed by pain. Make me see the future you believe in to the infinitely expanding universe." _Standing in the bright sun, holding these pictures of my happiness. Leaving the one I've given everything for, even my own identity. Twice.   
And somehow we've lived through this. Somehow, so we can keep living. _"When I stop time, there I am dreaming by myself. The sadness running at full speed is painful, to a future that bears no substance." _No one has any words. I know there is nothing more beautiful than this moment._  
  
  
  
  
Summer passed slowly into autumn; autumn went more quickly into winter, and winter finally became spring, bursting with blossoms. The destruction and rioting that closed Ohtori Academy remained the talk of the nation.   
Miki came up to an exclusive school in Tokyo where he could take the college-level material that suited him, so he and Miteki were seldom far apart. Juri found a school in Osaka with a fencing team she could take over, and often came to visit. Touga and Kyouichi became what people called _ronin_, taking the year off to study for entrance exams, something they had neglected to do enough at Ohtori. Yumi more or less breezed through tenth grade, with her talent for picking up knowledge, and joined Kodama Rie on crusades for feminism or the environment or education reform. Then she played the part of an older sister and joined Miteki's father in teasing her about Miki. When old thoughts seemed to drag her down, she went to a temple of Kannon to cast them off, and if she saw any monks as she made offerings she would tell them a bit of the story of how their bodhisattva had seen her back from death.   
Last time Yumi had seen Touga was when they all got together for the New Year. She didn't have that inexorable yearning to be with him, but it felt strange to her not being near him, like she had moved to a foreign country with unfamiliar customs. She thought often of the future promised to her by Dios, but it seemed impossibly far away, fantasies of another universe.   
It seemed that way, even though she had magic from End Of The World. She could move things around without touching them, give or heal minor ailments with contact, charm people and even animals. She never used such skills, except in cases like Miteki suffering a severe headache. She could see spirits and unseen watchers, and her old friends were often around her, all five of them, so she talked to them when she was otherwise alone. They revered her now, for she had become a goddess to the unseen watchers, and they said that Dios had sent them to be with her when she travelled between worlds. But when spirits started coercing her into delivering messages from the other side, she learned why Anthy and Akio had masked that ability.   
Now, in the spring, Touga had insisted they meet in some park outside Kyoto, not telling her why. But once she arrived, stepping out of the cab she'd taken from the station, she understood. Cherry blossoms were exploding everywhere, tunnels of pink clouds, drifting pink petals. It was so magnificent it made her chest ache. She didn't want to cry because that would blur her sight.   
He appeared in jeans and a T-shirt with nonsense English on it, hair in a loose ponytail, casual and laid-back in sharp contrast to that rakish and relentlessly elegant player everyone used to know. It made her wonder if at the same time she'd wanted his true self, she had really been in love with the diamond shell... That was what she had fallen in love with, anyway. If she hadn't given up her feelings, she would still have loved whatever he became...   
She didn't have those feelings any more, but she remembered them so well. Even though the fondness she felt for him now was friendship. And it was so beautiful here, she couldn't help but feel happy.   
"I told you," he said. "I told you, you had to live to see cherry blossoms."   
"You were right. I'm glad..."   
They walked quietly side by side in the clouds of soft pink, closer than usual friends, but not holding hands like a couple. There were plenty of couples and families about. Anyone would think they really were together. Only they knew the truth.   
"Why don't you bring Kyo-chan here?" she said as they sat down by a pond strewn with petals.   
"Oh, you know him... He's still competitive enough that he can't stand to be around anything prettier than him. It threatens his manhood."   
They laughed. "You wouldn't really say that cherry blossoms are prettier than him."   
"Well...I guess _I_ can't really say that. Besides, I really wanted to see you here. The light on your face when you look at something beautiful, I've always loved that."   
"It really is wonderful." She leaned against his shoulder. "It's like every time I'm with you, there's a different kind of happiness, a new kind of beauty. I'm not the same person, but that's still true."   
"That's how I hoped it would be for you." He stretched his legs, a bit embarrassed at saying such corny things, but her presence made him want to say them. "Yumi-chan, I hope we're always friends like this..."   
"Yeah. This is the kind of memory I want to keep forever."   
They sat in silence for a while, watching the petals drift down slowly as dreams and the sun sink toward the west. Eventually they got up to find a place to eat.   
"So do you guys know where you're applying to college?"   
"I think Kyo-chan's set on going to an engineering school, where there won't be so many girls to compete with. He's still wary of the entire fair sex, afraid they're going to steal me again."   
"Isn't he more worried about me?" Yumi grinned.   
"He's okay as long as I don't talk about you. Besides, he owes you for getting me to forswear my foolish ways. I wonder if some part of him really believes that you were his fairy godmother..."   
She laughed. "I wonder."   
"Well, we're not sure where we're going to school. We don't know what we'll do...you know, we just know that we want to go together..."   
"That's how it should be." She smiled, looking up at the blossoms again.   
"Did I tell you that we found a feather from you that day?"   
"Really?"   
"Yeah. It was stuck in my hair, this white, white feather. It almost glows. It's stayed that white, and crisp and soft, and I've never lost it, not for a day. It's like a charm from a shrine or something. It really feels like there's this power on it."   
"Of course. Something like that would protect your dream."   
"It's almost like it _is_ that dream. That feather, it's really special to me. People laugh when I say it's an angel feather."   
"I'm glad you have something like that."   
"I wish I could give you that kind of thing."   
"You did. That charm you got me at the Star Festival. That's just as special to me. I was mourning myself then...but still I really loved that summer..." They smiled.   
They found a little corner shop with seats outside and went in. "We're out of saké!" the girl at the counter exclaimed upon their entry.   
"We just want a snack," said Yumi.   
"Oh, I'm sorry. It's just that _everyone_ who's come in all day wants saké to drink under the cherry blossoms. We've got plenty of snacks!"   
Laughing, they ordered and took their food to sit in the cooling spring air outside.   
"You know, it's funny," he mused. "I keep thinking how weird everything used to be back there. It feels like now everything's gotten so normal."   
She laughed loudly. "Normal, huh? You have a boyfriend, and I'm telekinetic." She made an ice cube float out of her glass by itself and drop back in with a clink.   
She had never mentioned her talents before. He stared. "Did you really do that?"   
"Yep. And I can do way more than that. Fairy-girl's still not normal."   
"Well, I didn't say things _are_ normal. I said it feels that way after Ohtori."   
"Fuck Ohtori," she said flatly.   
He laughed, agreeing. "Yeah. Really. But none of us should forget it, either."   
"You can't forget things, but you can't hold onto them too much. Such a fine balance."   
"It is that kind of balance. I don't think Kyo-chan and I have quite hit it yet, but we're probably getting there. That's the struggle we're living in now... Really, I can't believe you weren't born human. You're better at it than any of us."   
"Guess I should be queen of the world or something then, huh."   
"At least write some books on your philosophy," he laughed.   
"It isn't complicated enough to fill any books. 'Find someone you care about and look at pretty things. This is the true path to happiness.' Hey, maybe I'll start one of those new-age religions instead."   
"Hm, Yumi-chan the guru. It could work..."   
"And we used to think I should be a courtesan. ...Anyway, it's not the difference between weird and normal," said Yumi. "I think it's more like the difference between chaos and peace."   
"Yeah...you're right again. But there must be more chaos ahead."   
"We can't see that far ahead. Now, we have the chance to find ourselves."   
"If you start a religion, I'd be your first convert."   
"Then let's observe the ritual of getting smashed looking at the flowers and watching the moon rise while singing drunk songs."   
He laughed. "You'll be a popular guru."   
Beautiful moments that never came again. Every time, a new kind of happiness. Discovering and rediscovering one's own truth. That was the reason for being human.   
She existed in that peace, in the beauty of old and new memories, the calm of friendship and watching the people around her become their true selves, knowing that the thing she had come to protect, the shatteringly beautiful truth they thought gone forever, was shining once more...   
  
Years went quietly by, letting them find themselves. Touga and Kyouichi, still gathering up lost dreams one by one, were at a university for things they probably wouldn't end up doing; Miteki and Yumi got into a two- year college. Miki and Miteki were adorably devoted, playing piano and singing together to achieve local fame when they performed songs first written by Yumi; and there was a joke about something between Juri and Kozue, but nothing really. Actually, Kozue found her type in older businessmen who liked to buy her things, and Juri's career as a model was taking off—rumor had it that she was more than a protegée to a high-end designer who looked like Maria Callas. Nanami turned into a ravishing blonde bombshell, and couldn't commit to anyone besides the younger boy who still followed her around. Yumi had no interest in getting a boyfriend, though not for lack of interest from the opposite sex. No one could pique _her_ interest. But in the dead of winter, the long cold nights that went incessantly on with no one to hold her, not even in reveries, loneliness closed in, the loneliness of not being in love. Her nature was restless. She could stay here no longer.   
It was time...to step into that future...   
She bid farewell to Miteki and to Touga, the only ones who knew and actually believed that she was from another world. Maybe everyone else would think she'd committed suicide, but she couldn't help that. She had to promise those two that she'd come back, and someday she would, because she never wanted to forget.   
She looked so forlorn when she came to say goodbye, Touga couldn't keep from holding her. There was still a tiny echo of that long-ago sense of rightness from being in his arms; but really it was just nice to be held warmly by someone who cared for her, when it was so cold outside...   
That person she'd given everything for. The prince she had to protect...and now her friend.   
It was frigid outside, and not much better inside the cheap apartment, so they had hot cocoa and sat quietly, looking out at the thin flurry of snow that turned to glitter under the streetlamps. Kyouichi came back then, so Yumi brought him the cup they'd kept on the stove for him, grinning rather domestically. He got a slightly cynical look, not as bitter or suspicious as would have come into his face in years gone by.   
"What'd you do now, get married while I was out?"   
"Not so much," laughed Touga.   
Yumi poked his forest green hair, because the combination of a post-kendo shower and the weather outside had made it solid with ice. "Your hair's frozen!" she giggled.   
"Ditzy as ever, I see." He sat down, sipping from the steaming mug.   
"Oh, be nice," said Touga. "She's leaving."   
"Leaving?" Kyouichi looked up, his curiosity genuine. "Where? Studying abroad?"   
"Guess you could say that," Yumi replied, rather wistfully.   
"Do you _know_ where you're going?" asked Touga.   
"Of course not. I won't know until I get there."   
"You're studying abroad and you don't know where," said Kyouichi with a smirk, half-questioning.   
"Well, if you count another world as studying abroad..."   
He looked at Touga. "Where do you _find_ these people?"   
Touga looked pointedly back. "I think it's more that they find me..."   
"I _was_ searching," Yumi agreed. But she stared sadly into her cup. It still felt too unlikely that she would fall in love again, somewhere else, starting all over. She wanted to, and yet she was afraid; but the funny thing was she couldn't tell whether she was afraid of the feeling itself or afraid it wouldn't really happen. She felt so...bleak. Maybe it was just the winter and she didn't have to go to another world, only to somewhere warm.   
"Why so blue? It must be exciting to go to other worlds," Kyouichi teased, as if to echo her thoughts, but everyone in the room knew that he was suspicious that Yumi was still in love.   
"I can't stand winter," she said. "Cold makes you feel lonelier. When there's no one to hold you, not even in dreams...when you don't even have that kind of feeling to keep you warm...it's colder than ever." Her voice cracked and she hid her face in her mug, trying to blink back tears and coat the sadness with hot cocoa, then she smiled to cover. "I'm sorry, I'm so depressing..."   
Touga gave Kyouichi a pleading look. _Can't we keep her warm, just for a little bit?_   
Seldom one for subtlety, Kyouichi remarked, "For an ex-girlfriend, you're pretty high-maintenance."   
She didn't know why, but that really stung. She pursed her lips, feeling as though she ought to remind him that she could have chosen to destroy him and take that person for herself.   
He hadn't meant to hurt her, not really. He meant to say that he would put up with her, and it came out harsh, just because he was used to the idea of disdaining her, even though he didn't now. He never was sure how to feel toward her. He felt Touga glaring at him, but not because of that, he looked away and muttered an apology.   
She stared at the table, saying nothing. If she opened her mouth she would either cry or say something spiteful.   
Kyouichi rubbed the back of his head, where the hair was still thawing, stuck in its ponytail shape. That really had been mean. Touga wouldn't forgive him until she did. But he couldn't sort out what he'd meant to say. "Well, maybe you've forgotten how stupid I can get with words. Besides, it doesn't help to have frozen hair...it probably kills your brain cells faster or something..."   
She managed to laugh a bit, but the loneliness was so cruel. It occurred to her that she had no one to come home to if her hair was frozen, and she never would. That was not in her destiny. To seek and never to have, doomed to repeat the same story over and over.   
With no one in that place in her heart, she was cold and weak. She tensed, almost doubling over to keep tears from coming out. _I'm lonely,_ her soul cried, again and again, an endless winter night. _I'm lonely, I'm lonely, I'm lonely._ She should leave. She should get out of here now, before she drove herself between them in her desperation.   
"Yumi..." Touga murmured as she got to her feet. He couldn't let her leave like that. Touching Kyouichi's hand apologetically, he stood and held her again, in his embrace where it was warm. She sighed, tears spilling from her lashes.   
Kyouichi sniffed and drained the last of his cocoa. Poor little lonesome girl. One did have to feel sorry for girls. They just never caught on to real life. Still trying to get Touga...no, that wasn't the case. This was the girl whose surreal martyrdom had created the angel feather hanging on the wall...and she was leaving, because she was so lonely here she couldn't stand it anymore. He had been well acquainted with the demons of loneliness. They were some of the worst.   
Wondering what direction the night was supposed to be taking, he got the futon from the cabinet and unrolled it with all its winter quilts. It was cold and time to get into bed, chastely or not. Things didn't go the way he'd suspected for a few moments; it ended up with them all tangled up in underthings beneath the thick blankets, completely innocent, simply huddled together for heat. Yumi was enfolded in their warmth, not driven between them, but holding them together...   
She felt a little bit of desire, but it was only an echo, a reflex. Finally, she was warm, in the midst of the beautiful thing she had done so much to protect, these two people who loved each other so completely and still had room in their hearts to keep her warm for just this night. Slowly her sadness melted away like the ice in Kyouichi's hair, and it was completely silent but for calm breath, utterly peaceful. This was the meaning of Touga's name...winter-bud, the promise of warmth and blossom even in the deepest cold, the certainty of spring no matter how long the winter, hope in a flower bud pushing up through the frost, a dream of the future. That the north wind could cease to blow and diamond shells could break. That no one had said she would have to go on seeking forever. Only as long as she wanted to.   
And she would never forget.   
  
She took the little pictures from that day at the beach in her pocket, and a bracelet from Miteki, and the charm from the Star Festival that first summer on a cord around her neck. That was all she took, no more than she needed.   
Now, a new revolution, a new destiny. New happiness and new sorrow. Another kind of beauty...the search for another prince. There were stars below and stars above, near stars of metropolitan lights and far stars of endless space, sparkling everywhere in the night to create an illusion of no horizon. Hoshimoto Yumi, the Seeker, stood on the highest platform of Tokyo Tower beneath the icily clear sickle moon and winter constellations as the new year turned, looking out at the glittering city.   
"Endrei'anna, open the door."   
  
  
  
//Holy shit, it's OVER! You MADE IT!! I should buy you a beer. PLZ R+R!!!11!XDXD ..er.. I mean ... If you leave concrit I'll buy you TWO beers.  
Gee, I sure am glad this is an anime Sue, so I can't get sporked to death on Deleterius.  
Yes, there will be a sequel. This is what happens when college summers are 4 months long. 


End file.
